Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy New Year Nesters!!!!

I stayed up until 15 minutes after midnight then gave up, haha! I am not a party animal in any way, shape or form

Wags, I am very sorry for your loss :hug:
I have lost all of my elders & miss them terribly as well. Will be thinking of you!

Ava, the news about the bush fires is just awful. Praying for a good hearty rain for all of you asap!
Enjoy the rest of your time off!

Julia, checking in here daily helped all of us get a good start. Your plan sounds good, you seem to know what you need, that’s great! Wishing you the very best on your journey!

Hello to Narilly, Pauly, Kensho, LC, Nursie, Byrdie, G & everyone.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest & a very Happy & Healthy 2020!!!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for your condolences and thoughts. I was very close to my aunt while growing up, but we didn't do as good of a job staying in touch over the last ten years (since my mom passed away). It's all just hard to wrap my brain around, and I know from experience it must be infinitely harder for my cousins. I've reached out to both of them and will be doing anything I can to help.

Today was a good first day of the year though. My wife and I went hiking, did a great workout at home, and then went out for happy hour -- sushi happy hour that is! I've got a full day of classes tomorrow but only one on Fri and one on Sat, both first thing in the morning, so I'm getting a bit more of a break even though not many full days off.


Julia - glad to hear about your plan, and will look forward to your check-in tomorrow!

Ava - seeing the news and photos/video footage of Australia's fires is just heartbreaking. We have bad fire seasons here on the west coast of the US so many of us can relate, but the situation in your country seem particularly devastating. I hope your cousin and her home make it through everything ok.

LC - your day sounds like it was lovely, although WTF was up with the waiter bringing alcohol (especially to a 15yo) without it being requested. What a great reaction from your daughter though!


Ok all, we're off to a great start to the year and the decade. See you all back here again tomorrow!

[Dublin Girl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Just joined this morning. I realise I need to do something about my drinking, which has totally gotten out of hand. I realise that my whole day, no in fact life, is planned around alcohol and has been for many years. Christmas holidays have been an eye opener. Not so much about me being drunk, but shocked at how much IÂ’m now drinking without actually getting drunk and appearing to function relatively normally. For example on Christmas Day over a 12 hour period I drank a bottle of champagne, 2 bottles of wine, and a couple of baileys and gin and tonics. I cooked and served dinner, played with my kids, watched movies, cleaned up and went to bed. Didn’t pass out and no hangover.

I’ve been drinking heavily every day for the last month and probably if IÂ’m honest 4 to 5 days a week for the last 3 to 4 years, though drinking has been part of my life since I was 17. IÂ’m now 43 and need to stop for the sake of my 3 children, my marriage and to see my kids grow up.

At the moment the thoughts of an alcohol free life frighten me. The thoughts of never being able to have another drink again makes me question how I could possibly find joy in life. Writing that down frightens me as I have 3 beautiful kids that are the light of my life so how could I possibly admit that they arenÂ’t enough?

All my friends and family are drinkers but I donÂ’t think they would be aware of how much I drink as I seem on the outside to have it all together.

IÂ’m not a party animal and havenÂ’t been since I had children. ItÂ’s the drinking wine on an almost daily basis at home that frightens me. A glass became a bottle and has now become 2 bottles. At least when I socialised it was binge drinking twice a week at the weekend, now itÂ’s pretty much every day.

My plan is to have my last drink on Sunday and to try for 30 days sober. Aside from pregnancy I honestly donÂ’t know when I last went 30 days without alcohol- probably when I was still in school.

I donÂ’t want to discuss anything with my doctor as IÂ’m afraid of how it might affect my life assurance.

So cold turkey from next Monday. IÂ’ll take each day as it comes but hoping if I can do 30 days then maybe IÂ’ll try another day and another after that.

Thanks for reading.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Dublin. Your story is similar to most of us here. I was petrified of never having a drink again, what would i do, how would i fill my time, i will be boring etc etc but 6 years on, i am not bored, i am fun and i have the best life without al. You will never regret stopping drinking. It may not seem like that now but as time goes by it will. I have 4 grown up children and they can fully rely on me and are so proud. I am their role model. I initially gave up for them, they didnt deserve to be without a mother in their life and i was a 2 bottle a day drinker, 7 days a week plus more on weekends. I functioned very basically now i look back. No one had 100% of my time except alcohol.
Dont think of never, that is too overwhelming, just take it day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. Log on here and be accountable each and every day, we understand what you are going through.

You are starting the rest of your life on Monday, you are taking it back.

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!
Welcome Dublin. Story sounds very similar to mine and we are the same age. I just want to add that you may experience some withdrawal symptoms due to the amount of alcohol you describe. I’m sure someone will come along and explain how to deal with that. This site has saved my life more than once! We will be here for you and there is always someone in to talk to. You can do this!!

Well, I started journaling again and I’m so glad I did! It’s something I used to do daily and I have a box of journals that tell an amazing story!
Back to work today after the holiday off. I have a big project at work and it basically takes up all my time. It’s something I am very proud of and have managed it for the past year. It’s beginning to come to a close and there is much work to do to finish it up.

Wishing everyone a great day today!

And remember, alcohol is bullshit! (Can I say that?)

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Welcome, Dublin Girl! As Ava and Nursie said, we can all imagine where you are and how you feel right now. In my experience, there is a lot of joy out there without alcohol.. it's just very difficult, if not impossible to see/experience while actively drinking. I think it's a great idea to begin with 30 days.. Use this Nest as a place to come for support, to ask questions, to talk about your struggles, worries, accomplishments, whatever happens to be on your mind. Read the Toolbox for lots of ideas on how to get through particularly difficult times of the day/"Witching Hours" or for what to do with your new found time.. We understand and are here to support you!

Julia, sounds like you have your mind made up to do this for yourself. You've got a plan and the support of your love. I have to agree with what Ava said.. don't put too much pressure on yourself. The main thing is not using, everything else is a plus, but not mandatory to quitting alcohol and pot. If you don't make it to the gym, you are still ok!! That has been important for me to learn.. I love the 3 things a day list.. which can include getting out of bed and brushing your teeth..

Kensho, just to clarify, I am in my final quit.. my post yesterday was more or less to myself, to remind myself that the thoughts I was having weren't coming from the sane, decision making part of brain, just as the thought to, "just have a drink, it will make you feel better", isn't. In reading this book connections are being made.. that I maybe once knew or thought about but had forgotten. I'd thought/told myself for so long that I was drinking to deal with life/problems/depression/whatever, but when I really looked at it I realized that I was mostly drinking to get high/check out/escape and that most of my problems were a result of my drinking. I think that these past years I've been waiting for something to change, waiting to build myself a life worth living so that I could stop drinking "for good/forever".. and at some point there would always be a time when I gave up, thinking what's the point? I don't know if I was looking for some big sign? Now I finally get that the only important thing for me is to abstain from drinking alcohol.. regardless of what happens or doesn't, what might happen or might not. It's what you've all been saying about taking the option to drink off the table for good. I thought I understood that, but I didn't because there was always a little clause in my plan which kept me vulnerable and insecure, even if I didn't admit it or see it.. I see it now.! I'm very happy to be here, now! I hear you with sugar hangovers.. haven't had one in a while, but I also get them if I eat too much and they do feel quite similar.
Ava, :love:
Nursie, you're sounding very well! All the best to you in wrapping up your project!
Lav, you party animal! I'll tell you, if it wasn't so crazy here, I'd be in bed by 10, my normal bedtime, on NYE.. The girls and I got home around 1:30, they went to bed at 2, so tired that they could sleep with all the noise.. I talked to a good friend in the U.S. until almost 3 and then went to bed with earplugs, awakened at 7:45 by the racket that was still going on outside. I really wish they'd forbid the nonsense here!

ok. Off to read a bit and to eat some cauliflower.. my flat kinda stinks!
Hugs and love to all of you stopping or flying by today..xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, All:

Off to work again this morning. Sigh...

Wags, I am so sorry about your aunt. My mom is the last living aunt of her generation, and my cousins all are close to her.

Welcome, Dublin Girl. I was SO afraid to quit - so afraid I would never have fun again, that my friends wouldn't want to hang with me, that I would never enjoy going out to see music, etc. It took a while, but I am on the other side to report I was wrong! Quitting has benefitted my life in ways I didn't even think about. Can you taper down until Sunday instead of drinking all you can over the next few days? Read through the tool box - there are lots of ideas for how to survive that first 30 days - for me it was hiking, baths, reading/posting, and talking with a counselor/therapist.

LC - good thing thoughts aren't truths, right NS? Imagine if everything you thought were true or you acted on it? That is a ridiculous thought. You sound amazing and strong. Happy New Year.

Nar, Nursie and Pauly - Such good descriptions of trying to moderate. Sometimes I would have my husband help me count drinks per hour. But the truth of it is I NEVER wanted just one.

Ava - so sorry about those fires and I hope your cousin is ok. Just breathing in smoke like that for days is stressful.

Hi Everyone Else - I read through but just got distracted and now can't remember all of the brilliant replies I was planning.

Happy New Year!
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, it is great to have some sweet fledglings in the nest :heart:. It is exciting to think about the more manageable and peaceful lives that await you, @julia1970 and @Dublin Girl. You both sound like you know what is needed and are committed. The really cool thing is, once you truly decide you're done, you are! It may start out as: "I won't drink, I can't drink, I swear I will not drink" but a day will come when you realize you NEVER have to drink again. It is the most marvelous freedom imaginable!

It doesn't happen overnight (except to the occasional person who hits such a tragic rock bottom that their thinking is immediately changed) but by hanging out here, developing a plan for what to do when you typically drink, and constantly noticing and appreciating every little thing that is better because you aren't drinking, you'll 'rewire' your brain to that of a non-drinker. When a thought to drink pops up (and it will -over and over because that has been your normal response for a long time), don't dwell on it, worry about it, or try to figure out why you're thinking that way. Just let it go and go on with your new and better life. It still pops into my mind to have a drink sometimes. For a long time my immediate mental response was "I don't drink!". It now is just a sarcastic "Yeah, right..." and I let it go, just as I ignore the many crazy, weird other ideas I manage to come up with!

I really appreciate you guys being here -- you are helping all of us. When I have the chance to type out messages like the one above, it strengthens my commitment to not drinking. I'm sorry to read about your current situations but it reminds me where I was and don't want to be again. I'm so happy you can leave it behind, too.

@lifechange, I'm so glad you can step back from yourself now and realize that all those negative thoughts are nothing more than things you told yourself, other people told you, or our screwed up society told you often enough that you came to believe they are true. They aren't. You're rewriting your story now and there is no reason to keep those old drafts that didn't work and don't reflect who you really are :hug:.

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all

Just letting you know that I am still around and still AF / WF (Weed free) - struggling but very determined. Finding the day count post a little hard to do right now cause it's added pressure - just doing it my way for now

Wishing you all a happy new year

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, back in June, I was at a trade show in CA (the opposite coast of where I live in NC). At 2:20am, my phone started buzzing that my flight had been cancelled. The next flight out was the next day. I was paniced, frustrated, tired and jet lagged, all I wanted to do was get home. I got up and started getting ready. I just wanted to cry. I was putting on my makeup and my hand was shaking. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, 'You are doing fine, you will be ok, keep it together, you've got this'. That little bit of self talk really helped me. It also made me realize that most of my self talk is negative. I treat others better than I treat myself! That was a real lesson to me. Self talk matters. I am my own best advocate!

We were walking over to a neighbor party last night and as we approached, I heard our neighbor say she was going to start moderating this year. I thought to myself, I'm so glad I'm over that part of all this. I guess we all have to try and discover for ourselves that moderation can't work for addicts. It made me appreciate how far I've come and where I don't want to go back to! It's everyone's journey to take for him/herself.

Julia and Dublin, repeating what the others said. Quitting IS big, but approach it the same way you would if you were eating an elephant....one bite at a time! No one jumps to 5 years sober, it is earned a day at a time. I believe something so much I put it in my signature line....All you gotta do, is get thru THIS day. You can do it! Byrdie

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

day 1 in the pocket. it's now 22.06 and i haven't had a drop or a smoke.

i've been talking to you guys a lot today in my head, but i'm so tired now, i'll write more tomorrow.

nice to see you here Dublin! being at this forum for 5 days has already had a huge impact on me, i'm happy you found it too.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola evabody. Happy new year!

Wags, sorry for the loss of your Aunt. I have one Auntie left and she's precious and a real gem. Take care of yourself mi amiga.

Hi Julia and Dublin girl! Great decision to take back your precious lives. Why not you? You can do it, just put a simple road map together and follow it daily. Check out our toolbox for some great ideas. https://www.mywayout.org/community/j...hlight=toolbox

Yo Pauly! I had to laugh at - exercise whilst drinking to process the alcohol quicker....lol. We sure think up some crazy stuff. We think we are functioning, but we are not 100% present. We are operating in a fog, and our priority is maintaining the high or the numbness level in our bodies and minds. Not to mention our perspective on the reality before us is distorted. Classic.

Hi 3B. Good plan friend.

Good luck with the project Nursie. Nail it mi amiga!

Things are rolling along smoothly in the G camp. Plan this week is to structure my free time much better to make sure i'm doing and nuturing the things i love regularly and not vagueing off with social media or internet links upon links upon links. Sheesh, ya can get lost for hours. Just like boozing.

Take care out there and go for the life you want. Get a plan you can handle and chip away at a small task or tasks each day to reach the goal or place/outcome. Did i need booze when i was a kid to have fun or handle stress? No. And i don't need it now. What's my perspective.

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

What about the cravings and the temptations?
I am having unreal cravings now and am in a hotel with my laptop working - the bar is 10 meters from me - it's so tempting to go up and get a hophouse (Irish beer) right now - but I love a challenge.
What did you guys do for cravings?

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

3Bots, I found the silver bullet against cravings was EATING! If you have to, get 'Thanksgiving Full'. That will put the kibosh on any craving you have, I promise! It is amazing to me that it works so well, but it did. Those crazings lasted about 2 weeks for me. The next best thing is distraction. The worst thing is to sit and dwell on what you can't have. Just imagine what you CAN have! Peanut M&M's, a hot fudge sundae, a cookie! Try and get from a deprivation state to one of endless possiblities!

Remember, the relief of the scratch only makes the itch worse. You got this! EAT! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, great to see so many posts today

Hello & welcome Dublin girl, glad you found us!
Others have mentioned making a plan, be sure to check out the Tool box for lots of great ideas.
Tapering down, starting now is the best & safest thing to do. Sudden withdrawal can potentially be dangerous causing seizures. You don’t want to take that chance. Make sure. There’s someone available to keep an eye on you & get help if needed. Be sure to stay well hydrated too, lots of water, tea, that kind of thing. Wishing you the very best on your journey!

3 BOW, Byrdie’s idea of eating is a good one. Actually any distraction works, even if it means taking a quick walk, I did that quite a bit myself.

G, good to see you & I hope this year is fabulous. For you

Julia, great job on your day 1!!! Keep doing that & get all the rest you can right now!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav