Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

LC & Belle, I am sorry you are both struggling right now. It doesn’t have to be that way though if you were willing to to say NO to AL once & for all. Going AF won’t suddenly make life rosy but it sure makes it easier to navigate all the twists & turns. Just stop now & let the healing begin.
Belle, drinking is not recommended if/when you’re dealing with possible breast & colon cancers. You have to fill yourself with healthy foods to help your immune system fight the invader. Please don’t drink any more :hug:

Wags, glad your little break was useful, sounds good.

Hello Byrdie, Pauly, Pav, NS & everyone.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
Lav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone.

Like NS said Life and Belle, post here FIRST as soon as you get the urge. I did that many times and it really helped.

When I was struggling I remember NS asking me if I really wanted to quit and questioning why I drank. I really didn’t have a good answer. In fact I was ticked off at NS for asking me that. But then I thought, yes, I did really want to quit. I was sick of being sick and feeling ashamed. So I jumped all in and did whatever I had to do to stay sober.
It took me 10 years after joining MWO to stay sober. If I did it so can you..

Goodnight everyone. Hallo G.

Don’t drink tonight.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters,

I made it through the day yesterday without too much trouble and was able to wake up at my usual intervals and think, thank god I'm back on track. Thank god I never have to do that again. Byrdie, I also don't want to go to rehab. I want to make this work. And it does work if I'm consistently checking in here, keeping in touch with my community.
Belle, I was thinking that we both tend to check in for various amounts of time and then at some point don't. I know for me, there are many different reasons, not always having to do directly (in fact usually not) with wanting to drink again. Maybe I'm too busy, I need a break from technology or from thinking about alcohol, I want to spend more time journaling (which was great, but which I can do in addition to).. whatever, there are a lot of reasons.. but of course, everyone is busy! Everyone is (at times) stressed and dealing with difficult life situations.. but the people here with long term success checked in daily, consistently for at least the first year, and most still do. I know that when I'm at my best with keeping the alcohol out of my life, it's when I'm working it all out with the people here in the Nest.
This last week I thought that maybe I can't quit. I've been trying for so long and still haven't got it down. I thought about the option of just giving up trying, carrying on with keeping it stable some days (just a bottle of wine), bingeing on others, carrying on to do alright at work (though having "sick" days and mostly just getting through it), letting go of friends (because I can't really manage friendships while I'm drinking), half being here for the girls because I can't be fully present or remember a lot of what we talk about, noticing the ruddiness and watery eyes and shaking hands of other addicts and thinking that's what I look like some mornings, hiding out in my flat not answering the telephone or the doorbell. That felt like it might be easier than continuing to try to stop and fail yet again.
But that isn't what I want. Ava's post hit me first when she wrote, it's a lovely day so I think I'll go out for a walk and do some shopping.. Such a simple, nice and normal thing to do.
All of your posts, Pav, Byrdie, Lav, NS, Pauly, G-man, Nar, Wags, Kensho, living life, doing the normal, daily things with out the influence of any drugs.. Like you said, Pav, I can't keep drinking and have the life I want. I can have some sort of life, but not one I want.
I've soaked in all of your advice one more time. Every single word. And I'm going back in my mind and conjuring up all of the tools I used in the beginning.. I think I've been embarrased to really have to go back to the drawing board and begin again. But I can do that, taking everything else I've learned since.
I want to take alcohol completely off the table.. but when I say it to myself at this point, my brain shoots back, yeah right. Just wait a week or two and you'll forget. Yesterday I kept reminding myself, you don't drink, you don't drink, I don't drink!

Today is a busy day of taking down bunk beds, painting, switching rooms.. after 12 years of having the rooms they do, the girls have decided to switch. My eldest and I spent about 3 hours at Ikea yesterday, we had coffee and cake and I listened to the pros and cons of this dresser or that.. I kept thinking, this is a nice, normal thing to do! This is what I don't want to miss out on.

Wishing everyone a nice Saturday..xx

X-post, Nar.. you spoke to exactly what I'd been thinking..

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everyone - I agree with you lifechange, the support here is amazing - I am so amazed by the selflessness and the help received - It would be more difficult to go through this without all those you mentioned - I am happy to be taking this journey with you.
It's so wonderful to awake at 8am on a Saturday morning fresh as a daisy, full of energy and life, ready to do almost anything... last night was a bit of a struggle though, I had a craving for weed but managed to not send that message to the dealer.

Keep going guys - we are doing great!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Elisie and Belle--

I used many tools other than MWO, but the two that helped me the most were a therapist and coming clean with my husband. First, I told my therapist. She was attentive and supportive and said to me, "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." I had never thought of using that word for myself. I thought I was an over drinker who abused alcohol. Well - it turns out that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck... It was great to have someone I didn't know at all but who I could talk to in person.

Then I confessed to my husband. He and I talked for three hours and I told him EVERYTHING. Of course he was aware that I over drank from time to time, but he didn't know it all. It was AMAZING to let it all out. And I told him unequivocally that if I EVER (next month, next year, five years) told him I was cured and could drink again, he was to never believe that and never agree with me that I could drink. Thankfully, he was so kind and understanding.

Telling those two people was a relief. It was wonderful to get it all out. It would have been way too much writing to pour it all out here, although it has come out somewhat over these years. It also gave me accountability in person. I couldn't lie to them any more.

All that to say - do you have people you can confide in? It is so scary but so worth it. Since I have talked with my best friends - it always feels good to get it out.

Belle - it sounds like you are in for a rough ride. I know you know this, but it will be much better for your mental and spiritual health if you can keep booze out of your life. Life still won't be unicorns and rainbows all of the time, but you'll be able to face it much better.

Hi to everyone else. Happy SOBER Saturday.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle and LC - sorry to hear that you are both struggling. Yes, there's definitely a pattern where each of you posts for a while and then you don't, but I'd say that's a pattern for a lot of people. It does seem to correlate with drinking vs not however, so it definitely could be a good first line of offense (or defense). At some point, I think it comes down to drawing a line somewhere and not letting that become negotiable. Ultimately, that line will be "not drinking, ever" but until such time your line might be "post here first" or "contact a friend" or "walk around the block" or "dance 15 jigs" - whatever, it just has to be a commitment that you can and WILL do before drinking gets any closer.

For me I think the biggest mental shift came when I made drinking itself non-negotiable. I'd have a sucky day or experience a trigger or just want to escape/numb/whatever. And my mindset was, well, I can't drink to cope with any of that, so I'll have to do something else. And that was hard at first cuz I didn't have a lot of "something elses" to choose from and I needed relief NOW. But there is always something else you can do.

It also helped me to frame al as a poison, as something I was deathly allergic to, anything that reflected the toxic substance that it truly is. And to be honest, no matter how crappy my day might be, I'm not going to go drink bleach to deal with it, even if bleach gives me a buzz or makes me numb. Poisoning yourselves is not the answer, and that's what it really is - no matter how the ads and our society tries to paint that picture differently. As I move through daily life now, the thought of drinking seems absurd - like a big scam that has been perpetrated on the world, that I escaped from and will never ever go back to.

Hugs to you both :hug:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I agree with you guys, at some point a non-negotiable line has to be drawn. And how much better to draw it ourselves than to risk having it drawn by the courts, a doctor, or death.

The good news is, it is a relief to draw that line and be done. And so many fun and interesting alternative ways to de-stress, check out, or celebrate await once you have the clear head and initiative to explore. Drugging is the easy way out and if we’re honest, so very boring.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a nice day, even went to a near by apple festival, fun. Brought one grandson home with us & I’ve just returned him home. Simple pleasures that would not be happening if I was still drinking so I remain grateful!

LC, sounds like you have turned a corner, I am happy for you. A little discomfort now will pay off big for you in the long run. Keep up teh good work.

3Bottles, glad to hear you are doing well too!

You know, it’s occurred to me that I no longer feel the ‘need’ to stop in daily after all this time. But I continue to drop in daily because I just want to & if it helps anyone else along the way then great!!! Checking in daily has become a part of my routine for the past 10.5 years & I’m still as grateful as ever.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters,

I am very grateful to be sitting here Unhung on a Sunday morning. I have a huge chaos surrounding me, as we reorganize the flat. But it's manageable. As G-man said the other day, I'll do what I can and what doesn't get done today will get done tomorrow.. or maybe it won't. I was feeling the need to get everything done and perfect by next Wednesday, when my mom arrives to stay with us for almost a month. She hasn't been here for more than 10 years.. she was supposed to come last year and had to cancel because of health problems. I KNOW she wouldn't want me to stress on account of her so I've relaxed and will do my best.
I loved reading all the great posts yesterday. Wags, I'd forgotten about the alcohol is a poison tool.. of course it is and putting it back on the same level as clorox or gasoline helps in my brain. I know that when I smell a beer or wine it actually does smell foul.. and if I drink it, after the first half an hour, hour at the most!, I'm not feeling well. It's so not worth it, I know that.
Pav, I've been thinking about the word alcoholic. I know I am but I still hate the label and it's what keeps me away from AA meetings.. that and I'm afraid I'll get stuck in "the way" of sobriety. One thing I've never done, which I think could help me, is to do the step with making amends. There are some things I've done for which I'm still quite ashamed and it could be that "paying back" would allow me to let go better than I have.

I started watching The King's Speech last night and am so enjoying it.. can't believe I've never seen it before. Such great acting and such a great escape! A nice, healthy escape into a different world..
Wishing you all a nice Sunday. xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday:

LC, I always shied away from that label also, for the same sort of reasons. I still have trouble with that word and I think that's part of the shame I still carry with me at "allowing" myself to get to this point. In my head I know it isn't my "fault," but sometimes I do get very hard on myself. We're all works in progress - don't push yourself to follow specific steps or to get X done for Y reason. The name here says it all - find your way out. But whatever your way is, stick to it like glue with the double butt velcro that Mr. G provides. I'll concur with my friends here - only after I accepted the fact that I couldn't drink and took that choice off the table was I successful. And Yes, I loved that movie also. So good!

Went out to dinner last night and my husband definitely drank too much - he's going to feel it today. I am SO grateful that I am waking up with a clear head and no hangover on this beautiful Sunday.

Happy SOBER Sunday.
Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I consider the term ‘Alcoholic’ to be more of a diagnosis than a label. I also have Crohn’s/Colitis, I hate that label, too, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have it. Accepting it helps me deal with it and treat it. I could spend the rest of my life taking Imodium and hoping it goes away, but accepting that I have it allows me to manage it and live with it. Around the corner from me, there is a Smart Recovery group that I have considered attending. In town, there’s a Celebrate Recovery group. You might be able to find a group near you that is just what you need, Like MWO, only in person. The accountability is what helped me so much.

We we are heading over to a neighbor’s house for a football game here shortly. They are heavy drinkers. I will take my Diet Coke and be just fine. It’s her birthday, so I’m hoping for cake!
Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Back to the grind of work, i just want to retire i have decided! Not going to happen but i can hope.

Pauly, how is your new puppy settling in. Carl is coming along in leaps and bounds with his training though he still wants to kiss you to death when he sees you.

LC, life is so much simpler not drinking. I didnt want to give up drinking, i was losing my best friend, my confidante but he didnt turn out to be much of a friend at all. For me, what gave me the strength to stop drinking and still does now are my children. I didnt care if i lived or died but i didnt want to leave them without a mum, without someone they could come to and talk, without someone to go shopping with, without some to just be there for them. How could they manage without the silly things i come out with! Now coming up to 6 years sober i am just dealing with my past and talking about it. I wasnt ready before, i am now. We all get sober in our own way but i know i could never have done it without the support of MWO and knowing i wasnt alone. Even giving up smoking i have my accountability, i have my tools, i have my support. I could walk outside now and have a smoke but i wont as i cant do it to me, i cant do it to my children and i cant do it because of the support network i have. 6 months sf after 44 years smoking and i never ever thought i would say that, just like drinking, i never ever thought i would or could be sober. You can do this LC.

Belle, i have my fingers crossed for you. Yep, drinking wont help but you know that. I am having a rough time with medical problems atm and have a gynaecology apt today. i dont want to go, i keep telling myself i am ok but i am going. This menopause shit sucks balls! When i get this sorted i will head for the boob gram. We can only try and stay positive and pull the grateful out 24/7. This is just a glitch and we will get through it. Stay strong and keep on here.

well i wanted to say more but i am at work and the tribe of drs are due in soon.

big hello's to everyone.

take care xx

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Sunday everyone!
Ya, I always hated the term alcoholic too. I went to many AA meetings and used to shudder when I had to say that "I am an alcoholic". I would much rather say I have drinking issues, or I can't drink. Really, what is the point of making yourself feel even more shitty about the situation you are in.

Wags, Life, yeah I remember the poison thing. I used to think that and its true. Why else do we get so sick when we drink too much?

It is snowing like the bejeebers here meaning it is snowing a TON. We have about a foot of snow on our BBQ and it is about -3C outside. A great day to stay in and have some food and watch TV although we did go for a snowy walk and breakfast. It was quite beautiful.
My husband is being an ahole today but such is life. He goes back to work tomorrow out of town so I will just grin and bear it, lol. What else is a gal to do.
Pav, seeing your hubby hung over definitely makes you grateful you werent drinking. I totall get that.

Diet Coke is a great strategy Byrdie. I alway bring some non AL drink when I go to neighbour's houses.

Anyway, talk soon.
xo

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

You know, it’s occurred to me that I no longer feel the ‘need’ to stop in daily after all this time. But I continue to drop in daily because I just want to & if it helps anyone else along the way then great!!! Checking in daily has become a part of my routine for the past 10.5 years & I’m still as grateful as ever

This is similar to how I feel too, Lav, but I also think it is important to be actively sober, and this is how I do it. If we weren’t bombarded with the message that drinking is cool and relaxing and sophisticated and everyone does it and on and on and on, it might be easier to just relax into sobriety and not fuss with signing onto a website and reading and posting. I’ve never smoked so I can’t compare the two addictions, but societal messages about smoking are all so negative now. There are smoke-free building and smoke free campuses and smoking areas are in uncomfortable, awkward places. Society is saying, ‘don’t smoke,! While at the same time it says ‘drink drink drink’! We judge people harshly for smoking and at the same time for not drinking. It is crazy. Like has been discussed, they both are poison and huge contributors to illness and death.

If I wasn’t focused consistently on not drinking, maybe right now I would be deciding that it would feel so great to drink, it would be just this time, and no one would know... I’ve had a household full of company, many activities, tons of cooking and cleaning, and all that. Now everyone is gone, including my husband who is off for the night. I think that if I didn’t deliberately keep ‘why I don’t drink’ before me, it would be so easy to believe and follow the messages I do receive each day.

Belle and LC, your lives are busy. There is always going to be a reason not to sign on and read and post. But, Addiction loves those excuses because it opens the door for it to worm back into your life. It does take a little bit of time, but nothing like the time that is stolen from you each day when you’re drinking. Maybe you could make a commitment to be here interacting daily for 30 days - enough time to set the habit. And if you read here, you will be getting the message not to drink. It will counteract all the other messages that your own brain and the world at large are sending you.

Hang in there, NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

Still waiting for fall-like weather to get here. The weather folks are now talking about the arrival of Aug-tober this week because it’s heading up to 90 degrees again . Meanwhile the people in the northwest part of the country are getting up to 4 feet of snow. How crazy is that???

Drinking never did really help anything for me & it made me sick. Yes, we will always have stressful situations but we can choose not to drink at them. Some of you who have been around for a while may remember my husband of 30 some years suddenly up & ran out of here about a year & a half after my quit. No reason given, just up & left. I sat here angry as hell for quite a while until I realized his behavior was all about him & his depression, it had nothing to do with me. I didn’t even consider drinking at him because that’s what i had done for years & it never changed or improved a thing. It took exactly 4 years but he wandered back with no explanation. I let him in the house because he had no where else to go, haha. The whole thing is bizarre but I no longer worry about it, honestly. Right at the time he was returning home my brother died suddenly after a surgical procedure. I didn’t get to see him because he was so far away. I didn’t get to say goodbye & I didn’t drink. It wouldn’t have helped that situation either. 3 years ago my DIL went on a manic depressive rant & split my family apart in the worst way possible. My son & daughter still are not speaking & I can no longer have my family together - I didn’t drink over that either. Why would I?
Not looking for sympathy but I do want everyone to know that drinking is always a choice. We can & need to choose not to drink!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav