Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, I’m so sorry you are having such a tough patch. I hope your therapist can help. I was going to second what Pav said, not having alcohol (or, in your case, weed) in the house was a real key for me. . Oddly enough, I fought this for a long time, I thought I needed a safety net, just in case. What I came to realize was that I could resist anything but temptation. Once I got all my poisons out of the house, it was easier! I also took a different stance this last time to my previous quits, this time, when I knew I had to succeed, I worked backwards. I took the mindset that AL was not an option...now how do I make that happen? What steps can I take to build an AF foundation? What other things can I do to distract myself and not constantly think about what I’m not getting? Taking an attitude of gratitude helped, too. Because I drank so much, I didn’t eat much....I’ve always had an issue with weight. Once I quit drinking (once it was no longer an option) I let myself think of the other delicious foods I could enjoy. I now weigh about 15 pounds less. Kind of amazing. I had no idea just how bad AL was for me, in every way. We are thinking of you and hope you can find a clearer path with the help of your therapist. Hugs to you.
Pauly, I’ve been in some intense FB wars (you may have seen them) over the face mask issue, it boggles my mind. If they could help prevent ONE person from getting sick, why wouldn’t they try? Nothing I have said changes their minds, either. When I was a hygienist, I wore one all day and lived to tell about it. It just makes common sense to me, but what do I know. As my mother used to say “If you can’t listen, you can feel”.
It’s been raining for two days! Enough already.
Hope everyone has a good Sattidy evening! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey it’s me again........

Apparently the nice weather is here Byrdie, sorry about that!
I’m with you on the mask wearing, it’s not a big deal. You get used to it pretty quickly when you have to wear one. When I was with infectious patients I wore masks, gowns, gloves, booties - whatever was available. Never gave it a second thought!

Julia, sorry you are still having difficulties. Seeing your therapist sounds like the best thing to do right now. In the meantime, stick with us please. We all want to see you succeed :hug:

The young man next door is having a graduation party, sounds like fun over there. We gave him a card & a check a few weeks ago & he has since stopped by to say thank you. He not only received his HS diploma but also an Associates degree at the same time!!! Now that is one motivated young man, wow. He will be attending a 4 year college down south somewhere, nice!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!
Lav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi all, turned out i forgot to take my antidepressants friday night. after waking up yesterday morning, my mood swinged to black pit style.
i don't know if you remember, but i tapered them down in the last half year. i'm down to the last drop (only 2 mg) but it has a huge impact when i don't take it... tapering down to zero is not an option anywhere soon (i wasn't planning to anyway).
so my mood got a bit out of hand. i've having issues feeling enourmous guilt. rationally i can see it's not fair, and lots of it is probably old messages, but it's not easy to dismantle.

i don't have weed (or alcohol) in my house. when i want to smoke i go to a hash bar, buy what i want and puff it all away. they are open until midnight.

on Thursdays i need a plan. last Thursday i worked hard for hours in a row, tension built up, and then when it was finished the thought of going to my empty home felt like being on top of a mountain and gazing into the abyss and i got anxious. the transition from intensive days in my studio to calmer days at home (wether working or not) feels like a big one at the moment.
i tried to find strategies when leaving the studio, but i really should prepare myself for these moments so that i know what i'm going to do and have a safety net ready. the route to the hasj bar is too easy otherwise.
anyway, of course smoking in the end increases anxiety.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags, it sounds like your pup is in perfect care. Take care and enjoy! I thought of you yesterday when I was carrying my dog at the end of a hike. It was hot, and we were going faster than usual so she was huffing and puffing and lagging back. I wished I had a backpack!

Julia, I hope taking that AD will help. Passing open bars does pose a problem. I don't know your work/travel situation, but try to create a plan where you don't even walk by the bars?? You can do this!

Pauly - that is so maddening. It isn't even for THEIR safety as much as yours. So weird how people are being with masks!. I saw one clip on FB where someone asked a lady to put on a mask and she went over and coughed intentionally on the other person. WTF?? I am trying to look upon all people with sympathy and grace, but man do they make it hard.

Lav, happy coloring. I ran into a couple on the trail who I hadn't seen in a while. I didn't recognize the woman because she had gone from Auburn to very grey since I last saw her! I for one am for it! Women, take back the grey! (mostly because I'm too cheap and lazy to color mine...)

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yo nesters, wdup!

Hi Julia. Great to see you continually posting through what sound like very difficult times for you. Strategies and a plan are really useful when we want to change. Another thing i've found is to look within and try to see what the hell is going on. I found i had become lost in life, travelling in circles despite many skills and a working brain. I rethought my dreams and desires and remembered or discovered a purpose for my life. Then i chipped away every day in my own humble way to do something i love. Anyway, i had to stop and do an inventory on who i am and where i want to go/who i want to be. Keep it rolling mi amiga.

Big waves to y'all!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

We took advantage of the nice weather & drove about an hour north to spend a little time by a river we visited often in our youth. It was nice & it was peaceful

Julia, glad to see you are figuring things out to your advantage. Where there’s a will there’s always a way

Pav, my hair is actually not all that gray but enough, haha. I’ve been messing with my hair color since I was 14 or 15 - can’t stop now, haha!
Dealing with ignorant/rude people in public is ridiculous. They will be the ones responsible for prolonging this pandemic. Can’t fix stupid!!!

G, we are all so proud of the way you pulled your life together. You deserve all kinds of happiness!

Hello to everyone and wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters...another week flew by at warp speed. I need to remember to keep coming here, even though right now, I am succeeding in my sobriety. Getting too relaxed about it is what can lead me to putting sobriety work on the back burner...and I know how that goes.

I am really tired tonight. mowed the lawn...took a walk to retrieve son's bike from his friend's house (so I can ride it) and did some office work...so I can be prepared to start the new week. it was a beautiful day to be outside. I'm going to try to read back for as long as I can before going to sleep. I really hope everyone is doing well.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle - great to see you and glad you're sticking tight to your quit!

Julia - yes, having a plan for how to deal with those triggering times/transitions, or events, or sights etc is pretty critical. You mentioned Thursdays in particular, so maybe start with that piece of the puzzle. I know for me I found it helpful to otherwise occupy myself during the times of day/night where I knew I would be the most tempted. In a sense I replaced my old routine with a new one that I liked, and it helped a lot - especially at the beginning. Do you have ideas, or can we help you with that in any way?

Lav - glad you're having good weather. A day at the river sounds wonderful.

Byrdie - I try to stay out of those FB wars but I see them come across my feed a fair amount. One thing I heard recently about those types of exchanges (snarky messages, FB fights, even arguments in the comments sections of online articles) was interesting and helpful: the person said essentially that when she comments she isn't doing it to try to persuade the person she's responding to, as that person often already has their mind made up. Instead, she's commenting for other readers. What she meant is that it can be really demoralizing to see a string of negative messages where people pile on and reinforce or validate each other's snark, and that it can be positive just seeing one person write something more rational, less snarky, hopefully more tolerant or understanding or supportive of diversity etc. So she posts for the people she wants to support in the midst of a sea of snark. It sheds a different light on taking the time to post something even when it seems everyone else is happy to attack. If just one person sees your posts and feels better, feels solidarity in the midst of negativity, selfishness or ignorance, then it's worth posting the comment. Anyway, I just found that a helpful way to reframe why we should all speak up - it's not to change the mind of the person we're responding to (cuz we're probably not going to accomplish that in this divisive climate), it's to lend solidarity to those who need to hear our voices.

Pav - glad you got out for a hike, and yes you need to get your pup a K9 pack or similar for when she gets tuckered

G - as always great to see you. It has definitely been a pleasure watching you come into your own and to create your own best life over the past few years. Thanks for always sharing your thoughts and processes with others here in the nest, as I think you're pretty self-aware.

Hellos and waves to everyone else stopping by the nest. Here we go with another week - let's make it a good one!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters!

Good to see everyone! I've been checking in each day but haven't taken the time to post.. mostly because I haven't had much to say. Still don't really. I've been spending A LOT of time watching films and interviews, reading articles and books about the truth of our U.S. history. Making up for lost time, so much I didn't learn in school because it wasn't offered. And what I haven't learned or paid attention to as an adult because I've been so busy (my excuse) and didn't have to.

I learned at work last Wednesday that I won't be going back until January at the earliest! That was a shocker.. we were thinking it might be September. So I have 6 hours a week and a percentage of my normal income. I can live on it if I'm very careful and if nothing unexpected comes up.. so I'm hoping nothing does.
Now I at least know that for the next 6 months I'm "free" and I'm beginning to think of all of things I always wished I had time to do. Those that are free, that is!

Julia, I think it's a great idea to go back to your therapist. And to make a strong plan and commitment to yourself for Thursday. Maybe taking some time on Wednesday to set things up in your flat so that you want to come home.. preparing something nice for dinner or a treat, planning in a bath, a good film.. whatever it might be that helps you to de-stress. You've got this and we're all here to support you!:love:

Wags, how's your pup doing? Reading your post just now I "saw" your avitar.. of course I've seen it a million times but for some reason it didn't connect that that is the dog you're talking about. Sometimes I wonder....

Pav, what kind of dog do you have? As usual, I'm envious of your hiking adventures.. I don't think I congratulated you on your son's graduation.. Congratulations!

Lav, what color do you color your hair? I used to do mine but at some point I couldn't make it look good.. so then I had it done and it looked great but was soooo expensive. Now it's almost grown out and there's a lot! of white.. more than I thought. I'm in the process of getting used to this person I don't really recognize! Not quite as easy as I'd hoped!:happy2: I'm so glad you mentioned sourdough a few days back.. I ran to the fridge and had just enough under the crust to rescue mine. Now after 2 feedings, I have enought to make a bread.

Ok. I wanted to respond to more, but I'm hungry for breakfast!
So big hugs to Byrdie, Ava, Kensho, Gman, Belle, Pauly, NS, and anyone I missed.. Let's make this a good Monday.xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, all:

Mr. G, I love that post. Looking within is very important. My husband and I were talking about how I can stay "calm" through this pandemic (it is relative, I assure you). I thought about it and I said I think it is from the work I put in getting sober. The ideas of acceptance, understanding what I can't control, setting aside my ego - all have played big parts in my sobriety. Lo and behold, they are useful in other parts of my life as well! How are you doing, Julia?

Well, LC, I'm glad you can live off of what you will get - but sorry about your job. It truly is amazing how many things our US "education" missed - and I "studied" history...

I really don't have much to say today. I'm in a funk these last couple of days, but I'll come out of it. There's a lot to be grateful for.

Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Monday everyone.

Pav, I have been trying to focus on what I can control and trying not to think too much about what I can't. It is SO helpful for me to do that. I get these obsessive thoughts about things in the past or things I can't change and they drive me crazy.

LC, I am glad you are studying and learning so much about U.S. history. It is interesting when I lived in the U.S. for a short year a long time ago, I was shocked when I found that the news did not mention anyone else except the U.S. Very egocentric thinking. Everything was about the U.S. even though we were only 2 hours away from the Canadian border. That was a real eye opener. Most people had never been to Canada or even knew much about it. I wonder how much of that translates to education.

Sorry you are in a funk Pav. Things are good here. We had a huge hail storm here on Saturday and there was lots of damage. There was golf ball sized hail coming down, smashing windows and totalling cars. It was crazy. My car got t crack in the windshield and my flowers were smashed but otherwise we were ok. It was crazy.

Have a good Monday everyone.
xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Calm & quiet day here, no complaints!

Belle, good to see you!

Wags, you taught me a new phrase - ‘sea of snark’. I think I’ll be using that from time to time when it fits of course, haha! Hope your pup os feeling better.

LC, sorry about the job but I think you’ll find a way to use that time. There’s lots of free online stuff you can use & learn new things
My hair color - well, I was a blonde kid & by the time I reached high school it turned more mousey brown, ugh. These days I stick with Loreal Age Perfect, a dark blonde -light brown shade. Covers the grays & gives a lot of highlights. Not bad for a few bucks, LOL

Pav, I’ve had plenty of history classes but never heard or read anything like we’re seeing these days
I am 100% with you on acceptance of our current situation. We’re not stupid enough to act out or battle it in any way. Things will improve but it’s going tp take time. I found myself dwelling on the future of my grandkid’s education over the weekend, made me sad. As of right now it looks there will not be any full time school for the younger one & the high school age kids will likely being doing all of their work virtually. Wonder how that’s going to work??

Narilly, I saw the pictures of the hail storm - WOW!!! Those things can really be destructive. Sorry about the damage to your car & plants.

Hello to everyone else & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, thank you for that advice, you are so right, I’m not going to change anyone’s mind on FB.
I've been reorganizing my closets. A thankless chore. I have a lot of crap I should get rid of but alas.
It’s been raining for a solid week.
Not much to report. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

Signing in early today to set my intention of not drinking. I'm feeling a bit at loose ends and I don't want to be derailed. I'm trying to just take things step by step.. as you said Nar, keeping in mind that there are many things I don't have control over, to focus more on the things I can control such as not drinking no matter what and no matter who!

I have a nice story. A couple of days ago, my doorbell rang and I answered (I live on the first floor of a 4 story apt. building, built in 1900).. there stood an older couple who introduced themselves and explained that the woman, Eva, was born in my living room in 1937! Her Grandmother lived in this flat and was a midwife, so she and her sister were born here, as well as 2 of her cousins. She said that some of her most treasured memories took place in this home, coming over with her cousins to take baths, because Oma was the only person who had a bathtub.. She came in and looked around and had tears in her eyes. She said it looked just the same and remembered how big all the rooms seemed when she was small. She had photos of herself at 4 years old with her parents, sitting on the balcony.. the balcony doors are the same..They fled east during the war and when they returned, all of their homes were destroyed except her Grandmas, so the entire family lived here together.. I was so touched to meet her. This is also where my girls were born and have grown up.. They're coming again next Wednesday for coffee and cake so that my ex and the girls can meet them and hear stories.
That encounter brought me a lot of unexpected joy.. and reminded me of how important it is for me to open doors even if I don't feel like it!

Pav, :hug:! Are you all finished up with school now? You're long overdue for a break!

Nar, that's crazy with the hail..I've only experienced weather like that once in my life and it was a very short downpour. You're right about the US news. I think there are a couple of shows that report a bit about what's going on around the world.. but it's scant. How is it in Canada? Also such a huge country.. do you know/care about the rest of the world?

Byrdie, I could come over and help you get rid of things if you want, or better yet, I could send my eldest.. she's a wiz and sorting and discarding. Though it sounds like you still like what you have and want to hang on..? Have you baked anything lately?

Ok. off for a shower and then going to meet a friend for coffee in the park. I'm trying to keep communication open with people, not follow my hermit instincts. It's easier to be alone because then I'm never confronted.. but ultimately, I know I need human contact.. from a distance!

Hugs to all of you and wishing you a good Tuesday! xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest. Touching posts the last couple days.

Wagmore, I never thought of facebook posts like that, but I like you perspective. I have started commenting in a rational but pointed way because I just can't let ignorance speak louder. Who knows if anyone has questioned their direction due to my words?

Narily, my windshield is cracked to kingdom come - but it evidently has a "special" temperature controlled element that makes it very expensive to replace, so I'm living with it. It's not directly in my line of sight...

LC, I love the story about the people who used to live in your flat. I appreciate how open you are to others and their needs. What a nice thing to share.

Hair color? I've tried it only once, and it looked terrible, so I live with my light brown with a chunky gray streak front left. I feel like I've been looking old and wrinkly lately, despite my increased exercise and relaxation. UG.

Busy week with some design work and preparing for our 17 day road trip. I'm looking forward to leaving the house. I have had an unusually intense interest in connecting with lost family lately. Turns out that the route we planned for our road trip unknowingly goes within 15 minutes of an aunt and a cousin (on different sides) that I haven't seen since childhood. I reached out and we may meet them for an outside distancing reconnect. I also helped celebrate my Uncle's 80th birthday and saw my other lost cousin (who I adored, but who pushes family away). Not sure what it is all about, but I have this desire to connect with "my" people and KNOW them. Maybe I've just slowed down enough to care.

Keep safe everyone... we are not out of the woods! And no drinking... it makes it all so much harder.