Newbies Nest

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

We’re afraid to feel, to not be able to numb ourselves?

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Jvo, I guess it's all of the above.. I began drinking for a variety of reasons and in the beginning and for a number of years it was "ok", in the sense that I could sort of handle it and USE it when I wanted. I know that for a very long time it made me feel better, regardless of the situation (though I often ended up puking and hungover.. but that was part of the deal and also somehow ok). At some point I lost the control and when I think back, I kind of know when that was.. when I first signed on here, 8 years ago!, I was beginning to feel afraid. For me, being faced with the fact that I might have to quit drinking, brought to the forefront all of the reasons I was using alcohol and the fear that I would have to deal with those things on my own. It's taken me a really long time to be ok with facing those things, with going slowly, taking it baby steps at a time, at leaving some things behind, at not participating in other things, in learning how to listen to myself and know what my needs are, setting boundaries, being ok with an off day!(which seems to be every 3rd day at the moment!), in finding other ways to move through or sit with my discomfort, in learning not to shame myself for my thoughts or any actions I take (I might make mistakes, but I'm not a bad person)... the list goes on and on and while I'm not yet celebrating years of sobriety, I'm very happy to be living my life without the constant pain drinking alcohol brought me. Maybe not with the first glass after a period of abstinence, and maybe not within the first week, but shortly thereafter and every single time.. I'd be back to where I didn't want to be.
We don't WANT to stay in a constant state of fear and turmoil, but it's necessary to get some time away from alcohol (because it's so f#*ing addictive! and f**'s with our brains!) to realize that. :hug:

Ava, I wanted to say that I'm so glad you were able to set some boundaries at work.. No, you shouldn't be working from home if you aren't paid for it! You have much better things to do with your free time! Little Carl is such a honey..
Lav, I'm excited to hear what you decide to do for the craft fair! We were having the worst weather ever, hot and so humid and no sort of AC anywhere! Then a rain storm came and lowered the temps almost 20°F.. I hope that happens for you. You need a break!
G, you said it, Friday isn't a ticket to Boozeville! I'm so happy it's Friday! Just one more day of work and then weekend.
Byrdie, wishing you the best at your hopefully last trade show. Last of the season or forever?:happy2:

Love to all of you and a good Friday. xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

jvo - really glad to see you! Tuck yourself into the nest and stick around - we will support you through all of the things you're trying to accomplish, number one being your quit. As Belle and Byrdie have said, "first stop digging" and then the ground won't feel like it's shifting under your feet quite so much. Hugs to you :hug:

Pav - your weekend off the phone sounds wonderful, and best part of all is you're thinking about ways to have similar time again!

TJ - belated congrats on 6 years!!! Glad you stopped by to celebrate this milestone with us.

On my end, I've been working hard and also dealing with a pup who's been having some digestive issues (always in the middle of the night of course) so haven't been sleeping well or enough, and then having to face busy days of teaching. Not a good combo. We made it through last night without incident but I was still awake several times every time she moved in case that was the indication that she needed to go out pronto! Sigh... a nap may be in order today.

Gotta do some reading back and catching up again. I started in to my heavy late summer schedule this week and as shown by my absence here, I've been busy and exhausted. Today will be easy - just one student this morning, then I'm taking my dad and wife to the library's used book store. We're all avid readers (esp my dad) so it should be a fun little family field trip.

Take care everyone and happy Friday days and eves!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning.

LC thanks for that post. Yes, baby steps are a must. Trying to do only what is necessary and required of us at this early stage is important. My time is limited in that area as a new school year is among us. But I will make an effort not to make too much of an effort. That doesn’t sound right but that’s a goal of mine. Don’t try to be perfect. Just do the very least I can because I can make myself crazy. Have you noticed the journaling to be helpful? I started using headspace app in the beginning of the summer but as every new thing I try, when I drink, nothing lasts. But when I used it, I felt that calmness and it felt amazing. I’m going to renew that subscription.

Thanks Wags. Nice to see you also. I hope your furry love gets better soon!

Last night I went back and forth between finding new fun ideas for bulletin boards and reading about getting sober in later age. The articles and blogs I read were inspiring, it’s never too late to live a better life. In my case just live. I’ll never be who I was meant to be with a drink in my hand. Over and over I’ve tried. Over and over I failed. I believe now I can’t control that nasty beast, nor do I want to try.

Have a good day.

Jvo

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

My cousin has gone to a park run and i am in bed with the heater on and a cuppa. i dont run, allergic to that. Meeting has been the absolute best, would never ever have happened if i had been drinking, nothing ever happened when i drank. we spent yesterday talking and walking and talking some more. its just lovely to be able to talk about our grandparents and we both know who they are. Our nan was the best so the trip down memory lane has been wonderful. today we are going out for breakfast and then a drive to a lovely cheese factory an hour or so away, will fit in a walk around somewhere. I am so lucky alcohol plays no part in my life.

Wags, i hope your puppy is ok. Now i have carl, i realise how much more work older dogs are. I would give anything to have mads back though to be able to look after her again. Im sure mads was driving with me yesterday playing songs that reminded me of her, she loved her road trips.

Lav, thats awful about the people being struck by lightening, i am sending you some cool to get you through.

LC, letting go of the past hurts but is essential in recovery. There is no hurry though, some memories are just too painful. I am seeing my psych about my past when she puts things into context it makes so much sense and to get the acknowledgement that my life wasnt easy as a child reinforces to me that i am a very strong person to have dealt with what i did but i dont need to be strong now, no one is going to hurt me, no one is going to put me on the wrong path except myself. i am worthwhile and i dont need to be scared anymore.

J, baby steps each and every day and keep busy. I watched so many you tube videos on alcoholism though sometimes i just didnt want to think about al at all, my brain was overloaded but i kept overloading it with the negatives of drinking. louis theroux has a brilliant doc on drinking and the effects, very sad but honest. Your first weekend al free is a first so be proud of that. Weekends for me were just an excuse to drink more than what i did during the week and earlier as it was the weekend. No excuses, just walking that path to be sober.

Well best go and have a coffee to start the day. 124 days without a smoke and not long enough without a drink.

Take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

TFIF.
As you may know, I’ve been hanging on to this job for a big deal I’m working on. This morning, I saw that the guy I’ve been working with resigned! I’m trying to get in touch with his boss to see if we can proceed or if it will be put on hold or worse. UGG.
Heading to Nashville Sunday. I’m hoping this is my last tradeshow ever.
Good thing I know it’s only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille. If I were a drinking woman, this would have been a brown liquor day!
Stay strong, all! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still warmer & more humid than I like here but not as bad as last weekend, that’s for sure.
I can hear thunder rumbling in the distance but it’s sunny here, weird!

Jvo, it took a lot of faith for me to give up drinking all together. I knew I had to quit but the fear of trying to handle my life without that crutch was overwhelming. I listened to the elders here at the time & figured if they could do it then I could too They were absolutely right, I didn’t croak, I survived & thrived! I have never regretted my decision, not for a second. I know you can do it too!
I am on Pinterest but use it mostly as a gigantic recipe box although I also have boards for chickens, gardens, embroidery stuff.

Ava, keep enjoying yourself & congrats on your smoke free time as well.

Hi there Wags, LC, Byrdie, G & everyone!

I am dog sitting this weekend (because I have nothing else to do, haha). I think my son’s Golden is at least 12 years old now but she’s still fairly busy!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Cross posted Byrdie - you take care of yourself :hug:

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

For me, being faced with the fact that I might have to quit drinking, brought to the forefront all of the reasons I was using alcohol and the fear that I would have to deal with those things on my own. It's taken me a really long time to be ok with facing those things, with going slowly, taking it baby steps at a time, at leaving some things behind, at not participating in other things, in learning how to listen to myself and know what my needs are, setting boundaries, being ok with an off day!(which seems to be every 3rd day at the moment!), in finding other ways to move through or sit with my discomfort, in learning not to shame myself for my thoughts or any actions I take (I might make mistakes, but I'm not a bad person)... the list goes on and on and while I'm not yet celebrating years of sobriety, I'm very happy to be living my life without the constant pain drinking alcohol brought me. Maybe not with the first glass after a period of abstinence, and maybe not within the first week, but shortly thereafter and every single time.. I'd be back to where I didn't want to be.
We don't WANT to stay in a constant state of fear and turmoil, but it's necessary to get some time away from alcohol (because it's so f#*ing addictive! and f**'s with our brains!) to realize that.

Yes, these are the things we are left to have to work on after we make the terrifying leap of giving up our numbing agent. Nice description!

Ava, how great that you are enjoying the time with your long lost cousin. I have one of those in my dysfunctional family too: a cousin near my age who dropped out of the family 30 years ago (believing lies her mother fed her), but who now came back! I should call her. I dropped a lot of those social things over the past year, and just focussed on getting sober. I think you said your cousin is a non-drinker, or not much of a drinker? That helps too.

More later; gotta go make dinner.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,
Had a relaxing day. Then took a nap and woke up in a foul mood. Was feeling angry and sad. Took myself to the gym and walked on treadmill and felt a bit better. Then came home and at like a cow. Still, that helped, too.

How long does the deprivation go on or is there a trick for that? Just thinkin that my other quits it didn’t go away. I’ve been reading lots on the “you know your an alky if” and toolbox. Will continue doing this. I also keep putting images of myself looking happy and healthy. Knowing all of you have conquered this to the point of feeling free is also forefront in my mind.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Jvo, day 3 & day 4 just tend to be hard days, so you’ll just have to slog through them the way that you are, with naps & mild exercise & lots of eating. Keep this quit, and you’ll never have to go through that first week again!

Byrdie, I have no doubt that you may have some depression going on now after being stuck in that awful job for so long. I can’t believe that payout is taking so long! So sorry that the guy on the other end left, which may delay it all even further.

Jvo, you’re another one being depleted by a high-stress job. The world sure needs good teachers like you, but you have already given a lot, and are burning out; it may be time to find a less stressful (& less dangerous!) teaching position if you can swing it, so you can focus on getting & staying sober.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

How long does the deprivation go on or is there a trick for that? Just thinkin that my other quits it didn’t go away..

Yo Jvo. Good question. My take on that is - Deprivation thinking, feeling that i'm missing out, lasts as long as i let it. That is, does my thinking need to change? erm, YES. My problem was my thinking, not the drinking. So how do i shift my outlook? What do i want my new perspective to be? And how will i get there? One answer, and my way (along with the zillion others who have taken a page out of the book of thousands of years of buddhist and Yoga trial and error evidence based teachings) is a daily rewiring program.

What am i rewiring? My daily routine, my daily thinking, my daily perspective on me and my world. For me this means a daily, yep DAILY program of self care and positive affirmations that is doable and realistic. Some simple short practice i can handle and will turn up for. A daily self check in. Doing something i love even for a few minutes every day. A classic area to start with is meditation. Try a minimum of 5 mindful breaths each morning. Keep your attention on the air flow and let your thoughts do what they want. A period of mindlessness where you are in the present, not the past or future, which means no pain or distress/worry for a split second or 2. With practice, we can increase this micro second of peace (in between thoughts rushing in) into 2 seconds, 10 seconds, one minute, 5 minutes etc....takes practice. Just an idea. :happy2:

Take care of yourself Byrdy. Have a gr8 weekend evabody.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

G, I have “headspace.” Have you ever heard of it. It’s a meditation app. I started at beginning of summer, but as anything I try while drinking, never lasts. I’m going to renew in a few weeks. It starts off very simply and builds just like you said. I will put this into place more consistently now that I have more time not drinking! Thanks G.

I’ve been watching lots of documentaries. There are some new ones on YouTube I’ve never seen.

Have a good morning.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

jvo - the meditation app sounds like a great idea. I might go check something like that out myself. Which documentaries have you been watching? We love docs - any that you'd recommend?

Byrdie - I think the whole nest said a collective "UGH!!!" right along with you while reading about the deal guy resigning. Fingers, wings, paws, and everything else crossed that you're still able to get the deal AND that your fantastic new job is just around the corner. Wasn't there a woman you chatted with at an airport or something...??? :hug:

Ava - sounds like a wonderful visit with your cousin, although hard to imagine sitting with any heat source on. I think the whole northern hemisphere is frying in its own juices this summer, as we've been breaking heat records all over the map.


Our pup seems to be over whatever was bothering her tummy, and we got a decent night's sleep. Today we'll be off on a fairly long bike ride to our usual farmer's market, also a new farmer's market, credit union, bike shop, and probably grocery store at the very least. We try to live as much of our lives by bikes as possible. At this point our truck hasn't left the driveway in at least 9 days. We both love everything about biking, and since my 2017 accident (already 2.5 years ago - holy cow!) I'm happier than ever to not drive unless absolutely necessary in town or to get way out of town for an adventure.

Happy weekends everyone. Protect your quits!

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

The documentary I just finished was “brought up by booze.” George Best’s son, Calum. Very powerful and makes understand the depth of how children are affected by a parents alcoholism. So very sad and now makes me feel so angry and disappointed in myself and afraid of the damage I’ve done to my son. But very glad I watched as it cements the realization of this damaging disease and wants me to never give up. I don’t know if we will heal from our past, but hopefully living a sober life, we can build new and healthy relationships.