Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Nice to see so many checking in today
I agree we are all coronavirus weary BUT now is not the time to get complacent. All the talk of ‘when to reopen’ the country is stressing me out big time! Reopening too soon could easily throw us back to where we started more than a month ago. Who wants that?
Just got in from my daily walk so I feel a little more stretched out after hanging over a sewing machine all day, haha. Making a lot of progress with the masks though so it’s good.
I operated my home based embroidery business for 15 years & I enjoyed it but also hated it at times. Trying to make customers understand that I don’t want to take calls at 9 pm or on Christmas eve or any time any business would be closed was difficult. Just because I am here doesn’t mean my business is open for your pleasure, ugh! Even Sunday morning calls, really!!! I understand what all of you are going thru right now working from home. Hopefully it’s only temporary.

Great to see everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone. We have 10" of snow this am and 7-12" more on the way today. My husband has to drive to work, and I am disappointed in this decision as I feel it is dangerous on the roads. Nevertheless, I am up early and plan to go shovel a bit for exercise. I bet it is SO quiet out there!

It seems like quite awhile since I was in the circular trap of alcohol. Waking up feeling sweaty, nauseous, brain fogged, remorseful and guilty, hating myself for not following through with my rules for myself. It took me a long time to understand why I still drank, despite knowing that I wanted to quit. I have always been a girl that does what she decided to do. Makes it happen, rolls up her sleeves and does what it takes. And I would make rules for myself at 10am, and by 2-3pm, I was already mentally caving. By 4:00 I was planning my next drink. By 5:00, I was sipping on the road home and by 6:00 I was having more than the one I decided to allow myself at 4:00. C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T.L.Y. breaking rule after rule - I couldn't control it. And it confused me. It's when I finally understood that I was the definition of addiction; wanting to stop then wanting to drink more - hating my behavior and then indulging night after night.

Addiction is being stuck in the neural pathways that we've worn. Like trying to ride a bike in a deep single track rut - hating how narrow and dangerous the path is, but feeling it's too hard to get out. It's hard jumping the line and wearing new paths over land where there hasn't been travel for many years - or ever. But over a few weeks, the new paths felt more normal and now, instead of the one deep rut I used to respond to every situation (happiness, boredom, anger, hunger, being awake), I have many single tracks. They are shallow, but nicely worn and easy to trade. Some are for baths, some are for breathing. There are paths for sleeping, meditating, laughing, crying, acknowledging - every other coping mechanism but drinking. And they are much nicer paths - better maintained and safer. I rarely feel stuck or "in deep".

Anyway - I don't miss that cycle. AT. ALL.

Husband's boss just said he doesn't need to go in after all. Thank goodness - transportation is saying to stay off the roads.

Have a good day everyone.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning (for me)--

Kensho - this winter is HANGING in there. I can't believe you're going to have that much snow. Yes to new pathways.

I wish now that I had two separate phones - one for work and one for home. Too late for that now - they are one in the same. At some point maybe I'll get a new one, but it would be hard to change. That would allow me not only to turn off the call, but also the email and texts. Too much...

Lav, good reminder not to get complacent. I can see me being a little less afraid afraid, and so relaxing a bit. For example, I didn't wash my hands immediately at one point yesterday when I went outside. That wouldn't have happened even last week. I have to maintain vigilance!

Julia, I have been doing counter push ups (chicken arms here, too) in breaks at work. I just do 10 at a time several times through the day. Seems to be working because my arms are sore. And when I say "I just do..." I mean for the last two days! We'll see what sticks...

Happy SOBER Thursday. This week has FLOWN by for me - I have been very busy at work which is stressful but also good.

Hope you all have great days,
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Thursday...Is it Thursday? This is very confusing.

Ken, Yes to new pathways. "to make a new pathway you have to walk it (or bike it)" I used to say that a lot. Thanks for that.

Lav, I agree that opening up to early could be devastating, it has to be done properly, hopefully they figure out how to do it.

There has been a Covid outbreak in one of the camps up north but not my hubby's camp. 3 guys have tested positive and one is in intensive care. I think it is only a matter of time before it shows up in my hubby's camp but so far so good. I don't think about it too much because there is no point. He is a cancer survivor and has asthma but he is in good shape so fingers crossed. He wore a mask up there on the plane and he said the flight attendant was freaked out by it. Only 2 guys wore a mask on the plane which is surprising. The plane holds about 60 guys and they have some distancing but what can you do in a plane?

The weeks are going by fast- good on you all for exercising. I try and do 20 pushups everyday but the chicken arms I think are just part of getting older.

Pav, your son has a good sense of humor, does he get that from you?

Have a good one everybody and don't drink today.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

i always had chicken arms. i never could do more than a few pushups, and to be honest i always gave up trying soon and switched to other excersises. i always felt clumsy and weak when it comes to chest/arm excersises, or boxing, that kind of stuff. the rest of my body is a completely different thing, it's not weak and not afraid to be challenged. it's a mental thing i kind of know the roots of. but i'd like to change it.
this should be doable for me too Pav! not 10 but as much as i can. why not? i'm starting tomorrow and will keep you updated to motivate myself. i've also found a video with a dynamic, interesting and creative upper body work out, that might be more appealing to me than plain push ups. i need to like the excersizes. i know, planking and head stands are boring, but they can bring a meditative quality, each in their own way, that i like.
come to think of it: i don;t know what counter pushups are.

i hope your husband is well Nar!

i'm doing fine. don't know if i ever felt this strong and at ease with myself and the world. i feel things, my life, keep(s) on changing in subtle ways, week after week.

hope you are fine too dear people. thank you so much for being there with me!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Julia, your words are exactly what i was thinking to myself this afternoon. I feel strong & at ease with everything, even this darn virus. I am not scared but I am alert & mindful & am constantly teaching my husband about infection control. I think he’s finally getting it, yay!
We had snow flurries today & thetemp is dipping below freezing tonight. So I guess Spring is over??

Kensho, can’t believe yo have that much snow, geez, sorry! Be careful out there.

I delivered a bag of 30 masks to the hospital today, they were grateful. I think I can squeeze out another 15 or so from the surgical wrap they gave me. I have SO many people requesting masks for personal use so I will be busy for quite some time. Glad to be of help since I will not, under any circumstances go back to work at any hospital, no way.

Narilly, I sure hope your husband is safe & keeps his mask on!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - I can't imagine having that much snow at this point! I do love how quiet things are, even in a city, with a big blanket of snow. Glad your husband didn't have to drive after all. Oh, I changed my name when I came back to MWO in 2016. I don't know if you remember but way back in the fall of 2014 there was some big computer-related issue with MWO and nobody could log on for a period of time (days? a week or more?). I think they shifted to a new platform or server or maybe host. Anyway, I was never able to get back on after that move, and since I'd fallen off the wagon I also lost motivation. Anyway, I tried to us that account again when I returned in 2016 for this final quit (yay) but still couldn't get that account to work so I just punted and made a new one but used the same profile pic so everyone would know it was me

Nar - that's scary the virus has been detected in another camp. Any close living quarters seem to be especially at risk, but aside from precautions I think you're smart to not worry on it too much - you could drive yourself into a whirl and still not be able to do anything about it.

Belle - working from home has its challenges for sure. Even though I've been operating about 90% of my biz that way for 3 years, I still find aspects of it challenging, especially time management (like spending too much time working). I find it helpful to actually make myself a schedule, including specific breaks, and then to include some routines I would have if I worked away in an office (like coffee, although I don't drink coffee so not that specifically). That and having a specific place where I do some of my work, although I also treat myself to some work time on the back deck or in the living room by the fireplace depending on the weather and season.

Julia - you sound strong. Good for you on the work you've done and the focus you've developed - it's so great to witness.


Ok, I should get going with my day. I have an early class in an hour. This is a new student I first spoke with a couple of days ago. By the end of our free consultation she was crying, saying I was the first tutor she'd spoken with who actually asked *her* questions about what *she* thought were her strengths and weaknesses and who said things in a way that was supportive instead of making her feel like all of this test stuff was just easy and obvious (cuz it isn't). It actually made me mad to hear some of what other tutors had said or done. Just because you yourself are good at something, that isn't enough to make you good at teaching it. Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how today's first full session with her goes.

Catch you all later - Happy Fridays-into-Saturdays to all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags, I like your ideas for working at home - regular places, regular schedule, and the occasional trip to the deck! It must be so gratifying to have a student tell you that. I only know you here, but you do seem empathetic and kind, so it seems obvious to me that you'd be a good teacher. I am sure that the tests you tutor for make people extremely nervous and anxious. It must be nice to have a calm, compassionate tutor. How did you get into that line of work? It seems like a niche job it would be hard to "stumble" into.

Lav, I would order a mask if I lived near you. I heard there are people around her making them but I don't know them. Might have to get out the old needle and thread this weekend. I've never been someone who is good at precision work like sewing, but since I don't care too much about how the stitching works I think I could get something together.

Julia you sound great. Calm and at peace. I can't quite get there. I think NS put it here earlier, I should be good at this now. Not worrying about the future, one day at a time, acceptance of the situation. But I can't quite get there, I'm still fighting against the situation and wishing it weren't like this. Neither healthy nor effective. I'm working on evolving...

Nar, you sound good, too. Sorry about the virus going through the camps. It makes sense that it would, but it would be stressful to have someone come and go from my house who was in that situation.

Pauly, I think I'm going to be a comfy sofa with a strong framework!

Happy SOBER Friday - I am glad for the weekend. And grateful for my job.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yea Wags!! That's awesome. Way to be a superstar. Empathy goes a Loooooooooong way in this world. :heartbeat:

I am missing normal. At first I had long lists of things I couldn't get to that I tackled, and I don't mind being a bit of a homebody. But yesterday I had a migraine and did just about nothing the entire day. I want to focus on designing, or building my business, or getting to the bottom of my health issues, and I have no active clients and am not really interested in making any non-emergency trips to medical facilities, and I wasn't feeling up to exercise. Feeling uncomfortably in-between. And I felt so yucky yesterday, the thought of drinking to numb crossed my mind. I won't because I don't drink.

Anyway, just a passing mood I hope. I have a face time with my dad shortly, and have to drive to the bank to deposit the check our big client paid us - drive through and hand sanitizer of course. And I have to drop a shirt in the mail that I ordered that came in too large. Then I can figure out what to focus on. If the weather would stop yoyo-ing, I may have some migraine relief and can find a new purpose. I always do.

Lav, glad you're staying out of the hospital!

Julia, how are the planks?

Take care peeps.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Friday everyone.

Wags, you are a great teacher. I needed a teacher like you when I was growing up, lucky kids.

Yeah Ken, I am missing normal too. I always go to the market on Friday and here I am with 2 weeks worth of groceries in my fridge. I am good for another week.

Pav, you are lucky you have a job you like. I am still on Unemployment but you never know although its pretty hard to find work during this pandemic.

It is warming up here and we should be into the high teens (celsius) next week. Oh yeah!! I am very excited about that.

Have a great day everyone- Lav, I wish I could buy one of your masks.

Hi Pauly, Byrdie, G. Slo, Julia, LC, everyone.

Don't drink today.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

You guys know I'm big on the Three Principles but Stoic Philosophy is very helpful to me overall and these days in particular.

This post is currently pretty relevant, I think (and gives a shout-out to addicts :smile:

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .”—Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5

The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not.

A flight is delayed because of weather—no amount of yelling at an airline representative will end a storm. No amount of wishing will make you taller or shorter or born in a different country.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone like you. And on top of that, time spent hurling yourself at these immovable objects is time not spent on the things we can change.

The recovery community practices something called the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Addicts cannot change the abuse suffered in childhood. They cannot undo the choices they have made or the hurt they have caused. But they can change the future—through the power they have in the present moment. As Epictetus said, they can control the choices they make right now.

The same is true for us today. If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier, we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.

Control and Choice

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Chicken Arms here, too. Ha! Stella is in good company! Lav, how are your birds these days?
Snow! Holy cow! We had 73* here today and it was a beautiful day to get out for a walk.
Pav, our cable provider, Spectrum, is offering $9.99/ month second lines for your home. The cat may be out of the bag with your home phone number now, but something to think about.
I worked from home since 1988! One of the things that got me into trouble was transitioning my business day to evening. Enter the evening cocktail. I guess we all know where this ended, but fast forward to 2011 when I was trying to quit drinking. I NEEDED something to cut off my business day so I turned to bubble baths. I ‘washed off’ my day. It really helped.
I got dressed for work every day. I started my day at the same time, took lunch at the same time and TRIED to end at the same time, although my last job I could work 24 hours and never get it all done. I stuck to a schedule. I am convinced that I worked 1000 times harder at home than I did in an office. I am a chit chatter so I could easily make a cup of coffee last an hour. I also pay attention to other conversations, so that was an issue. When I really had a project to do (while I worked from home) I didn’t even turn the radio on. Yes, I’m THAT easily distracted (kind of like my dog!). The SHINY thing! Ha! Working from home is the best and the worst! I told my stepdaughter that you can still hate your coworkers, even if you aren’t in the same room. Remember Marietta (The Hag)?
NS, thank you so much for that post. I have read it twice and will put it in my own tool Box. I appreciate your finding that, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
It’s only Friday (I think) NOT a ticket to BoozeVille :rara::rara:
Signed,
Chicken Arms

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

very short tonight, 'cause my man is with me and i don't want to be on the screen too much.
i'm good, happy the weekend is here and also beautiful weather.
hopefully more time tomorrow.

hugs!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening you chicken armed people

Not exactly sure how that term came to be because I know for sure chickens have 2 legs 0 arms, haha!!!
My girls are doing just fine, they’re routine hasn’t changed a bit. I lost two last month due to natural causes so I’m down to 17. They average about a dozen eggs/day because someone is always taking a day off. I am feeding neighbors & dropping them off on my kid’s doorsteps so it’s all good.
I have my younger grandson & his dog this weekend because one parent is visiting her father & my son is doing a 36 hr shift in DC. It’s just the way it has to be despite the virus isolation.

Wags, I hope your new student enjoy her first session today. It has to feel good knowing you’re helping relieve some of that student stress!

I finished up sewing the masks for the hospital today & have started on at least 19 that others have asked for, haha! When I get them done I’ll start on a batch for anyone here who wants one. Just PM me your address & I’ll get one in the mail for you

Pav, Kensho, Narilly, NS, Byrdie, Julia & everyone, have a good & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All--

Lav, your chicken arm comment made me laugh out loud. I imagine that dancing chicken carcass from the old Peter Gabriel video - I guess those are wings. I may just PM you for a mask - I'll have to think of something I can do for you in kind...

Thanks for that, NS. The problem is that I intellectually know all of that, but getting to that point takes more practice and discipline than I've put into it. I am there for MANY things - whether someone likes me or not, for example. But I'm still in that phase of this pandemic of wanting to pinch myself hard and wake up from this nightmare. I'll settle down eventually, but currently I'm wishing for things that are impossible.

I don't have much more to add. I'd like to do something "different" today. Anyone have any great quarantine projects? Maybe we'll do some yard work - after our rainy spring that involves a lot of cutting things back and taking control of the hillside!

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav