Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I hope your big reveal was a hit! How exciting that must be!
G-Man, I wish I had your calming voice in my head at all times, you sound so centered and balanced!
Pav, that was me, too! Saying to myself, you BETTER LEARN HOW TO MODERATE or you don't get ANY! How could I know that NONE was so much better than a little. I remember so vividly how I would CAREFULLY pour myself a glass a wine and just how aware I was of how much I had left (or how much I DIDN'T have left). It was SAD when I got down near the bottom, depressing, really. I felt so deprived. I was allowing myself 2 glasses at night (1 glass is TECHNICALLY moderate drinking, but that was just annoying). Well, 2 glasses is what I tried for. It actually happened a couple of nights but it didn't take long to get the F-it's and drink until I could drink no more. My plans of moderation never lasted very long, I could NEVER stick with the rules I made. One time, I decided to get 0% wine and try that. You know you're an alkie when you chug fake wine. Oy.

TFIF, in the famous words of Available! Friday only, NOT a ticket to BoozeVille. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We truly are not fakers anymore Byrdie :hug:
I like us all much better this way, honest & above board, nothing to hide or lie about. Nothing controlling us but US

Nice day here again before this stupid weekend heat wave - who needs 90 degrees near the end of September anyway?
I am so scared for the planet, my kids & grandkids & every living thing. How are they going to cope when this planet keeps heating up like this?
On a brighter note I am going to my daughter’s tomorrow to participate in their community wide yard sale. It’s a fun event, the whole town comes out

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!
Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning:

Lav, I have that feeling, too. What are we leaving them? I hope we can get control soon... It is HOT here, too. Hot weather is common for September over here, but not this hot. This is when we get the fire scares starting.

Mr. G - that's a keeper for sure. I need to talk to the executive committee in my head from time to time also. I love the way you put that.

On the bright side, I'm meeting up for lunch with an old friend who is like a sister to me. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh my, where are all the Nesters?

Hi Pav, glad you checked in so I’m not the only one, Lol
Well, it hit 87 degrees today & tomorrow is promised to be 90+. Too much for this old chicken.
We had a good time anyway at the large community yard sale where my daughter lives. My granddaughter had a lemonade stand set up & did quite well. Proceeds are going to their local 4H club. Fun day.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

We had a big climate change march last week run by school aged children who actually want to save our planet. It was wonderful to see and hopefully bring about some change with our politicians.

Ive been busy visiting an uncle in hospital who seems to be getting better but at his age and with his medical issues already is touch and go. Time will tell but he will need higher level nursing care than he has now. There is always something happening and thankfully i am sober to deal with these stressors.

Today is a lovely day so a nice walk is planned and some shopping.

take care xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Ava glad you got to spend time with your uncle,how old is he? Enjoy your walk and shopping Lav glad your granddaughter did good on the lemonade stand,how fun for her,Pav I'm happy you got to spend time with your friend, not much going on here,I did get a new puppy I named Spencer,he's a really good dog! Took him over to Kells so he could play with the kids and my grandpuppies but they weren't having it and kept growling at him when he tried to come close to any of us so I had to call my son to come pick him up,it is cute to see him and Winslow sparring though I love that it's just a playful wrestling with each other and I think Winslow is happy to have a friend so yay! The girl at work who had him hates dogs but got it for her son,she just got fed up with having him around and just brought him to the shop so now here he'll stay my gain=her loss,waving to everyone and I'd really love to see J-vo check in,get me all happy you're back then poof gone again! I hope we all have a fantastic day and have positive vibes!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

For me i have found that the biggest enemy is within, and so is my best friend.

This just about sums up the entirety of a successful quit. Of course things are not this simple, but at the core, I think understanding, managing and leveraging this concept is the foundation of most solid quits. I feel like we should make t-shirts or coffee mugs with this quote. There's your new gig G-man!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - not sure if this is the same thing you were referring to, but we had huge climate change marches across the US and I think in many other countries this past Friday. Children are leading the way on this and in some ways they are the best voices cuz they're gonna have to deal with the planet longer than any of us older generations. Glad you're getting to visit with your uncle and hope he takes a turn for the better soon.

Pav and Lav - we aren't having the unseasonable heat that you both are, but we've had a very unusual summer in terms of weather and none of it has been different in a good way.

Byrdie - new manager, same BS or worse? Ugh!

Pauly - congrats on the new pup!


I was talking with a counselor friend the other day (not about al or quitting, just in general about behavior and being tempted to reward or soothe ourselves). She brought up a term I hadn't heard before: "Euphoric Recall" Is that something y'all are familiar with? Conceptually, it's something we've discussed here but the term was new to me, and it turns out some of the actions it has were new to me as well.

Euphoric recall is when our brains remember the good happy parts of memories, in this case memories of drinking. Our brains tap into the fun moments, the brief high or escape or whatever that is so fleeting when we first have a drink or two. When we think about drinking or are tempted to drink, those are the memories our brains naturally access, and the recollection in and of itself triggers our dopamine/pleasure system. I can't explain it very well, but essentially she was saying that simply going through the mental process of thinking fondly about previous drinking behavior does in fact strengthen our desire to drink again (and the likelihood that we will drink). So what to do when yours gets activated unintentionally? Yep, Play the Tape Forward - something often mentioned here in the nest. Be sure to access those negative recollections too, or you'll simply be strengthening your positive associations with al and making it more likely you'll drink either then or sometime in the future.

An interesting new (to me) layer to something we've discussed here quite a bit.


Have great Sundays everyone! All you have to do is Not Drink!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags - thanks for that description. If you look at the stages of relapse, fondly remembering drinking is one of the stages of relapse. Now that you describe the process, it makes sense. The AA people call it rose colored glasses I think? Or some book I read did. Good to know the reasoning behind playing it forward...

Yes, it was a global march on climate change - here, too. Glad to see young people trying to save us.

Pauly - what kind of puppy? That's a big deal to take that on - good for you. Two dogs is fun - they have each other to keep themselves company.

Trying to figure out what to do today - it's going to be lazy whatever I do. I'll take a walk at some point, and cook so I have food for the week. But other than that - we'll see...

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a great discussion about Euphoric Recall. Mario had a wonderful post about it. I snagged it and put it in my own tool box. Here it is:

Euphoricrecall

---

Yesterdayi was standing outside of a pub in my area and you could here all the noise andlaughter coming out, and it started getting me thinking of was I missinganything as I thought they all seemed to be having a great time, I then followedmy thoughts through and wondered were would they all be in a few hours ? drunk,talking stupid, sick, broke ?Thinking about using alcohol and other drugsincreases the risk of relapse. Thinking is a cognitive process controlled bythe cerebral cortex or thinking part of the brain. There are three ways ofthinking about alcohol that are particularly dangerous.

The first is called euphoric recall. You remember and exaggerating the good timesthat you had when using alcohol and other drugs while blocking out orminimizing the bad times.

A recovering person who called himself Jake the Snake used to tell the story ofthe great time he had when he got stoned on cocaine and stole $150,000 worth ofcoke from his supplier and went off for a marvelous one week binge in Las Vegas.He forgot to mention that he caught a serious venereal disease from aprostitute, and was nearly killed when his supplier showed up to get his cokeback. After being shot and taken to the emergency room, the police found asmall bag of cocaine and some marijuana in Jake’s room and he ended up in jailand was serving a seven year sentence when I talked with him. He still arguesthat he had a good time.

The second relapse-prone way of thinking is called Awfulizing Abstinence. Youthink about all of the bad times associated with being alcohol free whileblocking out and minimizing all of the good times.

A woman named Jessie told me that nothing was working out for her since she gotsober and she felt she would be better off to start drinking again. When Jessiewas drinking she was unemployed, earning money by prostitution, and was in askid row cubicle hotel. Now she was physically healthy, working a regular job,and sharing a decent apartment in a middle class neighborhood with two womenshe got to know through her home group of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). But in herher mind, at that moment, she felt her sobriety was awful, terrible, andunbearable.

The third relapse prone way of thinking is called magical thinking about use.Cognitive therapists call this positive expectancy. We start to believe thatusing alcohol will somehow magically fix out problems and make our livesbetter. WE forget that alcohol makes us feel good for a little while and thenwipes out our judgment and impulse control setting us off into a cycle ofself-destructive behaviors that destroys us and those that we love.

People who relapse often begin to spend of their time cycling between thesethree ways of relapse prone thinking. They remember drinking and exaggerate thegood times while refusing to think about any pain or problems. They exaggerateall the pain and problems of living sober while blocking out any benefits. Theythen begin to think about how alcohol could magically fix them and makeeverything in their life wonderful once again. This creates a strong desire touse alcohol......I needed this today as reminder. Mario.


I had a dream last about about a 'Mom' show I saw the other night. The Mom pulled her back out and went to the Dr and he prescribed pain meds. It started innocently enough, but she eventually started abusing them and then lost her quit completely, back down the rabbit hole. As we discussed the other day, I drank to escape. This is what worries me about the legalization of marijuana. If I were to start doing something like that, I imagine the logical progression would be for me to abuse that, and in chasing that escape, I would likely get the F-its and just drink. Anything that impares my judgement is the enemy. I need all of my judgement to do the right thing by me! As an addict, I must steer clear of anything that might jeopardize my quit AND my thinking. Dreams can be such wake up calls!

Happy Birthday to Kensho! I hope you get some cake! 21 again? Wishing you a GREAT DAY!
Happy Sunday, all! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola amigos!

Friend Kensho! Is it your birthday? Congratulations mi amiga! Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

Wags and Byrdy, right on re euphoric recall. It's a head game for me! If i stay on the positive side of life, such as appreciate and be grateful for my good/better health since leaving booze behind, my performance at work, a job i love, more money, good looks! :welldone:, a constant feeling of relative calm and contentment, then i'm more than ok. It's easy to fall into dwelling on euphoric recall and forgetting the damage to self and loved ones. That's why i do a simple daily sadhana or self care practice. I've found it helps me to stay focused in a relaxed but firm way on where i want to go, and there's no room for booze where i am. You can have the life you want or you can drink - to paraphrase a local raawk star.

Have a relaxing one Pav!

Yep, the march on climate change here was part of an international one. I believe it was timed to coincide with a U.N. meeting happening soon on the subject. Cool beans.

Big waves to y'all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hot & humid in Lav-land on this very last day of summer. You know I am ready to move on to the cooler & drier weather

Kensho, Happy Birthday to you (don’t ask me to sing) haha!!!

Pav, I chose to do as little as possible today too - perfect! I hope yours was too

Wags, I’ve been reading Psychology Today since my nursing school days oh so long ago. I think I’ve always had a huge interest in figuring out what makes people tick. The term most definitely applies to substance abuse but I think it also can apply to things like childbirth. Why would we ever do that a second time? Lol. The term also applies to certain people in my life (thinking of my dad’s behavior while we were growing up). He always had his own version completely opposite of what actually occurred.

Byrdie, I remember Mario’s post. We all learned a lot from that guy.

Pauly, congrats on the new dog, always good to expand the family

G, glad you are doing so well & staying on course!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a sfae night in the nest for all!
Lav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just stopping by, I am here and sober.

Ken, Happy Birthday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Monday!

Nothing to report. Made soup and now it is supposed to be very hot these next couple of days. Freezer it is...

Thanks for sharing that, Byrdie. The brain is an amazing thing...

Hi, Nar. Glad you popped in.

Happy Birthday, Kensho!

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - Happy Birthday!!! Hope you had a wonderful day.

Lav - yep, I can totally see Euphoric Recall being a factor in childbirth as well. And that's probably the biological purpose of it, if you're an evolution-minded person. Our brains are primarily tasked with protecting us and furthering the species, and if women remembered the pain as much as the joy, nobody would ever have more than one child! But for other things E.R. seems to do us more harm than good, such as with drinking. Sigh... this is when it's helpful to be smarter than ourselves.

Byrdie - thanks so much for sharing Mario's post on E.R. etc. Gosh I miss him!

Nar - how goes the plot to win over your co-worker?


Well, I'm playing nurse for my wife again... She went on a field study with her former school last week and fell. She was just finishing a selfie with a teacher colleague and they were turning around to walk back to the group. My wife hadn't noticed they were standing in front of a knee-high boulder (placed there for safety, ironically) and she fell right over it with her first step. Result is a badly sprained hand and a horribly bruised body and ego. Imagine the horrors: being with a group of 50 12 & 13 year olds, being their former phys ed teacher, and then falling literally on your face in front of them. The kids love her and were great about it, but she was very embarrassed. Hand and wrist are very swollen, and need to be in a splint-cast for a week or so, which means guess who is back to doing most things that require more than one hand? Yep, and on top of that she apparently caught a nasty bug either from the kids or at urgent care cuz as of Saturday she's been sick as a dog! I'm doing my best to tend and be caring while also trying to NOT get sick myself. Not only does this bug look terribly un-fun, as a self-employed person I simply cannot afford to be sick - it costs me too much money!

So cross your fingers, paws, whatever you've got in your household that Wags Stays Well! I for sure won't drink, so there's a good start

Hellos and Waves to all, and Happy New Weeks everyone!