Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Way to go, Belle. Glad you found that resolve and desire for a better life. Stay close, no matter what happens in life it will be easier to deal with sober.

You're the second Miele recommendation I received, Wags. I'll have to check it out. It is so wonderful that you built your business up and you are so successful. When was your accident again? How are you feeling? Does being at the computer a lot make it worse? I do love hiking in the rain, as long as I can come home and get warm. No wet camping!

Byrdie - I hope that went well for your half brother. What a thing to have to untangle. Those DNA tests certainly have unintended consequences...

I didn't go up to the work thing. By the time I left it was pouring rain and super windy, and I was looking at a 45 minute drive there and then another 45 back. I practiced self care and said NO. Instead I went to an open studio event with good friends very close by and was home by 9. Perfect Friday.

My teenaged son is giving me a run for my money. I am SO grateful to be sober for these interactions and exchanges. I don't have to doubt myself or my own authority, and I can be stable and present for him while he's floundering about. But I am really ready for the floundering to slow down...

Happy SOBER Saturday.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy first day Belle! That's something to celebrate. Now that you've made this decision, don't look back. Drinking will never be different now - it will always lead to a bad place. Look forward now to the life you can develop. It will just get better and better if you just focus on one foot in front of the other!!! If you feel like it now or in a few months, get out some magazines and cut out images and words that express your new life and make a dream board. You will be shocked that when you identify the life you want, and have the guts to imagine it, you start to believe you deserve it and it becomes true.

I'm off to the coffee shop with my family. I read but don't have time to comment - but I will say that I said "no thank you" to champagne more times than I can count yesterday at the spa event. Even when I did drink, I hated mid-day drinking - ESPECIALLY before a spa, it would have made me feel terrible!

It can be done folks! And it's worth every craving averted, every challenging situation and even moment you feel lost without your go-to coping mechanism. It IS hard. Very hard. But it is worth it, you are worth it, we are all worth a life without addiction!!!

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle! So happy to see you! Yes! Happy first day of the rest of your life!
I like what you said about the sound of glass crashing as it hits the bottom. That’s just like us at MWO- the bottom can be a beautiful sound because that means we are ready to enjoy the rest of our lives sober!

Byrdie- wow about your brother! This all came from one of those DNA kits? Fascinating. How does it make you feel though? I’m sorry if you told the story already and maybe I missed it.

Pav- teenagers! My oldest just turned 21 and I think the drama finally slowed down at 19? My son is 11 and it is just starting. Yikes!

Everybody, good to see you today! I’m cleaning my house and cooking. I had a rough few days though. The man that went to prison for trying to kill my mother got released on parole after 5 years the other day. It was such a sick feeling to get that alert on my phone- he’s out. Does he even know she is dead now? Will he try to reach out to me? Or worse?? That was a day I definitely would have drank my face off if I were still drinking.
Instead, I felt the feelings and it was so weird to feel that raw and open and vulnerable.

Editing to add the article: https://www.albanycountyda.com/Libra...Mann.sflb.ashx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Cold & cloudy around here today but no precipitation so it’s OK.
Thinking about starting to make some Christmas cookies, I can always freeze them

Wow Nursie, that was such an awful ordeal for your mom. I don’t think that guy should be out so soon, I wouldn’t feel comfortable either.
Take care of yourself & your family.

Pav, hang in with the teen, they do get over that stage. I found cutting off their source of funding and/or hiding car keys to be very effective

Kensho, drinking in the middle of the day was the fastest way to end the day for me, ugh
Glad you didn’t get dragged into that mess!

Belle, good to see you & I am happy to hear your decision!!!! You know what to do now, we’re all behind you 100%!!!!

Wags, I’m intrigued with the vacuum - where did you find it??
Enjoy the benefits of all your hard work!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters,

I'm listening to traditional german christmas music, drinking a coffee and thinking about cleaning my living room. I just made a list of everything I want to do today and MWO is number one.. so at least I can cross off something!:happy2: I still follow a great piece of advice Ava gave me years ago.. she said that as long as she gets 3 things done each day (including getting out of bed and brushing her teeth) it's a successful day. It was meant for the first days in sobriety, but I still like it sometimes. Now I pick and choose my 3 things according to how I'm feeling and everything's good.

Belle, I'm really happy to see you back and to hear of your decision. You've got this!:love:
Nursie, I read the link you posted and am so sorry to hear about what happened to your mom. I'm really glad you didn't drink over the news.. especially now, you need your wits about you to deal with your feelings, to take care of yourself and your family. Strength and love to you..:hug:
Wags, I loved your garden ananlogy.. and it was very funny to think of your students as carrots. Hope you're having a nice weekend.. it sounds a little more relaxed than the past few.
Lav, I also want to bake christmas cookies.. what kind are you making? I was having a bit of nostalgia and thought about sugar cookies to cut out and paint with the girls. Let's see if we can find a time when they aren't busy..I guess you do things like that with your grandkids?
Kensho, how perfect to have a spa day just before your anniversary! Do you have any nice plans for Tuesday to celebrate?
Pav, thank goodness you've all got some rain. I hope it was just the right amount.. although that's usually too much to hope for! You have my deepest empathy with regards to your teenager.. could you remind me of how old he/she is? I can't remember.. you've got a son at college, I know. Wishing you strength and patience and an open mind!
Gosh, it can be difficult to find the balance in parenting, can't it? Knowing when to put your foot down and when to step back and let them figure things out. Knowing when to hold tight and when to let go. This past year, and especially the past 6 months has been about learning to let go for me. My now 18 year old is more grounded and self aware than I've ever been and though she still does need me, I basically have to let her tell me what she needs from me. I still give her my unsolicited opinion sometimes, under the explanation of, yes, but I'm your mother! But it usually doesn't go over so well. I'm not sure how it will be with my almost 15 year old.. she's a late developer and quite involved with her sport.. but I know that can turn on the spin of a dime. Anyway, as all of us know and remind ourselves of often, the absolute best thing we can do for our kids is stay clean and clear headed. I'm really feeling like it's my best defense/strength, the one thing I truly have control over..

I wanted to share a nice thing that happened this past week.. through a crazy string of circumstances an old friend popped into my mind. An old friend who was also someone I had chemistry with but couldn't be with because of my relationship situation. At some point we parted ways and haven't seen/spoken to eachother in 25 or so years. I've never really "googled" anyone, but I did and I easily found him. I called a work number that was listed, on a Saturday, thinking I could just listen to an answering machine, to know whether or not he sounds the same, and whether or not the info. is still current and he answered! To be honest, my first reaction was to hang up and he had to say his name twice before I sputtered out who I was.. We just spoke for a few minutes but it was so nice, so much fun. So we had another conversation on Friday night and within a short period of time he told me that he's been sober for 14 years! We didn't go into much detail about anything in particular because we only had 30 minutes to talk.. so it was all over the board. But that made me so happy.. it was obvious, by the things he said and the way that he communicates that he's done/is doing the work.
It was so nice to talk to him, we laughed a lot! and I can feel it in my bones that we'll become close friends. And he has a bike tour in Italy (he lives in the U.S.) planned for April so we'll probably even see eachother! :happy2:

ok. off to make some brekkie and then onto my list.
Hugs to Byrdie, Pauly, Gman, NS, Nar, Shades, Ava, everyone flying by or stopping in today.
Have a lovely Sunday..xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nursie - how awful for both you and your mom at the time, and now again for you! Congrats on all the work you've done getting to (and maintaining) the place where such a notification didn't trigger you to drink though - says a lot about how far you've come. Hugs to you :hug:

LC - that's great about reconnecting with the old flame and soon-to-be-new-close-friend! Even more fantastic that he also is sober and that he has so many years under his belt. Of course I think his decision to tour Italy by bike is wonderful We really loved seeing the country that way. Congrats on getting one of your 3 things done too


Quick fly by for me this morning. Even though my schedule is way more manageable from now past xmas, I've still got pretty busy Sundays. i'm off to prep but will try to drop in again this evening. Have fabulous Sundays/eves everyone!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, Nursie that's awful! How did he only get a few years? I hope he's far away from you and leaves you the hell alone,was it random or did they know each other? LC,I ran into my old drinking buddy/co-worker the other day at a coffee shop speaking of old friends but we ended on a bad note so I didn't say much to her-too many bad memories and I just don't even care about what's going on in her life now if she's sober or anything else about her, maybe it's a grudge but tbh I just don't feel anything about her, I'm glad all you vacuum enthusiasts got a good one,like I said there's nothing better than a great vacuum but I'm sooooo glad I don't have carpet in Vegas alll the dust is just too much,hubs misses carpet but oh well haha, trying so hard to get into the Christmas spirit but it just doesn't feel like it yet even though my house looks like someone threw up Christmas cuz I decorated everything,I'm sure I'll get into it the very last week then whine it went by too quick,off to breakfast with hubs,much love to all and wishes for a wonderful AF day for us all!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Checking in...Yesterday (day one) just felt natural. I felt no AL cravings. I know there will be trials and tests of my resolve, especially with my son coming home this week, and all the Holiday pressures coming up. I need my new found resolve now more than ever.

I slept a lot yesterday for some reason...perhaps my body was healing itself.

Sounds like a number of us are dealing with teens. I just started reading "The Stressed Years of Their Lives: Helping Your Kid Survive and Thrive During Their College Years" [url=https://www.amazon.com/Stressed-Years-Their-Lives-Helping/dp/125011313X]

I'm not very far into it, but it was recommended to my by my Boob doctor last week...lol. Since I have one in college, and one less than two years away, I am going to devour this book. Apparently, in addition to research and theory, the authors will tell you "if this happens, try this". Haven't gotten to that yet, but I sure hope it is helpful. I do need to be 100% to deal with these kids. My daughter has started to notice when Mom seems "erratic". Well I will make sure as hell that that happens no more.

Nursie, I too read the link about what happened to your Mom. That must have been horrible to live through and now not to have your Mom any more. I lost my Mom suddenly 5 years ago (it was medical) but I so miss having her to talk things through with.

We have Christmas party at mother-in-law's assisted living place today, with BINGO! Daughter has therapy appointment this afternoon, now that her weekdays are consumed with High school gymnastics.

I still woke up with anxiety this morning, but reminded myself that I DID NOT DRINK last night. That is one good thing!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Wow, Nursie. I'm so sorry that happened to your mom. That must be very traumatic for you to have to re-visit it now.

LC - That sounds so intriguing! Was the chemistry still there? Is he single??? Inquiring minds want to know!...

Kensho - I actually liked to drink in the day, but I was bad at it. At least drinking at night my off switch was bed time...

Belle - you're sounding great. Glad it was a good night.

Don't work TOO hard, Wags.

Pauly - vomiting Christmas. That made me laugh. My MiL has an amazingly Christmas-fied house, too. I always wondered where she got it all...

My son is 17 and a senior in high school. He is SO stubborn. In his whole life he never would take help with his school work, and we have fought about school forever. He hates traditional school, hates sitting all of the time, and lies about what he has done or hasn't done in order to avoid conflict. That worked for most of his schooling because he is very good at finessing his teachers to allow him to turn in late work, etc. But he had a very hard year outside of school, so the world he had built was thrown out of whack and there is little wiggle room in such a system. So now he is sputtering towards graduation, and the diploma in June is actually in question at the moment. Once this phase of his life is over, I am certain he will be fine, but for now it is HARD to live with...The other one is in college. School has always been smooth sailing and he is very insightful and introspective. I realize that sometimes I ignore him too much because his behavior doesn't demand attention. At almost 21 he is actually a human again and I really enjoy his company. Adolescence seems to be a flaw in the human design... (I will check out that book, Belle)/

Thanks for letting me waffle (not that you had a choice). Happy SOBER Sunday,

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

LC, I got chills when you mentioned your phone call to your friend. Those are the kind of doors that open when we are ready - and we actually have the guts to walk through them when sober! I LOVE this development - so glad you found sober support with him! So very cool.

PAV, my son just turned 14, and the attitude, eye rolling and moodiness are in full swing. He's the sweetest young man one moment, and a raging snot ball the next. I hear it will only get worse, so I'm bracing!! I'm getting a nice gray hair streak on my left side and I'm sure it will grow with this parenting adventure!

I'm feeling all kinds of emotions this morning. We visited our partying friends last night. They live in the mountains and we have a lot of history with them, and we went up in part to cut down a tree on their property. But I really changed the energy when I stopped drinking. I have been feeling really good about things in my life, but I feel like crying this morning. I was really uncomfortable last night and conflicted. I don't want to drink 10 drinks and smoke cigarettes and take tequila shots and be in a "partying" environment with bottles and beer cans all over the place. I don't think it's a good environment for kids either. I feel disappointed and completely uninterested on one hand - and unable to connect with them - and on the other hand I feel like I've become this straight arrow. But I don't want to smoke or drink, so I stand there next to them outside in the cold and don't know what to say to them. I feel like my solution to me is the problem for them. I am proud of my choices, but don't know how to interact with them now. I want to talk about other life things.... art, movies, hiking, healthy things... not repeat myself all night and slur. Problem is that my husband LOVED it. It was his ticket to the fun I do not provide any more. And after a Friday and a Saturday of drinking, he's got chaotic energy today. I KNOW alcohol contributes to that - yet he will NEVER believe that, nor accept a comment from me about that. He just wants to not feel for awhile. My friend is very unhealthy now. She easily drank 10 drinks last night (before we left), is quite overweight, now smokes. We all start somewhere, but it is hard to watch people I love not TRY to reach for health and betterment. I am not interested in watching people self-destruct. Yet, I feel I am being judgmental when there. I am not the same person as I was. We use to have more in common. I think the big thing is that that environment doesn't feed my soul. I am at this point that I want to put my energy into things that boost my energy, not drain it.

UG! Just feeling bad for trying to feel good.

I need to fine some time to myself today because the energy in my house is loud and annoying to me. I guess I don't fit in with the rest of the world any more. And that makes me feel either wrong or elitist and I know I'm neither. I just don't feel like I fit in.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

oh, [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]..:hug: big, fat hugs. I can really understand how you would feel after a couple nights of that.. or even just one. And I understand your conflicting feelings. But just because you don't fit into that world, doesn't mean you don't fit into the rest of the world! You're not wrong or elitist.. or judgemental. Everyone is allowed to make their own decisions about how they want to live their lives.. and of course you're going to be on completely different wavelengths with different interests if you're separated by 10 drinks. I don't really know what to say except that I think you're interesting and intelligent and kind and thoughtful and funny and I would LOVE to hang out with you for several days to talk about art, movies, hiking and healthy things, books, decorating, food! and a number of other things. Get some time for yourself today! And here's to gray hair streaks!:love:

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks LC, that makes my heart happy. :heartbeat: I really, really appreciate your response.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC I reiterate what you defined about KENSHO experience with old friends.... I too am grateful that KENSHO doesn’t fit in with the old party peops. Also very humbling experience to see others lag behind in personal growth while we believe in ourselves and move foreword. Be strong, stay healthy and most of all be who you want to be and never regret days gone past that were negative . Your positivity is important for your wellbeing and most of all for your children...

Nursie.. the trauma that you have been thru is very difficult to manage, I am so sorry. I read the link about what happened to your mom. It’s always amazing how some things that happen in life changes who we are in so many ways. We cannot change what has happened in the past as much as we pray every day for guidance and to take one day at a time . While in most cases we eventually know the scars are there forever and for that reason it has given us time to examine what we really want in life. Life is a gift.

About vacuums my 2 cents is the ROOMBA ! it’s great does a fantastic job and there several models at reasonable prices. One less chore to do...Very helpful at this time since both ankles are broken.

I am waiting for the autopsy report on my son. I hope it comes after Christmas . Still don’t know what to do with his ashes. He loved horses and dogs. So that’s a good start. too soon for me to cope with all that right now. so just knowing he’s free and home now . I’m sure he is happy and looking down on me send me angel hugs every day.

Wag so happy to hear your business is doing well ... it’s the hard work you did to make it all come together. Stay strong .

Pav...teens are enough to make anyone go nuts.. I had 5 boys and teens at the same time... we all survived those trying days. One not so much... I can’t imagine teens now with social media.


Have a AF Sunday... Byrdie, Guitarista, BelleGirl, Cowboy,Moffit,Narilly... love and hugs...sending blessings your way!

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC I reiterate what you defined about KENSHO experience with old friends.... I too am grateful that KENSHO doesn’t fit in with the old party peops. Also very humbling experience to see others lag behind in personal growth while we believe in ourselves and move foreword. Be strong, stay healthy and most of all be who you want to be and never regret days gone past that were negative . Your positivity is important for your wellbeing and most of all for your children...

Nursie.. the trauma that you have been thru is very difficult to manage, I am so sorry. I read the link about what happened to your mom. It’s always amazing how some things that happen in life changes who we are in so many ways. We cannot change what has happened in the past as much as we pray every day for guidance and to take one day at a time . While in most cases we eventually know the scars are there forever and for that reason it has given us time to examine what we really want in life. Life is a gift.

About vacuums my 2 cents is the ROOMBA ! it’s great does a fantastic job and there several models at reasonable prices. One less chore to do...Very helpful at this time since both ankles are broken. Well it posted twice yikes.. sorry ... just a lil twist to the turns of posting ...

I am waiting for the autopsy report on my son. I hope it comes after Christmas . Still don’t know what to do with his ashes. He loved horses and dogs. So that’s a good start. too soon for me to cope with all that right now. so just knowing he’s free and home now . I’m sure he is happy and looking down on me send me angel hugs every day.

Wag so happy to hear your business is doing well ... it’s the hard work you did to make it all come together. Stay strong .

Pav...teens are enough to make anyone go nuts.. I had 5 boys and teens at the same time... we all survived those trying days. One not so much... I can’t imagine teens now with social media.


Have a AF Sunday... Byrdie, Guitarista, BelleGirl, Cowboy,Moffit,Narilly... love and hugs...sending blessings your way!

I keep loosing my posts always go to redirect my place then blank.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I have to tell you Kensho that I am a lot like you - I don’t fit in anywhere either & I’ve learned to be perfectly OK with it, honestly!
I outgrew my highschool friends while I was in college. I changed & they did not. I developed a whole network-of work friends over the years but they all have been moving to Floria one by one, haha!!!
Just be happy to be yourself, it’s the best thing really

LC, nice on looking up the old friend! Sounds like an exciting spring may be in the cards for you!

Hang in there with the teens everyone, it does get better, I promise!

I’m baking more cookies this evening, no grandkids here to help but they will take care of eating them. Tonight is ‘Swedish Gingies’, yum
Hello to everyobe!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav