Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Not much going on with me but that’s perfectly OK.

Julia, I can’t take credit for that quote but I absolutely agree with the sentiment ~ drinking is always a choice.
I found success when I finally took that option off the table. Made a solemn vow to myself to never ever drink again & that’s how I got my self respect back. You can do it too

TBoW, glad you worked thru the cravings, be proud!

Pav, shutting my mind off & keeping everyone out of it several times/day is such a gift. All you need is a few minutes here & there, easy

Wags, welcome back & happy to hear you had a great trip! Snow is fun, when you’re prepared for it, haha! FB reminded today of a huge storm we had 4 years ago, Lol
Hope you can keep your schedule easy for a while!

Narilly, good to see you!

Byrdie, a big congrats to you & your company on the big deal!!!! FINALLY!!!!
Befofre you know it you’ll be baking your brains out & entering international contests, Lol
I am happy for you!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, i like your shutting mind off technique - just a little here and there!

3b's - progress not perfection. Good job.

Good work Julia. Self care is huge in this game. It can be a lifesaver putting ourselves first when we need to. Developing that self awareness is helpful. Daily Gratitude list, some simple breathing/meditation can cultivate this.

All good here. Take it easy out there.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks, evabody! Today was busy!
I think my coworker is going to resign next week, so it should get interesting. They are going to be in a world of hurt when I leave, too. Whatever.
Wags, your vacation sounds like so much fun! You know how to live!
Julia, everything I’ve leaned about Alcoholism, I’ve learned the hard way (I wish that weren’t the case, but I’m very stubborn). You are making me so proud, every single day you fight through it, you build those muscles! Something that stuck with me in the beginning was ‘besides, what’s ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?’ Those are words to live by!
Hugs to all, stay safe and warm! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

BYRDIE!!! I'm late to your 9 YEAR party! Doing a little dance right by my computer for you. Huge congrats for the better life you've built. You deserve it. Congrats on the deal too. If I had one wish for you it would be to stop working at your current job. Hope it's April for you!

Wags, glad you had a nice mountain getaway and a more manageable schedule for a bit. Enjoy it! I find that the "middle" ground is hard to achieve when in business for yourself.

Julia, sorry you're feeling crumby. I'm glad you connected with the "conscious choice" thing... once we know what's best for ourselves and stop fooling ourselves, it gets much easier. I really hope you feel better soon!!!

Not sure why I've been more gone than here. I'm here in spirit I guess. I know it's not the same! Work is demanding, and last week was a doozy. Then I had a monster migraine Saturday while staying with friends for two days, and just started feeling better again yesterday. How the time flies. But we are doing well in the Kensho house. So glad it is Friday - I get one day to sleep in before the dreaded swim meet Sunday! The things we do for our kids.

Take care everyone.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

hey dear people, i want to ask you something:

i am noticing that i sometimes trick myself (insulting my intelligence is another way of putting it) in thinking smoking weed could be an option, because you people might not be so critical about this as when i'd drink. i know i know, this sounds so very childish... but i need to be held accountable, otherwise i'm afraid won't make it.
so: would you please be as firm and critical to me about smoking pot as you would be about drinking?

i have been addicted to speed, cocaine, weed, alcohol and have used nearly everything you can sniff, smoke, base, swallow or pour into your mouth (the only thing i never succumbed to is injecting drugs, but that's only because i was never in a position where that was enabled). addiction is my problem, not to some specific substance (though alcohol has been most persistent).

i don't want to use ANYTHING anymore that supresses me in any way or diminishes my presence. 9 years ago i managed to get off alcohol with high dose baclofen.i found no other option at that time than that one because i was too lonely and still too traumatized and my life was in a place where i found i just couldn't stop killing myself rapidly without the aid of meds. it worked up until a certain level. it has helped me build up my life partly, but in the end hasn't gotten me clean of addiction. not to mention of course that baclofen is also a downer.
now i feel i'm in a place where i can get really clean, and must, because time is just too precious.

when going af and df 23 days ago, i thought i might use low dose baclofen to help me with it, but i decided against it, as it would still make me feel dependent on something and this would keep me with one foot in the addiction mindfuck. by circumstance i even dimished the dose i was still taking before going to sleep with 5mg, so now i'm only on 25mg (which i'm in no hurry to taper down, but in the end will do so).

i sometimes notice myself searching for something i can still use (herbs, cigarettes, ANYTHING..! i'm afraid would lick the soles of my shoes if i'd think that would lift my spirit ). i didn't. and i don't want to.
the things i still use (nicotine chewing gum, the leftover of baclofen and antidepressants) are things i'm tapering down slowly in the process, but are heading out the door as well. i don't need them.

(by the way: hard drug use - except for alcohol - is way in the past. i'm not afraid to relapse into those. so don't worry, my being a multi user doens't require anything else than what i've already found here on the forum with you)

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia - DONE. What I keep telling my kids who are into experimenting with weed and alcohol, your body has the skills and capability to soothe itself if you let it. You need to let you body figure that out. One of the Bubble Hour podcasts features John Kelly about changing the stigma of addiction through science. It helped me. I was picturing my little dopamine receptors with their earplugs in... Yes, you should not smoke/eat/vape THC. Let your brain heal!

Way to go, 3BOW. Keep it up.

Byrdie - RIGHT. Who wants just ONE drink. And if I can't have any more...

Kensho - thanks for stopping in. Hope you're doing well.

Happy SOBER Friday everyone.
Pav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Happy 7th sober birthday NS, you are my gem on the nest and i so appreciate all of your help, love and support that you still provide to me and others.

Julia, the choice is always yours on what you do. Addiction is addiction. What will pot do to make your life better? I sometimes think i need something in my life as i dont smoke or drink but i have a life and that is all i need. I just need to be breathing in and out and i am happy. I know if i drink or smoke again then that shortens out my breathing in and out time. Your addiction brain is telling you its ok, put it in its box and shut it. I started knitting to take my mind of al when i stopped and also watched a lot of you tube docs on alcohol addiction but i am sure there are docs on cannabis use. My son smoke pot and i wish he would stop, of course he says he is not addicted but he is. its like talking to a brick wall but as i keep telling him its his choice, hes a grown up and i can only lead by example. Your thoughts will stop the longer you are away from al and pot until one day you wont think about them at all and boy is that a great feeling. Keep up the great work.

Yesterday i was having a nana nap and had a drinking dream. I remember having a glass of wine in my dream and when i was half awake thought that i must send my son to the bottle shop so i can have a glass of wine. Apparently i could moderate. i woke up and thought - shit have i been drinking a glass here and there and not told anyone and can moderate and been in denial about it. Then relief hit when i knew i hadnt had a drink. THEN last night i had a smoking dream that i was a moderate smoker and i found half a smoke that i hid so i could smoke it. At least i got those dreams out of the way and i wont do either. I appreciate the reminder of how easy it would be if i let them into my life to go back to the person i was.

A long weekend here and i think i have found a reasonabley priced fruit and vege shop so i can make my juice. My garden is going well but not quite ready for pickings.

Have a great day and take care xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION]. Once we got over the hump, we’ve had a great time haven’t we :smile:?

Pot just became legal this year in my state, [MENTION=24444]julia1970[/MENTION]. Being a Legal Beagle, I never tried it in my younger days. Occasionally it crosses my mind that maybe I should try it now that I wouldn’t be breaking the law until I remember we don’t need anything outside ourselves to make us ok so why take a chance with something that might end up being more than I bargained for. Even if it isn’t addictive, I’m not going to put myself in the position of wanting something too much. As our state debated whether to legalize weed, one of the arguments that was thrown about was that it was less dangerous than alcohol. Very probably true but given the situation all of us found ourselves in, maybe a better question is whether alcohol should be legal?? I know prohibition showed criminalizing alcohol to be a bad choice but I do think it is a shame that now another substance that can cause such heartache is going to be readily available, legal, and promoted. Plus, they are putting it in cookies and gummy bears so it isn’t going to be hard for a child to accidentally get into it.

Whatever drinking or smoking weed brings out in you that you are longing for, is already in you. It isn’t coming from the drug. The trick is to find a healthier way to release it. I used alcohol to relax and quiet my very busy mind. It isn’t as quick and easy, but a hot bath, massage, exercise, or meditation can bring out the calm and quiet NoSugar who sometimes seems to have disappeared. I know for sure she isn’t in a bottle or joint!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, NS Congrats to you on 7 years AF :welldone:
The longer we are in control of ourselves the better it gets, right?
About smoking pot, truthfully I don’t know a single person who went thru the 70’s without smoking a little pot. It was everywhere & kinda hard to avoid. My concern, now that it’s becoming legal almost everywhere is that studies are coming out showing that smoking pot can be cardio toxic. Just what a bunch of baby boomers needs, huh? I think I’ll pass!

Ava, those dreams are disturbing but also wonderful reminders why we work to maintain our AF’ness. Enjoy the veggies & fruits.

Pav, I think the brain healing takes quite a while. I suppose it’s different for everyone but maintaining your quit is an act of self love.

Julia, as long as you are here everyday we will keep an eye on you because that’s what we do.
Speaking of brain healing, we are also forging new pathways for our thinking. I knew I had developed a very bad case of negatives thinking which eventually turned into depression & killer anxiety. My doc put me on an AD which lightened my mood a bit but left me feeling for numb & still drinking. After 2 years I got off that & started on an OTC product with St Johns wort. That worked much better for me & a few months later I was ready to quit drinking forever. I worked an online course designed to help me chnage my thinking. In other words, this all takes time & a lot of trials & errors. Keeping working to find what works best for you & stay with it to reach your goals

Kensho, Byrdie, G, good to see all of you!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

NoSugar, congratulations on your 7 big years of Alcohol freedom! I would have never believed it when I was in the throes of addiction, but life is SO much better without being a slave to a substance! We are so proud of you and count ourselves LUCKY to have you here in the nest. Thank you for all you do, we LOVE YOU! :lucky:

Julia, when I was first trying to quit drinking, I decided I would quit drinking vodka and just drink wine, after all, I didn’t have a problem with that....until I did. What I came to realize is that I was chasing THE ESCAPE. I needed a relief valve. Let’s face it, we have addictive personalities so we must be vigilant to all these things that put us at risk. I’ve often thought about the pot thing. I have decided that anything that alters my judgement is not something I should participate in, I don’t want to relax my standards that I have worked so hard to put in place. If I feel like I NEED something, chances are, I should stay clear of it. Hang tight, those voices can be very convincing. Don’t fall for it, it’s a trick!
TFIF! It’s only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille (or WeedTown, as the case may be)! :rara:
Hugs to all! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - Congrats on 7 years!!! I'm not sure if this is true (but I like it), but it is said that our bodies cells fully turn over, with new ones replacing old ones, every 7 years. So now there isn't a single cell in your body that was ever a drinker! 7 Years is also the Wool anniversary, which is meant to acknowledge the comfort that is felt after 7 years together (in this case you together with your AF self). That all sounds pretty fantastic and I hope you have a wonderful 8th year ahead.

Julia - I think many of us here, many problem drinkers in general, have addictive personalities as Byrdie mentioned. I KNOW I do! I often have felt grateful that pot never appealed to me - I just don't like the feeling and I've tried multiple strains and approaches - and thus that just isn't a temptation. But I'm definitely guilty of "_____-seeking" behavior, searching for just the right herb or supplement or pill or tea or whatever that will just "fix" whatever I'm feeling that I don't want to feel.

In other words, I definitely have this addictive personality and that is at the root of my journey to remain al-free. When I first quit drinking, I substituted with something else more benign. I'm not typically a big sugar eater but that first year or so AF sugar (especially ice cream, which I had never habitually eaten) became more of a crutch. I also subbed with an activity - for me a simple puzzle type of game I played on an ipad or on my phone. I know these probably don't sound the same but at the root they sure are - as Byrdie wrote, I was chasing the escape. I was chasing the relief from something uncomfortable. And for the first several months (maybe year even) I gave myself permission to do so because I wasn't equipped with other coping or self-soothing tools. But I gradually realized that as long as I kept "medicating" with something I had to chase or felt compelled to do, I wasn't truly healing and while I wasn't healing I was also still craving (or at least tempted by) al. It wasn't until I stopped using those things as crutches that I was fully able to let go of al, and when I did, I turned a corner and haven't looked back.

What I've finally landed on is similar to what NS said - healthier ways to release the neurotransmitters and other physiological keys to feeling that calm or comfort or happiness. I've had to pair that with the notion that life is not always comfortable, and so sometimes it's more a matter of staying in the discomfort, feeling sad or angry or whatever, and then using healthy ways to either ride that out or help resolve things. And although there are some things I do on a near-daily basis, like exercise, I really try to keep from becoming addicted to it.

So, for you, turning to pot is just kicking the can down the road. If you're addicted to it, then you're just feeding your addiction from a different angle. Your AL-brain (or pot-brain) will try vehemently to convince you that it's ok, but it sounds like you've already identified that it isn't.

What can you do instead that truly takes you farther down the path of healing?


Happy weekends everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY, NoSugar!!

I am so happy to have you by my side as Ava said. You make so much sense.

I love the sentiment that whatever "you" is inside is always there - we don't need substances to bring us out. I think altering your mind is a long-time human action - from toddlers spinning to ultra marathoners - it is all a version of the same thing. Last year I went to a climbing wall and did a climb that I was so afraid of. It was a lot of both physical and mental exertion, and when I landed I felt SO GOOD! I actually said to the guy "I feel high!" It was all me! I had no idea my body could do that for me without any other substance. It was a great opportunity to learn that I can alter my mind without substances. Mindfulness, yoga, hiking, climbing, whatever it takes, are all healthy versions of that for me. What is it for you?

Off to get a lot done today - I'd rather not but I'll be ok.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

day 24: a quick post and off to bed
went to a play tonight (Othello, in a brilliant adaptation), on pain killers 'cause still sick, but man am i glad i went... wow...

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Just stopping in quickly to say hello!
I’m entertaining my grandsons, an overnight stay & all & have to keep them separated for safety’s sake, haha!!

Julia, great job on your 24 days & I hope you feel better soon!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

No Sugar! Happy 7! You have made a difference for me and countless others - and I am so happy that you are here and that I have met you.

My daughter just asked me what the worst habit I ever had was. And I said drinking. She said, "No, it was keeping a bottle of wine in your closet and going in there to drink it." I had a chuckle and had to agree with her.

We are doing well in the Kensho house. Just really busy. I sort of feel like I don't have much me time, and I need more. I will have to ask for that soon. We are doing a Whole30 eating plan the month of February, which is not possible for me unless I plan, plan, plan. So it's a lot of work, but my husband will feel exponentially better, and not drink the entire month either. I really want it to be a success so he can get grounded again, and remember that alcohol is not necessary in life. He will likely go right back to his habits, but it's a good reminder and I will definitely do what I can to facilitate it. We all feel better when we eat super clean for a bit anyway.

Julia, 24 days is fantastic. Way to go!

Hello to everyone else. I need to check in more often so I don't forget anything I've learned! Hugs to all !