Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters near and not so far.

Great work Julia on day 4. That is huge in this game! Keep it going. You will feel much better in all ways real soon. Often after the first week we feel a noticeable difference.

Dublin girl, how are ye?

Lav, your grandkids (and kids) are so lucky to have you. What a solid example you are for all your family. And us! :love:

It's of course summer here. Where's my bathing suit? Do i look big in this?

We have a little more rain here in the south of Oz this morning, and a little smoky. Steady and gentle, but we need more. Unfortunately we can't expect a lot in the middle of summer. We have international help arriving (firefighters) to share the load. After enquiring, the best my local community can do (for those like me without firefighting training) is 1. donate. 2. assist with the clean up/repairs when safe to do so after fires have passed. I can do that. We've had a $500,000 donation from the U.S. of A's very own Pink. I admired that woman as a performer before, but now i absolutely love her totally. Nicole Kidman and Keith also gave the same. Thank you legends.

Take it easy out there. Do something you love regularly.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Day 4, keep up the good work Julia, i had a chuckle at your post, i can relate! Some days were horrendous and some were wonderful. I am glad i dont have horrendous days anymore but that comes with time.

Lav and LC, i thought my children would never grow up. i remember crying in the kitchen when the children were little thinking "this was my life" and now i can enjoy them immensely and have time on my hands. My eldest is 32 this year, where did the years go.

We have bad smoke in Melbourne today, its even coming through the hospital air conditioning. Not enough rain to do much for the fires but every little bit helps. Some American fire fighters have landed so that is great, the more the merrier, im sure ours are just exhausted and they expect more hot weather to come.

Back to work today. i didnt quite work out the alarm on my new phone and woke at 6am. oops. The positive is that no one new i was late or cared probably. i waded through some work but im done now.

Oh the weight gain. I have joined Weight watchers in some vain attempt at losing some kgs. Menopause is not conducive to losing weight with all the hormones seeping out of ones body. We can only try. At least i am eating a lot better and exercising more so thats a start.

Time to pack up for the day and go home.

take care xx

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 5 - wow, waking up at 8 by myself, full of energy and good spirit for today. Normally i have trouble getting out of bed, even after sleeping in (which is whenever i could). Mostly just didn't want to start a new day, and had to drag myself back to life.

This is actually my first working day again, but fortunately it is mostly a work-at-home-day for me. I have my own business so i can make my own scedule. Ehr.. it's neatly arranged for optimal drug and alcohol abuse. I planned all my meetings in three days (mostly Tue, Wed, Thur), to have the rest of the time working at home, being able to recover from yesterday's hangover and to work on the next one.
So Thurdsday night was Happy night for me. After three days crammed with meetings, not smoking pot (i cannot smoke pot on the evening before having a meetings, though of course sometimes i did. Dutch pot is highly modified and very strong, 1 joint is enough to get me seriously out of focus the next day, and 1 joint is never enough for me), and (relatively) moderate drinking, on Thursday night i was bursting out of my skin and after work ran straight to the weed shop and the supermarket for beer and wine. And binge!
That means that i was able to sustain my business, but hardly developing, growing, realizing my dreams (i have lots). Oh my god, to realize how much time i wasted... But i've realized that before and it's never helped me to go where i wanted to go.
I am so happy that today is a different day. That's what i'll have to stick with, regret is useless.

Yesterday was crazy. I thought i almost lost it a few times. I had promised to write a report for the philosophy program i'm in, but still had to read a large piece before i could do so. Couldn't focus in any way, sooo agitated, brain and body going wild. Bumping into everything (a zillion cookie settings just to look up a few f*ing words, all day going to the bathroom - body is moving -, out of toilet paper, dog wanting to walk, dog wanting to eat, dog wanting to walk again, ping another text message, panic, cursing myself rhaaaa!) and basically getting myself all worked up. Next to just not being able to think straight or to formulate a sentence even i could follow, I'm insecure about writing pieces. I want to write, but i still have to get used to exposing myself in that way (shame is a big issue). I always used AL to grease up the process when i needed to create something.
I thought please if i could just have one beer (well, maybe two), i'd write the damn thing!
Yes people, booze is going to help me find my own voice and put it out there. Like it has done in the past. NOT.

At 4 pm i took a shower, hot, then cold, and the cold one finally calmed me down a bit (cold showers rule!). I realized i had been hungry for hours and hadn't eaten all day except for a smoothie. Just not listening to my body, not taking care of myself before taking up this project, but just pushing myself.

"Because i wanted to be just fruit
But not the tree that has to bear it"

This line of a poem by the Belgian poet Jotie't Hooft came up (book called "Junkie Sadness"). It's so related to my drug and al use. And to what happened yesterday. If i want to live in a full way, i'll have to take care of myself before anything else.

So i ate. Then tried to read some more. When i realized i was never going to finish reading in time, i sat down before my laptop, took some deep breaths and started writing. I thought i'll just have to write just the way i am now. It's become a rather impressionistic piece, after pressing 'send' i had amoment of wanting to crawl into a hole in the ground, and then i thought fuck that Jules, you did it. You did it IN YOUR OWN VOICE!! And that is what it's about.

And very nice: I got a reaction of one of my fellow students, saying that to her what i had written was pure poetry.
My shame is on the way out as well dammit!

P.S. That prime minister of yours down under is one piece of work man. Is this man psychotic or something?
(if only he'd been an abberation among world leaders...)

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Nesters,
So happy to see that it was raining in Australia!
Julia, you’re doing awesome!
Weight gain- OMG I have gained so much weight! Need to get moving and back on a healthy diet. Menopause and quitting drinking combined is no bueno!
LC- thanks for asking about the project! It’s going well! It’s a tremendous amount of work but it’s moving along. I had to present the initial findings for 2 hours to all the involved investigators. The hard part is that my co-workers at my level aren’t involved and it’s hard. They treat me differently now. Even my first level supervisor is not involved so she is treating me differently. But my CEO and main supervisor are supportive and know that I am working hard. I don’t like my coworkers being upset with me.

Well day 22 is here! It’s gonna be a good day!!

Alcohol is bullshit!!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, Mr. G those are some wonderful donations, hope it helps I'm one of the few who didn't Gian anything over the holidays just cuz I was sick on and off and didn't get my eat fest I had planned on in Julia, great job on 5 days, my oldest daughter is trying to quit weed for a new job, she's a bit miserable but there's no terrible withdrawal from it, I'm lucky that I never liked being high, it freaks me out! Drunk yes but high no, waves to the gang and wishes for a happy and healthy AF day

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia - that was quite a waffle as we say. One mnemonic we use around here is HALT - if you've been in the sober community before you've probably heard it. But basically relapse is more common if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Good on you for finding distractions, and for just doing that writing.

I would have called myself a functioning alcoholic - I had a great job and still drank. Only after I quit did I see how much better I could be and how I could pursue a different avenue (that made me vulnerable also). I was suppressing myself, and I didn't even realize it. I was actually suppressing myself in a lot of ways I didn't realize - quitting drinking has been a tremendous gift in all aspects of my life. I'm sure you'll find a lot of room to make your business even better.

Nar, hope your mom is ok. It is hard to be in this generation taking care of parents and kids.

LC - I'm in Northern California - let me know if you're coming this way!

For now, my focus is going to be on eating less meat and eating fewer processed foods, and quitting the sugar every day habit. Nothing too drastic. We'll see...

Happy SOBER Monday.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

AMEN on the weight. Must. Stop. Eating. Well, the good news is that I finished off the gingerbread house, so that's gone. The only thing that's left is a giant loaf of punkin bread that I can easily leave. So death week begins, I'm at LEAST 4 pounds to the bad.

Julia, congrats on your 5 days! At day 7 you get a prize from us and bragging rights about it all. We are so happy that you are finding your voice! As Pav's avatar says, the power was within you all along!

My big conference call is this Wednesday at 2. We will have a good idea of whether or not we'll be getting the deal. Each side has its own set of 'deal breakers' you can tell none of THEM are commissioned salespeople!

Happy Monday, all, Byrdie

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, congrats on your 5 days! At day 7 you get a prize from us and bragging rights about it all. We are so happy that you are finding your voice! As Pav's avatar says, the power was within you all along!

This morning at waking up fresh and happy i thought when i'm on my 30th day i'm going to send all of you a pie! (What first popped in my mind was actually a bottle of wine. :eek-new: My god, the thought.. embarrassing!)
I really couldn’t have done this without you all, I’d be having a hangover today if I hadn’t come here. I wouldn’t have felt the fresh air on my face like I did today. I would have written a different, much more conformative piece yesterday (It turned out everyone was very excited about it! My sober piece!) without you people. I’m so grateful for this!
You’re right Pavati, I’ve also been suppressing myself in all kinds of ways, since I was very young. So despite of how hard it isat times, it’s an enormously freeing experience as well. Possibility!

I’m not responding to all the things I’m learning from you all (I’m way to absorbed by keeping my sobriety right now), but know that it’s all taken to heart. And I love reading your stories.
Yes, HALT rings a bell. But it was way in my background, so thanks for pointing it out Pavati.

I read there was a toolbox somewhere, but I’m afraid I can’t find it. Is there a way one of you can point me at it?

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, the link to the tool box is in my signature line for safe keeping (I couldn't find it either!) I think it's on the main page of the Just Starting Out section. Keep up the great work! Byrdie

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

ah thanks!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

It was a bit chilly but sunny & dry here today. I hear we will be seeing a bit. of snow tomorrow afternoon/evening. I’ll believe it when I actually see it, such a weird winter.
I signed up & joined an American Crafters group on FB last night. I will be making & donating joey pouches for the Australian rescue groups. They gave the sizes they need & I have tons of fabric laying around here so I thought it would be a good way to help out. I’m grateful for the US firefighters assisting in the firefight!

Julia, you sound like you are making great strides, good for you!

Byrdie, good luck on your conference call Tuesday. I know how hard you work & deserve something good

Hello to Pav, Pauly, Narilly, LC, G, Ava & all the rest!

Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick fly-by tonight. All is well, two long teaching days in a row and I'm a bit tired mentally. I think I've made it through the roughest days though and now can coast for several more before our break to the mountain cabin. Looks like we'll get some fresh snow while we're there so yay for that.

Hellos and waves to all - hope your weeks are off to great starts.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Quick fly by as I slept in a bit this morning.

Way to go, Julia!

Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Fly by for me, too. On vacation with family and so grateful not to be sneaking drinks!! That would be GROSS!!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Back at work, i feel like i have just started my first day of school, its sucking the life out of me already. Im with you Wags, my brain is fried after only two days of work, im sure it will get easier when i ease back into work. Just so damn tired.

Julia, just remember Rome wasnt built in a day. Recovering from addiction takes time and work. Im still working on myself 6 years later. Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with what we need to achieve when we first get sober and then get so overwhelmed as we cant do it that we drink. Take each day as it comes and great work on you racking up the days.

NS i hope you are having a great holiday.

We have had a bit of a reprieve from the fires thank goodness but more hot weather coming up. Smoke haze has lessened here so back to walking. Carl really needs a hair cut, he is just getting so hot but groomer booked out for a couple of weeks.

Best get back to the salt mines.

take care xx