Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in! I have a bit of a stomach ache going on today.
I’m also really sad that I have gained about 20 lbs.
I am hungry all the time. I think it’s the new depression med I am on!
Nothing fits me anymore.
Ughhhh

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], you so cleverly and succinctly captured the disconnection addiction causes:

and of course you're going to be on completely different wavelengths with different interests if you're separated by 10 drinks

Like, [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION] said, at first it seems like drinking helps us connect when we become less inhibited but addictive drinking ends up having the opposite effect.

It seems like alcohol makes us bubbly, interested, and affectionate but the fact is, it can't do that. It can only liberate what is actually already within us. Sometimes now (to increase connection and feel good!) I deliberately act in the more intimate and caring ways I used to think I needed alcohol to do. It turns out is was me all along!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m also really sad that I have gained about 20 lbs.
I am hungry all the time. I think it’s the new depression med I am on!
Nothing fits me anymore.
Ughhhh

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Nursie. You're not alone. I remember times of crying in dressing rooms because 'nothing fit', making me feel bad, weak, and unworthy.

We set such high standards for ourselves about this. We don't need to do that but it is so hard not to. We've bought in to expectations of what we (or, more to the point - our bodies) should be.

In the short run, could you go to a consignment shop and get some cute, trendy clothes that make you feel good? In resale shops, there is no way to know what size # is going to fit so you can just try on anything off any rack that looks fun to you and sort of detach from the dumb, totally made up number. (I have pants in 3 different sizes in my closet and some that should be bigger are the tightest of all - it's a random system!). Don't choose anything unless it makes you feel GOOD at a minimum and hopefully, FABULOUS (which is what you are).

Once you're feeling really comfortable with not drinking, you could work on being comfortable in your own skin - not to weigh a certain amount or to fit a specific clothing size, but to feel at ease and confident in this body you're wearing for now. xx

PS It is very possible that your medication is contributing to this so please, give yourself a break and know that your mental health is the most important thing of all.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Yes Nursie, you are FABULOUS just as you are right here right now.

Another fabulous raaawk star is_________________________________Friend Kensho! 2 years booze free. Wowza good buddy! Congratulations on such a huge achievement. Love your posts and vibe. Thanks for sticking around this joint. Have a great day/night.

Big waves to evabody. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Woke up to a light covering of snow, kinda pretty & the roads were clear.

Kensho, once again, CONGRATS on your 2 years AF! It makes such a huge difference in our lives & outlooks!

Nursie, sorry you are dealing with some weight gain. Meds will sometimes do that & sometimes it just happens for no reason. I am probably one of the few people around here who never lost an ounce when I quit drinking. A few months later I also quit smoking & that put 13 lbs on me that I just can’t get rid of either. It’s just what it is I guess & I am becoming used to the newer, improved, slightly larger me. Keep going on your plan & see what happens!

NS, like you I have cherished the connections I’ve made here over almost 11 years. I think we have all helped one another in the most magical of ways

Wags, thanks for the vacuum report - I will keep it in mind for the future!

Hello to Pav, Byrdie, Pauly, G & everyone dropping by tonight.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, congrats on those 2 big years! :two: You nailed it when you said that we weren’t happy drinking. Ironic, isn’t it? I was so resistant to quitting because I thought I would never be happy again. Who knew it was the AL making us so miserable? I’m so proud of you and happy for the person you have become. Keep up the GREAT work!
hugs to all, Byrdie

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Thursday morning, Nesters!

I'll say, any Unhung morning is basically a good morning.
Kensho, your non-speech was very empowering! You are rockin'.. I'm impressed with the way you handle your relationship with your hubbie.. that you've come to the point where you can be open and honest with him but don't rely on him to be a main source of support. That takes a lot of strength and trust in yourself..
NS, I loved your response to Nursie. So true. What a great idea to find a few (possibly temporary) things that make one feel good NOW. I'm going to follow that advice as I try to lose the extra baggage I've been carrying around. My current solution has been to wear the same thing everyday! :happy2:

So I finally turned 50 on Tuesday! I'm now an official member of the club! I think it was the best birthday I've ever had.. the weeks before I had some inner stress/panic that I didn't have my life just the way I wanted to have it by the time I turned 50. It was supposed to be all sorted out and perfect! But something clicked just before and I was able to enjoy a lovely dinner with my 3 best friends the night before.. and then the morning of, the girls got up very early and lit the flat with candles, made coffee and breakfast and surprised me with a piano/clarinet duet of a song I love. I took the day off work and the sky was bright blue without a cloud, went to the gym then came home and just relaxed. In the evening the kids and I (plus boyfriend, best friend, stepson) went to a fun pizza place for dinner then came home for ice cream sundaes. My sort of a celebration! Then I sent everyone away so that I could prepare for younger daughter's bday on Wednesday! I'm so happy and soooooo grateful to be starting this next half century on the right foot, which mostly means being free of the chains of alcohol!

Running off to work.
Big hugs and love to Byrdie, Lav, Pauly, Pav, Ava, Gman, Nar, Belle, Nursie, Moffit, Wags.. and anyone else flying or stopping by today!xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Belated Birthday, @Iifechange, and all the best as this AF decade begins! Stopping before my 50th was a goal I didn’t achieve - so happy for you that you did :hug:.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy belated Birthday LC!!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wow, NoSugar, you certainly have a way of expressing in writing what I experience or feel. This hits the nail on the head for me.

It seems like alcohol makes us bubbly, interested, and affectionate but the fact is, it can't do that. It can only liberate what is actually already within us. Sometimes now (to increase connection and feel good!) I deliberately act in the more intimate and caring ways I used to think I needed alcohol to do. It turns out is was me all along!

This was mostly true with dancing. I LOVE music and dancing, but I don't have confidence and don't think I'm all that good. I thought I needed alcohol to give me the courage to dance. It turns out I don't. I do have to give a little extra effort to get started, but then voila, I can be on the dance floor all night. The old fake it until you make it, or fake it until it is real.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy belated birthday, LC! :flowers: I'm so happy that you had a great day. I just turned 60 (it hurts to even say that!) so enjoy your young years! Like NS, I had hoped to begin 50 sober, but didn't. It took another year of pure struggle to get it. Very proud of you!

Lots of success here in this little nest of ours! I saw a commercial this morning that talked about quitting smoking and it said it take it in small steps, the big picture was too much, just take it in small snapshots. So true. Almost 9 years sober and when I hear a commercial that says not to drink AL with a certain medication, I think, sheesh, that's a problem, then I remember I AM SOBER! Matt M calls it muscle memory. It is STRONG! Vigilance is key and staying connected to my best peeps!

Hope everyone has an easy evening, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Happy belated BD LC
Glad you got your quit going in time for your 50th. Your day off & celebrations sounded really nice!
I didn’t get my quit going until 55 & I finally did it when my first grandson was born. He’s my hero.

Cold around here but dry. Still putzing around picking up gifts locally, wrapping, ordering more gifts online but I am pretty much done now. I hope everyone is happy with my choices, haha!
I am so grateful to be able to do all this with a clear head & heart. It’s the best gift i have ever given myself

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

No sugar, you made me cry!! Thank you, those kind words mean so much! I actually did stop at a consignment shop after work today and got a pair of pants, a sweater, and a warm beautiful coat that fits me. (I’ve been going around without a coat because I was so mad I gained this weight and can’t fit into my regular winter coat.)
I also saw a picture of myself from thanksgiving and I am appalled at how big I am. It’s so not me!
But you guys are right- I will be ok.

Happy Birthday LC!!

Hope everyone is doing well today. I made dinner and cleaned up a bit. Threw the ball around for the dog for awhile and just moving around that bit seems to help me feel a little better. I hadn’t realized how stationary I had become from depression and drinking or being hungover-
I have to move more!! The yoga is awesome too!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m not sure where you live [MENTION=15947]Nursie[/MENTION], but much of the country is really cold now so I’m glad you got a warm coat you like. I love consignment clothes shopping - it is like a treasure hunt, I’m a little more willing to get outside my clothing comfort zone at the lower prices, I can buy brands that cost way too much new, and ... they’ve already been shrunk so you don’t have to worry that things will be too tight after you wash them!

I like the “fake it until it is real” idea, [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION]. Sometimes the feelings really do follow the actions pretty quickly. I like dancing better without drinking, knowing I won’t stumble or embarrass myself some other way. It really drives me nuts though that apparently it is now considered fine to drink while dancing - A lot can (and does) go wrong! Last summer I had red wine spilled on me. Luckily it was a dark dress and red wine no longer smells good to me at all. I sure smelled like an active drinker, though!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - Happy belated Birthday!!! Welcome to the 50s club too! Your day sounds like it was wonderful in lots of different ways.

Nursie - extra weight just doesn't feel good does it? It seems very possible that your meds could at least be contributing to the gain, which makes it all the more frustrating because it feels impossible to lose. It sounds like you're on the right track though as you described how good it feels to move. Ultimately, you might or might not lose those pounds but if you're active in some way pretty regularly you should find your physical and mental health will continue in that positive vein.

Kensho - I agree, great "non-speech" in your post! So happy for you on the two year milestone.


Ok, I've got a little more work to do before I hit the hay so I'll sign off for now. Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today. It's almost the freakin' weekend!