Newbies Nest

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hope we all find peace and happiness in 2021.

To the many homeless in this country I hope they can be Given a second chance . Better resources for mental health, food and a safe place to stay. I donate to the homeless every year. My son was often homeless and treated worse than a dog by police. Pray for better solutions for the homeless in 2021.

Sending you all my love.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - hooray for new years and new love and chess! Sounds like a positive trifecta Glad you're still receiving $ support while unemployed too. I know for folks here who aren't receiving much or any such support, the past year has been unimaginably stressful.

3BoW - I'm really glad to hear that you're jumping onto the side of quitting al for the full year. I think you'll find it a steadier place to be once you get in a groove. Sure there will be days where you REALLY want to drink, or maybe just really want the social side, or the relaxation side, or whatever. But all of those things can be achieved through other healthier means and you'll for sure come out of this in a better place. As Lav said, no judgment here -- we've probably all quite literally been in the same or similar circumstances, mindsets, etc. I hope you'll stick around and keep posting as you move forward with this new plan.

G - what a great post. I second (third?) the suggestion to put it in the toolbox.

Nar - are you ready to start your new job? It begins this coming week right? Can't wait to hear about it.


The new year is off to a good start here. I've got a relatively light schedule this coming week and then I'll have to start drumming up some new students. I love what I do but I'm fatigued in general and am not looking forward to working harder. I've got a week or so to adjust my mindset and focus on some positives, and I'll be starting by making a new list of the things about my work and life that I'm grateful for. I wouldn't trade what I do for anything except maybe somehow getting a job that is just swimming with dolphins -- not training or trapping or exploiting them, just hanging out with them and observing/interacting. That would be pretty cool in my opinion!

On that note I'll say goodnight for now. Hope you all are having good weekends!

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks all for accepting me into the nest, I'll grab a pillow and duvet and cuddle up in a corner and watch for a while
Sending love and joy to all

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday! Feeling slow this morning. Typical day ahead for me, with laundry, grocery shopping and house chores.

3BOW, glad you're here.

Shades, thank you for the reminder about people who are homeless. I've seen more people than ever on street corners or wandering at night with just a bag - and no coats even.

Wags, dolphins sound like a great second choice if you get tired of tutoring! I had a dream last night that I was cooking for the neighborhood, and loved it! Chef, or meal provider might be mine.

Hi LC! Chess sounds like a fun hobby - though I'm terrible at it! Nice way to slow down. I've taken on sourdough - and am apparently not to good at that either. My first loaf was a dense rock! I think it didn't rise enough.

Anyway, peace to everyone. Have a good day!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

3BOW, definitely no judgement - we're all here for a reason. Settle in, it is a great place to be.

Wags, when you find that job, hire me! I'm in...Have you seen My Octopus Teacher? I'd take that job (with warmer water) please. Good luck with setting your intention. I had some great time off and am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, even though I love my job. I'd like to have it in a 6 - 8 hour day, not the crazy hours I end up having to work. When I "retire" from this work, I look forward to finding something like that.

Kensho, alone time is at a premium here also. My husband has decided he likes to hike after all, so what used to be my alone time is time with him. That's good for him - glad he's getting out and getting exercise, but I have to search time for myself. The weekend mornings are usually good.

Holly Whitaker from Hip Sobriety has a new book. Has anyone read it? Chrissy Tiegen joined the ranks of sober celebrities and has been reading that book and promoting it. I am always glad when someone with so much influence is out loud sober.

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

happy new year dear all!

i am now one year and 2 days off al and i'm still so happy i came to this site and decided to quit. i couldn't imagine what it would bring me, i was in a totally different place back then.
at some moments over the last year i thought "well, i could try to have a glass of champagne about two times a year, at big celebrations like my wedding day or new years eve". but when time came, i knew i wasn't interested in a glass of champagne. i don't want a glass, i want two, three, more. and how would that affect the party? thruth is, i'm not so much interested anymore in getting typsy or drunk. it seems very artificial to me now. why would i want to numb my spirit? i feel much better and lively now that i don't drink.
and when i don't feel good, at least now i have the energy and a growing capacity to change that.
fiddling with my sobriety is in no way worth it. i suspect one evening of drinking might be setting off a wave of temptation. not because drinking is so very interesting, but because i'm still addicted. which is something else than missing alcohol.

good for you 3 BOW!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here - I have decided to quit or at least moderate with alcohol - I had 3 bottles of wine last night - yep even for an Irish man that's a lot! bought 6 bottles of wine in LIDL yesterday because it was so cheap - have 12 bottles in the fridge - let's see if I am brave enough to throw them down the sink... let's see!

Anyway just saying hello and glad to be part of the community.

3Bots, I reached back and found your first post. This was two years ago. Speaking for myself, and having tried to moderate for years, I can say that the only way I ever learned to live with Al, was to live without it. A year before I quit, I promised my hubs that I would stop drinking vodka. After a few days, I thought I had it under control. The facts showed that I COULD control it....I proved it, it was right there for all to see...bwahaha, I was controlling it. I made a deal with myself, and then him, that I would switch to wine. After all, My problem was with vodka, right? Over the next year, I was in deeper than ever...with wine. My problem is not the carrier or the wrapper, my problem is AL. What I discovered was that once those obsessive pathways are made, no behavior modification can reverse it. I have witnessed it time after time on this site, too. Believe me, I want to find success stories. There aren’t any. Even after many years of sobriety, it only takes one drink to make that cycle start all over, addiction doesn’t forget.
This year, as I watched A Christmas Carol, I thought about the past, present and future as it relates to AL. I want to forget about the past and all the stupid, reckless things I did. I’m happy with my present relationship with AL and I can choose which future I will have. I am choosing the AF one. AL tried to kill me, I can’t forgive and forget that.
Hoping everyone has a cozy night in the nest, stay strong! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

I guess the holidays are officially over now, that’s OK with me. I did the shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking & baking yet my heart was not really into it all. It was a weird year & my focus was getting thru it & on to 2021. Here’s hoping it’s a much better year for all of us!

Julia, CONGRATS to you on your 1 year 2 days AF anniversary :welldone:
You sound so much better & most of all happier. I am happy for you & wish you continued success.

Byrdie, like you I tried every trick in the book to control my drinking & of course nothing worked. Complete, total surrender & giving up the fight was the only thing that worked for me. As hard headed as I am it took a lot of strength to make the decision to quit but it was the best decision for me & I remain grateful.

Hello to everyone checking in tonight & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia - CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sending you best wishes as you begin your second sober circuit around the sun.

Pav - I have seen My Octopus Teacher and I absolutely loved it. Anyone here if you haven't seen it, do it! There is so much in there. I'll keep you posted on the "hang out with dolphins" job search


I've been thinking a bit more about my relationship with al. I realized that the theme running through all of the chapters is not being happy with reality. What I mean is, when I drank, it was usually an effort to try to change reality in some way: to soften the harsh edges, to feel more comfortable in settings where I otherwise didn't feel like I fit in, or to literally not feel whatever was really going on at the time. Then, when I first tried to quit, I had an eye on moderation instead of abstinence. I denied what my reality of drinking really looked like, and I tried to fool myself into thinking I could moderate, or that my drinking wasn't that bad, or whatever. Again, a disconnect from reality.

What has come from this reflection is the acknowledgement that sometimes reality sucks. And that that's part of being human. And although there are some things we cannot necessarily change, there are others we can, including how we react to things and what we learn from them.

So my new mantra for 2021 is going to be something about acknowledging reality in the moment, and then finding at least one positive morsel to focus on. Instead of trying so hard to deny or escape it, I'm going to work on fully being present and also still trying to frame the parts of it that are under my control.

I'll keep you posted on how that goes. Happy first full week of 2021 everyone!

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks all, I will check in from time to time. I have never drank vodka and never in the mornings and only sometimes during the week. I just want to use the day count on this site so I can track my days off cause I feel better when I am AF. That's all. Have a good new year and I'll pop in from time to time.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Congrats Julia on your anniversary, job well done and keep up the great work.

I finally worked up the courage to go to the dentist. It was doable with sedation and valium. Now my wallet and mouth hurt but both will recover.

Glad everyone made it through New Years sober and happy. I have another week off work and am wondering where the time went and why did i not start doing what i wanted to do earlier. Oh well, next holidays maybe ha ha.

Nar when do you start work?

Kensho, yes appreciate your daughter now, before you know it she will be 33 and you will get a text message or phone call and visits on occasion. I never thought i would have any peace and quiet and now some times i wish they were young again but god they were full on lol. Maybe hide in the toilet, surely she would not stick her fingers under the door at her age!

take care xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, All:

CONGRATULATIONS, Julia! Glad you're feeling so great.

I, too, tried moderation. My mantra was "I have to learn how do drink more so I don't have to quit forever." Even when I first came here my though was 90 days sober and then I'd be "cured." Of course I didn't say that because I knew everyone here would tell me how moderation didn't work for them, and I WAS DIFFERENT by golly. I was going to figure this one out. We'll, that set me back about a month, and I came back with my tail between my legs. Acceptance was freedom to me - I couldn't drink and have the life I want. I hope you find what you need, 3BOW, and I'm here to tell you that sobriety is not nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be - it is freedom.

Wags, I think I discovered that I'm an extroverted introvert or something. I realized when I quit drinking and after all this time that social situations are actually hard for me, when I thought they were easy (a little booze made them so...). I have figured out how to navigate sober, and now I don't have to be the last one standing on the dance floor - I can go home when I want!

Good luck with the new job, Nar. Hope it goes well!

Happy Sober Monday - back to work and here's to a good new year.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, BIG hugs for your soberversary!!! WOO HOO! Another spirit saved and allowed to flourish. I agree with you, no point in going back now, life is SO much better!

Wags and Pav, we saw Octopus teacher. It about killed me to see an octopus in the fish section of Whole Foods this past weekend! Made me consider being vegan! HA!

Byrdie, it was hard to wrap my brain around there being something I couldn’t figure out or control or make right… but that’s what addiction does.

LAV, my heart really wasn’t in the holidays either… from Halloween, on, life just feels so different.

Wags, I love your thoughts on escaping reality. I think the secret to happiness is being able to find the positive in any situation - or at least be able to tolerate and appreciate it, as a normal part of life that strengthens us, stretches us and allows us to grow.

Awesome 3BOW. Glad you are feeling better.

AVA, oh yes, they stick their fingers under the door! But I hear what you are saying and will continue to love on them - I just need to ask for a little closed door time.

PAV, acceptance was hard for me too. I could have argued to the others in my life for a long time that I didn’t have a big enough problem to quit - because no one saw me drink more than a couple drinks. But when I was honest with myself, which is all that matters, I knew what alcohol was doing to me. And I knew it would never be different. It is something special, to decide to take care of oneself, regardless of what others think, and make necessary changes.

Here we are on Monday… I really have to get my work to-do list in order and begin. Not feeling motivated at ALL, but time off always ends. Have a great day everyone!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Monday everyone.

Nice to hear from you Julia, so happy you are doing well.

Now my job starts next week, one more week off, yippee!
Thanks for the good wishes.

We had 8 politicians who left the country over the holidays while we were told not to travel or visit relatives etc. People here are just livid and are asking the Premier to resign. I am really pissed that these entitled people travelled when we are all being told to stay home, its B.S. One of the politicians that left was the one in charge of emergency management and the roll out of vaccines. We are behind in the roll out and there was a lag period in distribution while she was out of the country. WTF! We are in a pandemic!

I go to the dentist tomorrow Ava, its not my favourite place to go but I love my dentist and actually like seeing him so that makes it easier. Hope you do ok today.

Moderation, I agree with you Pav, "sobriety is not as scary as I thought it was going to be". It is so nice not to worry about trying to moderate. "I will only have 1 drink, 2 drinks...what's the point? I will just keep drinking."

Have a good one evabody. I woke up at 7am this morning with no hangover, its a new year and its going to be good.

Don't drink today.

I started watching the Octopus Teacher with my husband and he fell asleep so I didn't finish it. It is really good though and I will finish it when he goes back to work.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see a little sunshine in my neck of the woods today. Too many dark days in a row leaves me feeling blah.
Still haven’t turned on my work brain yet although I am getting requests so I’d better get myself in gear soon

Wags, your description of using AL to escape the reality of what was going on at the time sounds exactly like my situation. I didn’t like the way my life plan wasn’t working out & was helpless to do anything to change it at the time. So the next best thing to do was to go numb & just wait it out. Sounds stupid now but that’s what I did for about 10 years. I’m lucky to to alive, honestly!

Ava, glad you saw the dentist. Self care is vital for us :hug:

Hello to 3BoW, Pav, Kensho, Narilly & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav