Newbies Nest

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I guess the hardest thing is the realization that I can’t control my drinking and never could. Accepting that is what I may need help with. I could never drink in safe amounts unless I struggled to do so. So many other things are worth the struggle but I see that not being one of them. Accepting who I am, what I can’t change and what I can change needs to be clearer for me.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Hi J-vo.. I also think about you often and have wondered how you are. I'm glad you're back in the Nest and willing to work on acceptance. I guess that's the most important thing.:hug:

I haven't been here as much, writing (I have been reading every day!), because I've started a detailed journal that takes a lot of my energy. Talk about acceptance.. not just accepting that drinking isn't for me, but accepting myself as I am right now, in this moment, is an even bigger challenge. It seems I'm a binge-er and if it's not alcohol, it's an array of other things from sugar to food to netflix to diets to exercise, etc., etc., and while alcohol has been my absolute worst escape mechanism, the other things effect me negatively as well and have often led back to drinking at some point. So, I'm getting to the root(s), the cause(s) and it's feeling good. It's sort of hard work, but good and necessary hard work. And it isn't (I'm not letting it) become another obsession. I'm learning to take it easier on myself.:love:

Slo, I was so happy to read about your D3's wedding and how you were able to set it all up to take care of yourself and your needs.! Congratulations.. and that the bar peeps had your back. Wonderful.

Pav, I just got The Wild Trees, and am loving it. Reading about these majestic giants brings me to tears.. there's still so much to discover and learn. Thanks for the recommendation.

ok. big hugs and love to all of you!xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends.

Jvo. Here are some toolbox links that you might find helpful mi amiga. The toolbox is a lifeline in the early days. Consider a daily visit. Start at page # 1. :happy2:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/just-starting-out-/24253-tool-box-post463787.html#post463787

A plan. (Byrdy has some strong ideas too) https://www.mywayout.org/community/j...tml#post473859

https://www.mywayout.org/community/just-starting-out-/24253-tool-box-post536359.html#post536359

Yo LC! The jounaling sounds interesting. They say when we write down our thoughts they become more real and powerful or something....I'm getting my head around a daily/weekly planner to better manage my time.

Big waves to evabody.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Jvo, glad you came back! You know the nest is the safest place to be, right?
I think most of us had to kick our own backsides to take that leap into sobriety. I’ll tell you, once I did I wondered what took me so long & what exactly was I afraid of anyway?? Once your thinking clears you will do the same. AL has it’s grips in you right now & is directing your thinking. I know you’re a smart girl, you just have to give AL the boot, once & for all! Make a firm promise & take the leap. You will have nothing to regret, promise

Not much going on with me, just waiting for the promised rain to get here & cool things off a bit, geez.
Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for all the encouraging words. It feels good and safe to be back with amazing people.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks, [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]! The wedding went exceptionally well! Yes, the lady working the bar really watched out for me and made sure I got my AF drinks, the venue was very kind to allow extra (AF) beverages to be brought in (my D1 called in ahead of time about it -and for herself, because she’s pregnant), and my SIL was so nice to run to the store for me when I realized that I “needed” my AF beer & sparkling water too, besides the AF wine. At first I texted my HB...then realized that’s not my best choice for support, so called upon my SILs. Those great guys will help me out!

I was cautiously optimistic that my twin sister might possibly still be on the sober path. She has been attending an outpatient program up until recently...but the police called tonight, as she was found very drunk and drinking in her car.
No charges could be filed, so that’s good. Although then also no way to access the system to get her help again, and to keep her off the road.
*Sigh* I guess it was all too much to hope for.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Afternoon nesters

Welcome back J, there is no place like home as Dorothy says and MWO is home to so many of us. Have faith in yourself, there is no finish line with sobriety, its a day by day process.

Slo, so happy the wedding was a success for you. So sorry to hear about your sister. I hate alcohol.

Lav, hoping you get some rain soon and the heat starts to abate. we have had a lovely winter.

I am off to visit my cousin tomorrow, we are both very excited and have such a lot of catching up to do. need to pack my sandwiches and thermos. god i am sounding old ha ha. i also need to pack and of course there will be enough for 3 months not 3 days.

LC, i have that addictive personality and its either all or nothing. trying to figure that one out with my psychologist now and also to work through my past. we are a work in progress for sure. It took me ten years to stop drinking so if it takes me 10 years to get my shit together then that is fine also.

IMG20190713122013.jpg

Pic of Carl, he is 7 months old now and obviously is hinting to go for a walk.

take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for all the encouraging words. It feels good and safe to be back with amazing people.

Love your new avatar Jvo!

Regarding acceptance, maybe this helps. The serenity prayer. From A.A. (The word 'God' is optional depending on personal preferences)

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Slo, sorry to hear this news of your sister. Geez! I hope she is safe right now and can turn things around. Take care of yourself.

Ava. That carl fella looks like he's up to no good.

Take it easy out there y'all.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

J-Vo - the most often used word in my journal from the year before I quit was "fear." I was so afraid of who I would or wouldn't be if I quit drinking. Alcohol was a part of who I was, who my friends were, what I did, how I thought, what activities I chose. I essentially felt like I would be giving up an important part of myself. As it turns out, I was giving up an un-important part of myself, and finding my true self. Thanks for posting that serenity prayer, Mr. G. I always thought that the most important part of that was accepting what you COULDN'T change, but as I quit drinking I was tuned into the idea of actually understanding what I COULD change. I couldn't change my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I could change how I looked at and dealt with that unhealthy relationship. In the words of Elsa - let it go!

Slo - I somehow missed your description of the wedding. I am glad it went well. I am SO sorry about your sister. What a tragedy. What that must feel like for her. That is so very sad.

LC - Glad you're journaling. Sometimes I treat this site as my journal but I know it isn't the same. I am glad you're digging in. I have those same tendencies (although not with exercise - darn). I call myself and "all or nothing" type of person. If I give myself permission to take a candy from the candy bowl at work, I end up eating 8. I would love to hear any insight you have about that. Glad you're here!

Belle - I'm sure your backyard is beautiful! Enjoy!

Ava - I'm in love with Carl. Glad your crazy has settled down. Have fun with your cousin.

Hi all. Lav, I hope that heatwave didn't hit.

I am off on one more quick trip to the woods and then back to work. I probably won't check in as I will be checking my tech at the door again. Have fabulous, sober weekends.

xo
Pav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning,

I feel pretty blessed right now. First is that I have a three more weeks left of summer before returning to work and I can slowly gain some sobriety strength. Next is having such an amazing support group here. I also have my father who has quit over a year ago and iÂ’ve Been chatting with him. Finally, iÂ’m Grateful for the mess the other night which got me here. If that didnÂ’t happen, who knows how long I would have kept letting this go on. I know my life has pretty much stayed stagnant and gotten worse. ThereÂ’s no growth physically, mentally and spiritually when drinking. ThereÂ’s nothing but going backward in life. When I try to incorporate healthy things, it never lasts. Ever.

LC, so many of us have addictive personalities. I am that way as well. I like how youÂ’re writing in a journal as iÂ’m Sure itÂ’s healing.

G, thanks for the reminder of the toolbox. That never gets old. Also the reminder of the serenity prayer. How perfect that prayer is for acceptance. My new avatar resembles my love for dauchands:heartbeat:

SLO, IÂ’m glad you had a great wedding for D3. How exciting. The preparations for that are huge. I hope your sister gets the help she needs. Does she know about MWO?

Ava, have a great time with cousin. Are you taking that beautiful furry son of yourÂ’s, Carl?

Pav, yes, fear is present currently. Always has been. I have the same fears that you listed above. ThatÂ’s the number one obstacle, I believe. But taking it one day at a time may make it a bit easier, so IÂ’ll start with that.

Lav and Byrdie, the thing that I know and that is reinforced by all of you is that a better life is around the corner. Peace. Happiness. Love.

I have a lot of fear about returning to work. It was an awful year and keeps getting worse. A student assaulted a teacher last year, knocked him out. Only got 10 days suspension while the teacher never returned due to injuries. Student came back and two days later, beat up another student. Our school conditions are very bad and it creates so much anxiety in me. We have all new administration and they let the kids run rampant. Administration does not treat us like professionals. We are getting a profile of our financial situation (me and DH) so we can see if I can retire in a few years. IÂ’d be happy to find other work. thereÂ’s a lot of other things to do in this world. IÂ’ve had a great career. Up until several years ago, but my heart is not in it the way things are. But at least iÂ’ll Be going back this year with a clear head, and try not to have the mindset that I can fix all.

Have a good day.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Carl is adorable! Safe travels Ava enjoy your time with your cousin,waves to all

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a tiny bit of rain that didn’t do much to improve the heat & humidity here, yuck.
Apparently the storm was much different just 15 miles away where two people were struck by lightning, OMG.

Jvo, working in a high stress environment cannot be good for anyone, been there & done that myself. We’re just human you know.
If you can move on to something gentler & kinder that would be great. You have to take care of you!!!

Slo, glad to hear the wedding went well. I’m sure you must be happy & proud as well.
What a shame about your sister, she just hasn’t let go of AL yet. Sorry to hear about her & I hope something changes for her soon.

Pav, enjoy another unplugged weekend

Ava, I hope you have a great time with your cousin. Carl is looking pretty darn good, haha!!

Hello to G, Pauly, Byrdie & anyone I missed.
I’m in the process of trying to decide what I want to do for the next craft fair in November. I like a laid back ‘unjob’ like this after all the years of working like a dog in a hospital (Ava knows what I’m talking about) Lol

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends

Jvo, what about teaching english to migrants, asylum seekers and/or online to China etc. i have what's called a TESOL basic english teaching qual, but you're an actual teacher so the world is your oyster. Plenty of mature age students out there i bet. Zero stress, just total fun and satisfaction. Also re fear. I have none now i am living AF (but i am also poco loco :nutso.

It's friday morning here not a ticket to freakin boozeville. Blow that popsicle stand if you're near one.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a day.
Jvo, I want to retire so bad I can taste it. I didn’t think it possible but this job continues to get worse. Heading to Nashville on Sunday for (hopefully) my last trade show. We are having a team meeting Tuesday night there, that should be interesting.

I was also fearful about quitting, Pav. What I should have feared was not quitting. Life is 1000 times better without AL. It was the AL making me fearful. It wanted to to stay in a constant state of fear and anxiety and it was very good at making me believe I couldn’t live without it. It was a good day when I finally shut the door on AL. No good comes from it, ever. We don’t consume Al, it consumes us.

Stay strong, everyone. Byrdie

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,
Lav, the storms on this side of state have been awful this summer. Just last week, the ball fields that run along a road that is the entrance to our housing plan got flooded and destroyed. 4 out of 8 ball fields need to be reconstructed which is in the ballpark (no pun intended) of 100 grand. We lived at those ball fields for many years. So many peoples homes were also flooded. Are you a Pinterest fir, Lav. Was just on trying to decide on new bulletin boards. Got some cute ideas.

G, I’ve been considering quitting my job to teach cyber school. It would be huge cut in pay, but I’d get to teach in my pj’s!

Byrd, why not s it we continue to want to stay in constant state of fear and turmoil? Al has that much of a hold on us? We like to feel pain? We expect to feel pain? We don’t think we deserve to live without fear? We don’t think we can exist or survive without al? All of the above? We know nothing else? We’re scared.