Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

:hug:BELLE:hug: I'm sorry things are not going too good with you and hubs I hope you hang around here,it helps it really does

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle - first of all, here's a big hug :hug: I'm so sorry to hear your updates - that you have been drinking, and your husband's response, both of which are of course within the context of everything else you've been dealing with re: your son and daughter etc. I can see why you're gutted, and I'm sorry you're going through all of that. This sounds like a big situation to tackle, and it may seem more manageable to break it down and just focus on step one: Don't Drink Today. AL will try to tell you things to convince you that now you have more "reasons" to drink or fewer reasons to protect your quit, but in fact just the opposite is true!

Let's pull out your tool kit and take inventory - which tools do you have and which ones are ready to use today?

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - glad things went well with your husband

Byrdie - yep, it's crazy that your co-worker is surprised you're asking him to actually carry his own weight for a change. Crikey I don't know how you do that job, except jobs aren't necessarily easy to come by and that's unfortunately how they get us. Hang in there and most importantly, feel better soon!

G-dude - congrats on 8 MONTHS!!! As you would say, "You're Rawkin'!!!"

Nar - sorry to hear your interview got cancelled, and I hope something else comes along fairly soon

Ava - being in pain is exhausting, and I hope you find some relief from yours quickly (and that you're able to remain as active as you'd like while healing)

New Sun - your morning routine to try to beat the heat sounds like ours right now. Your plan for the pool sounds wonderful - I can almost taste the lemon water


Hellos and waves to everyone else stopping by the nest today. It's the freakin' weekend!!!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Belle - I am so sorry you're in such a shi**y situation and that your husband is not helping you at all. I think Wags has the right advice, though. Not drinking is number one. It will help you get a real perspective on the situation rather than one clouded by alcohol - and help you uncover the truth rather than your husband's version of it. I would also recommend a talk with a therapist or a good friend with whom you can be totally honest. Sometimes that in-person support can be truly helpful. But we're here for you, too, if that won't work. What do you need right now.

Lav, glad your husband made it through! Melanoma is scary stuff - a guy from my high school class just died from it. Getting those moles checked is necessary!

New Sun - You are dealing with a lot. Imagine if you were drinking - you would be wondering if not dealing with the HVAC yourself was because of that, and maybe trying to scrape through. Now you can look to your husband and say you need help and why - with confidence.

G - Congratulations on 8 months. Keep on keeping on! And you're right, I'm overbooked again. I think once May is over I'll be better... I did meditate finally - that really helps.

Ava - Hope you can get rid of that pain - I am in awe of your commitment to the gym and exercise. Must. Start. Exercising. More.

Byrdie - With or without the cameras, I know you're keeping an eye out on all of us. Thanks for your support as always! Sorry you work with such knuckleheads.

Nar - Sorry you were in a funk. That happens to me from time to time, and alcohol was certainly my go-to. It is actually interesting to go into a funk clear headed. I can think rationally and know that it will end - and it will end sooner if I DON'T drink. Glad you're feeling better.

Puppy - Ice Cream got me through year 1 for sure. It was my replacement reward. Whatever it takes...

I'm off to do some work and get the day going. Happy SOBER Saturday to everyone I didn't mention!

Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks guys, It is nice to hear kind words and hugs from those who understand yet don't sugar-coat...rather than the mean looks shooting out of my husbands eyes, and the shame I feel. I am working my way through the toolbox thread. I also ordered for my kindle 'Allen Carr's easy way for women to quit drinking" for what it's worth. it will be something that will hopefully help me when I don't have access to MWO.

I'm still gutted about so many things, mostly difficulties my son is having. I feel like it is all my fault. I really feel like I cannot go on...but I must take the dog out. there lies another problem. She is having so many problems I have to express her bladder. there seems to be a new disaster to deal with every day. I pray some nights I don't wake up. I feel so sick when I wake up even if I did not drink the night before. I see a therapist but perhaps she is not the best or I am not being totally honest with her.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Happy 8 months G, keep up the great work, dont let your upcoming holidays derail your sobriety. Not many sleep till you go away.

Belle, you need to make yourself a priority in your sobriety. No one will do it for you except you. Us alkies have a very long list of excuses of why to drink, once we are in the grip of al it is very hard to stop and we need to use every fibre of our being to not drink and its hard. I remember vividly still that av telling me i deserved a drink, it would make life better and easier and as we well know it is total bullshit. Its awful your husband is saying what he is but he doesnt get an alcoholics life, he doesnt get the GSR's we go through daily, the lack of self respect, the embarrassment, the total and utter shame and the guilt that we caused all of these problems in some way when we were so desperately trying to help fix everything, that we need al to close down and have a break and forget for a short time. I have learnt that if i take care of myself and protect myself then i can help my children, i can be there totally for them, that when i was drinking i wasnt 100% there, i thought i was but i wasnt at all. You are not the problem, alcohol is. You are a good, worthwhile mother and wife and fur mum. You are the glue that holds everything together but when the glue starts to melt then things start to fall apart. Go to your gp and talk to them, get another therapist if you think this one is not working, you are worth fighting for Belle. No one will make you a priority except yourself. I am sorry your fur baby is not well, put her in her pram and take her for a walk, i remember how happy mads was when i was out with her and how i could sort my head out without those four walls around me. I wish i could have those special times back with her again. You will be ok Belle in time, take it day by day, we are here for you and you are worthwhile. Sending you hugs.

Hows the gym going LC.

Lav, i hope the bear is recuperating well for you, when does he get the results?

I have been so slack this week, my hip just put me in a lazy place, like why me, why do i start something and enjoy it then this happens. Now i have smacked myself around the head and today i am going to get back to where i was. my hip is rested and the physio says its gluteal tendinopathy, common in menopausal women with loss of hormones and doing to much exercise. who would have thought i could do too much! Moderation apparently works!

Yesterday i went to visit mum for mothers day and suprised her, we had a lovely few hours and i saw my other son. Its nice to love my mum again and to realise that she loves me. My daughter had her 32nd birthday on Friday so she will visit today with my other daughter for mothers day. I need to go and buy food as its mad out at restaurants so we will stay home. Carl is growing in leaps and bounds, i will take him for a walk with me shortly. 6 weeks smoke free and starting to feel like i can do this even though i still have my days.

Time for a coffee and then a walk. take care xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

Thanks y'all for the congrat's. The feeling's good and solid. Happy mothers day Ava and to mumma's everywhere. I know the dates vary internationally but really, every day i should be damn grateful for my mum raising and sticking by a knucklehead like me. She's a cool chica. I'll be having lunch with her today along with a big bunch of flowers.

Hi Belle. Sheesh, that is a tough situation you're in. Sounds like you're not welcome under your own roof with a lot of tension with hubs. This is no time for him to be putting you down no matter how frustrated he feels. But if this is the situation, then we need a plan to try and get through. You know living sober is the best way all round so you can get a clearer more settled headspace back again. Is moving out for a little while and getting sober somewhere safe an option or a good idea? Any good friends or family you can lean on? Reading the toolbox is a great idea. Remember that you are taking positive self care action by posting here and reading things like the toolbox because you want to get sober again and live healthy. To me reading your words, there is undeniably still a little flame alight inside you that wants to live well and take back your life. Just know that we care and are here to support you. Keep us posted mi amiga.

I'm deaf this morning. My ears are still ringing after a loud heavy bluesy rock n roll gig last night that went for 2 + hours. It just got louder as everyone else got deafer! I don't like wearing ear plugs, but last night they would've been handy for the last 30 minutes of the show. Still, a good time had by all. A couple of frisky biker chica's eyeing me off as i was playing, but i've seen that scenario before. They're usually married! lol. Nooooo.....

More music making this afternoon after lunch with mum. Belle and anyone in your first few days AF. Don't forget, things can turn around fairly quickly for us even in the first week. So keep hopeful and focused.

Take it easy out there.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, I was thinking about you the last couple of days, and here you are! Good to have you back here where you belong.

You need to make yourself a priority in your sobriety. No one will do it for you except you. Us alkies have a very long list of excuses of why to drink, once we are in the grip of al it is very hard to stop and we need to use every fibre of our being to not drink and its hard. xx

My twin sister has returned to drinking, and it has advanced and taken an ugly turn, as alcoholism will: she can no longer stop without seizing and severe shaking.
I wish she would have/could have stuck with her last quit that was afforded by being medically detoxed in a hospital, and getting several sober weeks in due to a lengthy hospitalization for abdominal surgery.
That was a golden opportunity that now went to waste.
Now I have to find a detox place to take her to this week, and then what??
Because, as Ava’s post says, “No one will do it for you except you.” I sure can’t stop her from putting a bottle or can to her lips. We can only stop ourselves.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

My patient wasn't feeling as peppy as he hoped to today so we cancelled some plans. Not a big deal to me, perfectly understandable to me. Of course it didn't do much for his mood so grumpy time it is, haha! I highly value patience, time to heal but he does not.

Belle, I'm happy to see you again but sorry to hear about your situation. Everything can & will get better, keep believing :hug:
As others have already said take care of you first. You are the priority!
Whatever is going on with your son, it is not your fault. We all raise our kids to the best of our abilities then release them out into the world. The choices they make are their responsibilities. Of course we want to help them out but they need to step up & own their problems. I've been thru some stuff with my kids too but it helped turn them into full fledged adults.
Spouses aren't always supportive of our quits, mine wasn't. They want us to make major changes yet they are unwilling to make any changes in themselves....I get that.
Please stick with us, check in as often as you can. You know we all support you & want you to succeed :hug:

Slo, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. That's so sad, I'm sure you are hurt. I wish we could help her as well. Please take care of yourself & know that we all care.

G, you should wear ear plugs to protect your hearing dude. I know I've come home from concerts with my hearing totally messed up for hours. That scares me.
Glad you are doing so well.

Ava, I'm not sure when his results will be in, not long I'm sure. Keeping my fingers crossed in the meantime.
Glad you had a good visit with your mom. Say Hi to Carl for me

Pav, hope you didn't have to work all day & found some time for you!

Hello to Wags, Pauly, Byrdie & everyone checking in today.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Remember about roots & wings, Belle. You gave your son roots, but he went off to college now and is spreading his own wings, and learning from his own mistakes. You can be supportive of him, but please don’t take on his problems as your own. As Ava said, “I have learnt that if I take care of myself and protect myself THEN I can help my children.”

G-man, I second what Lav said about protecting your hearing: my mom came home from a loud concert (not her first) with very muffled hearing and ringing in her ears...and it never cleared. She was in her 40s then, and has been hard-of-hearing ever since then for the last 30 years.

8 months is fab, G-man! You’ll be in good shape for your trip abroad!

Pav, I guess you’re just going to be extra busy until the school year ends. Hope you at least get Mother’s Day off.

LC, Puppy, New Sunrise....please hang there and keep fighting. We ARE fighting for our lives.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back, [MENTION=16180]BelleGirl[/MENTION]. You sound pretty overwhelmed with all that is going on. But it will change - try to take all of it, including not drinking, a day, hour, or moment at a time until things settle . xx

I am so sorry to hear about your twin, [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION]. Is she ready and willing to enter detox/rehab?

Congrats on 8 months, Mr G. You’re sounding really committed to this new and better life you’re building.
[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], your note to Belle would be a great Toolbox post. Those are the words we all need to hear. xx

[New Sunrise]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom in the nest!

It is another early morning for me, or is it considered a late night? I have no idea at this point but in another couple of hours I can get back in the bed! The house is not cooling as it had the last couple of nights, but it is warmer outside! I think every little bit helps at this point. Hubby got home yesterday evening and we talked about the estimates, we will go with the original guy. He comes so highly recommended from all our neighbors and we will be supporting a local business. He takes pride in doing his neighbors well and will be here later this morning to talk with hubby about specifics. Bryd, we are losing a lot of friends here too. $$$:sad:

There have been so many wonderful posts to comment on, and for the life of me, I am at a loss words, not normal for me. Exhaustion has set in and I have the concentration of a toddler right now! Good things that toddlers are sober creatures! I am too!

Belle, your posts have really touched me. I was in a bad situation with my first husband drinking exasperated the problems exponentially. Take it one day at time, one moment at a time if you need to. Remember that there is more to life than this kind of BS and you will find the better side. Take care of yourself and the rest will sort itself out. I am thinking about you.

Feral Pup- I hope all is well with you also. You are also on my mind and I am pulling for you!

Good Morning and Good Night all! These late nights, early mornings, will pass and will make me appreciate air conditioning a whole lot more! Sobriety too!

[westiesrock]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi! I'm Westies Rock. This site was instrumental approx. 5 yrs ago in helping me become AF. I was AF for 3 years - didn't miss it a bit...due to economic meltdown, had to sell our primary residence & move to our beach place for 4 years....party city. I held off for a long time - drove here & there (sometimes several hours away) to avoid the CONSTANT party scene. This was horrible for me in that environment...After 3 years I gave in. I was SO isolated as a non-drinker...so it started with 1 drink and quickly became 10. I SO want to become AF again. We have since sold the beach place so I am in a bit better environment to proceed. This site provided me so much support in the past. You saved me before - can you save me again?

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back, [MENTION=16892]westiesrock[/MENTION]! I have always loved your avatar. I have a grand-westie, who is quite a handful. Luckily she and my golden are good buddies.

Its great you’re not being bombarded with drinking now and can protect yourself while you get this done. We can support you while you save yourself :hug:.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday- Mother's day, Nesters!

I didn't even know it was until I heard a waiter downstairs wishing our surrogate Oma a happy mother's day. Both of my girls were here this morning and didn't say a thing/didn't know, I guess. Like G-man said, we should appreciate our moms every day, not just on this day.. and they show me in many ways.
Now I shouldn't forget to call my mom!

Belle, I'm really sorry for the difficult situation you're in.:hug: I love the responses you've received and Ava's could be read a hundred times.. (I agree with NS, Ava, I would love to have that in the Toolbox.)

G-man, a late congrats on 8 months! What a great amount of time to have under your belt.. It's apparent in your posts, how much you've grown in your sobriety, your insight, accountability, calmness.. it's great to see. I can't remember when you're heading off on your trip? I have to agree with the other nest moms that you should take care of your ears!! One of those things we shouldn't take for granted!

Slo, I am really sorry to hear about your sister. That is so sad. Sending you strength and love..

New Sunrise, I hope you get that ac fixed soon! I won't tell you that I'm in a sweater with wool socks and a warm water bottle today! I have the balcony door open and it's sunny at least, but with the wind! Freezing. Where do you live in Florida? I'm heading to Phx with my girls at the end of June to visit my family.. they've never been in summer before and I'm already getting anxious! Fortunately we'll be spending some time in northern AZ and in CA. Let's see.

Ava, I'm glad you're beginning to feel better. Yes, moderation. I always tend to overdo it and then limp around for days after. This time I have been taking it easy.. low weights, just doing what I feel like doing. I have 6 weeks to up my step before we head out.. which is important because my youngest daughter is really fit and loves to hike (as do I) so I want to be able to do that. At 5am with a head lamp! I loved your post to Belle. It was to me, as well..:love:

Lav, your hubs is lucky you were a nurse and know how to deal with grumpy patients! Thank you for the daily om link.. I found a course I might sign up for.. Becoming Whole Again. I've never done one but I know Kensho recommended them once.. A Year to clear what is holding you back. Have you ever participated in one?

ok. big hugs to all of you, Pav, NS, Wags, welcome back, Westierock!, Pauly, Byrdie, and anyone I might be missing..xx