Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

KENSHO - Personally, I never wondered why you were here - I could hear the disordered drinking behavior in so many of your posts, especially the sneaking of extra shots or things like that. I noticed it because it was so much like what I did as well. As Pav said, it isn't about the amount a person drinks (although that can make things worse) it's about how it controls us. People who are "normal" drinkers do NOT sneak al, and do not finagle ways to get extra without others knowing. I am super glad you're here and am SO proud that you kept coming back after trying to moderate and you seem to now be so solid in your quit. :hug:

SoberJ - welcome to the nest!

Steady and Daisy - glad to see you both

Pav - I love how you described that your life is better with your husband, even if he isn't your "everything". This sounds very healthy, as it's unlikely that any single person could be everything for someone else, and it's unfair to both if either partner expects that.


I'm exhausted and falling asleep as I type so I'll say goodnight for now. Happy Fridays to everyone!

[daisy45]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone and thank you so much for the welcome back......I was definitely nervous but now I feel like I'm home and safe.....as long as I put in the hard work!
It only takes one drink to undo any length of sober time.....learnt that one the hard way. After a good year or so in AA, I did just that and it's been turmoil ever since, trying repeatedly to quit again.....if I hadn't lifted that first drink.....my body cannot afford to go down that road again.
I went to the gym and for a swim last night...felt good and occupied my first night. Heading back for more this morning.
Have a great day....will pop in later.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just popping in to say Hi to all and welcome back to [MENTION=13741]daisy45[/MENTION]. I remember you from way back and like you, after a good length of sober time I picked up drinking again. It has definitely been harder this time, however now my husband doesn't drink (I guess for me, but he never said as much) and a few days ago I ceremoniously threw away a $50 bottle of booze that has been hangin around tempting me. Hubs won't even notice it's gone. Anyway...lets give this our very best so we truly free ourselves.

[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]...your drinking behavior sounds very much like mine was the first time around. now that my husband doesn't drink, there isn't that drink at dinner to 'hide behind', so all of my shots had to be hidden. I did exactly the same things. one drink out was never enough, so sometimes I 'primed the pump' with a shot or two before going out. it all sounds so crazy now. But to people like us I guess it made sense at the time?????

Hope all have a great day. I'm off work as I had to take hubs in for a colonoscopy. all went well, except for a few polyps. I'm overdue for mine and the dr busted me right there in the recovery room. since I have a good unhung day and no work I might give my orbital sander a try on my new project. Wish me luck...because I don't have the slightest idea what to do with power tools, except for perhaps a cordless drill.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, ALL:

Yes, Kensho, that's what I meant - not the amount the FEELING and actions. My mom STILL thinks I didn't HAVE to quit. She said to me yesterday - "I just figured you like to be best at what you do and that included not drinking." Whatever THAT means. I, too, snuck "fill ups" and made my drink stronger than others' if I were bartender. I bought my booze from different stores to hide the amount. I chose restaurants if they had a full bar, and often didn't go to movies because I didn't want to stop drinking for two hours on a night out. (I guess now I wouldn't have to with all of the theaters that serve booze). People say to me frequently, "you're SO STRONG" for quitting - I feel like an imposter. I STILL feel shame and like there was something wrong with me that I let myself become like this. I will say that 5.5 years in, I am much kinder to myself, but not completely. I didn't mean to say you didn't belong here - I was trying to say exactly what you said. I am very glad you're here and have appreciated your presence and support.

Matt - I am with you. I actually am not totally honest here about everything because I am paranoid about the Internet, and I feel shame and regret if I start enumerating my alcohol transgressions. But I am choosing to look forward, without regret, and with my friends here at MWO. I was once expressing regret at something I had done in my much earlier life, and my dad said to me - "But look where you are. You love where you are, and whatever you did in your past helped you to get here." I'm not ready to say I'm GLAD I am an alcoholic, but I will say that the experience has made me appreciate my life more, and I am so very happy to realize that I can enjoy life to its fullest WITHOUT booze.

Welcome SoberJ! Yes, for me 1 did hurt because it led to more. I hope you settle in here and experience the freedom I have felt. Take care of yourself and have a plan for the "witching hour" when you will crave something.

Daisy - happy you're here!

Happy SOBER Friday. No tickets to Boozeville here!

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

"But look where you are. You love where you are, and whatever you did in your past helped you to get here."

I'm also not yet "glad" to have been addicted @Pavati. When I was new here, FallenAngel told me she was grateful for having gone through all she had. I thought she was batsh*t crazy then but I've started to understand. For one thing, I've met all of you :heart: and by being involved here, learned to be honest and reveal my weaknesses. Doing it here has enabled me to be a little more vulnerable in real life, improving my connections with the people in my life. I'm a work in progress on that front. Surviving addiction also has to be one of the most humbling experiences a person can have and I know I'm much less impatient, intolerant, and demanding than I used to be. I know I've pointed this out several times but I love the image of not recovering in one dimension to being the person we were before we became addicted but rather in 3 dimensions, spiraling ever upwards and outwards, becoming all we can be.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sorry if I overreacted. You all are my legs. I can't do this without you. I was very confused when I came here and didn't understand how I could have a problem if I kept my overall intake fairly limited, and it gave me a false out several times. I think my very early posts were testing the waters... "I must not have a problem, right?" But I did, and there is no question that I was addicted and that it was negatively affecting my every breath. I cried last night for a long time. My equilibrium is knowing that even if very few people support me on the outside, including my husband, YOU do. I need you. I need you to know that alcohol abuse comes in many sizes, shapes and stages. I may have still had an "off" switch, but I certainly didn't have a "none" switch, or a "don't obsess" switch. My life as a drinker felt like a private hell, even though the outside still looked pretty.

PAV, I really appreciated your comments on a partner not being my "everything". That is very wise, thank you.

Sounding good Belle! See ya later expensive bottle... it's amazing to me that hubs won't notice. I would have.

Hi Daisy!

Welcome SoberJ!

Thank you Matt, Byrdie.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters near and not so far,

I'm sure spiralling upwards and outwards NS!

Friend Kensho, if i think i have a problem with booze, or in any area of life, then i have a problem. It's what i think and feel that is important. It's great to have you here. You are so cool and interesting and your introspections and reflections always provide food for thought. Keep raaaaaawkin mi amiga!

Even my boozing schedule has been relatively lightweight these last few years as i work on myself. I've succeddfully picked myself up and out of a potential hole many times, but i've never been 100% happy with occassional boozing, or using it to escape/time out. It still takes a few days/a week outta my life. I have learned about the cumulative healing effect of zero booze over the months, not to mention giving life coping skills a workout. Training my thinking. What's real? What's illusion? Where's my head at? What do i want? What's important to me? Not to others, to me.

Belle. Hope hubs is ok. Take care with the sander. If you have no one to show you, there will be some basic tutorials on you tube or on the company website for safe operation of the tool. Def some safety glasses at least, which i'm sure you've thought of.

Good to see you Daisy! This thing can take a few cracks. You have risen again to conquer and take back your precious, precious life. :-)

Welcome Sober J!

No ticket to boozeville here. A flat out weekend though with work and gigs sat/sun. Big waves to all. Take it easy.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

TFIF! (In the words of our dear Available)
I'm waiting on a customer to call me 'right back'. I've been sitting here now 3 minutes shy of an hour. This is one of my big deals so I do need to speak to him.

I wouldn't wish addiction on anyone and I'm especially sorry that it happened to me! I still can't believe it. Addiction happened one day at a time and Recovery works the same way. Like NS and the other nest mom's stated, it really has made me appreciate life and living to my fullest potential and not at the whim of a substance. Everyone has something, this is mine. You don't get this old without a little baggage!

It's only Friday, everyone, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Stay strong, evabody! :rara::rara::rara: Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Byrdie, are you calling me old? Ha Ha! I’m pretty darn sure I am THE oldest nester ever but that’s OK
I’ve aged almost 10 1/2 years since finding MWO, geez. Still, I am forever grateful, don’t know where I would be now if I hadn’t found this group of friends.
It’s true that we had to going thru everything to get to this point. I think I’m finally at peace with that. Could I ever go thru all that again? Most likely not so I’m going to stay put & keep the gratitude going.

Great to see everyone checking in today. I feel as if everyone has made their commitments for an AF weekend, nice!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lukalee]

Re: Newbies Nest

We'll look at this. They were able to recover and combine my new and old accounts. No wonder I couldn't remember. My email address. Does Juno still exist. Lol. Anywho this is buzzkill finishing up 5 days.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lukalee/Buzzkill - glad to see they recovered and combined your accounts. Congrats on 5 days!

Lav - I don't care if you're the oldest, youngest, tallest, shortest.... really glad you've decided to stick around the nest all these years. :heartbeat:

G - sounds like you've got a fun weekend of music lined up for yourself. Have fun!

Byrdie - hope your customer called back soon after you posted, and that they gave you good news to end your work week.


Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest this weekend. Have good AF days and eves!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends!

Yo Wags. Yep, a jam packed weekend it is. Work sat and sun followed by gigs both nights. Burning the candle at both ends, but in a way i like. Hope your weekend is going nicely and the missus is going well.

Lav raaawks. Have a beaut sunday mi amiga. :heartbeat:

There are a lot of really hard workers here in the nest. I hope y'all get some quality relaxation and recharge time this weekend.

Congrat's on 5 days Lukalee! That's a grand achievement. Keep it going. All we have is today.

Big waves to evabody.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Lukalee, I AM old enough. To remember Juno, haha!!! Glad you found your old account & have 5 AF days, yay!!

Wags, I’m pretty sure you will never get rid of me, LOL
I hope your weekend is going well

G, still Saturday here but thank you
Have a fun & busy weekend yourself.

Nothing much going on in Lav-land, still too hot to do anything outside so I’m staying inside & finishing craft projects for next weekend’s fair.
Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Welcome Luka and hello Daisy girl.

Luka, I had a blood test 4 weeks after I gave up drinking and my liver was fine. I did have those thoughts of I could have a drink but 5+ years later I knew then it was not worth it. I have a friend now who has cancer and who knows if it was from drinking but I do think the healthier and nicer we are to our bodies the more they love it! We cant worry about the damage we have done, we just have to live our lives as best we can. Great work on 5 days plus.

Wags, so glad your wife is on the mend. Funny how we want to be better straight away and our patients evaporates. My hip is finally on the mend after three months and I lost a lot of motivation but getting back into exercising and carl helps that along.

Bryd you really made a concerted effort to keep drinking didn’t you ha ha. I think we all made that effort in different ways.

Steady it would be a pleasure to meet you for coffee with G, we will definitely have to organise that one. A weekend might be best do we all think and hopefully this weather will be warmer and if not, who cares, the more coffee we can drink. Im excited!

Belle, I hope your son is safe on his travels, its always a worry when they go away. I never wanted my daughter to go to Bali after the bombings and off she went. A mothers worry never ends! It does get easier though when we adjust. Adjusting is hard, we just want to protect them from this world. How did Piper go at the vets?

NS, great post, I came on here and had to be truthful, if I lied to you guys and myself what was the point. Denial is a funny thing. I denied that my drinking was not that bad, I wasn’t as bad as others and I was pretty defensive about it all. Coming on here made me realise I wasn’t alone, it didn’t matter how much I drank, I had people who understood. I became very defensive at times but the long termers talked me into accepting I am who I am with my faults and all and to just get on with it. I didn’t have shots in the afternoon, I had 3-4 drinks a day (goblet sized), I didn’t drink spirits but I drank and I drank a lot of wine. Enough for the whole street probably. Now I reflect back on my drinking I was probably worse than what I even think now. Who cares, you guys got me sober, have kept me sober and will continue to keep me accountable. I would not be sober without your help especially and the love and support of others on here. I am eternally grateful for everyones honesty towards me when i came to MWO and patience and always will be. You NS are my idol as is Lav, Byrd and my quit buddy Pav. You all called me on my bullshit, you all still supported me and we have all became wonderful friends, I have gained so very much from my sobriety.
Pav, I like what you said about accepting your husband, just as he accepts you. I love your take on that. I could not be with a drinker now and I have the choice not to be.

Daisy, hello again and lovely to have you back. Ive just given up smoking and taken on the same approach as I did to stopping drinking. Being accountable has been a huge factor for me and I have started seeing a psychologist which is working a treat. Find the tools that work and use them every single day, you can do this.

Hi Sober and welcome. Never think you are dramatic. We all understand how you feel. Everything takes time in this journey to be sober. I am now seeing a psychologist after 5 years (slow on the uptake) but I felt I was now ready to deal with my childhood and to let it go. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is being sober. One day at a time is all we can do and yes sobriety is a wonderful life to live.

Well this serves me right, not posting for 5 days and now you all have to read or skip my waffle. life is good with me except the cold weather and wet and rainy and blah days are here. Life is good, picking up my daughter today and she is doing my hair. will take carl for a walk and watch some catch up tv. oh i love this exciting life. 104 days sf and a tonne of days al free. what more could i ask for.

Slo, you must be be coming up to a year soon, i hope everything is going well for you and your sister is ok.

Nar hows the job?

take care xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in on this sober Sunday. My wife and I are taking a nice long bike ride today. She's still got another month or two of physical therapy for her shoulder (they say 6-12 months total to recuperate from the surgery), but she's been back on her bike for about 3 weeks now and we're riding every chance we get. I've got my last short escape into the forest this coming week - 4 days of camping with my wife and our good friend plus both of our pups. After that I'll have a pretty hard work grind for two months solid with almost no days off, so I'm planning to take my relaxation very seriously while camping! So nice to not have to think about how to take enough al for 4 days!

Hope you all are having wonderful weekends and that you stay cool / warm / dry / whatever is most desirable weather-wise depending on where you live