Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, in the note I was first going to write after your recent revelation, I was going to say that your orientation doesn’t matter here....then I took a step back and thought about that. It’s not true, because everything is a factor, really. In college, I gave myself permission to drink every Thursday night, the rest of the nights, including weekends, I studied. In my first marriage, I drank only occasionally. In 1988, at age 28, I got my fist big sales job. It was kind of like that show, Mad Men. I was the first female sales rep they hired. It was a man’s culture and high pressure and heavy drinking. By 1990, when I was 30, I knew I had a problem. What started out as a little pressure release became life support. Had I stayed a dental hygienist, I wonder if I would have progressed into alcoholism? Who knows. I drank to escape. All of my peers drank and our sales meetings were a test of drinking endurance, and I held my own. So many contributing factors, but trying to fit in was a big one. Great question!

Hope everyone has an easy Sunday! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Wags, glad to hear Mrs Wags is ok. I probably first started drinking around 13/14? At a high school after hours party somewhere. I remember drinking a sweet chocolatey liqueur called 'marsala'. I was sick for days and would almost dry reach for a few years later recalling the taste! Then my first beer in a bar at 16 wetted the appetite and.......you know the rest.

Funny, because i met an old friend i haven't seen since my 20's and she said i never seemed to have a problem. I did in hindsight, but i funtioned well in the boozy druggy world of the raaawk musician. Like a duck to water. It was in my 40's that i really hit skid row and began isolating regularly and basically checked out of society for around a decade. I remember a short period discovering/enjoying isolating for a bit when i was around 19 too. Dangerous stuff!

I still have that hermit style pull, but i also love life and human interaction is mostly an enlivening, enriching buzz.

Waves to all. Have a great week evabody.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Wags, glad things are moving along OK post op. A little trick in the nursing trade is to make a plan for the day & do what you have to do to stick to it or things can go sideways haha!!

Went to my granddaughter’s BD party today & it was fun being around 18 7-8 yr olds
The chicks are still a bit camera shy but here they are.

5B53A861-2635-45CC-8E0D-DAAE65434943.jpg

Hello to Byrdie, G, narilly, Slo & everyone.
Signing off before we lose power. Big wind storm going on at the moment.
Have a safe night in the nest everyone!

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh Lav, those chicks are adorable. The big wind is coming my way also. Lordy...I hope it isn't enough to close school. We have had enough of that.

Wags...I drank normally for years and years. My husband and I enjoyed a nice bottle of wine now and then. But there was one event that I believe started me down the path in my late 30s. I was visiting my brother and his girlfriend in Boston at the time. I was struggling with a stomach ailment that was quite strange, and occurred after a trip out west...but the docs could find no reason for it. Brother's gf offered me a shot of Polish Vodka. And it was like a miracle cure for my stomach. So...whenever I had an upset stomach, guess what I reached for. Then I started using it for all other ailments...including boredom, anxiety and extreme happiness...you name it. it was the perfect accompaniment for everything. Then I had kids. waited for years...they were adopted as infants. changed work to part time, but the doldrums did get to me and I needed something to spice up my life and calm me down at the same time...and on and on it went like that.

I'm getting a little feeling of what being an empty nester is like and it is depressing. Son is away at college, and daughter has been with boyfriend both last night and tonight. Went out to dinner with husband last night and he had a really stiff drink. I could cut the alcohol fumes with a knife. Glad I stuck to my tonic water with a twist of lime. didn't feel like I was missing a damn thing.

Hi to everyone to there. You all sound great and un-hung. I gotta go pick up daughter from boyfriend's house.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Those little fluffy chicks are adorable, Lav. Ava, that would be fun as a little kid to have baby chicks around to hold.

Narilly, that cold weather that is so cold that it’s hard to breathe in must be tough to take.
We have the high winds here today.

Belle: “I needed something to spice up my life and calm me down at the same time.” That describes it perfectly.

I drank for social ease & social lubrication. I thought I drank fairly normally for a good couple decades at least, and was shocked when I realized that I had crossed a line and become dependent on alcohol, and had lost control over it.

I love being over it now though. It feels like being stuck in a slippery pit that you can’t get out of as you just keep slipping back down, but FINALLY you grab hold & crawl over of the lip and get out! I’m staying out of that pit.

Byrdie, if you had stayed with dental hygiene then you’d probably now be having the surgery that Wag’s partner just had. I hear dental hygiene is hard on the shoulders.

Hang on tight in the Nest; it’s windy out there!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
We are having the craziest February weather.. blue skies and warmer temps. We all love it but are suspicious and scared at the thought of having spring so early. It just isn't normal for this far north!
I hope all of you in the windy areas got through the storms alright!
My living room still looks like a tornado came through! "Papers" is by far the most difficult category for me and it's slow going.. but I think I see the end in sight. It's been quite a process of letting go.. I'd forgotten about a lot of things. There were pictures mixed in and lots of little mementos (is that a word?). Reminders. Some sadness.. mostly with respect to the girls. I found a journal I'd written in when I first began to take getting sober seriously, in 2012. Back then (before the try to hide everything phase) I was writing in detail, honestly, still wondering if moderation was an option. I wrote about drinking to escape the boredom, being left alone with my kids and the son of my partner. I always intended on drinking one glass, took my little one in with me to buy an expensive bottle.. ended up drinking that and then moving onto vodka then passing out. The kids would tell me the next morning that they'd tried to wake me up. I'm not sure how often that happened.. it breaks my heart now. I wish so much that I would have been able to stop then. Now is better than never.. but still. I've got to forgive myself.
I remember the first time I drank alcohol.. it was a mixed vodka drink and it was summer and we were swimming at a friends house. We were in the 8th grade and his brother was a couple of years older.. they were definitely a bad influence and not the kids my parents wanted me to hang out with.. but my parents weren't really "there" for me so I could get away with doing what I wanted. Drinking made me feel happy, got rid of my worries, anxiety, fear. Looking back, I don't think there was any chance for me not to drink.. I'm so thankful that I was too scared to try other drugs. I read another journal from when I was in my late 20's and I was so depressed, so insecure in who I was. I could only see an ugly, evil seed within myself that I was doing a fairly good job of hiding from everyone else.. but I was scared someone would figure me out. I went to counseling but I didn't talk about my binge drinking.. I didn't even realize it was a problem. I think everyone I knew drank too much. Anyway, the reasons for drinking can be so complex.. that's why we have to work on a lot more than just not drinking. That's why it's said that it's simple but it isn't easy, Right?
Lav, I mentioned you in my 2012 journal.. gratitude rather than deprivation!:love: What sweet little chicks you have. Thanks for posting the picture.

I always do this. There are so many posts I want to respond to and then I go on and on about myself and forget what I wanted to say. I do think of you often though during the day.. and knowing you are here, on this journey as well, gives me strength.
I read an article in the Temper today and my favourite part was something Byrdie always says, "“Gratitude,“ is an action word. When you start to feel disconnected from the reasons you want to stay sober, find someone to love.”..

I love all of you people here and feel so fortunate to have you in my life..

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

My first drink was at a party in 9th grade. I vomited at that party (fairly quickly, so I didn't get too drunk), and I LOVED alcohol. I was shy and didn't know how to be outgoing until I drank. My parents were the "cocktail hour" every night drinkers, and I never once saw a social occasion where there wasn't boozed. I got too drunk that Thanksgiving (yes, it is a theme in my life), and instead of getting in trouble it became the family joke. We taught my parents friends how to play quarters, and had parties all of the time. In college there were times when I drank too much and made a fool of myself, but it never occurred to me that I had a problem - I just thought there were times when I wasn't paying enough attention. That continued into my 20s - I was an easy, moderate drinker, until I had a night that was embarrassing and awful. I quit easily with both pregnancies, but after I was done nursing my second child, I noticed an uptick in my drinking. It still never occurred to me to quit - I was having cocktail hour just like my parents! The REAL turning point when I knew I had a problem was when I woke up at 3am feeling AWFUL when I was visiting a friend. I decided that a shot of vodka would let me sleep again, and it REALLY did. I still drank for a couple of years after that, but that was a turning point after which I couldn't deny I had some sort of issue with alcohol. I still thought I'd just be able to moderate, but that became harder and harder.

There is SO much in between, but let's just say it was a love affair that turned stale, and the relationship went on WAY too long.

Lav - the chicks are adorable. I missed how you got them - you didn't let a rooster in the hen house, did you???

Nar - So true, UN HUNG is the way to be.

Belle, I am both dreading and looking forward to empty nesting. I know it will be lonely at first, and I also know it will be freeing.

I woke up in the middle of the night worried - my FiL is showing worse and worse signs of dementia, and we're going to have to take action that is going to be hard. I worry about my SiL and husband having to deal with all of this.

LC, Wags, Ava, G, Slo, Kensho, and EVERYONE - have fantastic Mondays...

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, glad you got some answers for your daughter’s pain. Maybe frustrating, but probably relieving!

I had plantar fasciitis - for 2 years! It was terrible. I tried stretching, different shoes, stopped running. It ended when I did a Whole30 and removed the inflammatory foods from my diet. Was gone in 14 days. In fact, all my physical pan lessens substantially when I remove the bad stuff. My worst offenders (confirmed by blood test - though they inflame anyone who eats them) are dairy, high fructose corn syrup and gluten. I get pain within 2 days of eating them now, somewhere in my body. Unfortunately, they make yummy stuff! Maybe not the answer for everyone - but it sure made the difference for me!

PAV, brave of you to paint! Lucky kiddos!

LAV, hope the birthday party was fun! 20 girls is a huge get-together! 8 is a fun age!

WAGS, glad the recovery is going well. Doting goes a long way in the healing process. Hugs to you!

Just to clarify - I am not advocating for serving alcohol to others. It just fell in my lap, and I noticed that it did not bother me. I felt a little smug actually - like “here you go - so glad it’s not going in MY mouth!” I would have struggled to do it early in my quit.

LC - you will feel GREAT when your papers are sifted through and sorted! Awesome job.

Along the lines of “how I started drinking” - a common theme seems to be environments that encouraged - or at least didn’t shame - drinking. It was easy. We live in a world that doesn’t consider problem drinking before it encourages it. It’s true not everyone develops a problem, but for those of us destined to become addicted - the culture sure doesn’t help!

I’m off to make a pork butt and walk the dog. I’m tired today - Sundays seem to be my busiest day, so quiet Mondays are welcome.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Seems like i dont have time to scratch myself doing two jobs and wanting to kill people. i have said to my boss that if i dont get a pay rise then i am going to do what my job description says, which is nothing as i didnt have one as this job was a brand new one. i had a run in with a dr yesterday as i told her her coordinator had to organise an apt and she told me that it wasnt her job, so now i am the coordinator's coordinator. FFS. then my old village boss decided that unless the tests i asked for were urgent they would not be done. well obviously i admit people who arent urgent for a diagnosis. what a Fool. i walked out at 10am before i put my notice in and told everyone to feck off. The great news is i didnt smoke at anyone, boy did i want to but i had kentucky fried chicken instead as i was so hungry and then felt better, went for a walk when it cooled down to 34 degrees at 8pm and felt much better. Mads is loving her walks now .

Wags i drank at probably 13 and it was Cinzano (we put tea back in the bottle). i wasnt a real drinker as i lived 17 miles out of town and my step father was a bad alcoholic so i saw how angry he got. my brother drank at an early age and was in and out of court so i suppose i didnt feel i should put my parents through that. After boarding school i moved out into shared accommodation and binge drinking Ava started, i was pregnant at 22 to 30 so didnt really drink then except for my binges and as my ex was a drinker i could not rely on him to look after the kids. my drinking went out of control when the kids became teenagers and were more self sufficient. i do now know my binge drinking when i drank was an all or nothing affair and the times between binges got closer together. Then for ten years the daily 2 bottles began and now nothing.

I bought a fitbit the other day and just love it, dont like how little i sleep though.

Back to the salt mines.

take care x

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

You gave your notice [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] - as in quit?

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

No the temptation was great but if i dont get a payrise i will be looking elsewhere. I dont do crap anymore lol.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone, glad you didn't quit your job Ava. It sounds crappy though, I hope you get a pay raise...but maybe it would be good to get a different job. Sometimes change is good. I think it would be hard to sleep when it is so hot outside. That is one thing here, my room is cool and I snuggle up under a big comforter with a blanket on top of that and have a really good sleep. Sometimes I get cold and have to put an extra pajama top on if you can believe that. We have such different climates!

I am job hunting still. I know something will come up so I just have to chill and keep applying when I see a job for me. Thanks for asking LC, I haven't heard from the people I interviewed with before.

Ken, you are lucky to be able to walk the dog. It is SO f'n cold here today. -27C when I woke up, holy crap, and it is unending. They say it won't warm up until mid March. 34C in Australia? I can't imagine. I think my dogs would have a heart attack if it was that warm. Blue skies and warmer temps in Germany? At least I have blue sky, that is about it.

Pav, your drinking story sounds similar to mine. I started when I was 12, we sneaked a bottle of beer from my parent's house and drank it. The next time was in grade 8 or so and I got drunk and threw up. I always drank until I threw up when I was a teenager. Now I look back and wonder why I did that but I know it is because my brain loved Alcohol. I have to forgive myself for not understanding that at the time. I was only a kid.
Now that I know better I don't drink.

Happy sober Monday everyone.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I am totally surprised we didn't lose power today, it's been SO windy. I did come across a tree leaning across the road & resting on power lines, yikes!
The sun was out all day & it was 43 degrees, not too bad.
The chicks had a good day, haha! No roosters allowed here so when I want new chicks I drive to the local feed store. They get a big batch in 7 you can get as many as you want

Narilly, sorry you are dealing with such frigid weather, be careful!

Ava, you are dealing with such heat & apparently too many A$$holes at work, sorry

Belle, the empty nest thing is real & it sucks. I starting raising chickens at that point, really.

Thinking back, I would say I was a normal drinker up until the point where I started lonely, ignored & completely taken advantage of by my husband. I hurt so bad I had to do something to stop the emotional pain. How do you deal with a guy who refuses to accept your gift of a trip to Europe, completely paid for to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary? So, I went on the trip & took a girl friend because I was so hurt & so mad. That started my 10 year spiral into trying to drink myself half to death. I was definitely drinking AT him & it didn't help anything. Lesson learned!!

Hello to LC, have fun with the decluttering

Hi to Kensho, Pav & everyone.

Have a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I never went on to the”Papers” category with the Kondo method, LC. Had already culled some paperwork, and mementos are just too hard. Someday...
I sometimes wish I could’ve/would’ve kept my first quit in 2012 too, before I got way worse. Now is definitely better than never though!

That’s a shame about your FIL, Pav. Is MIL still around? Hopefully everyone can work well together to find a good caregiving solution.

Thanks for the info that dairy, HFCS, & gluten are definitely, not just subjectively, inflammatory to you, Kensho. Food for thought, as my finger joints are swelling.

Lav, I can see where raising chickens could help soothe some of the pain of the empty nest. Good idea! Grandchildren can be helpful too. Your granddaughter’s party sounded uplifting as it’s fun to be around a group of happy, enthusiastic 8 y/o girls.
That’s a real slam that your husband wouldn’t celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary with you after you gave him that thoughtful, extravagant gift. I’m glad you went on the trip without him! Yes, I can relate to the frustration of feeling ignored, unloved, & taken advantage of in a marriage accelerating drinking.

Ava, glad you got yourself out of the madhouse before you exploded at the idiots. So annoying!!
Narilly, it’s true that burrowing under the covers in this cold weather makes for a great sleep!

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest--

Sorry for your frustration, Ava. Good for you for not smoking AT them. Was the KFC "normal" or were you eating at them? I'm asking because I have noticed recently that I'm eating at people. FFS, can't I develop a habit of jogging AT people, or cleaning my house AT people? I'll be ok, because I have an eye on it, but the eating/rewards cycle seems to be getting me through winter.

Thanks for the plantar fasciitis advice. When I had it before I tried all of the above and nothing cured it, until I bought a new, specific style of shoes for walking. I only have purchased that brand (trail runners) forever, and they just stopped making it!!! I was so disappointed. I think I found a reasonable replacement, but I'm not sure. In all of the PF stories I have heard (it seems like everyone has one), people say "It hurt for _______ long and then I did _______ and it suddenly went away." For me it was the shoes, Kensho diet, a friend went to a chiropractor, there was the perfect massage, etc. My conclusion is that keep taking care of it, and one day it will just go away for SOME of the many reasons. I am NOT, I repeat NOT, willing to give up cheese. I'll suffer...

I had a Pav stress dream. I was in history class at college and our projects were do. I realized after looking around that I never finished mine, including a key part that most people had turned into beautiful displays and pamphlets. I ran to the bathroom to talk to a friend and ask her what I should do, and when I returned the woman in front of me said that the prof gave the whole class an extension to finish it before the end of the semester. I have NEVER had an "I didn't do my work/study for the exam" dream that ended on a positive note. Let's hope that bodes well for my day...

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav