Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Belle, i think we have to get to the "give up stage", put on our big girl pants and just do it. As hard and awful as not having our go too is, life is way better without it. i buried al when i stopped drinking which gave me permission to grieve for losing what i thought was my best friend and confidante in my life. I did a list on what al was doing to me physically and emotionally and my greatest joy today is waking up sober. What stops me from ever drinking again is thinking/knowing how hard it was to stop, how i had to give 1500000% to stopping, that it wasnt just a case of stopping, i had to put in the hard work each and every day. We all had a big book of excuses to drink but at the end of the day we dont need an excuse we just do. Its our choice to drink and its our choice not too. I never had enough al in the house so as soon as i got home i had a shower and got into my pjs, i took valium the first few days and i slept when i was tired, which was a lot (working put a spanner in that one), i watched so many doco's on al and movies, i had to see what al would do to me, i was on that path to dying. You can do this.

My cousin goes home today, Its just been lovely having her visit. we are so much a like. my kids say she is the nicer version of me ha ha.

congrats Nursie on your 7 days, never look back.

LC your days are just rolling by now, keep up the great work.

Weather has been cold, windy and rainy here whereas there are 35 fires burning out of control elsewhere, it is very sad to hear and its going to be a bad summer.

well back to the grind, take care xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Belle, glad to have you back in the Nest.. I don't feel like I have so much great advice to give. But I can tell you what you already know.. that you'll already begin to feel stronger and more optimistic once the alcohol is out of your system for a few days.. better able to deal with the problems of life. :hug:

Great posts, everyone..:love:
I actually signed on this evening needing to hear just those things.. reminders. I had the hardest day today, dealing with super hurt feelings, lonliness, desertion.. I was in tears at work and couldn't really pull it together. The thought of drinking did cross my mind, the thought of how relaxing that first glass would be. But somehow I can't unforget how awful it all was after that first drink. I think it just finally isn't worth it to me anymore. I still felt like shit until about an hour ago.. couldn't get out of my thinking/my mind. But I went through my list of Tools, which began with a pint of haagen daz (for which I spent 6 euros and it's NOT on my diet) because I decided after work that I could do anything I thought might make me feel better except drinking alcohol.. So I ate the whole thing while watching a bit of Broadchurch, went to bed for a 2 hour nap, forced myself to focus on my daughter and be present for a bit while she told me about her day, called my best friend and cried, thought about apologizing and making amends with 2 other friends, read from the little book of big changes and realized that things probably aren't as bad as I think they are in the moment, cooked some dal while listening to some good music, ate with my daughter, made chai tea and watched ultimate frisbee videos with her.. and now here I am, very relieved that I am. I really don't want the life I had when I was drinking.. I was sad today because I was envisioning all of the things that will probably have to change.. my friendships.? The one I had dinner with the other night called the next day to ask if I was ok.. because I was so quiet that evening. I told her that I quit drinking 6 weeks ago and that I'd felt a bit uncomfortable and couldn't socialize the way they all could, after having a few glasses of wine. She didn't say much (she knows about my mom's history with drinking) but I thought,"she probably won't invite me to any more dinner parties. i'm such a dud".. but that might just be my insecurities.. and even if not, do I want to/enjoy going to such dinner parties? Or is it again, not wanting to feel "left out"? Anyway, building muscles.
I did notice that when alcohol crossed my mind and I said to myself out loud, "No, that's not an option.. what other options do you have?", the thoughts vanished.. that was sure nice.

Kensho, I'm so happy that you're feeling strong again.. and that conversation with your husband, you telling him that you want him to have the experience he wants to have was BIG! It seems to me that he should also be very willing to compromise and I hope he will be able to. Does he know how important it is to you (and the kids) that he make you all a priority?
From what I remember the wine/alcohol does flow so it shouldn't be a problem if he wants to drink. I'm really proud of you facing the challenges, getting over the hurdles..

Byrdie, hope you have saft travels, heading to the convention..
Pav and Ava.. just a couple more weeks to your anniversary.. thank you for all of your support here.
Love to all of you.. we're off to bed.zzzzzzzzzzzz..xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16180]BelleGirl[/MENTION].. here's a post from NS a few days ago that I asked her to save in the Toolbox.. just in case you didn't read so far back. Because you were asking about the pull of thoughts..xx


""Nursie, that is what happened to me, too. After blowing by January 1 (my latest planned quit date...), on a random Thursday (not Monday, another fave quit day) toward the end of the month, I finally had had it and I quit. That was it. The previous day was no worse or better than any others - I was finally just DONE. I joined here and decided I would do whatever it took not to drink again.

That battle between your morning brain and afternoon brain is totally normal. In the morning, your rational self (who knows you need to quit drinking) is in charge and is not listening to your primal brain (the one that all animals have that tells us to do things that feel good and keep us and the species alive - eat, have sex, drink fluids, etc.). The problem is, alcohol makes us feel TOO good, resulting in addiction. We did not evolve to handle such a powerful 'this feels great' stimulus. Eventually, no matter how much resolve and will power you have, addiction makes it so the part of the brain designed to keep us alive takes over, shutting down the rationale brain. And no matter how wrong it really is, we feel like we have to drink alcohol. It no longer is to feel good, but to feel less awful and when we're really over the edge, not to die.

When you start craving in the afternoon, just keep in mind that what you are feeling doesn't reflect what is really going on. It won't kill you or even hurt you and over time it will pass. Most people have witching hour(s) - once you make it past those, you'll be ok until the next day. And the good news is, it doesn't take all that many days for the confused brain to figure out, Hey, I'm not going to die if I don't drink alcohol!

You can do it again, Nursie. Get on here and read and post like Lunatic Linda ( [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] ) anytime you're feeling overwhelmed. We know what you're going through and feel your pain, fear, and frustration but we also know it will pass and you'll be ok as long as you don't drink.

I hope the sad feelings pass soon. xx, NS""

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, look at your feelings about al as grieving its loss from your life. you cant ever have it back, its dead now. Grieve away, life so gets better and better and better and we have the tools to cope with everyday life. I am having a shit time atm but the thought of al does not appeal to me, well it does but i wont as i dont ever want a day one. i could however smoke 1000 fags but i wont as i cant and i will get over this hump. There are big changes happening when we stop drinking, we lose our crutch to cope and have to figure out new ways, we have sad days, happy days and wtf days but they are just days to get through. Even sober we have days that we just have to get through, even after 6 years, but al isnt a part of our coping strategies anymore as we have the tools. You will be able to socialise with more sober time but you may not want too ha ha. I hibernated for 3 months, lav recommended that also and NS did too. We do what we can and as long as we dont drink, life is great.

Oh yes the countdown begins, six years who would have thought that was achievable when i first logged on here. Its been the best years of my life.

xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16180]BelleGirl[/MENTION], it sounds like many things are going on in your life that are upsetting and over which you don't have control. Us humans like to be in charge! And us moms like to FIX things! But one thing you can control is whether you choose to drink. Successfully not drinking will of course make you feel better physically but will also empower you and enable you to deal better with all the other sh*t that you can't change. Maybe commit to reading and posting here each day and not drifting away. It is helping [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] this time around - look how well she's doing, even in the face of sadness.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Reporting in from frozenland, ha ha!! We never got the snow that was predicted today& I’m OK with that. It is so cold I have plugged in a small space heater for my chickens so their feet won’t freeze to the roost overnight, ugh!
Catching up on orders from customers has kept me busy & out of trouble

Belle, welcome back! Please settle yourself in & stay put!
The tool box is still loaded with terrific ideas. Use them to make your own personal plan. Get your triggers covered for sure.
YOU have to make the decision to kick AL out of your life once & for all. Slam the door closed & never look back & you will succeed as many of us have. Wishing you the very best!

NS, sorry you have the real deal cold & snow. Hang in there!

Ava, that 3 month hibernation in the beginning of our quits worked like a charm, don’t you think?
Coning up on your 6 years is amazing

LC, try not to worry about the friends right now, please. Keep your focus where it belongs - on you.
Good friends would never drop you because of your drink choice. I sure hope they know better.

Kensho, I’ll bet you can book some day trips for you & the kids while your husband hangs out in the wineries, if that’s what he wants to do.
I remember some very cool bus tours out of Paris to Normandy & Brugge, Belgium. My daughter & I had a ball

Hi to Pav, Byrdie & everyone.

Wishing us all a warm & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav! I forgot to tell you I have chickens now too! Got them as chicks two springs ago. I love them so much!! It’s cold here too. I do not warm my chickens though haha. Hay and plastic up on the coop and feed them corn all winter.

Bella, glad you’re here! Let yourself feel the feelings and then dust yourself off. Like G says, being sober is badass! I like to be badass, so I think about that when I want to drink too!

Guys, I had a scary craving today. It was 3pm at work and I felt my brain start planning to stop for wine after work. I kept saying no. It was very hard but I went straight home.

I am eating too much but I’m sober.

Xoxo all!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nursie, I love “badass”!*Self pride. Let’s not forget how cool it is to take care of ourselves!!

Sleep tight Nest!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

I'll admit, I loved it when G said I was badass the other day.. Hadn't heard that in ages, felt a bit shy and silly taking on the label, but then I thought, yeah! Badass! We certainly all are!!
Ava and Lav, I'd forgotten about the 3 month hibernation Tool! I'm going to slide right into that one and maybe start counting from NOW.. Funny, I didn't come here first yesterday because I knew I wouldn't drink (if i'd thought at all i might, i would have come here! NS was on speed dial at work, but the thoughts left quickly) and I thought I wanted to try and get out of my low brain mode on my own. I guess I didn't want to complain about issues I knew would seem dumb to me later. But I'm very glad I ended up typing it all out afterwards last night! Your advice is wonderful, hibernation-Tool, don't worry about the friends right now, it's ok to mourn the loss of my crutch, keep my focus where it belongs!! Thank you!
NS, you're right, it is checking in here and posting each and every day that is helping me the most.. I forgot to mention that to Belle.. it's what I do even if I'm running late to work, letting the girls sleep 10 minutes longer, not cleaning up the kitchen. After a while it became a habit and now I won't dare to miss it.. IF I miss the morning (once) I'm here in the afternoon, evening at the latest. And I'm trying my best to keep up with Lunatic Linda..as you can all see!:happy2:

Love and hugs to all,, let's make it a good one. Hump day already. xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nursie - great job saying "no" and going straight home. Sometimes those two steps are all it takes to at least get past a momentary craving. Congrats on your week!

Belle - glad to see you back. This is never a better time to quit than right now. As others have suggested, revisit the tool box, make your list, find replacements like treats or snacks that can carry you through the witching hour - whatever it takes. What are three things you've found helpful in the past? Let's get the list started right here in the Nest.

LC - congrats on handling the dinner/outing with friends so well, especially with the glass poured and left to sit right in front of you! Sorry to hear you had such a rough day though. When we think in terms of "losing" friends or other things in life when we quit, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment and/or failure. I know I had to really choose me, choose my life and my health, over a handful of heavy drinking friends, and at the time it made me very sad. With time and distance I realized I hadn't truly lost anything when I quit drinking - instead, I gained my very best new friend (me!), my health, my self-respect, loads of time each day and night, stability, money back in my pocket... the list goes on. What have you already got on your list of gains/benefits? It sounds like you've got several layers of things going on right now, and you did an amazing job of navigating them in the midst of some hard feelings. Do you feel stronger for having held on/passed through the turbulence?

Kensho - great job you as well! You've set the stage for an excellent trip to Italy, and you've got plenty of time to find alternatives for you and the kids.

Ava - we had a rough summer of fires here too,sorry to hear you're dealing with them as well. Carl sure is a cutie!


Ok, I know I'm forgetting some of the replies I wanted to post but I've fallen asleep three times in the middle of writing this so I should turn out the light and go to sleep. Catch you all tomorrow!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC - I SO felt that post. The sadness and fear. I'm sorry you went through that and so glad you made it through. Thanks for sharing your feelings - we've all been there and it helps us all work through them.

I felt so socially awkward and like I wouldn't have the same level of fun again for sure. I am happy to report from the other side that I actually do have the same level of fun, even at some dinner parties! The things that have changed are that 1) I discriminate more - I don't say yes to everything, only those things that will give me joy and 2) I leave earlier than I used to. When people start close talking, slurring, and repeating themselves, I gladly exit. I will say that it took about a year for me to feel back to myself. I was surprised that it took that long, and like Ava says the slog was WORK. In general I was glad not to be hungover or have GSR at 3 am, but I took some time figuring out who I was without my best friend. I want to tell you how long it took, because according to what I read, a lot of people give up sobriety around 3 months. Stick with it, it is SO worth it!

Kensho - what if you just planned what you want to do in Italy, and if your husband wants to join he can? If not, so be it. My sisters went to Al Anon - they have a saying "today's expectations are tomorrow's resentments." I say be clear about what you are doing and hope he joins you. He may well go off and center his trip around alcohol, but that doesn't mean you have to! I am so jealous of your trip to Italy!

Lav, poor cold chickens!

Happy SOBER hump day,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I read a tweet that pretty much sums up my feelings about social events: I want to be invited to all of them and go to none!!

If feels awful to be left out but so often I don't really want to be part of it anyway and know that I'm going to be bored or annoyed. Thankfully the days of wishing I could be part of the imbibing are long gone (like Pav said, that takes time!!).

I try to be very selective about what I say 'yes' to but some events really do feel like obligations (and I don't want to let other people down) so I go and make the best of it, driving myself so I can escape when I've had enough.

But like Lav, Ava, and others, there is nothing wrong with hibernating for a while at the beginning of your quit or frankly, anytime you need to back off and take care of yourself. xx, NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Heading down to 23 degrees again tonight, Brrr! But that is precisely why I give my feathered friends a little heat on these frosty nights. No one’s feet were frozen on the roost last night
I only do that when the temp drops below freezing.
I baked some vegan pumpkin scones this afternoon - not bad.

Nursie, good job ignoring the drinking thoughts, kee doing that. Good luck with your chickens, they’re messy but a lot of fun

Hello to Pav, Kensho, Wags, NS, LC, G & everyone.
Byrdie, are you at your trade show?

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, just a quick drop in.

Belle, glad you are here. You can do this if you really want to. Post here anytime you feel the urge, that really helps. Just keep after it, it takes persistence not perfection.
Nurse, way to go, you are doing great!
LC, way to go not drinking at that supper. Yeah, Vancouver was fun but a bit stressful around my SIL who was a bit cranky. My favourite ice cream is ALL of them. Actually I had a delicious Kulfi flavoured ice cream (cardamom, pistachio) and a chocolate cherry ice cream with real cherries. YUM
And, yes, should are a badass like G says.

Lav, ya it’s getting cold here too. Winter is coming

Xo
Narilly

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning. Nesters!
just a quick fly by on my way to work.. we have a hard couple of days, with everyone out sick.
I'll have to wait till later to respond to posts, but I am thinking about the questions. I sure feel like I'm getting a lot of support here in the Nest.
Thank you all so much for that.:love:
See you a bit later. Wishing you all a nice Thursday..xx