Newbies Nest

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks guys, I will keep going. [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] well done on day 25 you got this! [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION] thanks I think the shift comes internally and like you said the internal rock bottom is better than the external one. I am normally very strong minded. [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION] the mind chatter throughout the day is the killer. Reading everyones stories tells me I'm not the only one and thats comforting to know. Hope Ruby got some attention [MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION] I hope youre alright in the cold weather. [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION] hope you got a few good pages of the book in.

The weather is milder my neck of the woods today. Had a busy morning cooking, cleaning, laundry and now off to take DS to his school for the afternoon before school run for picking up DD.
Hope everyone has a great Tuesday.

MinStar

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning all--

Ava, I neglected to say WHOOT for the quitting smoking. I am wondering if the stages are how you felt in the stages of quitting the booze? Take care, and cuddle with Carl and Mads if need be...

I had a stressful day at work yesterday and had to stop at the grocery store on my way home. I inadvertently took the route through the wine on my way to the bread section. I looked around and had a thought about what I would have done in the past - grabbed a bottle and headed home to a BIG pour. I thought that through, and I discovered that I really didn't want that feeling of being tipsy or buzzed or whatever. It was very strange because that is the feeling I usually still crave. I realized that I wanted to plow through the feelings and be here for my family. I'll take that as a victory...

LC - How're you doing? Over the jet lag yet?

Min - sounds like a productive day.

Off to work. Have great, SOBER days.

Pav

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] Well done you! You should be proud of yourself. That one big pour would’ve ruined all the hard work you’ve done over the past 5yr and it wouldn’t have been just one. As Mad Eye-Moody in Harry Potter says ‘constant vigilance’. Can you tell we’ve been listening to HP on school runs
How’s your day looking? I’m on school run. Kept busy with house chores today so haven’t done much reading or posting.
Have a great day.
Min Star

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Peeps! We had an early rise for my daughter's school conference, and have a busy day ahead. I also have a mountain of laundry to fold tonight, about 2' high and 6'wide! AK!

[MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION], was it you who asked people to say a little about their journey here so you could get to know them? I imagine it is hard to gather all that information easily from our daily posts. My (no so short) story is this:

I always drank to help with social anxiety, but my problem escalated when I had a child at the age of 30, and started a business at the same time. I began to drink nightly to escape the fact that I was in constant demand with an infant, husband and business. It was stress relief, but then became an addiction to "cure" any ailment. Over the years, I used it still for anxiety, but also for not knowing how to deal with conflict with my husband, a headache, pms, the stress of a hard day or staying up late to work, a reward for a good job, because I was hungry, bored, tired.... it became my go-to for any desire in a mood shift. I wrote poetry about alcohol for God's sake! I recognized my problem back in 2007, but didn't think it was "that bad" because I didn't crash my car, lose my job or sit on the curb with a brown paper bag - yet I couldn't stop drinking every night. I started drinking more drinks a day and started to drink at 2-3 pm at times. I fell asleep reading to my kids with alcohol breath and fought with my husband more than usual. I tried and tried to moderate and then tried and tried to quit. I lied to myself and others and drank in the car.

The last time I drank on December 12, 2017, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my life would never be different if I kept drinking. I would ALWAYS return to the cycle of hating alcohol, vowing to quit, and then drinking yet again that night. I knew that alcohol would always control me unless I gave it up completely. So I did. I wanted alcohol, for sure, but I didn't want THAT life more. I think that was the understanding I had to come to. The pleasure of drinking was finally outweighed by the bad things it brought.

I joined MWO in 2014. I had been wrestling with my alcohol abuse for 7 years prior to that. I finally quit for good at the end of 2017. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. It has taken me through so much growing up. When I joined here I was a person with a presentable exterior, but an empty interior. I went through the motions of a life so I could drink. I made ends meet - and fairly well considering my addiction. But I didn't know who I was, what I loved and wanted, and how to speak up for what I needed and deserved. I didn't feel like I deserved to get anything because I didn't like myself very much. I was a liar, a person who only wanted to escape.

Now, I like reality and I face it head on. I communicate with others and my husband and kids in a much more calm, deliberate, balanced way. I allow myself to have bad days, and I value all of my feelings even when they totally suck. I still get angry, sad, anxious, hungry, bored... but I am able to feel joy and peace like I never did before in my life. I treat myself better - I go to bed instead of working late every night, and I exercise to increase my strength - not to punish myself. I eat well. I take days off. I listen to the music I want and ask to watch shows and go to restaurants that I like (instead of only doing what others want and being bitter that I don't really enjoy it). I plan for my future. I enjoy connecting with my kids, instead of viewing them as an obstacle to my drinking - and I am THERE for them. Alcoholics love their kids. But sober people are able to show that love more and offer the guidance and support that make them better people. I laugh and smile more. I thrive.

I can imagine that for those who are new here or lurking, you don't always pick up on the in-between time many of us have been through. Some of us here are feeling adjusted to our sober lives, but we went through really, really hard times and soul searching to get here. We understand what you are going through!! And there's not much you could say or do that would surprise us, because we probably did it too. I tipped the bottle while driving, snuck shots from my office closet, dumped empty bottles in business dumpsters, refilled bottles with water, stood 3' away from people so they couldn't smell me, planned trips and outings to make sure I would get my fix, and even asked my mother in law to bring me a beer while in the hospital the day after my C-section. And worse.

Wherever you are on the path to sobriety, just keep moving forward. Speaking up about how you are feeling allows us to weigh in with our experience, our support and encouragement. It is wonderful being sober, and it gets so much easier with time. You will never regret giving it that 30 day run, because you will learn you can do this, and - even if it's 11 years later like me - you CAN get and stay sober. I only wish I had done it sooner.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

That's one for the ToolBox, [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]! xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

A lovely heartfelt post Kensho. There is no way i will go back to the lying and justifying to myself on why i want a drink, i regret not stopping when the children were younger but that is life, i cant change the past but i can change my future. proud of you, you were a resistant one at the beginning but look at you now, you go girl!

Pav, i think giving up smoking is harder than drinking, i didnt ever wake up and drink (god forbid i was too busy dying and swearing i would not drink that day), i did smoking. i never drank in the car but i did smoke. But in other respects it is like stopping drinking, i have to take that smoking voice and tell it no, i have to take it minutes/hours per day. i have such a deep need to have a smoke, like drinking. Relapse is high and i get why and i have been smoking way longer than i ever was drinking but now smoking is not as socially acceptable which is good now. There is no witching hour, it is a 24 hour struggle some days but saying that it is getting easier as time goes on. The hardest thing for me is how to handle stress without any vices whatsoever and herein comes chocolate ha ha. I can just see myself on my 600lb life soon. But i am getting there so i am pretty proud of these days and it will get easier, Lav says it does!

Today is the first day our little Carl spends by himself (mads still doesnt like him) and when my son left he was just crying. Breaks your heart but he will learn.

Bit cool today, signs of autumn are showing and whilst i prefer the cold but i will miss the warm days.

back to the salt mines. take care xx

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]
I have tears in my eyes and I’m only half way through


I’m touched you’re sharing this with us. I know many are reading and not reaching out

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I hope you will put that post in the Tool Box for all to see. It has been absolutely amazing to witness your growth. I am so proud of you....proud of all of us trying to make a better life for ourselves and our loved ones. Thank you for being here and for the strong voice you now have.
Your fan, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Kensho, that was a beautiful post, thank you for posting :hug:
It has been an honor watching you & many others find your way out of the craziness of addiction.
I think as a group we have shown tremendous strength & willingness to learn, grow & move on
We now have the lives we should have had all along.

Minstar, keeping yourself as busy as possible is a great tool when starting out! Glad to see you moving on as well.
Remember, we don't need to believe & act on every thought we have. We can & should act on the good thoughts & dismiss the others asap!

Ava, even thought I still have tiny niggling thoughts about having a smoke I won't do it, not even one. I know from previous attempts at quitting that 'just one thought' was all it took to completely screw up a perfectly good quit, haha! It will get easier & the thoughts will be fewer. All you have to do is be patient

Glad to report that the snow finally stopped over night but then we were blessed with an icy rain that made everything slippery, ugh. Right now it's just rain so hopefully we'll be able to get out tomorrow without risking breaking our necks!!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, oh yes, we are have the nasty weather here, and my husband did have a bad fall on the ice last night while walking the dog and, while he didn’t mind as much the bloody cuts & scrapes to his face, he was really worried about breaking his neck, which is still very sore.
It’s a snow day again today, wee! I like it as I just feel like laying low & hibernating; sleeping in and watching a movie with my girl.

Byrdie, you DO have some extra challenges with being a salesperson in the business world and living in a resort community! But, like you say, drinking is pretty omnipresent now.

[MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION], the shift in thoughts about drinking is also referred to around here as “wanting to NOT drink (and keep having to think about how to manage it and when the next one is coming) more than you want to drink”.

Pav, nice that you realized that you didn’t even want to feel tipsy or buzzed when you went through the wine aisle while stressed. It reminded me of grabbing the wrong beer last weekend when a regular beer was in my Clausthaler drawer in the fridge, and when I took an accidental gulp it tasted ghastly and I didn’t want it; I wanted my crisp, unpolluted AF beer.

Kensho, I liked hearing your whole story all in one piece. I relate to the feelings of going through the motions of life, but really being an empty shell. Sobriety means having to face all that emptiness and working to grow through and past it.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your journeys!

[Change]

Re: Newbies Nest

That's one for the ToolBox, [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]! xx

You hit the nail on the head KENSHO! So many things rang true, such as the planning and justification.

I'm up to 16 days and although i've surpassed the risky Day 8 (false sense of security, done enough time to prove to myself i don't have a prob so i can have 'one or two').

Only problem now is this ongoing sense of mundane. I kind of feel like i've flatlined.

Hopefully this stage will pass. I've also realised how incredibly sad and anxious i am as a person. Yet the mundane-ness keeps going..

Maybe i am a really under-functioning person and it wasn't only the al that gave me a buzz, but the ups and downs too.

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION] the thinking is changing changes the actions. I just don’t want to be there any more
@Lavand you’re right is not wanting to drink or draining mental energy on it.
Thank you everyone for sharing your starting out stories. It is hard for us starting out to not feel alone or anxious. It is reassuring to read we can and will get through it and put some decent time behind us.
Well done Change for getting to D16. What do you mean mundane. Is it the day to day grind? That’s what I find makes me reach for al. If I’m doing something different to my usual routine I rarely think about it.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Wow.. [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION] that was a beautiful post. I am pretty sure most of us can relate to most if not all of what you wrote. And to think I thought that I was the genius that invented filling vodka bottles with water. :exclaim:

[MENTION=16215]MinStar[/MENTION]...the early years are indeed mundane, boring and routine. That is when my AL consumption hit all time highs. Build that AL resistant muscle now, as later on you will need all the mental acrobatics to handle teens. That said, I do believe I love having teens more than toddlers. With all their antics, problems, drama and situations, they are now people that you can have meaningful conversations with. And being completely present for them is key to guiding them to adulthood. It is definitely no walk in the park, as the stakes are high. Even though in the past year or so I have been 'dabbling' in the drink, I believe these things have kept me from going full tilt into the rabbit hole.

I'm on day 15 (with no 'dabbling'). Half way to 30. But I know that is not the end of it. good lord...had I not fallen off a little over two years ago, I would have just passed my 7 year date. All I can deal with is the future, what is done is done.

Need to take doggie out before she pees on my kitchen floor (again).

Wishing everyone here a great AL free day! and remember V-day does not include a ticket to boozeville.

[MinStar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16180]BelleGirl[/MENTION]. I’m sorry to hear you fell off two. I am reading over my posts when I had my first quit back in 2011 and have been reading your posts as well. I know I have to do this. Reading over my original posts back in 2011 has made me realise I’ve actually done this before so I can do it again. I know there will be different issues with the kids as they get older and if this continues it will be harder to quick. Heck it already is harder than the first time. But I know I can do this. If I’d stuck with my original quit I was also be 7 years. But we can’t think back just about what is happening now and the future.
Hope you managed to get doggie out and no pee on the kitchen floor

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - thanks for taking the time to write that. I agree, put it in the tool box. The surprising thing for me in all of this is how much better ALL aspects of my life are. I didn't realize how much the effects of drinking had snuck into my relationships, my work, my confidence in all things. Thanks for sharing.

I amped up my drinking with the birth of my kids, too, and I would say that I knew I was in trouble about 7 years before I quit, although I was in deep denial. I remember where I was exactly. A friend and I were taking a walk, and she told me she was worried about her drinking. That was the first time I allowed myself to even think about it. It was a long longer time before I realized that I wouldn't or couldn't just "cut down." I had to quit. I'm with Ava - I do wish I had quit when my kids were younger, but I didn't.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

LC - are you still around? Too much jet lag?

xo
Pav