Newbies Nest

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

New Sunrise, congratulations on getting over the 3-4 day hump! I know what Byrdie is saying: in the very early days, if you have a rough day with your body & brain cleansing itself and adjusting to no incoming alcohol, then the next day is usually not as bad.
I was inspired by a ‘Bubble Hour” podcast that I listened to today that said not to pursue any other diet or exercise overhauls when you’re first quitting; to just focus on removing alcohol for the first while, and everything else is free game (like ice cream, extra naps, leisurely strolls, relaxing with TV shows, etc.) for the best chance at success. I found that that mirrored my lived experience as well. (That’s for you too, [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]!)
A number of us like listening to ‘The Bubble Hour’ podcasts for extra reinforcement. (Thanks, Pavati!)

Thrilled for you that you’re moving on in the interview process, Narilly!

Wagmor, well, Marie Kondo isn’t the only game in town; there’s lots of books etc. out there on organizing. I did find her method very helpful though for purging clothes, and also for books as I realized that I wasn’t referencing or re-reading most of my books anyways. And they can be stored on Kindle nowadays.

More later, maybe!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wall to wall sunshine today but too cold for spring, oh well.
Just dropped off my car for an early AM appointment at the dealership - those recalls.

New Sunrise, nice job on your 5 days AF !Almost a week already, yay!
My husband & I both worked rotating shifts all of our lives, never home at the same time. Planning meals was ridiculous but I made sure the kids were fed. It must be extra difficult with your husband being diabetic. I hope you don't feel too stressed over that.

Pav, I'm jealous of your 65 degrees, haha!

Wags, I'm sure your wife is ready to ditch the immobilizer by now, hope all goes well.
I have not gotten into the Marie Kondo thing - I just pitch stuff when the mood strikes, LOL

G, why are you emptying your place? Going somewhere?? Maybe I wasn't paying attention.

Narilly, I'll keep my fingers crossed for your second interview this week. I'd hire you

Slo, hope your day was good. I have Kindle books too these days primarily because reading on my iPad is easier on my eyes, hmm.

Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[New Sunrise]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning All!

I did day 5 and on to day 6, almost a week!

Day 5 really sucked though! It was cool and rainy here, though we never got enough rain to amount to anything so I still had to water the odd plant here and there, the ones that the sprinklers do not get. My daughter was supposed to be home yesterday but got called in at the last minute to work half a day.

When we thought that hubby was in the clear for the day we both (thank God) went to the grocery store and don't you know that he got the call, they needed him across the country and on a plane asap. I already had stuff in my cart and we were in a panic to get things put back and get him home, packed and out the door. We are living in the country so it is not like the grocery store is just down the road but it is a good one. One of the clerks saw us scrabbling and probably overheard the conversations and nicely offered to put everything back for us. I DID NOT go back out to the store because I know I would not have just bought dinner, daughter and I just winged it with what I had in the house.

When my daughter got home she let me know that my son texted her and my step son had his second illegitimate child, a boy, and named it after my ex. Ex died last year and both boys were very close to him. I will spare you all the long story behind it all, just suffice it to say that they use their sister to get information to me and it is a messed up family situation. It is not like I am going to send a baby present and neither is she, we are not going to help with the second child support payments that will more than likely start in about a year. That was information that we really didn't care to know.

I wanted to drink yesterday, but didn't and glad that I was able to go to bed early and get a good night sleep.

I do hope you all have a good day. Today will be a nicer one here and so will be outside as much a possible.

Thank you all for the great support! Being able to get on here and be accountable sure does help.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Sunrise, each time you have an experience like that - face something that causes stress and/or anxiety, and you don't reach for booze, you are flexing your sober muscle and making it stronger. As we know, getting drunk would just kick the problem down the road, not actually deal with it. In the words of Mr. G (who is now a minimalist, I understand ) the only way out is through. Great work getting through day 5. Onward and upward! I DO recommend the Bubble Hour podcast (thanks, NoSugar).

Wags, good luck on that shoulder outcome. I can't believe it has been 6 weeks, although I'm sure you can. I haven't fully Marie Kondod my place. I just fold my clothes in her style. I have A LOT of books also, and I love books, but there are many that I know I will never read again, or many I know that if I do read again, I won't read the old paperback of. Right now I am staring at over 25 bobble heads from baseball games over the years. My kids are semi-attached, but don't really care enough to sit down and pare through them. We need to just get to it...

Nar, sending positive job vibrations from down here. Interesting that it is in a different industry - maybe it will bring more stability?? Good luck, you'll rock it.

Lav, shift work is crazy, especially with kids. What a feat.

Hi to everyone else. Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I don't think Marie K. will work for me because I don't think I have too many possessions that give me "joy". I would get rid of almost everything!! Or maybe she means something other than I do when she uses the word. With clothes, I tend to choose to wear the same things over and over (the ones that I feel good about myself wearing) so I gradually have managed to get rid of some of the "unchosens". I also try not to buy anything without asking myself if I will choose that item over things I already own. The answer usually is no. It is crazy how much stuff we can accumulate over the years!!

You're doing great, [MENTION=24351]New Sunrise[/MENTION]! Like [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] said, you are working out and building up your sober muscles. I'm sorry you've got family issues going on. It is hard to have stuff like that in the background. Not that we can ignore it entirely but there's no point dwelling on (or drinking at!!) things or people over which we have no control. The one thing that is up to us is how we respond. Avoidance through drink was my go-to response to just about everything for way too many years. Now I just choose not to dwell on things like that. I don't think it's denial - it feels more like a reasonable response to things that aren't up to me, leaving me time and energy to deal with/enjoy those that are.

I hope you get the job you want, [MENTION=1354]narilly[/MENTION], and have a chance to work in a different industry (hopefully one with less turnover!!).

[New Sunrise]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you NS and Pavati! It is quiet here, too quiet. I know my husband got in late had to be on the job early and I have not heard from him yet. There is a 3 hour difference between us right now.

I did have a wonderful party this morning, though it was a pity party, but helpful none the less. I went through all the reasons I didn't want to drink and they were okay, but did not hit the sweet spot. I sat down and wrote a long, long list of things to drink over and had my self in tears, puffy eyes and snotty nose and all. I was pretty thing! After my acting out I took a long look at the list and tried to find something that drinking would improve, anything, anything at all....there wasn't a thing on that list and I even found somethings that I could definitely make worse.

I got up and dragged myself to the grocery store, in the rain that we were not supposed to get, and picked up stuff to make nachos for dinner (we eat healthier when my husband is home) and more allergy medicine. The rain has helped the pollen today but my daughter and I have been suffering terribly from allergies. It was a good thing that I picked it up because I looked terrible and ran into the nice kid that put our groceries back yesterday. I had a chance to thank him and tried to give him a tip, but they are not allowed to accept them at this store. I did see him glance in the cart and see my Claritin and Flonase so I didn't look too ridiculous. All and all not a bad day, my craving has passed for today.

Thank you all for your help, day 6 seems to be a winner so far. I am want that sober muscle to get really strong!

I am not sure what the Marie K thing is, but it sounds interesting. Wagmoor I do the same thing with our clothes, too many are folded nicely in the closet, though it can get out of order quickly. As you can imagine my husband pretty much lives out of his suite case. We only have one dresser right now, the other was not worth moving. I organized and got rid of a lot of stuff when we moved. The donation center was glad to see me for a few weeks. It is amazing the things you can collect and never touch.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Nar fingers crossed for that job, i do so hope you get it.

Sunrise, nearly a week, great work you. Stress is never good for us alkies but keep being accountable on here. Dont wander off and be left to your own devices as it wont end well early in a quit. I was so proud of myself when i did 7 days, i used to mark the calendar off and i dragged all of my 4 children to see that i had done 7 days. i wish i had kept that calendar.

Well i am so going to have to cull my hanging clothes again, the hanger fell yesterday and everytime i put one side up the other fell down. I really dont have too many dresses and skirts so i tell myself. Might be a weekend job.

Wags, i hope all went well for you both yesterday.

Mad's ashes are back so will go and pick them up tomorrow, sad, sad and sad. Ive been busy knitting and walking and program at the gym tomorrow. feeling good health wise and again up to day 3 no smokes. hopefully i have had my last relapse as i feel so much better when i dont smoke. sounds just like drinking really.

Back to the salt mines, take care x

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had a happy circumstance occur on vacation due to being AF: We stopped overnight in Nashville on the way home. One son-in-law really likes country music and bar-hopping, so he was excited. Me, not so much; but I was resigned to spending an evening in the bars, when we then found out by running into ticket scalpers that Kelly Clarkson was putting on a concert at the arena, and my husband was inspired to buy tickets to the concert for me & 15 y/o daughter, so we wouldn’t have to hang out in the bars! D2 also came along to the concert. So it was a wonderful treat! -and once again better for young daughter too.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Not that we can ignore it entirely but there's no point dwelling on (or drinking at!!) things or people over which we have no control........Now I just choose not to dwell on things like that. I don't think it's denial - it feels more like a reasonable response to things that aren't up to me, leaving me time and energy to deal with/enjoy those that are.

I love this! It’s very helpful advice for if one is trying to stay sober especially.

Sunrise, good for you for crying and getting some tears & tension out. And an especially good idea afterwards to list your problems and realize that not one of them can be made better by drinking, and would probably be made worse.
Good thing you had just medication in your cart and not a cartload of groceries, so your story held up! Funny. Comfort food like nachos sounds like a good choice for an emotional day 6.

Lav, it is most definitely easier on the aging eyes to read on a backlit screen!

Is Mr. G. being facetious, or did he really dump his possessions in preparation for his trip to South America?!

It sounds like you had a really nice weekend, Pav, and not boring either. You were due for a night in! And I hear you on the endless bobbleheads! There’s too many here too.

Thinking of you, Ava, as you navigate life without your buddy. It’s hard to get ashes back.

Wishing all a cozy night in the Nest!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening everyone,

Rain just started so now we have a fire lit - winter is not really over yet, haha!

Slo, that's so cool that your AF'ness made for a wonderful evening for you & your daughters
I'm sure you'll find many more events better without AL tagging along.

Ava, we still have Maxie's ashes in a box on a shelf. Can't quite bring myself to do anything with them.
Glad you quit smoking again, it really makes a huge difference in your health. Good for you!

New Sunrise, there's nothing wrong with a pity party for yourself provided you come out with a positive mindset & another AF day
I felt so lonely when I kicked AL to the curb, felt like breaking up with a best friend. I think my judgment was still a bit cloudy to be honest. That thankfully ended pretty quickly when I started regaining my confidence.

Keeping busy & out of trouble here.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Just a quick check in for the sake of being accountable. a lot going on but nothing pushing me over the edge at the moment. no urge to drink. Trying to plan things for high school spring break, perhaps a college tour...but I am finding that many of those tours at local universities are filled up!! Got to plan ahead better next year. Daughter is only a sophomore but I feel it is never too early to start getting a feeling for different campuses.

That's about it. got a ton of things to do before going to bed... Hope all are well and safe in the nest!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Sunrise - I am impressed by your strength. In the middle of the doldrums - well, more like the gale - you decided to do an activity to support your quit. I'm not sure I would have had the insight at Day 6 to do that. You're absolutely right in my book - what would be made better by drink? Nothing. And there is plenty to be lost. And then to get up and go to the grocery store?? You're on it, sister. Keep it up. (And nachos contain all of the food groups in my book - what could be better?)

Slo - what fun?! I love Kelly Clarkson - especially her story. She's one strong woman. How wonderful that you got a night out with your daughters.

Belle - nice to see you check in. I didn't do college tours until my son saw where he got in, and then we visited his top 3. I don't have the patience for that. You'll find something fun to do instead, right?

Ava - My mom has the ashes of three of dogs and told me that she wants her ashes next to them when she dies. I'm not even sure she would want my dad as much as she wants them. That love is so sweet and unconditional.

Happy SOBER hump day,
Pav

[New Sunrise]

Re: Newbies Nest

Woohoo, Day 7, a whole week sober! I feel good about that and now this all looks doable, for today anyhow!

I feel like crap though, but not from cravings. We finally have the sunshine back and I got to take my morning walk 1.5 miles. I used to walk a lot more than that, 5+ miles a day before my neck got bad. Just the impacts of the steps caused pain so I had to stop. I am way out of shape, not just from lack of walking though. Alcohol sure helped pack on the pounds. Time will take care of that. Allergies are awful this morning and I have taken everything I can, Claritin, Flonase, Benadryl, there is nothing left but a scratchy throat and puffy eyes. The puffy eyes are from allergies today.

Pavati, thanks for giving me the credit for having great insight, but I don't really. I was sober for 4 years at one time and writing the list helped then and it is one of my tools of last resort. I do tend to make mountains out of mole hills. Sometimes I would write down all my problems and all my problems turned into 2 or 3 real problems and the others were just what I thought were real problems but were just annoyances. I look at the real problems now and really think about how drinking would help them and I never found one yet that drinking would help. For me drinking is a way of trying to numb what I am feeling but really it intensifies my reactions, never a good thing.

I do have a hard time with the loneliness I am experiencing around here. We are in the country and we have only lived here 6 months so I don't know many people. We came from the city, and though it was not where I grew up, I lived there 30 years and had plenty of friends. I just have to adjust. There is a gentleman who lives just down the road and used to work with my husband. I did finally get to meet his wife today so that was nice. Like me, she retired from teaching and she tutors at one of the local church run schools. She will keep her ears open if they want add anyone else on the fall, so there is that.

Slo, good for you getting to go see Kelly Clarkson! I am jealous! That is something that my daughter and would love to do together. I can understand about the bar crawling. I don't think that I am quite up to that yet. During my first quit I would always order ginger ale when we socialized like that. No one knew the difference and I didn't feel out of place. It was never something that I enjoyed doing after I quit.

I do hope every one has a great day/evening. Hopefully hubby will be home tomorrow, or not. We just never know if they will send him home or on to the next job. It does make it hard on him if he is working at a plant that is not open on Saturdays because he has a weekend he has to fill. The one thing I really appreciate about him is that grass does not grow under his feet. He will never sit in a hotel room all day so he visits what ever local attraction there is. He was single for 6 years before we met and he took up photography and looks for places that he can 'shoot'. I am proud of him, he has won many awards. Weather Channel also bought a lot of his photos and would show them when they stopped their weather coverage and would do local weather on the 8's. Kind of cool. I kinda knew him before I knew him!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends near and not so far,

Slo, yes!.....i was taking the mickey out of the whole decluttering industry more so than the act/concept itself (which can often be a good thing).

Sunrise, retired teacher in the country? Open plains, fresh air....wow! Can you find an angle with your teaching experience in your new community? Is there a subject or niche/need no one else is teaching or addressing that you can turn your hand to? Congrat's on day 7 mi amiga! That is Yhuuuuuge round these parts.

Sugar babe and Slo mentioned that subject of what we can and cannot control. I love this convo because the way we think of this can really be a game changer and a (sanity) lifesaver. I know i can't control external events, forces, people, nature. So it's all an inside job to me. How do i respond to external things? What's my outlook, perspective? I go back to perspective and gratitude. 2 key attitudes and ways to think that result in far less suffering for me. And let's face it. Whilst getting sober and rebuilding my life, it's all about me! I must be number one, then if i am good, everyone and everything around me is usually good too.

Ava. How r ya? 2 neighbours dogs recently passed on through old age. One got a new dog who i met yesterday (one of them yappy arrogant pomeranians!) the other has his eye on a new pup. They both say it helps a lot.

Off to buy a course on decluttering, then bag some old clothes and give em away. L8tr g8trs.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

New Sunrise, on behalf of the whole Newbie’s Nest, may I present you with your 7 Day Prize!? A Full Moon! :butt: you’ll get no cracks from us, those first 7 are tough, and now they are behind you! We are so proud! Shine on!

I turned in an order for a survey today, for no charge. The Hag told me that I had to send it thru credit first. I said, ‘You have to be kidding, this is a survey...there is NO money involved. She said she didn’t make the rules. I sent it to credit and they said, ‘What are we supposed to do here, it’s for no money?” I tell you, I am waiting for Alan Funt to come out and tell me I’m on Candid Camera.
Good thing I don’t drink!
Hugs to all! Byrdie