Newbies Nest

[BigAl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, I thought I would at least stop into the nest and say hello. I am at the evening of day three of my quit. I really need to make this one work. If I am a lucky lucky individual I will be able to have this one last chance to keep my family together. I have quit before, may times. Once was for a little over seven years. It’s so interesting how after seven years the wanton destruction and carnage of alcohol kind of looks like a warm fuzzy fun memory. We forget the bad stuff. But that was quite some time ago. This one needs to last, and I feel very committed. I am glad I found a forum, it is what helped me in the past (WQD, may it Rest In Peace). I see the same support here and I so very much appreciate it. So very much from just a couple of posts. Anyway, it was a beautiful day today. I am knotted up inside, fighting the anxiety that comes with a wife who may be done with my crap, kids who sense impending doom between their parents, and the fact that I would normally drink that anxiety away. Not tonight. I hold onto a slender thread of hope. As I re-read this post I feel like I just dumped a pile of doom and gloom into a fairly light hearted thread. But, you know, day three, that’s where I’m at. Goodnight folks.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glad to see you here, @BigAl!

Posts here range from light-hearted to desperate - it is a place to be REAL!

You can return to where you were for 7 years, and stay there! Let us know how we can help.

Take care, NS

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

I'm not sure how it got to be 2:15 pm here already! Time warp is right.
We had to go to a department store this morning to get my daughter a new pillow. It was practically empty.. we ran in and out as fast as possible. It's definitely not fun to shop in a mask, imo.. I also still don't feel like it's "fun" to do things like go out to eat. Which is good I guess, since I have no money!

Welcome [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION]! Doom and gloom is ok if that's how you're feeling. Everyone here can handle it and it's important to come here and post during those times.. not to keep it inside. I've been one who's often not shared for a variety of reasons, and it's usually been a sign that I should just get over myself and ask for help.

I've finally been getting into podcasts. In the past it was difficult for me to just sit and listen, or if I was trying to listen while cleaning or cooking, I couldn't concentrate. And I still haven't found anything (like knitting, crocheting) that I can do whilst... but I have found that I can just sit and listen. So nice.

Not much else going on here today. But as everyone here as agreed on, that's also ok!
Each morning I'm sitting for a moment to write down my intentions for the day. Some days I have a lot of energy and feel like I can tackle a lot and some days there's not a whole heck of a lot! It definitely helps for me to keep myself calm when I stay in the 24 hour frame of a day.. I can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

Wishing everyone a nice Saturday..xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION],yep there's all kinds of emotions ranging from dire,giddy, pensive, elated, etc we've seen them all and post them all as well, hope you stick around with uswaves to the gang and wishes for a wonderful AF day, I'm off to the shitbox today waaah! Feel damned if I do and damned if I don't but here I go.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Welcome, BigAl. I'm sorry you're in that precarious position with your wife and family, but it sounds like you know what you have to do. We take all kinds of rants here, so share what needs sharing. I will say that hearing stories like yours are cautionary to me. I have been sober over 6 years, and I SEE that story and think - I could go there easily. It is so easy to look at the fun times with alcohol, the easy release, etc., without also remembering the bad. That is why I stay close to my sober community here, and check in nearly every day. I never want to fool myself into thinking "just a little..." Thanks for sharing your story - settle in and we're here for you.

Wags, I have a dream that I'll come visit you and you'll take me on a long hike up there to some fabulous, out of the way spot (hopefully without killing me!) I'm not exactly sure where you are, but you're up there somewhere...

Sounding good, LC. I listen to podcasts while cooking or cleaning, as they don't require too much attention. I have SEVERAL (as Kensho mentioned) recommendations if you want one. Tell me what you like...

Lav, hope the Stella and you survive the storm. It is maybe going to rain here today - highly unusual for this time of year. Maybe it will keep people inside and away from the beaches as we move to a new phase of opening here.

Helping my husband take care of his sick dad today. We (FiL and I) have always had a complicated relationship, so this is complicated. But I guess all human relationships are.

Happy SOBER Saturday. Take care of yourselves.
Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters and a big welcome to [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION]. I also unraveled after an almost 5 year quit. It has taken me almost 3 years to seriously go for the quit again. It was really rocky, on/off at first and the coronavirus 24/7 in lockdown with the family didn't help. My kids are teens and started 'calling me out' on my boozing. "mom, you smell like alcohol". "mom, you are inebriated". Ouch...all that really hurts.

I'm not a big or great writer like some here but I have learned that it is important to at least visit MWO once (or better twice) a day to keep my mind in the right frame. [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION], you can do this. We here all understand what it is about. Stick with us...don't drift off as I have a number of times. Go for the 30 days AF and don't look back after.

Hope all are having a nice weekend.

[MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION]...what is a shitbox? is that some sort of autocorrect? lol.

And a question for [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION]. I know you are headed into winter downunder. However, I have never heard you talk about snow. Does it snow anywhere there? I hate snow, as I lived in the Great Lakes area of the US for many years. Fortunately where I am now, we really didn't get any snow this year (which is unusual), but usually do not get a huge amount, except for an occasional blizzard.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

i'm happy to see you here [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION].

dear people, my last post ended with a question ("when and how will i stop?") and asking it was of course answering it ("not today and don't know yet and don't want to get serious yet"). i will tell you this: starting tomorrow i'm off pot. i have all kinds of (nonsense) explanations about why tomorrow and not today, but hey, i said i would quit before my birthday.
so weird huh, how you can happily do without the stuff for months and then - swap - feel like it would be the end of the world if you'd have to quit. i'm happy i remember how i felt before starting smoking again a few weeks ago. much better. and i remember i can do this. it wasn't that hard either.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Had a real nice day around here, last night’s predicted storms went somewhere else. That’s fine with me!
Pav, since you mentioned Stella - I just one of them in my laundry tub for a good soapy soaking, haha! Every now & then you find one with a nasty looking pasted up butt so in the tub they go & they think it’s a day at the spa, haha!

Hello & welcome BigAl, glad you found us!
I had tried many quits on my own but they never lasted. Once I found MWO & learned the importance of making a good working plan & changing my thinking everything changed. I’ve got 11+ years & I won’t screw that up for anything. Life can be good if that’s what you really want

Julia, you have a planned quit date & that’s what counts. You were happy before & you can certainly get there again.

Belle, we really did have an unusual winter - not complaining though

Pauly, hope your day at work wasn’t too awful.

LC, shopping in an empty store with a mask on is definitely weird but that’s what we have to do until it’s safe. We have all learned to be pretty flexible I think so this is just another hurdle we will get over together.

Hello to the rest of the group & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Big Al! 3 days is huge, that means you are operating under your own power now and all the AL is out of your system. I can identify with your story, on the night of Jan 19, 2011, my hubs packed his bag and left me, said he didn’t want to be married to a drunk. He came back the next day for more clothes and I pleaded with him to give me 1 more chance. He looked at me in the eye and said he didn’t think I could beat this. Honestly, I didn’t think I could, either, but I had to try. I latched on to the one person who had what I wanted....Lavande. I had to kick my ego aside, listen and heed. I had to be coachable (I’m not known for this). I had one chance to finally get this right and I did. I made a Plan. I’m happy to say, I’m sober now for 9.5 years and I did it with a lot of help from my friends right here. Please take a look through the tool box (link below). You can do this. We’re so happy you’re here!
Do whatever it takes to stay sober! It is worth it!
I ran across this picture on Twitter, yikes! Shoot, it won’t load....it shows an MRI of an alcoholic’s brain compared to a healthy one. Sheesh, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how it effects us.
I was thinking today that I didn’t think my work was effected because I didn’t start drinking until the afternoon (which was getting earlier and earlier) but in retrospect, that Al is still in our system so if we drink every day, how could it not effect us? Once again, I was only fooling myself. Those weren’t the days.
Speaking of rocket science, go Space-x! That gave me a few minutes of pride. Then it was back to our regularly scheduled misery. :egad:

The world USA mess, but I’m not. I’m sober! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

BigAl - welcome to MWO and the Nest. We're all in this together, and you can make this quit last. Just take it one day/hour/minute at a time, make a plan (see Tool Box, link is in my signature line as well as Byrdlady's and some others), and come here regularly. You know how to do this!

Julia - good job choosing your quit date and sticking with it. And I'm so sorry about the loss of your pup. I can definitely relate to how hard this loss would be - my previous dog having to suddenly be put to sleep was the last straw that broke my last quit (10+ years!) and I'm dreading the day we'll lose our current pupper. We all bond with our animals in different ways and for some the bond is like that of a child and a best friend all in one in many ways. Sending you hugs and support as you continue to grieve your loss :hug:

Lav - thanks for the black bean burger recipe! Can't wait to try it.


Things are pretty good in Wagland. I've got three classes today with a nice long break through the middle of the day, so kind of the best of both worlds. I should get going with my prep so I'll say adios for now. Hope you all have fantastic Sundays and Sun-eves!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Yes, thanks for the black bean burger recipe, Lav. The one I used had no egg and used oats instead. Sounds like egg might keep everything together better.

How's it going, Al? Byrdie, your description of your situation is so weird to me. I know you as such a together person - it is hard for me to reconcile the you I know with that description. Actually, I think that about everyone here. Even though we don't "KNOW" each other, we know each other. To me it is a testament to the nastiness of alcohol - it can bring you down so far. Al, the biggest thing for me was acceptance - just like Byrdie says. Once I accepted that I could never drink again, I just focused on what the successful sober people were doing and followed their lead. Just like Byrdie says, that meant suspending disbelief, getting over my ego, and being willing to listen. Simple but not easy...

I didn't end up going with my husband - his sister did instead, so I had a lazy day here other than a bike ride. It was nice to have the house without him here. My teen and I can stay out of each others' way, and we were talking in the evening that it was nice to have some "alone" time.

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

We're having a breezy, but warm Un-hung Sunday.. another more or less laze around the house day. My younger daughter and I went for a run this morning and then collected some elderflowers for a syrup we like to make each year. I made a pot of chili sin carne for later and talked to my mom on the phone.

Sounds like you had a nice and relaxing Saturday, Pav. ""Acceptance, suspending disbelief, getting over the ego and being willing to listen"" sounds like/is a recipe for success. A guy I was listening to on a podcast said similarly, "Surrender. Trust the process.. be willing to not wrestle every single voice, every single thought and just keep moving forward blindly. Don't decide who you are 'cause of where you are right now." I like that, too.. people always say, don't give up before the magic happens! Simple but not easy..

Lav, a friend of mine just got 4 young chickens and I had to think of you and Stella.. hers are cute but looking quite shabby at the same time. I guess they're still growning in their feathers..plus results of the pecking order. She also said that it wasn't possible to tell yet whether they were males or females. I didn't realize it took so long to tell. Anyway. Fun!

How are you doing today, Julia? You said you had a birthday coming up.. do you have any plans?

I don't have a lot to say.. I'm trying to keep my mood positive while letting myself feel a spectrum of emotions. It never does good to force down sadness or anger. I felt so deeply saddended earlier today after seeing the video of George Floyd being killed. I don't watch much news so I hadn't heard. I saw myself trying to figure out how to deal with the information, trying to figure out what I could do to escape how I was feeling.. but nothing came to mind so I let everything come forward and just cried and cried. Then I talked to my daughters and my mom about it all.. we didn't come up with any solutions but it was good to talk. It's almost always good to talk, isn't it?
In hindsight I also realised that alcohol never arose in my mind as a possibility. Progress.

Anyway, I'm sending extra love and big hugs out to all of you.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Sunday everyone.

Big Al, we are here for you. Now is time for a new beginning, you've got this.

I bought a couple of masks yesterday, one has a Canadian Flag pattern- I am so cool I will be going to Costco today with my new mask on.

A lot of scary stuff going on the States, I hope everyone stays safe.

Its rainy here today but will be sunny skies tomorrow.

Have a good one and don't drink today.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

i like what you write from the podcast ava, thanks. crying seems very appropriate to me in the light of what's happened.

i don't have much to say. i feel down and sad. more so because of the enormous amounts of weed consumed over the last week, i really outdid myself there. wow, and the money it all cost...
trying just to stay in the moment now and finding some calm and warmth, stay with what's there, breathe out. fortunately the weather here is beautiful (unfortunately not so much for nature), so the balcony doors are wide open and me and my love were in a park for some hours. since yesterday i've been eating again, more than only breakfast, so that's a good thing.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Hi Julia. Wide open balcony doors and a park sound good. Changing my emotional state by gittin high was an understandable response to my inner conflict, but also nothing changed coz i was too busy being wasted to move forward into a better life. It took me awhile and some persistence and searching, learning about my mind, thoughts, feelings, how the human head operates, to be able to take back some control and plot a course forward. Keep it going mi amiga. You're a star.

Great to see you LC! Legend.

Welcome Big Al. How are things today?

Big waves to all. Sorry for the man in Minneapolis who unnecessarily lost his life.

Rolling along ok here. 11C and rain on this monday morning. Belle, was it you who asked Ava about snow recently? I'm in the same city. Not really any snow here in the city, but we get snow and have snowfields/skiing a couple of hours away.

Take it easy out there evabody. Take back your precious life. That sense of control regained is priceless.