Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Sorry I missed saying CONGRATULATIONS, SLO. Mabel is a sweet name. So glad you're sober for being a grandma!

Wags, I hear you. Those sneak up out of no where which IS exactly why I keep coming here. I don't really "feel" like I need a daily check in, but I want to gird against future possible relapse. I always think of One Crafty Mother who, after 5 years and a sober blog, walked into her pantry and downed a bottle of vanilla. I feel the need to stay vigilant. Glad your wife gets to start PT.

Thanks for sharing that, NS. Brene Brown also talks about that in her special from last year (and in other places). Sometimes now if I am arguing with my husband I will say (or he will say) "the story I'm telling myself is..." It can be very helpful.

Happy SOBER Hump Day,
Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Another nice day around here to enjoy the gardens, chickens, etc. The two little boys across the road are now determined to get their own chickens, haha.

Wags, that’s good news about your wife’s PT. Getting stronger & learning how to protect the new joint is the next step. Wishing her lots of luck.
Good for you pushing that fleeting thought from your consciousness. They will pop up now & then but it becomes automatic to refuse to entertain those thoughts. Keep doing that

NS, good to see you! Your email hits a big problem with us here: I talk about feelings while he talks about money. We have never been on the same page, almost 48 years now. I can’t change his thoughts so I just don’t listen anymore or I would lose my mind. Hope you are enjoying your Spring.

Pav, here I am 12+ years later still checking in daily. It certainly can’t hurt so I will continue, right?

Slo, take a look at “Communicating Like a Buddhist” by Cynthia Kane. The book gave me some perspective. Was very helpful for me. I hope Baby Mabel & her Mom are doing well

Hello to the rest of the group & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS and Pav - yes, the "what I hear..." or "the story I'm telling myself is..." tools are excellent to use, especially when both communicators are willing to engage, but even if it's just for yourself. Thanks for the reminders.

Lav - chickens for everyone! I'm intrigued by the book title you mentioned and I think I'll check it out.


Well, it appears I've entered the next phase of the journey toward and through menopause. I've been having some symptoms over the past several years but things have definitely kicked up a notch in the past couple of weeks. Mainly hot flashes followed by chills, plus feeling like a bloated whale. nothing painful, just super uncomfortable. If any of you in the nest know of any great supplements or dietary changes or even just coping tactics like ice packs or wearing layers of clothes that you have found to be helpful during this lovely transition I'm all ears (red hot-flashed ears at the moment!). Feel free to PM me [MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION] if you prefer (Note: NOT [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION], cuz I can't access that account). Sigh...

Happy to be sober. Nothing beats it.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags - I think several of us are this age-ish so I'm going to keep the conversation here. Sorry fellas and youngers. Skip if you must. I take vitamin E daily. I is supposed to help with hot flashes and I don't get them bad. Also, avoid caffeine, chocolate, alcohol apparently. At least we're one down. Let me know if you find anything else. It was a surprise for me to feel it so strongly sometimes, although I do think the E has tempered the hot flashes.

Not much else to report. These weeks are flying by - I can't believe it is already Thursday. Whew.

Happy SOBER One,
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Thursday everyone.
I have a day off today, out numbers are still up but hopefully will start coming down soon. We called someone the other day and they were in distress so we told them to call 911 and then ended the call. People are still very sick.

Anyway, I am going to enjoy my day today.

NS, I liked that email you shared with us. It is so true that the perceptions of two people are SO different. My hubby and I have different perceptions about so many things and this definitely can become an issue.

SLO, congrats on the little one! Yeah, it is interesting about counsellors, some really suck but a good counsellor is like Gold.

I did not really have any Menoparuse symptoms but definitely am post menopausal. I guess I have been lucky.

Hey, have a good one evabody!
Don't drink today.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a whirlwind it has been with the new baby home from the hospital yesterday, and taking care of the toddler. Beckett is a little jealous of this new tiny intruder taking up space on HIS daddy’s chest and in HIS mommy’s arms! Especially his daddy though -he’s a daddy’s boy lately. The little family is off to the doctor now to check out both kids, so I’m getting a break to post.
My heart is full!!
But my knee is sore, so feet up.
I’m glad I got to stay! I thought they wanted me out the door by last night, but turns out daughter wants me here for one more day!

Lav, we have a niece and her guy who have started raising chickens now! They built a fun coop, and, judging by the latest post, are excited that the first egg has just been laid!

You’re getting pretty tapped out, Wags, so it would be a time when thoughts of unwinding and self-medicating would come to the fore. No wonder we have to try so hard to stay balanced with Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired.
My transition through peri-menopause / menopause / post-menopause was more emotional rather than physical.

Thank you for all your wise input. I’m going to read the book Lav recommended. NS, I’m realizing that HB & I are miles apart in what we think is being communicated and in how we perceive things. Pav, it’s true that it might be best for both of us to just end this. But on the other hand, it might be best for me to keep the family together and protect my interests /assets! I just don’t know for sure what’s going to happen, or even what is best. But I can start by paying attention each time to what I’m perceiving might not be what he is communicating.

Have a great day, everyone!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Sitting on the deck enjoying milder temps today & sunshine too can’t complain.

I wish I had the hot flash thing figured out but I do not. Guess what - mine started at age 41 & at 67 I’m still having them, haha! I spent 20 years on HRT where they were mostly controlled but never went away completely. I was more or less forced off about 3 years ago & the flashes returned full force within a few weeks. No one in the world can give me a reason or a cure. I figure they will stop when I die, LOL. I was advised to stay away from white flour products (pasta & bread), red wine, excess caffeine, sugar......I do all that but it doesn’t seem to help. I have found using an OTC Progesterone drops in vitamin E oil to be somewhat helpful. You can get them on Amazon.

Slo, I wish you strength & hope that you can break thru the communication wall with your husband. I know how hard & exhausting it is to be living like that. The book did open my eyes to a few things, hope it helps!

Hello to Pav & Narilly, Wags & everyone!

Wishing a safe night in the nest for all.
Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all.
On Tuesday, i drove for the first time in 15 months. It is like riding a bike. I had a doctors appointment this afternoon and on the way home, I passed an ABC store. It’s a store that was in my rotation 11 years ago. I thought, boy, it’s been a while old friend. I thought of myself whipping in for a pint of 5 O’clock Vodka. My next thought settled the conversation: It wouldn’t be enough. Reality called, it said to keep driving. Funny how that muscle memory is still alive after all these years. Maybe because I’ve been cooped up for a year and was finally out on my own and the ‘sneak’ came a calling? Thankfully, I have the tools to answer those ‘nobody would know’ thoughts. I would know. To thine own self be true. I turned up the radio and sang to Patti Labelle’s Last Dance, yes, the classic disco tune. It was spectacular. She and I were in rare voice. Mr G would be jealous.
Hope everyone is having a good week. Stay strong, everyone! Byrdie

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings, MWO-ers,
Great to see people here resisting the ever-present temptation to drink alcohol. Yes, it’s so hard to imagine having just one or two drinks and being satisfied with that. When I was drinking, I needed to feel my blood-alcohol level on the rise. Stopping drinking & feeling the BA level dropping was to be avoided, until I was so smashed I was no longer conscious. Often I kept drinking right up until my head hit the pillow. That is what I remind myself when I think about drinking!
It’s Friday night here in Oz, & I’m feeling like I put in a really good week. I have two volunteer gigs now, and they’re very satisfying & rewarding. One is tutoring a lovely woman from China in English, & the other is working with a group of refugees & asylum seekers – helping them with conversational English & other personal & practical issues. Travel might be off the agenda for the time being, but mixing it with people from around the globe is not!
Wishing global Nesters a wonderful weekend,
Steady
:heartbeat:

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Byrdie - I LOVE a good harmony with the radio. Sing it, Sister!

Steady - sounds like you have a great way to serve others - that is so important. In the book I'm reading there is a blackout drunk. Hard to read.

Slo - Congratulations, and glad you get to hang around and take care. I remember that jealousy from my first kid - OF COURSE it is going to happen. What a shock that YOUR people could love someone else as much as they love you?

Lav - they call my friend's mom a "Super Flasher" - she has the same problem as you do - on and on and on. Sorry! What a pain in the neck.

Nar - that's tough to hear someone in that much distress. I hope s/he is ok. I am glad things are calming down.

Happy SOBER Friday, folks. Glad I'll get some rest.

Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening greetings from your Super Flasher, LOL

Thanks Pav, at least now I know there’s a name for this hot mess, haha!!
I hope your weekend is super relaxing

Steady, good for you doing the volunteer work! You sound happy & that’s what we want here

Byrdie, I’m glad our girl Patti Labelle came to the rescue. I’ve always loved her, she’s awesome. I don’t think it matters that we occasionally have ‘those thoughts’ because we have all the tools now to handle them, right? Good job, keep doing that!

I’m getting caught up on medical stuff too, went in for a mammogram this morning, not the best way to start your day, haha! I have a Monday morning appointment with the vampire, another non favorite of mine but this is the stuff we have to do to stay healthy.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks to all for the suggestions re: hot flashes etc. I've got a few good supplements started up and am hopeful I'll at least be able to minimize the swings from hot to cold.

Slo - I can see how you'd find it difficult to know what's "best" with regard to your marriage. I imagine there are things that would be "better" about splitting and others about staying together. I'm sorry this is such a difficult time :hug:

Steady - your volunteer work sounds fab. I used to teach English to refugees and immigrants here in the U.S. and it was incredibly rewarding and humbling. That's so great you're able to connect with these folks and help them meet some very real practical needs.

Pav - any hikes planned for this weekend?

Lav and Byrdie - great job getting all that dr stuff tended. It's not always fun. Ok, it's rarely fun!

Happy weekends to all -- stay safe everyone!

[Rahulthesweet]

Re: Newbies Nest

I hop in here ..
in my nest
listing to good 'ol floyd music
and some more rock music
brings back memories of my teens
of my good and bad days
of my drinking days
days when reality seemed too bad
and getting drunk my only escape
life was bad then

but then how is it today ?
Covid around
here in the centre of it
in New Delhi
locked down in home
pain all around
people running for Oxygen
meds and basic supplies
so many died
so many more will die
and lot more will survive
many of those who were left behind
may suffer ...

and how were my past drinking pains
as compared to those who are suffering
today ..
so why was i drinking ?
was life bad then ?
or is it now ?

As i listed to David Gilmor perform
in one of the live shows
somewhere in Europe
listending them on my PowerBeats
which i just bought from Europe

Ah the Europe trip
back to Zurich
yes I was there just 3 weeks ago
just before this massive Covid tunami came
shattered everyone

have so many memories of drinking
being alone
cursing myself
for the life
or was it for escape ?
cant say
coz while travelling
and drinking alone
I used to feel free..
and lot less grateful
that was Zurich ...

Gratitude ! thats what I am full of
For being safe , fully vaccinated
but should feel grateful ?
with death all around
pain and misery
is it ok to be full of guilt, helpless and grateful ?
So so happy to be Sober
grateful to be strong
grateful that my family is safe

So why was I drinking ?
Why was I a drunk !
Why ?
Life was better then ... but i made it worse !
Life is lot worse today ... but i am lot better !

Met a wonderful women in Goa,
a new "Vegan" friends Mom,
that just 2 months ago
was a Charming lady
met her for the 1st time
and it will be last ...
Covid too her
the same friend called me
2 weeks ago
looking for a Hospital Bed for her
could not help
I tried .... or did I ? or was I ignoring ?
is forward hospital number over whatsapp called helping ?
its more like "Go man I cant help !"
but then ... how could have i help ?
where could have I gotten the oxygen, meds, hospital .. ?
so helpless, guilty ...

its we who make life miserable
it we who make it worse
I choose to be grateful
I am happy
I am healthy
my family is healthy
i am here in my nest with you all fine folks
and now i hop out ....

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Saturday evening Nesters,

Nice day to be outside here, grateful for that
I’m not quite ready to go out maskless just yet but there’s really no hurry, right? We did go a few places today & lots of people left their masks at home.

Wags, I still have an appointment for bloodwork Monday morning haha! Then hopefully I will be done for a while. Hope your weekend is a good one

Rahul, glad you checked in, have been thinking of you re the Covid situation. Glad you are staying locked down & safe.
Sorry to hear about your friend’s Mom, hope she recovers. It’s hard but try to focus on today & not the past. We can drive ourselves crazy worrying about the past but we are helpless to change it of course. You are staying sober & healthy, that’s what is important right now. Take good care.

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

turned cold here in the past week, carl has his jacket on and is so snuggly. menopause has its positives and keeps me warm most of the time. i seem to be one of the very few who walks without a jacket on!

Slo, congrats on little Mabel, its a lovely name. The best thing i did was leave my hubs, he was like a 5th child and after 17 years i was done. the negative was my drinking got way out of control for years but thankfully that is way gone. I am the happiest i have been ever in my life. i have a man i see casually and i have my little life. It was hard adjusting and i think that was why i drank but i also had way more other issues to deal with which i have done sober. I know i dont need anyone to make me happy, that comes from me and only me. the people i have in my life are a bonus and give me positives, not negatives. I have the best psychologist i could ask for who has guided me through the past 5 years and i have my children. I outgrew my ex, i wanted more and other than than ten year glitch of al, i have it. I've learnt to deal with my mother, walk away from people in my life who hurt me but who i felt i had an obiligation to and i am happy and content. I do worry about being alone when i get older but why worry about that, life is what it is and i know i will be okay as i have me looking after me.

Nar, i hope you have had your vax and are staying out of covid's way. It is so sad to read about India at the moment. We are now just rolling out the vax in a sensible manner, i hope its enough with winter coming.

Lav, how did you go with the Lymes results (i hope i didnt miss that in a reply). it is damp here too, i got into the vege garden yesterday and planted some winter seedlings. tackled a lot of weeds. i have an apple and lemon tree to plant so im hoping my son comes around today and digs a hole.

Wags, i have tried patches, tablets, gels and the best i have found is a fan with a remote and Happy Healthy You | Changing Lives | Hormonal Balance which sell a natural supplement which i get in a powder and put in my smoothies. i also get the probiotics. they are exy though but after burning from the inside out they have settled things down. i did stop them for awhile thinking i was fine and oops the flushes came back. I still get them occasionally but i can live with them. i always wear light clothes and take a cardigan. My main issue is the cases of "extreme tireds" that hit me out of nowhere.

Well i am off to paint the spare room, i think i am putting it off as when i get on the ground and then get up my hips hurt like hell. need to find a comfy pillow. will take carl for a walk as no arctic winds today as yet. Dentist surgery now booked for 10th June and i am still looking forward to it. i hope they have great pain relief to offer as i cant take codeine.

take care xx