Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All--

Pauly I feel you - tired of caring. I keep hearing about how the Spanish Flu's second wave was the more deadly because people were tired of caring, so I try to stay vigilant, but it is hard.

Wags, I'm in. I consider cooking a craft - I just cook meals. Nothing fancy, but I try new recipes all of the time. Last night I tried black bean burgers. I must have read something wrong because they came out, as my son called them, black bean sloppy joes. But they were tasty. And vegetarian. I am trying to incorporate more meatless meals into my rotation. It is HARD for this carnivore, but I'm getting there.

Julia - I have been thinking about you. I hope all is ok.

Not much else to say. Happy SOBER Thursday.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest! The like buttons are back! I didn't realize it until Byrdie pointed it out. Habits.

We camped last weekend on some family land (no communal restrooms or crowds), and I actually almost forgot about Covid for a bit. It was a nice getaway. It snowed, but we stayed toasty. Met up with some friends who we haven't seen in quite some time and that felt good. We probably got too close, though I'm almost certain they had the virus back in March.

This morning, and the past few, have been coffee while watching the wildlife in our backyard. Yesterday, 5 squirrels chased each other in a fury for about an hour. And we have some pretty little gold finches at our feeder and fountain. The moths though.... we have taken to using the vacuum tube at night to clear the sleeping spaces. The were dive bombing my husband in bed - even in the dark! Anyone know what makes for a bad moth season?

I have some projects now, and am struggling to balance keeping the kids out of trouble and getting work done. They are out of school but my son in particular is lonely and unwilling to reach out to friends from school. He wants to spend 10 hours a day online - and it's a constant battle to get him off and exercising, choring, etc. I wish he was more driven. But I wasn't either at his age. I guess it comes with the realization that at some point we need money to have stuff.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading back and can identify with the "time warp" and "why are people willing to risk death for a beach". I won't go into my feelings about the latter because it makes me really frustrated. I also want normal to return, but I am not in denial about facts - I think many people aren't getting facts, like NS said. Wish I could help fix that - but the manipulation on the media has worked so well on so many.

Narily, so sorry you had emergency surgery. Glad you're on the other side and feeling better.

G, good to hear you are taking it all in stride and appreciating the moment for what it is. I used to miss so much when pushing away the uncomfortable feelings. Being sober helps us get what we need to get out of them and grow and get stronger. Thanks for sharing.

Time for a walk with the chocolate puppy. Then to work. Hope everyone has a good day! We are all lucky to be healthy and alcohol-free!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thursday evening greetings Nesters,

Clouds & a couple of rain showers here so it’s been an inside day. Did a little cleaning, not much & made some yummy sweet potato fries for dinners

Kensho, your camping trip sounds like it was nice. We used to camp when the kids were young & always found interesting things to do.

Pav, black bean burgers are delicious! I do a batch right on the griddle on my cooktop & save them for lunches, yum

Pauly, I’ve blown off a lot of things these last few months, I get how you feel. It’s hard to summon up normal feelings in an abnormal time. Hang in there!

Wags, check out some YouTube videos for crafting. You can get a real idea of what things are like & fit a good fit for you. It has to be something that makes you happy, haha!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, I appreciate your kind words. I think I have PTSD, too. That whole situation was so infuriating, and then all this!

I was sitting outside on the porch earlier today, with my elbows on my knees looking at the ground. There was an ant busily scurrying around my feet. He needed to get by my foot in order to continue on with the task at hand, whatever that might have been. He evaluated the situation for a brief moment, he looked left, he looked right, and then he decided with great zeal, to simply climb over my foot. To this ant, my foot was an enormous obstacle, one, to many, would have proven insurmountable. This guy didn’t give up or turn around, he simple proceeded forward. This ant gave me inspiration today. And that’s how it’s done. One obstacle at a time.
Pauly, I wish I could give you a hug. All this caring is exhausting, but we’ve come too far to take our foot off the gas. Let’s push forward just like that ant did today.
Kensho, I’ve never been camping, I’m too high maintenance! I’m jealous, it sounds fun! (Is there an air mattress? A curling iron?)
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - ok first of all - what???? You've never been camping??? Actually I think there are three types of people: 1) those who love camping, 2) those who love the "idea" of camping but not the reality of it and remember that every single time they go (like, "WTF was I thinking???"), and 3) those who don't like it and don't go. I have a feeling each group has pretty loyal members. I've always loved camping but I'm pretty outdoorsy/sporty and decidedly low-maintenance. I wonder if you would like Glamping? Anyway, the ant climbing over your foot sounds like a wonderful opportunity to gain inspiration. So glad you saw it all happen and then got something meaningful out of it.

Lav and Pav - OMG I love black bean burgers! Sloppy joe style or otherwise - one of my long-time favorites. Pav will you try making them again? That's so great that cooking is your craft and I totally agree that it is one.

Pauly - Feeling tired of caring sounds pretty normal. Take care of yourself and maybe take a news break or similar. We probably have a long haul ahead of us so we're marathoners not sprinters. Or maybe we can treat it as more of a relay so that we can hand off the hard work at least sometimes.

Kensho - your camping sounds wonderful! Balancing your projects with your kids and other responsibilities sounds challenging. I hope you're able to find ways to help him self-motivate to go offline and engage with others.

Hellos and waves to everyone. It's almost the freakin' weekend but no tix to boozeville - the price is just too high!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!

It's been a long time and it was really nice to read back and catch up. I've been on a couple of times, but had to work up the courage to actually write. You've all done such a good job of getting through this crisis without drinking! I had a huge relapse in the first couple weeks of lock down and it's taken a huge amount of effort to pull myself back out of the hell I create when I drink. I was quite down on myself, trying to figure out why I haven't made my way out? So many of you here have and I've been around forever and I know what to do. I began going to aa zoom meetings here in Berlin and it's been helpful in the sense that it's in real time, my time.. but it still doesn't really feel like mine. Anyway, I know I can take what's helpful and leave the rest. I miss everyone here in the Nest.
I realized during this time that I've never not worked.. since the age of 14. And I've always been employed by someone. With the exception of having my own restaurant for 6 years, but that was non stop work. So I am just beginning to get the hang of finding/having some discipline in my time warped life.
NS, I'd also received the article from the Tempest that you posted.. as it stated, and as some of you have said, this time is confusing for many reasons. I was also thinking about all the things I would accomplish and then feeling bad for not getting anything done. Of course it helps to share with others and find out that it's the same for many.
I probably won't be going back to work until September.. could be sooner but it seems we're moving slowly to open up again, adding just a few people each week.. which is probably smart. We're all sort of waiting for the numbers of infections to rise again.? The girls and I are living on a crazy low budget, but it has also been kind of fun to plan what we can cook for the money we have, to look at what's on sale and improvise, etc. Lots of beans/lentils/veggies.. What I like to eat anyway.
I forced myself to get back into my meditation practice (which has been an inactive part of my life for a few years now) and it's been good for reducing anxiety, helping me stay in the moment. It's been interesting to see how much of my life I'm living either being in the past or in the future in my mind. The practice helps me/my brain to come back to the present.

Reading through the posts of the past weeks made me want to reach and hug you all! Even though I wouldn't be allowed to at the moment.
Much love and butt bumps to Lav, Byrdie, Pav, NS, Kensho, Pauly, Nar (I'm glad you're ok! I had a similar emergency appendectomy years ago. scary.:hug, Wags, Gman, Ava, Belle, Steady, Julia, Drifty (well done on 3 months!).. and anyone I might have missed.xx

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi dear people, time for me to connect again. i'm sorry i took off without saying anything. i just felt very disconnected, also on the forum, despite of how kind and caring you all are. overall i felt the need to withdraw, which i guess is a natural thing in a situation like this. i felt completely lost.
i get how not eveyone understands the impact of losing my dog, if you don't know me or my history with him.
i stayed in close contact with my best friend and my love, whom i don't have to explain anything to, they just understand. besides that, after work i needed to withdraw as much as i could and find my way anew.
i'm still sad and off track. it feels like the fabric of my life has been torn up. but i feel like i'm in the world again, the land of the living, back in the normal timeline. though the rug was pulled from under me, this time there was something underneath it, people who wanted to be there for me, not expecting anything in return. that's a first to me, and a beautiful realization.

as you may have expected i did smoke pot off and on. i didn't drink, next tuesday (on my birthday) i'm 5 months af. huge respect for you to have gotten back to sobriety again LifeChange.
before my birthday i want to be sobered up again completely. which means after tomorrow i have to be clean. i don't want a weed hangover on my birthday, as my love has made a little plan to celebrate.

i'm moved by your asking how i am Pav, even after my weeks of dissappearing. thanks..

and by the way, have you seen this lecture about addiction? Judith Grisel, Ph.D.: "Never Enough: How Affective Homeostasis Creates Addiction" . I found this so very interesting.
it has a lot of information about how thc works in the brain too, which increased again my understanding of the trap i'm in right now with my weed & nicotine craving.

so of course the big question is: how and when? every stoned day is a lost day. smoking tonight won't be any different from last night. quitting tomorrow won't be any less difficult then quitting today.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, when I said I was tired of caring I think I just meant tired of it all, tired that it all happened in the first place, the deaths, the loss of activities and things, I won't let my guard down as far as the virus goes and preventing getting it as best I can, think like Wags said and take more breaks from the news, yet I have the need to know too ya know haha! Fomo for sure! Byrdie I'm with you on the camping, I did it a few times as a kid but we tried a few years ago up in my hometown and I realized there was no proper bathroom, coffee pot or shower and we bolted at 1 am and went and got a hotel room! Not for me at all LC, I had a drink session the day of lockdown and blew my 8 month streak so I get you on that yet it didn't help, just made me more sad and directionless, glad you're here, you too Julia, sometimes we do hafta step back and just shut ourselves off to think and sort stuff out without advise, I get that too, I've asked for advice on my shitty job yet it's up to me to sort out my feelings on it, Pav, black bean sloppy joes sound interesting haha, I did that with a white chili with chicken that was basically soup, I followed the directions to a T and still it was slop but we ate it anyways, a good corn bread on the side helped, alrighty then sending my love from Vegas to all and wishes for a happy AF day for us all

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC, great to see you back. I am sorry you've been struggling and so very happy to see you here again.

...this time is confusing for many reasons. I was also thinking about all the things I would accomplish and then feeling bad for not getting anything done. Of course it helps to share with others and find out that it's the same for many.

I just posted about this. I have been lucky to have work through this, but with any down time I feel lost and adrift. I don't do the things I SHOULD do. I have decided to shrink my "should" dos to more manageable sizes and actions. I don't need to intensely exercise for an hour every day. I can have shorter bouts of exercise. I can clean a shelf instead of a whole room. It has helped. I hope you're feeling ok.

Julia - glad to see you back. I'm sorry that you have been so down. Good for you for not drinking. I know pot is the next hill to tackle, and I know you got this...

Wags, I like your camper categories! I like camping but I actually like wilderness camping or off the grid camping much more than car camping. Because that requires more gear (or better gear) and more planning, I rarely go. My hips appreciate sleeping on the ground less and less, but I manage. Byrdie, glamping may be for you, especially if you can entertain yourself and find philosophical truths from watching an ant.

Kensho, I hear you about motivating kids. It must be so HARD for them, too. I spend an awful lot of time online myself...

Wags and Lav, let me know any black bean burger recipes you enjoy. I'll definitely try again as I do like them.

Happy SOBER Friday. A ticket to my couch...

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nice to see you Lifechange! I miss your voice. It's a weird and uncomfortable time and I can understand (and have felt) the pull to drink. Hugs.

Julia, HUGE congrats on your 5 month sober-versary! You are doing great. You will love being chemical free for your birthday, give that to youself

Byrdie, we have a pop up camper. The beds are really comfortable, and we have a propane stove with two burners. If we park it at an electrical site, you could even plug in a curling iron. I was a die hard backpacker, until I got my first good-night's sleep in this camper and now I don't know if I could go back.

Making it through this time for me has been figuring out what to do when I feel lost, anxious, restless, lonely, angry, defeated, etc. Those are really uncomfortable feelings. Drinking is an easy escape from those feelings, and that's why a lot of people abuse alcohol. But when it becomes a coping mechanism for every situation, and starts causing repercussions of its own, it becomes a NON-option. That leaves us feeling lost, anxious, restless, lonely, angry, and defeated, with no other coping methods. The trick for me was to learn to cope in other ways, and replace the drinking neural pathways as soon as possible - even when it felt uncomfortable at first. It took practice and being willing to feel yucky for awhile until they became ingrained.

Among other things, G-MAN developed a morning ritual, new self talk, and learned to sit with his feelings and just feel them. NS knits and PAV listens to podcasts and hikes. Byrdie bakes, Wagmore goes into nature and exercises. LAV tends to chickens and cooks. I go to sleep early, take baths and read. They sound like simple things, but with time, they become normal and rewarding - and REPLACE the need to drink. It also helps to accept that sometimes we just feel bad. There's not always a "fix" - our goal should not be to "feel happy" all of the time. It should be just to accept how we feel at any given time.

For me, remembering that alcohol is a bandaid, not a cure, helps. It's not a good long term solution, and it stole precious time from me. Luckily, I have now replaced my coping mechanisms and addressed psychological issues that I was running from. For instance, I have generally quit trying to be superwoman and do it all. I simply can't chew what I was biting off and I now recognize my limitations and have quit taking on so much. I think some of us have some pretty difficult and deep issues, or possibly neurotransmitter imbalances to address once we rip off the bandaid. And that's the thing. We have to deal with those things. For some issues, just facing our thoughts and living through the feelings gets us to the other side. For others, I think therapy or medications can help. But one thing I know for sure, we all drank to avoid things - and when we stop, we have to face them, and find other ways to cope through discomfort.

You all GOT THIS! We can do it together and we all HAVE IT IN US, right PAV?

Enough... I just saw a photo of me at a concert several years ago and I know how toasty I was. I don't miss that nauseating fog at all - real life is where the peace is at.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Friday everyone.

So nice to see you LC!

Among other things, G-MAN developed a morning ritual, new self talk, and learned to sit with his feelings and just feel them. NS knits and PAV listens to podcasts and hikes. Byrdie bakes, Wagmore goes into nature and exercises. LAV tends to chickens and cooks. I go to sleep early, take baths and read. They sound like simple things, but with time, they become normal and rewarding - and REPLACE the need to drink. It also helps to accept that sometimes we just feel bad. There's not always a "fix" - our goal should not be to "feel happy" all of the time. It should be just to accept how we feel at any given time.

Ken, I like to take baths, read, go for walks and cook.

I still feel a bit baked from my appendectomy but everyday is better.

Have a good one everyone and don't drink today.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Off to see mum today, trying to get her to come back to mine for a few days as she is feeling isolated and lonely but she wont come. Well that solves that issue NOT.

Nar, i hope you are healing well and now up and about. My daughter had her appendix out urgently but once they gave her the morphine she wanted to stay in hospital forever ha ha.

Steady, lovely to see you posting. Love the new telly, great for my blind eyes. Work has its ups and down, the last two days were pretty quiet but it can change in a minute. I wont be going back to work any time soon as i dont have a work space and no need. My boss is happy for me to stay home and so am i.

Pauly, have fun in the desert. That seems very weird to me visiting the desert for the kids to run around. To me i envisage going to the desert, seeing lots of cacti and not much else. I hope the boys have fun.

Wags, 4 years, happy sober birthday to you, i hope you have a lovely day and remember how far you have come and what you have achieved. I still think sometimes that this cant be me, it has to be someone else and i am taking the cudo's.

Hi G, glad to hear you are doing so well. Feelings, some good and some bad. some back in their box and some to deal with, I still think i am a work in progress after 6 years but there is no rush, all good things come to those who wait (so my mum used to say).

Better get motivated to dress and go for my 3 hour drive. Taking my son who is complaining up a storm and telling me i am too dependent on him. Uh Huh, says me who's said son is living at home still. I just smile and say yes son.

Hi Lav, Kensho, LC, Julia and everyone else.

take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, the current times seem to be like living in 17 horror movies at the same time. It’s just crazy.
LC and Julia, it’s so good to see you both. If getting sober were easy, there wouldn’t be sites like this! We all know how difficult it is, we are just glad you are back, let us know how we can help.
Yes, Wags, Glamping may be an option, what do you do about bears and snakes and other critters? Yikes! And it gets so dark! Do they have night lights? :egad:
It’s only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! :rara: Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wanted to be sure to drop in & say hello befire the severe thundstorms get here. We tend to lose power with the straight line winds around here.

LC & Julia, very happy to see both of you.
Life is difficult at times, no argument there. Turning to old habits for ‘comfort’ is pretty natural I guess. You both seem to be getting thru it & getting back on track. That’s what is really important :hug:

I did enjoy camping for many years but I think I hit an age where the discomforts were just too much. Enjoy it while you can ladies & gentlemen haha!!
I’ll be back with my fav black bean burger recipe.
Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

Here’s the one I like except I use red bell pepper: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/85...tType%3Drecipe

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters...just checking in on a sober Friday night. Husband and daughter thought they would get takeout somewhere while I ate leftovers...Spicy Indian ground beef with peas, tomatoes on rice. Forgot what the name of the recipe is as I'm too lazy to look it up now. Long day of work. Every task was like pulling teeth. finished up around 7:30pm and took a nap. I thought about how it felt much better to be comfy in bed for a nap than drinking and regretting. As Mr G says It's Friday...not a ticket to Boozeville.

Puppy (kind of hard to say, as she is growing so fast) needs to go out and is nosing me and whining.

Hi to all...welcome back LC and Julia.