Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Day # ??? on this wacky roller coaster.

Pauly - I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling without your routine, but I can definitely understand the challenge. NS is right - your 8 months are yours and one beer doesn't erase them. There's a fine line to walk regarding accumulated AF time. On the one had, you have to view things positively about accrued time if you slip up and drink - you have to frame it mentally like you still get "credit" so to speak for all your hard work, and fight the al voice that tries to tell you to throw the baby out with the bathwater like those weeks or months or years of sobriety have all disappeared. On the other hand, we have to be careful not to let this mindset give us permission to drink sometimes - like "I still get my time so it's ok if I drink today as long as I stop." You are in the first situation where you've got to still celebrate and protect that sober time and return to it, and the beautiful thing is you get to do just that. How can we help, if at all, to get you over this scary bump in the road and help you regain some equilibrium?

Ava - sounds like you're managing well all things considered. I'm sure some of the patients are really thrown off by not being able to have appts or meet in person. Keep on doing the great job that you are of helping them navigate and transition to a different way of doing things.

Julia - sorry to hear you're feeling so poorly. I hope those dark days end for you soon!


Thanks for all the wise and kind words about my dad. As much as I was dreading it in the pit of my stomach, he and I did have a very good talk yesterday afternoon and we cleared the air on several things. I think what much of it boils down to is that he is aging (almost 90) and is doing it mostly alone. Back in all of our younger days, we all assumed my mom would outlive him. She and I had conversations about how she would like to navigate those elder years if it came to that. My dad isn't a talker. He's very cerebral and introverted, very measured with his speech, so spontaneous convos just don't happen. And when the topic is at all emotional, he's ill-equipped (probably like a lot of men in his age group/generation) to explore or discuss them. Anyway, because of his own awareness of aging and not being able to do things as easily (or at all), he was interpreting some of my wife's and my behaviors as essentially questioning his ability or competence. We cleared the air on all of that and I think it brought him some peace. I know it helped me, as hard as it was. Honestly, I think he's kind of tired and ready to leave this existence. He isn't ill, but I think he's just kind of done and doesn't want to stick around just to deteriorate further. I won't be surprised if he goes somewhat soon and I think I am at peace with that.

It's just all so hard, and coming in the midst of this effing upside-down life we now are living, coupled with the financial uncertainty right now, it's a lot.

I'm so glad I don't drink.

Have great days and nights everyone. Hang on to each other (from 6 feet/2 meters distance of course!) :heartbeat:

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Pauly - you didn't wreck 8 months of sobriety - you had one bad day. Remember your thread counting the sober days. FAR more of those. I think the key is trying to stop now and not going further with it, even if your situation is so bad. Drinking will just make it all feel worse, and as Ava says, it is too expensive anyway... There are far too many people out of work for the government to do nothing. I may be naive, but I think people who have lost their jobs (SO SO many people) will get some relief. I am so sorry for all you're going through. We are all here for you. xo

Wags, sounds like my night. My mom lives up stairs, and I have been talking with her about isolating for a while. I had to convince her that my sister shouldn't go to her house to help her clean up right now, and that we could go to the grocery store for her. As I was talking to her last night, I told her my husband was going to the grocery store today and she should send a list. She said, "well, I don't need any dog food as I went to the pet store today..." We had JUST had a long conversation about how afraid she is and worried, and how I was "right" to keep my sister away five days ago. SMH - so, so stubborn. She then went on to say that I was smart and then to say I was over reacting all in one sentence. She did tell me that she and her friends are sick of being bossed around by their kids during this whole thing. I do think it is a control and autonomy thing. I'm sure your dad resents just being dependent in some way - and I'm sure deep down he is grateful to be there. I know my own kids look at me like I'm the village idiot sometimes, and it does not feel great...

I had to cancel a lesson I have, but I paid my teacher anyway. I'm trying to find small ways to support small businesses. Any of you small business people have any ideas? Can we appeal on FB? Sell certificates for future haircuts?

I would take NS up on her offer - she's GREAT counsel and funny, too.

Stay sober folks - it really matters now.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone.

You’re a strong one NS - I’m a perpetual PJ person “PPP” at the moment.

Yesterday was not a great day. I was feeling a little under the weather (but not terrible), and felt a bit “aimless”. I do very well with routines and goals and purpose. I believe things will all work themselves out, but it may be weird for awhile. I woke up having dreams of “the way things were” just 2-3 weeks ago, and wished for normalcy. I even wondered if alcohol would help my feelings last night. Yikes! Of course, I am not a drinker, so that was not an option. But I’m not sure what’s in store for the interior design business upcoming. Glad I have saved some cushion, but it won’t last forever!

I also do well with some quiet time. With the kids at home, and a need to help them with online learning come Mar. 30, I will have to seek out that time. And exercise is something I really need to commit to. That would be a good routine to pick up. What new routines can we all start - for ourselves and others?

Ava, I can’t imagine how busy you must be. Please DO take some time for yourself. Thank you for being one of the medical professionals we all need right now!

Wags, I wondered if any of your dad’s comments are really just his own insecurities or issues… Was going to encourage you not to take his comments personally, and it seems you worked it mostly out. Way to step into conflict brave lady… good job! It sounds like you’ve sacrificed to have him there and loved him the entire time; he’s lucky to have you. Hugs.

Hi G!

Pauly, hang in there. Everyone in the world is feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, so you have about 7 billion people sharing those emotions. It helps me to know I am not alone. We can do this without alcohol!

PAV, I agree with supporting small businesses. I paid my son’s cello instructor and the person who helped us clean house yesterday a bit more. Besides hoping that the stay in business, I can afford $10 more, and I know they are losing business at the moment.

Thank you all for being here. I’m going to force myself to exercise and try to fine a quiet place do to a short meditation. Then maybe check a few other things off the list for the one client I still have.

Best to everyone!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

It is a stressful time. You wouldn’t believe the traffic at the beach, I guess people and parents with time off and kids to occupy are taking the opportunity to come down. It’s packed! While Im trying to be sympathetic, these people are not practicing prevention. The longer people don’t comply, the longer this is going to last. I think they are going to close the bridge as a result of this. This is something they do when we have hurricanes, close it to residents only. I’d like to see that.
Yes, Ava, I think we’d all be lying if we said it wouldn’t be fun to check out of this nightmare for a while. The only trouble is, that it opens up a whole different one (conceivably WORSE). Here again, I believe something so strongly I put it in my signature line....All we gotta do is get thru THIS day.
It’s only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! :rara:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Doing a lot of mindful breathing these days, it helps! Especially after you’ve just read 4 or 5 FB posts where people are joking about becoming alcoholics during the lockdown. Not funny & truly they have no clue so I just kept my mouth shut
I’m out taking a daily walk down my lonely country road with my doggie each day. Today we were passed by three women out on horseback having a nice trot. Sokme people really know how to use their free time wisely.

Hello to Ava, Steady, Wags, Pav, Kensho, Byrdie & everyone!
Have a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Not much new to report. I did work from home yesterday afternoon (I have been in my office which is fairly but not totally isolated). It was definitely hard to focus in our small, small space with each of us up to something different. If people would stop knocking on my office door I would just continue to work there...

I also went on a hike with a few people in the afternoon. We stayed 6 feet away most of the time, but not all. And at one point I realized that although I was 6 feet away I was straight downwind from someone. Anyone know the guidelines on that.

Kensho, I thrive on a schedule and order, too. I am going to treat work days like work days still. Shower, get dressed. I'm sure the people I meet with on zoom wouldn't mind if I kept putting on a bit of mascara every day!

Lav, I started meditating last week and then got caught up in a swirl of texts and emails early every morning so I stopped. Thanks for the reminder to get back on that mindfulness. I have been doing breathing exercises every day because it REALLY helps my anxiety. I also have been keeping a journal - just a few quick things every day about what is going on. I think there's a book in here somewhere!

Hope you all are faring ok. I am so worried about you small business owners and service people. Let us know how we can help.

Pav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Lav, the al posts on fb are driving me crackers also. I could not even afford to stockpile the amount of al i would need if i was drinking. What meditation app do you use. i just dont have the patience but with all of the stress in my life atm i think i need to start focusing on myself each day. I have seen your pics on fb and have decided next week to take carl for a walk in the middle of the day to just get up and refocus. those 50 emails will still be there when i return.

Pav, i think it is more being in close contact with people than upwind. I had a bizarre dream last night that i was alone and could not find anyone anywhere, it was quite distressing.

Pauly, i hope you are doing ok, come back and stay connected.

Julia, is it over 80 days now? I hope you are feeling better.

Wags, i am glad your chat with your dad went well. My mum is not a communicator about emotions either, she didnt say she loved me until i was about 14. Atm she is getting quite angry with cabin fever as she has isolated for a couple of weeks now. My poor son cannot do anything right and he is pulling his hair out. I hate to imagine when we are put into isolation how that will go.

Oh Pav, you just want to smack the older people around dont you. I am lucky that i work in the medical field and told my mum what my boss had told me and she actually listened, it did take a couple of weeks for it to get in. She doesnt like to be told what to do either and keeps telling me not to worry about her she is fine. She still hasnt placed that food order at the supermarket that she doesnt like. I had a laugh. My kids think the same of me, like why am i so worried, we will be fine but i tell them as their mother i have a right to be worried about each and every one of them, mind you i am saying some pretty stupid things but it gives them a laugh. My son says he would not like to be in my head atm bless him.

Kensho, i dont envy you with children atm being inside and not spending time with friends etc. I know if my kids come home when we are in isolation they will drive me crackers and they are all grown ups.

Hi Steady, i hope you are staying safe and well, we will raincheck on the coffee, i cant believe how the months are flying by already.

Hi G and LC. I hope your girls dont drive you crackers also and please stay safe.

Yesterday i went into work to catch up on the work that i have ignored while trying to do more important stuff. It was good to be back in the environment that i work in and to be able to download. Everyone is prepping for the unknown and trying to keep our hand gel from going missing. That seems to be a huge issue at the hospital and face masks. Not that our nurses and drs need them! We had an 85 year old flog some hand gel last week and the dr said please put that back and she said "call the police" and walked out. Okay then off you go. They have finally made it that patients can only have two visitors and visiting hours reduced, i hope that changes soon to none unless the patient is palliative.

Time for a cuppa, take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We got the sun back, chilly breeze but that’s OK. I was just outside checking out the fully bloomed dandelions in my yard, haha! I leave them for the bees, no more pulling those things. I made a big mess of oven baked chicken tenders & Sweet potato fries for dinner. Now I have some leftover chicken for a few days.

Pav, I rather like my alone time to just clear my mind, walk the dog, vacuum, whatever!!
The more I see on TV about this virus the more grateful I am to be old & retired, Lol All thru the 80’s & 90’s we worked scared of contracting Hepatitis or HIV in addition to TB & other funky things. But this virus seems very different & deadly. I worry about my kids being exposed in their jobs too. My daughter decided to take some time off instead risking exposure & bringing it home. We need to stay focused on staying healthy for our immune systems, practicing social distancing & of course good old fashioned hand washing. We will get thru this if every one pays attention!!

Ava, have you tried the Calm app? I like any guided meditation & I especially like to listen to them as I fall asleep. I think stuff sinks in better then, haha!!
My DIL was mad yesterday because the boys were out playing basketball in the driveway & the 80 year old neighbor was out there handing them donuts & bananas, haha! I’m sure the old lady had extra food to use up before it went bad & didn’t realize she was getting too close. I’m still seeing those FB jokes about AL - if people only knew, huh? Don’t let the family drive you nuts. Make them go out in the yard & cut grass or something. The hospitals & nursing homes here stopped all visitors & volunteers early this week. No one is allowed in & I think that’s sad but a good idea.

Hello to everyone else & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Lavande, there's something delightful about your posts - fully-bloomed dandelions, bees, oven-baked chicken tenders & sweet potato fries - really lovely details in the midst of world gloom! :heartbeat:

Crikey, Ava, you're really up against it at work. I salute all healthcare workers at the best of times, but especially right now! :welldone:

Partner and I feeling thankful to have food in the fridge & cupboards, books and music to listen to. Music's a big one, to keep us all in the groove. :thumbsup:

Peace and love to everyone in The Nest,
Steady

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters!

Peace and love back to you Steady! Sounds like you have the week ahead sorted.

Lav, i thought i read Carl app, not Calm app in ur reply to Ava! haha, reckon i'd take the Carl app everytime.

All ok here. I think Australia needs to shut down non essential public places along with releasing the promised gov't financial survival packages to business' and individuals renting etc. We can afford it and we need to take action now. We have the lessons and examples of China, HK, Singapore, Italy to learn from and help guide us.

Big waves to evabody. Think positive and take some 'you' time out daily.

P.S. My daily meditation minimum is 5 mindful breaths or 60 seconds of breathing. Can i handle that every morning amid the chaos? the answer is a resounding yes. Those of us without time and under pressure are often the ones who need it most.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

hey people, i've relapsed this weekend into smoking weed. feel a bit ashamed about it, but at the same time i know this can happen and it doesn't have to be a drama.

what went wrong?
i was unstable and was feeling pretty bad (partly due to tapering down ad's). and i was minding other people more than myself. and then i had a frustrating thing with a friend (who i was minding more then myself), and then another one with my man, and then i had a melt down and went straight to the hasj bar. (after 24 hours of being forced to shut, they were allowed to reopen as street dealers were asking excuberant prices).
also my behavior hasn't changed enough. i've stopped drinking and smoking pot, but changing my behavioral patterns is another thing. there needs to be more active self care in my life, and developing new patterns.
i'm too much turned outward lately, with everything going on. i need to focus on myself!!! the afternoon before my relapse i was already feeling angry, lonely and tired. i was writing a post about that, but i think i was distracted or something and broke it off.

i feel especially awkward and embarrassed telling this to my man.

have to work on a plan every day to prevent this from happening again.
fortunately no inclination to drink al.

so i guess this is day 1... still foggy from the weed of yesterday evening

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in this morning. Things are holding steady around here. I met with a new student yesterday for our first class. It went ok but in spite of my need for income right now I think I'm going to withdraw from the work relationship. He aspires for a perfect score (or as close as possible) and our chemistry was only so-so. In my experience, that is not a successful combination, and at this time I need my sanity and mental health more than the bit of money that comes from any one student. I have a consult with another new student this morning and I've got fingers crossed that this one will be a better fit. If not, I'm ok with that. I've got just enough students to stay afloat through April and by then we'll know a lot more about the situation, govt financial relief packages, the outlook for the summer, etc.

I am grateful every single day that I am not a drinker during this time. I'm not out trying to stockpile al, I'm not numbing myself to the discomfort of this time in history, I'm available and able to act quickly if things change or someone needs urgent help, and I draw strength from all of you.

Have great days and eves fellow nesters!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia - sorry to hear, but great job stopping things in their tracks. Day one, onward and upward. You've got this.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Turned cold & windy here despite it being spring - typical east coast US weather, haha!!
Got out for my walk with my dog & faced a chilly wind the whole way back. I think that should give me extra points or something Lol.

Wags, good decision to let the ‘perfect’ student go. Who needs to deal with that sort of neurotic behavior now? We have way too much else on our plates, right? I hope the new one is a better fit for you

Julia, hang in there! One mess up is not fatal, we’ve all been there. How about reworking your plan to include more self care, something we all need right now!

G, if there was a carl app I would get it too, haha!!

Steady, I am doing my best to stay positive & proactive during this current crisis. I never thought I would take joy in seeing dandelions bloom, honestly. I keep my eyes open for any little thing to add to my gratitude list! It helps me

Four more days & I can claim the 11 year AF badge! Can’t believe it’s been that long but it has & I am eternally grateful
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia - sorry you relapsed, but glad you came here and gave some self analysis. When I first quit, my quit was #1 ever and always. If I needed a hike, I took one, if I needed to spend three hours reading and writing on MWO, I did it. At first it felt selfish, but then I realized that my sobriety was not selfish - it made me a better person for my family and friends also. Self-care and changing your patterns is a very good idea. Just living the same life while trying to be sober doesn't work. It operates on will power, and that can't last forever - the human brain can only say no so many times. That's why changing patterns, and thus neural pathways, is necessary. Take care!

Wags, good decision. You don't need the headache. Hope this other one works out.

I want the Carl App also. My husband and I have been meditating without the guided part, and I think that with all that is going on some guided meditation might be in order. I'm not currently very good at staying in the present without worrying about the future.

Anyone on Instagram seen Pluto the dog (a schnauzer? from Canada). He is voiced from one of his two moms and is amazing. His Instagram handle is @pluto.living Check him out.

Lav, I , too, love your posts. I wish I was quarantined with you!

Take care, Nest. Scary times call for excellent self care.
xo
Pav