Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Dublin - welcome to the nest! Glad you found us. Sounds like you know what you need to do and you've set a target. We'll be here to help and support you as you move forward with your quit.

Julia - congrats on your day - you've got this!

3BoW - yep, cravings can be tough at first but they do dissipate. I always found that if I could postpone or distract myself for 15 mins (or maybe a couple of "15 mins") the craving would disappear. Take a walk, do a chore, sing 5 songs, anything that lasts 15 mins and directs your mind elsewhere. You'll be surprised at how well your brain will help you if you just point it somewhere besides that pesky al voice. Don't worry about day counting if that doesn't help you - this is about finding your way out after all!


LC, Pav, Lav, Ava, Byrdie, NS, Nar, G, Nursie, Pauly, and everyone else I'm forgetting at the moment - happy (almost) Fridays to all of you. Let's have a fantastic first weekend of the new year.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Friday Morning, Nesters!

Lots of good stuff going on here!
Congrats on your day 1 Julia.. same thing today. It really doesn't take long for the cloud to lift and for one to begin feeling at least a bit better. You've got this and we're all here to support you. Post here if you feel wobbly.. I will be around most of the day and we're in the same time zone. I'll check in often.:hug:
3B's, how are you? How long will you be travelling for work?
Byrdie, I like that about the scratch and the itch.. so true! There actually ARE other ways to deal with that damn itch!
G-man, I have to admit, I've been sitting at the computer browsing a bit too much myself. It is so easy to get distracted.. look one thing up and there are suggestions for so many other things I didn't know about/hadn't heard or seen. Especially with music.. though then I can listen and do something else at the same time. Are you being affected by the fires? I can't remember exactly where you live. How's your trip to Europe looking?

So in the name of getting out there, I've signed up for a hike club.. which is kind of funny since it's so flat here. I guess I think of at least a bit of elevation when I think of hiking. Anyway, I've been wanting to get out of the city for ages but have only actually done it once.. So on Sunday I'll meet with 15 other people to walk about 7 miles. I'm finding that I'm a bit afraid of the meeting new people part! I'm not typically a good small talker.. anyway, we'll see.
Pav, I had to think of you the other day.. it was 4pm and beginning to get dark. I was sitting with my youngest and I said, gosh I really hate it when it gets dark.. she said, I remember I used to feel that way.. but now I love sleeping so much, I don't mind when it gets dark 'cause I know I get to go to bed and sleep. You like sleeping too, mom!!
And she's right, I do LOVE sleeping.. especially now that I'm free of the GSR's! Yesterday I tried it out and it really wasn't as bad. As the dreaded darkness came I thought, soon I get to go to bed. Actually ended up staying up 30 minutes later than usual.. but it did help a bit. How's it going with you?

ok. I have to go into work for a couple of hours to prepare for next week. I sure love having time off. It does take a swift kick in my butt to get me back into the swing of things!
Hugs to everyone.. Wags, Lav, Ava, Nar, Pauly, Nursie, Belle, Dublin Girl, NS, Kensho, everyone flying or stopping in today..
Let's make it a good Friday!xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi LC. My city Melbourne is smoky today. Not good for ashmatics! Fires are a couple of hours away, but huge so strong winds are carrying the smoke. No fire danger for me and Ava though, however if the smoke continues or gets worse then that will have health consequences for many here if it hasn't already today. We are all hoping for a couple of days of consistent rain.

Europe tour looks like august/september. dates not locked in yet. France and Germany have been mentioned. :-) Have a great day. Hiking sounds tops!

big waves to all.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Checking in. Want to stay connected.

Welcome to Dublin and Julia. Quick intro, I have been struggling trying to quit again after screwing up an almost 5 year quit...which was 3 years ago. So I'm with you. I have a plan laid out now. It is a bit comical, but I see that AV in my brain as Plankton from Spongebob. And I swear if he starts talking to me I will mentally squish him like a bug.

It's not as easy as all that, there is more to my plan and so much I got from reading back posts from all you great people and digging in the toolbox the past week or two.

Gotta run to a hair appointment. Have a great AF day everyone.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] and [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] i think the word ‘program’ that I used wasn’t the right one. It was not meant as a to-do list, more as a safety net of things I could do through the day to stay out of dead alleys and routines (like at a lost moment disappearing in a corner of the couch, putting on a stupid tv show, and start escaping reality).

I actually did nothing of the things I listed except for buying AF drinks (Kombucha and AF apple cider being my favorite, next to tea and water) and reading. Oh, and I ate a good meal.

My first sober day started in a crazy way. My love was with me and woke me up in the morning, asking for pain killers. He has a chronical thing that sometimes causes heavy pain attacks. In the dark I reached into the bedside drawer and gave him the box of paracetamol that’s always there (for when I have a hangover). While I went to the bathroom he asked “can I take two of these?”, and I said yes, it’s only 500mg a piece, so two pills is a good starting dose. Putting on the light to give him a new glass of water, I saw that the box I gave him contained not paracetamol but temazepam (a sleeping pill)! He had swallowed two of them! I was shocked at first (:egad::egad: oh my god!) but then realized that it wouldn’t be hazardous, he was just heading for an extensive sleep in, and it was actually quite hilarious (fortunately he could laugh about it too).
So on my first sober day, my love was passed out in my bed.
When he woke up at 2 (surprisingly early, but still wobbly), we went to the beach to have a walk to sober him up.

(For your information: I don’t use sleeping pills. They’ve been sitting in the drawer for two years, apparently waiting for a thing like this to happen)

Reading all the posts this morning moved me so that I almost broke into tears. Okay I tend to get a little sentimental at the moment, you know, with all this unnumbed feeling all of a sudden.. (is unnumbed a word?). But I don’t need to be sentimental to feel amazed and thankful for having found this community of support. It really means a lot to me.

There’s so much going through my head now, so much I want to write (don’t worry, I will dose it). About my life up to here, how 7 years ago I quit the acutely life threatening part of my addiction, but wasn’t ready to let go of this old part of my identity (the feeling of not belonging, not being good enough to fully be in the world - and needing something external to deal with that, which at the same time reaffirmed that feeling every time). I stopped the full speed destroying of my life, but still couldn’t imagine myself living fully and really.
I realize I’ve grown a lot since then (although the addiction feedback loop kept on undermining it). I can imagine living while being fully present now. And I want it so much.

You've got this and we're all here to support you. Post here if you feel wobbly.. I will be around most of the day and we're in the same time zone. I'll check in often.:hug:

Thank you so much for this, knowing this already helps!
Today I’m home alone, I feel very tired and agitated at the same time (no wonder, diminishing antidepressants, quitting alcohol, as well as pot and smoking at the same time - i am taking nicotine chewing gums though). Fortunately I wasn’t drinking enough to get real alcohol withdrawal jitters like in the past and quitting pot doesn’t give you the shakes. So much in my daily routine is connected to drinking and smoking pot though (sitting down to write this for instance).
I know I can do this. I have no program for today, but I know which things I can do, I have choice. I’m going to do some work now. Then read some, study a bit. I still feel too sick and weak to go to the gym. My body didn’t dig the 2-week binge I just snapped out of.

And if i feel lost i will post here.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

What about the cravings and the temptations?
I am having unreal cravings now and am in a hotel with my laptop working - the bar is 10 meters from me - it's so tempting to go up and get a hophouse (Irish beer) right now - but I love a challenge.
What did you guys do for cravings?

Distraction! There's been days when I've had cravings the WHOLE day! Very scary and some times I've just had to white knuckle it until it was time to go to bed,those days are/were few and far between but when they hit they HIT, eating works,lots of water,go out for a walk,watch a good show or movie,clean(ugh my enemy) anything to get your mind in a better state Mr.G sorry about the air quality I remember a few years ago when we got smoke from California fires,it made me sick! Welcome to the new posters waves to all and wishes for a happy and healthy AF day for us all

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, 3BOW

It doesn't seem like it, but thought precedes craving and like I harp about all the time, it is up to you which thoughts you pay attention to. What you think about determines what you feel. That isn't to say the thought to drink or that you need to drink isn't going to pop up but the less you pay attention to it, the weaker it will get.

This article pretty clearly describes what I'm trying to say: Triggers thoughts cravings - Luis E. Rivera - Medium

...During addiction, triggers, thoughts, cravings, and use seem to run together.
However the usual sequence goes like this:

trigger=>thought=>craving=>use

The only way to ensure that a thought won’t lead to a relapse is to stop the thought before it leads to craving. Stopping the thought when it first begins prevents it from building into an overpowering craving. It is important to do it as you realize you are thinking about using. It is necessary to interrupt the trigger-thought-craving-use sequence. This process is not automatic. You make a choice either to continue thinking about using (and start the path to relapse) or to stop those thoughts.

A few of many thought process techniques can assist you in preventing you from craving the use of a substance...Allowing the thoughts to develop into cravings is making a choice to remain dependent on substances.

I don't agree with the author that you can control your thinking or stop a thought, but I'm convinced you can let go of any thoughts that pop up that aren't leading you to where you want to go. Thinking about making it through the day without drinking probably makes you feel good. So that is a good one to focus on. The thought of drinking likely leads to feelings of worry, anxiety, and of course, craving. Let that one go!!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

3BOW how are you doing now? Once you make it through a craving like that you've strengthened your sober muscle - or pathway in your brain. You've shown your brain that you don't "need" those substances to get through challenges. Eating worked for me, or I took a nice lavender bath, and I read sober blogs. Mrs. D is going without and Unpickled were two I liked. There were others but I can't remember the names. Most sober bloggers link to others, so there are MANY to choose from. I also loved listening to the Bubble Hour podcast and heading out to walk/hike the hills. Good on you for posting.

Julia - That is a scary story - thank goodness the only side effect was sleep. You're sounding great - keep it up!

Dublin - How are you doing??

Belle - Good to see you here, too. I hope all is well with your son, Piper and all of the other stuff that was going on in your life. I know that if I were to drink again getting back on the horse would be challenging. I can only suggest that you continue to work at some plan or program so there is structure and accountability. I REALLY got a lot out of going to a therapist. She was very REAL with me and I could be as vulnerable as I needed to be in the privacy of her office - no need to lie so it was all out on the table...

LC - Yes, the darkness. I am sleeping more which makes me feel a little lazy, but is also nice. I also try to notice the slight difference in the sunset each night so I can really see the days getting longer. My sister joined a hiking club and she had many fun adventures on it. I hope you do, too. Let us know!

Mr. G - That is my New Year's intention also. I can easily get sucked into scrolling through Twitter and reading what I find there (depressing in and of itself) or playing games on my phone. I am conscious that I am "escaping" when I do that - I actually downloaded a game last month BECAUSE I was stressed out and wanted something to calm myself. I realized that phone/Internet are a self-soothing habit that isn't all healthy when used incorrectly! I'm with you on the digital detox!

Ava and G - Watching those fires in the news is harrowing. It seems that each little town/hamlet has to provide its own fire trucks? Is that true? I've seen fundraisers to pay for fire fighters?? How does that work? They call them "bush fires" here, which diminishes the intensity I have seen in videos. That smoke is horrible. I remember trying to escape it by heading to the coast, but the winds were such that you couldn't breathe any better there. Take care of yourselves.

Pauly - that exercising so you can drink more floored me, too. I thought I had heard it all, but that made me laugh. I used to exercise hungover a lot to "prove" to myself that I wasn't hampered by alcohol.

Well, getting up for work isn't all that much fun. I did get a lot done yesterday because I was one of two people who had returned. Next year I am going to take this whole week off!

Happy SOBER Friday. Just another day.

Pav

And PS - [MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] that post belongs in the Tool Box. You have so many good resources!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Friday everyone! So grateful to be starting this year feeling good and not waking up feeling like shite.

Today I am going to yoga, I remember going to yoga and being hungover SO many times. I can't believe I put myself through that. AL had such a grip on me, I would always think that this was the last time I would be hungover and it never was...until Now I am so grateful for that- going to yoga with no AL breath, dry mouth, nausea, bloated face etc.etc.

Yeah, Pauly, Pav, G, Life, everyone, exercise to drink more. I probably did that.

The fires, ugh, so sad Ava, I have been watching the news and it is so sad. The smoke is terrible, I remember when we had fires last year and it was overcast for months with smoke in the air. It really sucks.

Welcome Dublin, you can do this! Nursie had some good tips about withdrawl. I don't know how the medical system works there but you may need someone to help you taper off. It sounds like you drank an awful lot so be safe in your quit. Take it day by day. The thought of quitting forever is overwhelming especially at the beginning so just take it one day at a time or one hour at a time.

Belle, hope you are doing well.
3BOW- yeah moving through the cravings can be tough. Distraction is a good thing when that happens. Ice Cream or eating works too. I like the post from NS. Hey NS, you always have great information.

Julia, your man sounds like a good sport, thank goodness they were not something worse. You sound good, keep it up!

Hi Ken!


Life, hiking sounds good, I hope you enjoy it. I would love to go on a hike with you and Pav. Hey, all us MWOers could go on a sober hike together.

Have a good day everyone and don't drink today, its gross.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

(Agreeing with what everyone else wrote about dealing with craving, and in need of a little project because of the cravings I’m having myself today, i hope i'm not being too much here: )

I think you can view craving as a stress response of the body.
Alcoholism causes chronic stress by affecting the stress system and heightening brain activity. (Of course, living and feeling like an alcoholic is stress inducing in itself). Drinking temporarily calms the body (in the end just damaging the stress system some more), so when you stop drinking, you have to deal with stress signals on the loose.
We’re used to link those stress signals to thoughts of drinking.

What helps with stress is activating the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the nervous system that makes the body digest, recover and rest (which in a healthy life happens throughout the day, in rhythm with the activating system).
A few ways to activate the PNS:

• Breathing into your diaphragm (belly breathing), especially paying attention to the outbreath
• There’s a tantric technique that uses breathing into the anus (expanding the anus on the inbreath). I’m not kidding here folks, this really works. Did you know that ambulance workers, when confronted with someone having a heart attack, often advise them to act like they’re pooping? This activates the PNS and lowers heart rate.
• Walking (especially in nature, as research proves)
• Pelvic floor relaxation techniques (youtube) – nice to get into your body and out of your head like this
• Grounding exercises (yoga)
• Massage’s (giving and receiving I guess)
• Meditation & mindfulness (though sitting down and meditating doesn’t work for me when having serious craving. I think walking & breathing can be considered as a meditation technique by the way). Moreover, meditation & mindfulness have been proven to heighten GABA-levels in your brain (when practiced on longer term that is). Baclofen and other addiction meds work on the GABA-level as well. GABA-levels are very much related to alcoholism.

Crazy, i know these things, i know how to practice them, but i didn't link them to quitting my own addiction.
I’ve had a lot of cravings today. At a few moments I thought my brain was short circuiting. The thing that works best for me is taking a walk while breathing attentively (yep, all the way down into my butt for optimal effect).
It’s not booze the body wants, it’s stress release.

P.S. My love put on a modern classical music piece (eek eek boink shriiiiiiiek) this morning and I started making rather peculiar wild moves to it. This also worked for me. He cried out “my god, is this the woman I married?!” though.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Belle, when i stopped drinking i made a little box in my brain to put al into (visually that is ha ha) and every time that fecker popped its head up i shut the box. Sometimes that box was so hard to close but i never gave up shutting that lid. We all have to do what works for us.

3B, i ate also and had a shower or watched doco's on alcoholism on you tube till they were coming out my ears. Seeing people in worse situations than me made me realise that i didnt want to be like that and i had to fight to be sober. That bar would not give you any fun, only guilt, shame and remorse.

Julia, great work on day 1. I found by the 3rd day my brain was telling me if i had done 3 days i was cured and could moderate. I had to remember not to listen to myself and to log on here and listen to others. Keep up the great work.

Hope you are doing ok Dublin and keep checking in.

Pav, each town has its own fire brigade and volunteers. the problem is there is no water due to the drought in a lot of these places. The volunteers dont get paid for fighting fires and cant go to work so have no income. finally the government has stepped up to the plate to pay to help these lovely people out. probably not enough but it will help them. They are exhausted as the fires are neverending at present. My cousin is safe although they are expecting 41 degrees with high winds, my mum is ok for the moment but if two fires join i will have to go and get her. Its just a waiting game really.

I have my daughter snoring next to me, she popped in for a visit which was lovely. i did try and entice her to sleep in my new sofa bed but nope, i just had a chuckle. Trying to get organised to go back to work on monday, thats going to be hard but i have a lot of work to keep me occupied. at least the traffic will be great at this time of year.

take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, we love hearing from you, so don't think twice about posting. We are still speaking to Available and she posted every 30 minutes when she first quit....ehehehehe (love you!)

I've often said of cravings and thoughts, there are PUSHERS and PLAYERS. I'm a pusher. When a thought comes along about what a good idea drinking might be, I PUSH it out. I name the 7 dwarfs, recite the Pledge Of Allenience, name my cousins, try naming the states from top to bottom, ANYTHING to break the cycle of those thoughts that lead to the action of drinking. However, there are many here in the nest who are players. They take the thought and play it through to the end (you know, the part where you pass out on the couch). I found that my AL-soaked mind would get to the parts where I drank and was living it up....it almost WOULDN'T take it to the end where I was getting the look of disappointment from my family and hubs. NoSugar swears by playing it out to the end (which I CAN do now, but I couldn't then). I think Pauly calls herself a player, too. See which one works best for you!
You are doing great! We are so happy for your success! Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nope Byrdie I'm a pusher like you, when you said when you play the tape you can't get past the livin it up part that's me too, for me I like to use a combo of both I think cuz sometimes I think of the aftermath and it nips those thoughts in the bud!:egad:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Everyone sounds really great today, yay!!
Nothing much happening in my world (just the way i like it these days)
We did go visit an older friend in a nursing home today, she’s lonely, I feel bad for her. She’s outlived her daughter & her husband. Her son has done a great job taking care of things for her though. Sometimes I wonder if we possibly live too long? Hmmm.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia - great info on activating the PNS! As others have said, post however much you want/need to - that's part of what the nest is for. If you ever begin to feel like it's too much, you can also start your own post thread. Lots of people here on MWO do something like that - almost like a journal or blog of sorts - where it's mostly for their own benefit but unless you specifically request otherwise, other people will chime in and converse with you there too. But that's just an idea *in addition to* the nest and certainly optional.

Byrdie - I'm mostly a player too. It's the end where things get really bad and I feel sick or regret or have done something stupid - that's what really keeps me from drinking again. But it might not have worked at the beginning now that I think back. Either way, both strategies work!


Well nesters, this year is starting off pretty rough. After learning of my aunt's passing, this morning I got news that a friend since childhood had also passed on very suddenly. He was only 51, three kids (all adults or almost) and although I don't know details yet it was very unexpected. I'm feeling sad and somber. Will be reaching out to his mother in particular. The universe needs to take a chill pill and ease up for a bit. I guess technically this was all a bad end to 2019 even though I'm finding out some of the news now in 2020, so I'm trying not to let it shape the tone of this new year. But sheesh, enough loss already! So glad I'm not still drinking, and am very happy to say I'm not even tempted.

Hug your loved ones :heartbeat: