Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi,

OMG, LC! Sounds like me! Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school - which moms got together at the restaurant tonight for birthday (not me!); which co-workers are having dinner (not me!). Stopping Facebook really helped me, and also thinking about that question - would I invite them to MY birthday party (no!). Yes, Byrdie, always a work in progress. I try to channel the Lav-itude... Glad you checked in from afar, LC.

I am so tired in the mornings now - maybe because of the weather change and the later sunrise. It is hard for me to believe that I ever drank the night before and got up and went to work every day. How I managed that, especially at the end when I was often drinking more, I'll never know. THANK GOODNESS I don't have to deal any more.

Happy SOBER Hump Day,
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yikes, the past three days were crazy busy. I won't say they flew by cuz it was a lot of work, but here we are on Wed already (and later than that for some folks!). It seems that my business is growing almost by itself, although truthfully it's growing because I've worked hard to build it and I now have enough reviews etc to start showing up on google searches for specific types of tutors. It's a double-edged sword but one that I'm grateful for every single day.


Kensho - I'm late to the party on this, but I agree with what others have said. You draw your own line first of all. Second, you have to factor in that if you were doing a good job of sneaking those other drinks, then other people don't actually know about them and they are basing their assessment on what they *think* was your behavior. Third, just like misery loves company, so does al, and at least some people who drink seem to have a really hard time letting others choose not to. In my experience, the people with that particular difficulty also tend to be the ones with a drinking problem too. Although I'm sorry you belong here, I'm glad you ARE here. Stand strong and protect your quit. Al is the big bad wolf at the door and since disguising his voice like a child or an old lady didn't work, now it's trying to get into your head (and your house) with new tricks. I might be mixing up a few fairy tales there, but you get the idea. You've got this, and so do all of the rest of us!

LC - glad for the time in the country with your mom, but sorry about your friend's drinking. Who knows? Maybe she has no problem, and maybe she has a big one. Either way, if she knows about your situation and your decision to quit, it seems insensitive of her to drink like that (especially as the only one drinking) while you were visiting. Good for you on sticking to your quit. I often find it helpful in hindsight to reflect back on opportunities like that and stop and feel grateful that I didn't drink. That I actively chose not to drink, or that my quit is strong enough to just not drink cuz it's my default now. I have never once woken up and said, "well that would have been worth losing my quit over!" Nope, nothing is worth that.

Nar - thanks for the additional TV suggestions. And congrats (?) on getting through the recent election. Regardless of how you view Trudeau's re-election, I hope Canada is able to avoid the horribly ugly hateful divisive political stew we're wrestling with here in the U.S.

Ava - sounds like you're feeling at least a bit better. Glad you had such a nice time (and some good laughs) with your daughter.


Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today. Have great days and eves, and don't drink!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Thursday here and going to be a hot one. Thank goodness for daylight savings so may be able to take Carl for a walk when/if it cools down. Proudly Carl passed big boy training and he is a lot more settled now on occasion. As the trainer said, its more about training the humans than the dog. My daughter has had food poisoning and called me at 6am crying the other day. damn it felt good to be able to leave work and go and get her and support her. Even at 32 she needed me. Backtrack 6 years ago and i would have been hungover, just happy i made it to work and resentful that she wanted my attention when i felt so awful, angry that i would have had to drive in peak hour traffic to pick her up. I even bought her a bed as she is moving and never could i have done that drinking as i had no money. These are the bonus's of sobriety that make me sooooooo grateful for what i have.

LC, i find now most of the people who visit me dont drink around me. Mind you by the 3rd day they want to go to a club for lunch or something and then will grab a bottle of wine to bring home. That's when i go and nap. I dont need to delve into pissed conversations anymore. It annoys and frustrates me. Even if my son comes home pissy i avoid him. Im finally at the "i hate al stage with a vengeance". When does your mum go home?

Byrd, i wish you could retire and bake cakes, now wouldnt that be nice.

well better get back to work. I have menopause mind at the moment which is like baby brain. Never a dull moment!

take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Just got home from watching 2 hrs of little league baseball which was actually fun. My grandson is learning a lot & playing baseball this fall has been good for him. My only complaint is my hands were frozen by the time I got home - 46 degrees out at the moment, haha!

Hello to Pav, wags, Ava & everyone. I’m so glad we don’t have to drink anymore. ow we get to experience life without guilt & regret, right?

Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!

I've got the day off, so it is a good one. I've woken up with a headache the past 2 days, which always annoys me when I don't deserve it!:happy2:

Wags, glad you made it through to the other side! How wonderful, the way you've grown your business.. To get good reviews and come up on the google search in your area of tutoring must make you feel really good..:love:
I did reflect back yesterday morning and was so grateful that I hadn't felt like drinking the night before. It hadn't in any way crossed my mind as an option, something I might like to do.. the "whiskey corner" was upstairs, right near my room and I thought about how I'd snuck a few shots the last time I was there to "deal" with my social anxiety. What I actually did was I threw myself back into the throes of addiction.. I'm feeling happy that it seems easier (at the moment, at least) to project the future.. I can look into tomorrow, knowing that it will be a different day and I will be in a different state of mind. I've worked hard and proven to myself that I CAN sit with discomfort and live through it.. One of my best coping strategies has become, JUST SIT and wait. I try to calm my mind with some 3P'S.. realizing that I am creating a lot of my own reality by how/what I THINK about what's going on. By how I decide to react to it.
Anyway, my mom is here until next Tuesday and I have a mental list (which I will write down) of tools to use, things I want to do after she leaves. I anticipate work becoming stressful again as we have a coworker who will most likely be returning for a few months.. and she always brings a huge wave of stress/problems.. so I will try to figure out how we can get something out of her time with us, how we can use her positive attributes to better ourselves, so it isn't just a one way street of her using us as a therapy stop.
I've also got some stress as a result of my eldest deciding she doesn't want to finish school.... here, the highschool is different and there are 2 major tests to pass. She did the first but doesn't want to continue. It's a super long story and I know she'll be fine and there isn't anything for me to do now except support her decision and try to help her find her way. I can be grateful that she isn't into drugs or alcohol, that she's an intelligent person who just doesn't agree with the system and thinks she can find a better way for herself.. she's a lovely, thoughtful person.. so basically it's time for me to let go of MY "dreams" of what she could/should do and be there for her, to figure out her dreams. She will be 18 in 3 weeks. Still, I find myself up at 1am worrying..

Ava, I hear you with the menopause brain/symptoms! Do you have friends/colleagues in the same place in life with whom you can talk/bitch? My coworkers are all a bit younger than me and the curse me for having all the windows open when it's cold outside..(even with sandals on!).. they're all in wool socks and sweaters and I'm constantly saying, "you just wait!!" It seems to help at least a bit to be able to complain about it/share notes.. I'm so glad you could be there for your daughter..

Big hugs to Lav, Byrdie, NS, Kensho, Pav, Nar, Gman, Pauly, Slo, Jvo, 3B's, Belle.. (I wish you would all check in!!:hug and everyone else flying or stopping in today..
Let's make it a good Thursday!xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Pav I'm with you on the not wanting to get up in the morning! Think daylight savings needs to end now and not in Nov Ava,yay for little Carl,my pup is still in the annoying puppy mode,get, especially in the morning he's all hyper and it pisses me off but his face is just so cute so it makes up for it haha,LC,your friend may or may not have a problem with Al but I've decided to not judge or worry about people drinking around me,as long as they don't get annoying anyways,my oldest likes to drink almost every night but I don't consider her an alkie cuz if she's broke she just don't drink and doesn't care,I'd be begging,borrowing,counting change to get my fix and that is a huge difference in my eyes,hope you're enjoying your mom's visit,off to throw some crap in a Crock-Pot so I don't hafta cook! Waves to the gang and have a fab day-dont drink it's gross!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC - this parenting isn't for sissies. It is so funny how this goal is to raise independent, capable adults, and then when those independent, capable adults make decisions we wouldn't make we get stressed (well, I can speak for myself, but that sounds like what is happening??) I'm struggling with a similar situation and having to let go. It IS stressful for sure. I like the idea of two-way therapy - get something out of your mom while she's there...

Lav! So brave. I have spent COUNTLESS hours on freezing cold bleachers. What a good granny you are! Your grandsons will treasure all of this time you spend with them - they're so lucky.

Wags - congratulations and good work building up your business. That must feel like such an accomplishment to have something you built from scratch be so successful. Whoot!

I was reminded that self care isn't just bubble baths, journals and massages. It is also setting boundaries, changing thinking, and creating a life that causes less stress. That was a reminder I needed for sure.

Happy SOBER Thursday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

realizing that I am creating a lot of my own reality by how/what I THINK about what's going on. By how I decide to react to it.

The thing is, LC, we are creating all of it. Without the power of thought, how could we experience anything?

...so basically it's time for me to let go of MY "dreams" of what she could/should do and be there for her, to figure out her dreams. She will be 18 in 3 weeks. Still, I find myself up at 1am worrying..

Worries are made-up stories that cause us so much grief and most of the things we worry about never even happen (other things do). So we go through all the lost sleep and stomach aches for nothing. I think I used to feel that by worrying about something, I was somehow preventing it from happening. What a self-destructive (and totally ineffective!) strategy that was. All I did was create a fake but very negative experience in the moment about an unknown future. I used to think up of all sorts of demises for my husband, worrying about plane crashes, car accidents, and dangers in the wilderness. These thoughts were of course really upsetting and I'd try to figure out how I would raise 2 kids and manage this house on my own with my salary. But not for a moment did I worry that a slim, athletic man in his 40s would almost die of a heart attack - and that is exactly what happened. I had A LOT of stressful thinking and feeling while all that was going on but I'm glad I didn't waste time agonizing about such a thing BEFORE it actually happened.

What path is your daughter on given that she doesn't want to take the second exam (which I'm assuming leads to University)? Are there technical programs where kids can follow their interests? Is this the daughter that loves to knit and other creative pursuits? Maybe she'll get to follow that dream :smile:.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sorry I've been MIA, you guessed it...THIS JOB! NS, I need to bring your thinking on board. I sell alarm systems and night before last, a customer had a burglary and our system didn't go off! I have no idea why, electronics are not 100% no matter what anyone says. Customer is pointing a finger at us, of course. I've been dealing with that all day along with another problem I have no idea how to fix for a customer. I often ask myself why I chose this job in the first place, it's just problematic from start to finish. Yes, Lav, it's the health insurance that keeps me fighting day after day.
Some great posts, as usual. All I know is that life is 1000 times better without AL.
LC, it is weird that your friend drank around you and your mom.
We have a front row seat to the weekend! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends near and not so far,

LC, so cool that you're able to 'sit with it' through difficult thoughts/feelings and git through it. As my ol' mate buddha says - 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional'. Nothing is permanent eh? Unless we keep it alive by constantly dwelling and ruminating on something. In such cases, i try to look at the thing in the eye and examine it. Deal with it if that's possible e.g. apologise, explain myself if safe to do so for all, otherwise if something cannot be undone, i will just try to acknowledge it, learn something from it, suck it up and leave it alone. Easy to say i know, but that's my approach. I can know this stuff but it's important to actually put it into practice when the going git's rough.

Wags! You legend! What a huge achievement having something you've created be rolling along with such demand. You are raaaawkin it.

Pauly, how was your crockpot creation? Garlic prawns in a tomatoe sauce base? You say tomatoe, i say tomatoe!

Pav, hope you get some rest this weekend.

Sheesh Byrdy!

Ava, congrat's and regard's to Carl.

Big waves to evabody.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Happy to say I got to spend some time in my granddaughter’s 3rd grade classroom today & didn’t have to freeze my hands off, Haha!
These kids are so smart & so technology proficient it’s just amazing

LC, we all know that some kids are not interested in college & that’s OK. But, in the name of their job futures a trade school is a good way to go. Hopefully your girl will find a good trade that she’s interested in & get herself prepared. Nothing wrong with that Try not to worry Mom!

Hi there Pauly & NS.

Pav, I figure we are lucky that we can go do these things with the grandkids. I am eternally grateful to be healthy enough & present for them.

Byrdie, bummer about the failed security system. Ours is hooked up to someone who will call the police or fire dept. if we don’t or can’t for some reason. Our original system was messed up & we had so many false alarms. We replaced it with one that seems happier. There’s no way that you can be held personally responsible - is there?
Hang in their friend!

G, I gave up suffering years ago, I just had to so I could survive & learn to enjoy life again. Best thing I ever did for sure!!!!

Wags, I meant to say congrats on your growing business last evening. Now you just have to keep it from getting too big & swallowing you up, Lol. Is there any thought of hiring someone part time maybe to help you out during busy times?

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the kudos on my business. I am actually quite proud of what I've built, largely because that process has happened almost entirely within the same time as my quit. I mean, I have a few decades of experience that helped me become a good teacher, but the specialty I now focus on was new to me in 2016. I started this biz then and built it from scratch to now. I'm about as busy as I hope to ever be, and I can handle this workload only because it'll drop down again in Dec. It helps me stay sober, and it also highlights how much one can accomplish when they take their life back from the bottom of a bottle.

Lav - I'm actually at a point right now where I'm starting to consider hiring someone for even 5-6 hours/week to handle some of my administrative stuff. The tutoring I can't see handing off because it's such a specialized niche and I really do teach in a unique way for my field, but it'd be great to have someone handle my billing, and sending out homework through email and google drive, and a few other routine admin-type tasks.

LC - sounds hard with your daughter's decision, and also kudos to you on giving her room to build her own life. Does she have a sense of that different path yet, or is that a work in progress? At some point down the line she may decide to pursue higher education - is that common in your country? In the U.S., although many students go to college or tech/trade school right out of high school, it's not uncommon for people to pursue their first university degree after 2-10 years working, traveling (if they can afford it), etc.

Byrdie - sorry to hear about the alarm not going off and that landing on your plate of course! Do you (or your company) has diagnostic procedures that might help identify what happened?

Ava - that's so awesome that Carl did so well with his training!

NS - great comment about worries - they definitely are narratives that take our minds out of the present, often in a negative direction


Hellos and waves to G, Pav, Nar, Kensho, Pauly, Belle, Slo, Steady - gosh, I know there are many I'm forgetting at the moment. Happy Fridays to all!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!

Thank you for all the positive words with regards to my daughter.. I appreciate it very much.:love:
I don't have much time to write now, as we're heading out for at least a bit of the day. My mom has been having severe knee pains the past 2 days.. so after some rest we're going to venture out the the 2nd hand bookstore.
I hope everyone has a good Friday.. will write more later.
xx to all!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, one of my favorite sayings is 'If I had all the answers, I would be a teen!' ehehehe. I had them all back then, my parents didn't know anything, the older I got, the smarter THEY got. I hope it all works out for your daughter. There sure is something to be said about enjoying one's job!

Lav, no I can't be held personally responsible, but it really is hard to explain what happened. We sent a tech out the day after it happened and he said all was working. We are sending him back out today to have him slither around the perimeter walls like spider man to see if the motion detector picks him up. I have a suspicion that the tech substituted a cheaper device than the one I put in the job (maybe it broke out of the box, or didn't work right and he substituted) I'm really going to be curious to see what he says this morning.
TFIF (with a nod to Available!) It's only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Byrdie - or maybe it is an inside job...??? That stinks and sorry you had to deal with that.

NS - Worrying is not productive but it sure is hard to stop sometimes. I notice that I worry and get anxious more often when I myself and tired, drained or stressed in other ways. It sort of snowballs on itself. I have a family event in November that I don't think is going well, and I have been very stressed out about it even though it is out of my control. The thing is that even if what I fear will happen happens, it really doesn't matter. I will have no control or responsibility for it, and it won't permanently change anything. There's no need for me to ruin my now for some unspecified "may happen" later.

TFIF and good riddance to this week. I do have some gratitude for things that have happened - I'll remember to focus on that.

Take care of yourselves and don't drink - it's gross.

Pav