Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, woke up with a bit clearer head today.
When I say I want to be treated, I absolutely want more than just MWO, know what I mean? So I printed out a meeting list and am going to go to meetings. I also reached out to an outpatient rehab, although I think meetings would be enough.
I also signed up to work with an addiction counselor, which may be what I need to work through the deeper issues I have.
I’m going to the doctor to get the antabuse today.
I am not giving up. I am not weak. I am not a bad person. I did a bad thing because I have no control over alcohol and I need to put it to bed for good.
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I will check back in later. Xoxo

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, good for you Nursie for taking action! They do say it's harder to quit after going out again, wakes up that urge but you definitely sound like youre ready to quit for good again Yep, i love me some unhung mornings (although today im so tired its similar to a hangover but im not throwing up at least) slept like a log-shouldnt be tired but probably just Mondayitis! Will get thru, waves tp the gang and wishes for a happy and healthy AF day!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

So sorry you drank and had a bad time, Nursie. I am in Ava's camp here - at first the ONLY thing you need to worry about is stay sober hour by hour, day by day. I remember feeling so selfish - I was on a trail, in the bath, listening to the Bubble Hour, or reading/posting about alcohol almost all of the time for at least a month. I didn't even have cravings, but I was determined that I wouldn't be a relapse statistic. I love G's two things, too. Gratitude is so helpful in so many ways, and the grounding meditation can set you off on the right foot. I am also in Nar's camp - remembering the very bad times is helpful sometimes. I try not to beat myself up, but remembering what I never want to feel again can stave off a craving. It sounds like you have a good plan. Take care of yourself, and we're here for you if you need.

I do wish I had another day of the weekend - I didn't get anything done I needed to, including my laundry. We did get a tree, so I can sit and look at the lights.

Hope everyone has a great week.

xo
Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters, checking-in. Full disclosure: I drank some wine again last night. I am also taking cold meds, so a little wine went a long way. Why does hubs do this? He has left a half filled bottle of wine on the counter this morning. I almost wonder if he is trying to test me today to see if I drink it. I will put it in the garage. and if it comes back it gets poured out. I think he will no longer be doing grocery shopping, as he always gets wine to cook with.

I will not let hubs or the AL beast get to me. This past week has been incredibly difficult, and there is a lot I have to do this week. It is a darn good time to not drink.

Nursie I'm so sorry about what happened to you. Sounds like it could have been worse, but glad it wasn't. It sounds like you and I are in a similar pattern. We had a long sober period (I almost made 5 years), now I'm fighting like hell to be sober again, though it may not look like it. I have no moments of "stop, think" before drinking. And then no off switch, except to go to bed. Which I did last night while the kids decorated the Christmas tree. Sorry to have missed that, though it was late. Perhaps we need to be 'accountability buddies'.

I know I am in a funk. I usually have a difficult time with the Christmas season. I don't feel like doing anything...I wish I could just sleep the day away. It is definitely a depression and the AL is not helping.

Piper is doing much better but still a pain to get meds into her. She will probably need to be on the antibiotic for 4-6 weeks. I'm getting a fish flavored liquid version that I will squirt into her mouth. Watch her spit it all back at me.

Off to shower, perhaps that might perk me up. Have to take son to dr today to discuss putting him on ADD meds.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

@BelleGirl, I don't want to intrude on you marriage but from what you've said, he's setting you up to fail. For the same guy who videotaped you drunk to leave partially full wine bottles around is so hurtful. Perhaps he simply doesn't understand the nature of addiction and thinks that that bottle of wine looks the same to you as it does to him (i.e. something to have one glass of or cook with). Would it be possible to have a serious conversation to make him understand that for awhile at least, there is to be NO alcohol in the house? Your underage kids certainly don't need it, your husband can go out, we've all figured out how to cook without it, and it is essential for your home to be your safe place. If he won't agree to that (even if he doesn't fully understand it), he will be undermining your quit and needs to be aware of the consequences of his choice and the pressure he will be putting on you.


@Nursie, I'm so sorry you had such a wretched weekend. I effed up so many fairly long-term (weeks-a few months) quits during 2012 when I was trying so hard on my own. My only tools were white knuckles and will-power so looking back now, I'm not at all surprised that for no apparent 'reason' I would drink. Will-power is a finite resource. I think I would reach my limit and because I was addicted, take that drink to relieve the stress (of life and especially of trying to quit!!) and feel better. I did not know that I needed to be changing my brain and connecting with others - not just trying with all my might to control something that was much more powerful than me.

Any tool that works for you is a good one! All the best, NS :hug:

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, kick your husband's ass and tell him to keep the wine out of the house, ffs. That is SO annoying! How can you stand a chance with the bottle sitting there like that? I would have been done. I agree with NS. Talk to him, I don't think he gets it. It is hard enough without AL floating around the house.

Nursie, you are sounding good and we KNOW you are strong. Day by day, hour by hour, that is what it takes right now. You will look back at this one day and think,". Wow I did it!" but for now just keep after it, you can do it!

I woke up at 4:50 today to take my Aunt and Uncle to the airport and after that I went swimming. The water was warm G It was amazing.

See what you can do when you are Un Hung? lol

Have a great day and don't drink today, its gross.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Narilly, I am assuming that water was inside a building in a pool - right???
For some odd reason I was awake at that hour too but didn’t even think about swimming, haha!

Nursie, I’m so glad you have made a plan. Reach out for all the local help you can get. You’re certainly worth it, don’t ever forget that!

Husbands & others bringing wine or whatever into the house while you are in the process of quitting just stinks!!!! I firmly told mine to keep his beer & booze out in the garage he built specifically built for himself that is equipped with a mini fridge - DUH! There’s no reason to have it in here. I have to admit he has been good about that ever since.

Tonight I am baking Kolaczki - Polish filled cookies. NS would be happy to hear there is only 2 Tbsp of sugar in the entire recipe, yay. I am actually making them dairy free so I can enjoy some. I made an apricot filling, yum.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
Another quick fly by.. I think I hit snooze 4 times!:happy2:
I'm very tired and also not excited about these last 4 days of work because it is ALOT and I'd just rather lay around or go Christmas shopping. But I'm working on keeping my mind in a positive space because I know that in these next days there's the possibility of learning something new, meeting new people.. sometimes the things I want to avoid end up being nice experiences. In fact, that's often the case!

Thinking of you all.. especially you, Nursie, and Belle. :hug:
I just read a quote I wrote down on the front page of my gratitude journal that I like a lot.. from Paulo Coelho..""every day there is a moment in which it's possible to change everything that makes us unhappy. every day we pretend that we don't realize that moment, that it doesn't exist, that today is just the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. but if you pay attention you can discover that magic moment.""
I think we have many magic moments every day.. for the most part, at least. Giving attention to those little things is something I can do when I'm not under the influence of alcohol.
big hugs everyone and wishing you a nice Tuesday!xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, LC nice quote Belle, i agree with what's been said about the alcohol in the house, a couple of weeks ago it was my hubs' birthday and my daughter bought him a bottle of his fave beer but he didn't want it so i put it in the fridge, the next morning I asked him to go hide it in the garage, nit really scared I'd drink it but that's just how I've structured my quit for myself, no booze in the house period! To me it just feels cleaner and part of my goal to keep al outta my life, Nursie hope you're feeling better too I know something happens in our brains whwn we quit for a time then drink again it takes more to get that "high" i think it was Kuya who had posted the article on it, thats why alot of addicts(to any drug) die if they relapse, i know when i decided to drink again awhile back i drank alot and ended up with barf in my hair and disgustingly slept in it! Now thats a pretty big detterant! Foul, just foul and my thinking process at the time was so goddam messed up, i couldn't control anything, my hubs even askrd about rehab and that shook me to my core, ive never felt so low and don't want to feel like that again, anyhoo sorry for being a down post this morning but my rose colored Christmas drinking glasses have been trying to make an appearance and I need to vividly remember why i dont want that shit in my life!!!! Waves to the gang and wishes for a wonderful AF day!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick fly by for me this morning... great quote LC, I really like that. And I agree with the others who stand strong on the no al in the house. Belle, can you have a more explicit rule about that and get your family members to buy in?

Have great days and eves everyone! Don't drink today.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nest:

Ack - so sorry, Belle. This is hard enough without someone trying to undo it. I recommend a serious talk. I definitely had to have one with my husband at the start just to be sure he understood what I was going through. It does sound like you have depression. Maybe a therapist would be good for a number of reasons. You have been trying to balance a lot - it can help you find perspective. And believe it or not, that mindful appreciation of what IS going well is also research-based.

Pauly, for some reason my rose colored glasses have found their way into my purse as well. Let's take a trip to the dump together and get rid of them! PLay it through to the end - it won't end well for me, that's for sure. Take care and hold on.

Happy SOBER Tuesday. I woke up thinking it was Wednesday. I guess I'm looking for this week to be over also.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nest family! Thinking of you all today, and feeling really grateful for everyone here. Such quality people, reaching for a quality life. I've been thinking about how much different the posts are from when we dra(i)nk and when we stop. The after-quit posts feel confident, calm, peaceful, gracious - even in times of stress.

Dairy free, low-sugar, apricot filling?? Sounds divine LAV! I would love the recipe!

LC, I love LOVE your positive attitude. I believe you’ve found the secret to contentedness - find the good thing(s) about your situation, and never stop wanting to grow. YEA! There will still be plenty of presents. Do you shop and buy what you see, or do you make a list and go out and buy it? Making the list can be half the fun!

Belle, remind your husband what you’re trying to do… what you’re trying to avoid. That might resonate. He should be of help, not challenge you. You have enough on your plate - he can do this small thing, and you have the right to ask!

Nursie, you sound strong, and willing to do what it takes. No BS to yourself - calling it like it is. When we admit we need help, the success rates soar. Keep at it! You’ve done this, and you will do it again.

I'm sort of half-focused right now... keeping work moving but mostly thinking about a break. For about 3 weeks, I've just been tired. It's like the lack of light hit me all at once, instead of gradually starting in the fall like it usually does. This afternoon I take my son to the thrift stores to gather all the tacky holiday decor we can to make our annual holiday sweater. He's won two years in a row at his school. It's fun to create it because it's based entirely on what we can find that day. Found some bells? Great, put them on the collar. Some snowflake ornaments, bows or felt poinsettias? Sew them on the back. I love doing it with him! This year, a girl told him that she's going to give him a run for his money, so we're fired up!

I tell you one thing... I barely have enough time in the day to do the things I want to do. How did I ignore these things and spend so many hours thinking about, sourcing or drinking alcohol? What a waste of time!!!!!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Excerpt from the Tempest newsletter: SURVIVING HOLIDAY PARTIES

1. Only commit to what you can handle.

You don’t have to attend every single party you’re invited to. If you’ve got an energy-zapping work party coming up, you are well within your rights to skip other events. What I think I should do and what is actually best for me is not always the same thing, so it’s good to know your limits—and stick to them.

2. You’re allowed to say no!

If you are feeling off and really don’t want to go, give yourself permission to decline. More importantly, if you’re afraid that XYZ holiday event will tempt you to drink when you don’t want to, then by all means, don’t go. If you feel guilty, or you think it’s important that you be there, remember nothing is as important as your health and wellbeing. If you still want to see the friend who invited you, ask them out for coffee or a booze-free lunch in the new year.

3. Plan ahead.

If you’re going to a place you know alcohol will be served, make sure you’ve done something to ground yourself beforehand. That could mean a few minutes of meditation, checking in with a friend, or writing a gratitude list. Personally, if I know I’m going to an office holiday party, I like to prepare by watching Die Hard. Another helpful tip is to bring your own non-alcoholic beverage (just in case) and also practice turning down alcoholic drinks before you arrive so you’re not caught off guard. Make sure that you eat something nourishing as well—you don’t want to add feelings of hanger to an already stressful situation.

4. Know your exit strategy.

From telling your host up front that you may make an early exit (before everyone else gets drunk), to slipping away silently like a little phantom, know how you’re going to get outta there when the time comes. Make sure you have a way to get home that doesn’t rely on anyone else: drive yourself, know the train/bus situation, or have a ride-share app handy so you can leave when you want to.

5. Remember, you’re not alone.

There are lots of us who have opted out of drinking this holiday season. We may not be at the same party, but trust me, we’re all in this together. (Btw if we are at the same party, I will totally grab you a seltzer.) Whatever reason you aren’t drinking is a good reason, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I love that list of holiday pointers! I relieved myself of a lot of stress the year I decided to stop sending Christmas cards! I love to GET them, but gosh, I just hate to send them, which is odd. Several years ago, I gave myself permission NOT to do them, and what a load off. I have to laugh when I hear my hubs talk about the stress of the season....what stress does he have? No shopping, no baking, no nothing! Funny that. Maybe he feels it for me? We have a party this coming Sunday. I always do have a plan for holiday parties, this is not the time to wing it!

My big deal is looking more and more like it's not going to happen. I have a conf call tomorrow with our legal department and theirs and they are both at loggerheads. Hopefully, I'll know more tomorrow at this time.

I agree about our free time. If you think about it, I freed up about 5 hours a night by not drinking. When I first quit, it was weird trying to fill the time...now I wonder how I got anything done! I called myself a high functioning alkie, but in retrospect, not sure how accurate that was. After 5 o'clock I was pretty worthless and undependable. Hard to believe that was even me now. I was reading an article on FB that spoke about how scars make us stronger, I think that is so true.

Hugs to all, have a peaceful evening. Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Nursie great work on seeking help to stop drinking. I am going to see a psychologist now after 6 years of not drinking, i wasnt ready before but now i am so happy i can work through my past traumas from my past. We all do things in our own time.

Belle, i hope you can sort out your hubs and the wine issue. I told my children i was giving up al and the next day my daughter bought around a bottle of wine. I didnt drink it as i thought to myself "what is one bottle going to do". All i would have done is gone to the bottle shop and hit the repeat button. We laugh about it now but that al brain wanted the wine but i think i was ready for sobriety more

I had a psych apt yesterday and she said to me "this may sound corny but do you feel grateful". i had to laugh at her and say that was what got me sober, actually focusing on being grateful for any small thing in my life and even though some days its hard to pull that grateful out of my arse, i have to be for something, even if it is just breathing.

Byrd, i do hope that deal happens so you can get out of there, will you go if the deal doesnt happen?

Pauly, good on you for having your rules. even now if i see wine in my fridge i think, a glass would be nice. WTF, one glass doesnt do it and i never want to drink again. i have the esky ready for xmas and mum bought me a couple of bottles of non alcoholic wine. i dont really want to drink it but at least she thought of me. i may give it a try but prefer my kombucha. how is your new puppy going? still destroying everything. Carl turns 1 on the 28th December, where has the time gone.

it is a stinker here today, 41 degrees although i have not yet faced the outside world. I do plan on going to prioritise my runners today so i can see if they help.

Take care xx