Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION] What is your plan for this evening? Do you have a few things you can turn to when the cravings get hard? I used distraction a lot, non-alcoholic drinks in my hands at ALL times, and things that changed my biochemistry - like physical exercise, ice cream, music, etc.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

:welcome: back [MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION]! How very nice to see you back in the Nest.. it sounds like you have an awful lot of stress. It sounds like you WANT to stop drinking, which is a great place to be in. I can't remember your history.. whether you've quit for longer periods before, have made a plan, etc.? I would try to make a plan for the next couple of days, to set yourself up for the least amount of stress possible.. have some easy afternoons set up with the kids, yummy non al drinks and snacks, activities that keep them occupied (tv or a babysitter, if poss.?), if you can talk to your husband about what you want to do and ask for support, that would be great, but if not, set yourself up to "ignore" him, pour out the alcohol you still have in the house.. then make the commitment to STOP. (being more affirmative, START doing anything else except alcohol). Knowing that you are mostly hurting yourself when you drink and not in any way making your life better.. Read back in the Toolbox, get some nice teas and chocolate, watch some documentaries about addiction.. you already know a lot and have been learning more and gearing yourself up for this quit.. at least that's how it sounds in your post. You CAN do this and there is no better time to start than now.. Post here whenever! you need to, as it helps just to write it out, ask for the number(s) of some people here who you can call/text when your having cravings, feel like you can't continue or just need to talk. The first days can be really hard.. but in no time, they're behind you, your brain and body begin to heal and then you are in a better, good even!, position to think about underlying issues that might need to be dealt with in other ways.. We're here for you!!:hug:

Thank you all for the well wishes regarding travels home. I am sooooo sad to be leaving my family and had tears running down my face as I hiked today. On the other hand, I'm so happy to see my girls again. And we're heading back over here together this summer. It's been the best visit I've ever had.. I've spent such great time with my sister and parents, I was completely present, able to be a source of support, able to make good decisions and hold my ground.. didn't feel guilty for more than a minute or two!:happy2: This was all possible because I was happily! sober.. first time I've had an entire af visit to phx! And I'm 50 days af Berlin time! Which I am proud of..

Ava, I will miss hearing Phil on my 80's station in the car.. random hits..heard don't lose my number this morning and of course I thought of you!

Love to you all and see you soon!!xx

[Change]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am trying to multiquote, but it's not working!

@ KENSHO: that must be hard watching your husband do what you USED to do (in effect). Maybe he has his own issues with alcohol? I personally don't know whether i could deal with somebody drinking in front of me on a regular basis, but you know your situation better than me, and are a very wise woman! Re- the spuerbowl stuff and guests.. Can you just buy them some potato chips, dump them in front of them, and go off and do your own thing? Why must it be hard work for you? If somebody invites people over, then they're the host and should take responsibility for their pals.

@ available: i had a laugh at your comments about 'excuses' Mine ranged (and still do to an extent) from everything to 'i deserve this; i don't have a relationship alc is my partner; alc is better than dealing with people; one won't hurt).. The scary thing is, my addicted brain keeps throwing minimisations up at me, some of the excuses are quite elaborate. Oh, and the best one.. IT WON'T happen to me! I've GOT to be vigilant..

18 days of not smoking.. Well done! I think it took me a good two weeks to get over the addiction, then another one or two to really move on from it. Haven't touched one since (except for one drunken night about a year ago, but even then i don't know whether it really happened or not, due to obvious reasons).

@ Byrdlady: the anxiety, ahh, the anxiety! I only stopped being anxious yesterday. Hang on, it hasn't stopped completely, i often have a low level anxiety going on, but i can work on that now that i am sober and intent to stay that way. Exercise helps.

@ MinStar: i looked at my join date last night and it says 2007.. That is simultaneously sad and embarrassing.. I am appreciative of everybody here being non judgemental because it would be easy to judge.. Heck, i even judge myself!

Anyway, back to you..

Witching hour can be a bit tragic for me too. How about joining me on the witching hour thread in the 'Starting Out' forums? We can talk about anything and everything, or just catch up tv shows etc.

My advice to you is to give up one thing at a time. It sounds like alc is the most prominant thing for you right now.

Are you missing work? Do you have some mum groups you could go to? Could your husband help you out with some of the kid stuff so you get more time? Have you thought about starting a mum and kid exercise group during the day? Eg, go out walking during the day?

Another thing that could help: a lot of gyms run exercise classes during witching hour, or there is always the treadmill. Going there really helps. Could you get your husband to mind kids for 1-2 hours a few evenings a week as you go to gym? You could pre-prepare the meals during the day so he'd have no excuses

Don't be too hard on yourself, but you've got to take the first step. I reckon once you've got a day sober, you'll be able to rationalise it more and get stronger from there

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway.. 8 days sober here, but two relapses on the sugar. Woke up with headache this morning, and am seriously thinking of giving the refined sugar the boot. I don't think i can moderate, this is going to be harder than alc for me (i think).

Have been light on with work, but am heading back today. Some anxiety around it, but realise that i hate the situation i am in and my living situation has to change as well.

Oh well, better off to think about it now that i am sober!

Have a great day / night peeps, and remember, keep yourself busy during Witching Hour.

Shout out to Slo, lavande, Guitarista, paulywogg, BelleGirl.. and anybody else who might be browing xx

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Back [MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION]! I remember you! Sorry you have to be back, but glad you found your way to us. Funny...you started here exactly a week after I did back in 2011. Well I'm back too.

I really get what you said about 'the monotony of 5-8pm life with two young ones'. My drinking really started in earnest when my kids were young. I didn't figure out I was headed for trouble and found this site for a number of years. I managed to go totally AF for almost 5 years. From January 2012 until christmas time 2016 when an uncle type talked me into putting some gin into my fave, tonic water. That started another trip down the rabbit hole. I have had a number of stops and starts since then, but today I am on day 6. I want my AF self back.

Teenagers are giving me plenty to drink about if I want to look for excuses. However, I need to be at the top of my game to deal with them, guide them through life, and see through their shenanigans. I really cannot get away with drinking now more than ever. They will know it and not only will I be a bad example, they will try to take advantage of me. A couple of times I did not remember saying or hearing something after I had been drinking and they seemed to use it to their advantage.

Coming here is the best thing you can do at the moment...we are all here for you and all understand the incredible pull that AL has. See if you can go for 30 days AF. Though I don't know if you need to taper or have someone around if you detox. Please be safe.

Kids can make you crazy, that is for sure. I've had a real whopper to deal with lately, but glad that I happened to be sober at the time. (though I think I did drink later that evening). I don't know how I would have reacted if I had been drinking at the time. I need to remember that things come out of the blue with kids. You have to be ready for anything at any moment.

Settle in, get a fresh piece of butt velcro and hang out in the nest.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We got to enjoy another spring-like day, yay!! I know we still have a lot of winter left so I really appreciate the break

Hello Minstar & welcome back!
Settle yourself in the nest & stay, don't leave. I have great memories of flying into the nest myself back in 2009 & have never left, haha!
Get your plan together, you'll need to cover all your triggers. Sounds like you have discovered some new things in the mindfulness department, that's great & should be very helpful.

Kensho, I agree with the others who mentioned maybe you should leave your husband to do his own entertaining. I am at the age of having zero tolerance for rudeness. I'm just not taking it anymore. My life is a lot more peaceful You are busy enough with everything else, give yourself permission to say NO once in a while.

LC, on your way home? Safe travels.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back, Minstar, and glad you came back here to your home site! Yes, it sounds like it’s definitely time for you to pull the plug on alcohol before you get in any deeper. I know what you’re saying about the last hours of the day with little kids; it can get pretty intense when you are tired yourself. But bath time & story time with the little ones are kind of fun anyways. I’m glad for your sake and their sakes that you are committing to getting out from under this addiction.
[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], yes, you are on to your hubby with his planning everything around making sure he gets his fix! We can spot that behavior; it takes one to know one. Sad though that his kids get dragged into his drinking plans instead of making it more about them. And of course he wants your mutual friends over for the Super Bowl so he has an excuse to drink more!
[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], it sounds so beautiful in the desert! You were wise to get so many hikes in, not only for the beauty, but to to help yourself along to 50 DAYS!! I’m proud of you for staying strong. Nice that you have next summer’s trip back to look forward to too.

Interesting about the MyFitnessPal groups, [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION], and how they struggle to include booze into their daily calorie counts. It shows just how difficult moderating is. Well, even moderating food is too hard for me! So I had to quit using my MyFitnessPal app.

We can start or keep doing this, everyone!

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all. Thanks for the plan ideas. I’ll go to the shop and get some drinks and food in. Non alcoholic mind you. Off on school run. Will post more when back. Anyone in this group on Uk time zone or able to text or call me tonight would be wonderful.
Thank you all. MinStar

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Min, i am in australia and online for a few hours on and off. there is an Army thread (not Army people) that are from the UK and are online also. Make sure all al is out of the house to avoid temptation. you can do this.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/95595-february-2019-army-manoeuvres.html

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks available, I’ve posted my story on there now.
MinStar

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

excellent Min, although MWO is quiet there is someone around to help you. All you need to do is get through the witching hour and then be proud of yourself for doing it. Im day 19 tomorrow with no smokes and as much as i would kill for one i am just taking it minute by minute sometimes. i know i already feel better and its great for my health but breaking the addiction is so hard. This time i dont want to let anyone down especially myself.

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Available,
Well done for getting those days AF and Cigarettes Free. I’m looking at just AF atm but the CF won’t be too far behind. MWO has been quiet this morning. I’ve had a lot of anxiety today. I’m just taking it moment by moment. Aside from the anxiety I am tired from crap sleep. I’m trying to listen and read a lot around Al. Listening to podcasts on you tube by anyone who posts. I know I can kick this but the anxiety Is hard. I’ve got distractions for the witching hour. I have some quick dinners prepared. Any other ideas?
Thanks for the plan idea I have mentally been formulating one- mostly the long list of shit I did whilst drunk. I got this idea from Russell Brands recovery book.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Much love MinStar

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

HI MinStar. I had so much anxiety the first couple of days - excruciating. I believe it was both a bad hangover/withdrawl AND the fear that I was giving up my best friend. I ate what I wanted, drank tea and bubbly water, took a lot of baths, walked, listened to the Bubble Hour. I told my husband I would be on the computer a lot checking in here, so he didn't have a lot of expectations from me.

There was so much reading this morning, I don't have time to write before work. Have great SOBER days.

Pav

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for your words of encouragement Pav. I hope you have a good day at work.

I’m on the school and nursery run and will be catching the witching hour today. I’m researching anxiety and came across a thread omlistung the vitamins and minerals needed. My cousin got me some vitamins and mineral pills over the weekend and a lot of them are in my pills. I immediately felt less anxious. Isn’t that the placebo effect 🙄 I’m trying to eat better and also drink lots of water. Got myself some AF drinks. Just have to catch the trigger when the kids set my anxiety off.

Anyway my plan for this afternoon and evening to remind myself of what I’ve read and the anxiety will go.

Have a good day

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome MinStar - so glad Byrdie invited you to the nest again Sounds like you're on track for developing a plan, which can ultimately make all the difference.

I got an unexpected day off here - it was going to be a light day anyway with just a couple of classes, but one student is sick and the other had a family emergency so day off for me! Of course that means no income for me today but I've been working enough that it's a welcome gift. We got about an inch of snow overnight so everything is wintry looking outside. A great day to build a fire in the wood fireplace and curl up with my pup and a good book. Again a good reminder of how far I've come - this unexpected day off would have been a "wake up and start drinking day" for me in the past. So glad I've left that all behind!

Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today or this eve. So glad you all are here! Do something today to reinforce your quit or to help someone else with theirs