Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Slo, that is wonderful to hear that you had a great time. You might lose the reunions, but you wouldn't lose the relationship with your sis in law, I hope. And great for your knee.

LC, instead of forever try thinking one day at a time. When I was trying to "moderate," it was the thought of forever that was my downfall. I would think to myself that forever was too long so I might as well drink today. Actually, for me it had to be both - forever AND one day/hour/minute at a time. I was very good at lying to myself, and talking myself into why that one drink was ok... I'm glad you're back and heading into health and wellness.

That plunge into the Pacific - there's nothing like it. We didn't go near a beach we could swim in, so we were up on the cliffs and off the hook. I LOVE swimming so much and I know that the cold plunge is good for you mentally and physically, but man is it hard to be that cold! Kensho and I were close - next time maybe...

Hope you all have great days!
x
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

SLO, doesn’t it feel amazing when others help us meet out needs? Just coming off an initially iffy situation myself, I REALLY appreciate when there are options for us, and when the support is flowing! Zion is amazing - we were there last summer. Was it busy?

G - I wimped out on the plunge. The water is 51F degrees, so when the air temp got that cool, I couldn’t bear it. However, I would have done it within the 5 seconds that I posted it….

Wags, sounds like a rewarding experience! Way to take pride in your job.

LC, that’s wonderful that you have some alcohol-free people in your life! Being honest with them is important. Not only do you not have to continue to stay on any path, you can decide what your new path looks like and just start walking! We’re here for you.

PAV, I’ll bet we were within a mile of each other. There just aren’t that many beaches near that town. Amazing. I wish I could bottle up that air. We came back to 100 degrees and hazy, smoky air quality in CO. Yuck.

I didn’t eat enough yesterday and got very air sick when landing. Still trying to get regulated. The trip was great as far as the location, and the getaway. And though there was some great conversation at times, there was also eating and drinking until sick. That balls-to-the-walls style is not for me. I do not like drugs. I do not drink. I do not like feeling sick. I do not like being altered to escape life. Luckily, I enjoyed what I could. I would just rather be with people who want to be sober.

Anyway, I have billing and work fires to put out today - the re-entry is a challenge!

Thank you all for such amazing continued support!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Kensho, glad you had a good trip despite having to deal with the altered others. Being alert & clear headed is so much more enjoyable

G, there will be no polar plunges for this old bird. I’d be afraid of having a heart attack, haha!!

Wags, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed with your test scores!!!

Slo, welcome back, glad you enjoyed your trip! Should make for some great memories. There’s no reason you can’t remain friends with your SIL, she sounds like a keeper. Glad you’re back.

LC, you’re thinking things thru & making plans, that’s wonderful! Stick around the nest, stay motivated & you will meet your goals. Your daughters are wise to avoid AL, good for them.

Pav, the school year is over here on the east coast, when does your’s end? My granddaughter was officially promoted to 5th grade today, I hope my grandson was as well. The oldest will be entering 7th in September.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I liked the vacation very much, but couldn’t let go of HB sending me home on the plane while he & daughter drove home together and visited Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, etc. I should be graceful and just let it go, but I wasn’t able to. I had it out with HB at home before we left, just spilling tears everywhere. He did come up with another trip that I can take daughter on, as a consolation prize.
I still couldn’t let it go though. It was just so humiliating to have to be driven away to the airport with others, then just awful to have to be driven home by his brother & SIL on the other end. So humiliating. I wish I wouldn’t have missed your good advice to trade the ticket in and fly myself somewhere else! He was controlling though, and didn’t send me the ticket until close to travel time. I wish I would’ve pursued my first impulse to delay the flight home, rent a car, and take myself to those places! It is hard to get tickets to them this summer though. Yes, Zion was crowded too.
Anyways, I did let him know how this felt to me over text last night. I should want to keep peace to make a last effort to save the marriage, but I just can’t. I don’t like being treated like this any more! And I feel a strong need to communicate it instead of stuffing it.

Lifechange, there you are!! Amazing that you found an AF man -and that your daughters are both committed to remaining AF! Yes, one day at a time is good strategy at this point.

Lav, yes, you’re right: I have worked hard, and I am getting stronger! And one marker of that is, on the day of daughter’s graduation party, the scale read 135.0 pounds! -my goal weight for a long time! That is down from my usual 155 pounds, and down from my high of 185 pounds at the height of my alcohol addiction.

Take care, Nesters! Thank you for being here.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - glad to hear your trip to Zion had so many good parts, and I think it's fantastic that you're focusing a lot on those aspects of the trip. Hooray for your knee and congrats on reaching your target weight. That's definitely proof of hard work. I'm so sorry you're losing some family in the divorce as well. Maybe those folks will continue to stay in contact with you? It sounds like you all have been family for 25 years or more.

LC - I agree with Pav on ditching the "forever" mindset. Even if that's the goal, your al brain will find endless ways to sabotage such a lofty goal and then to excuse extended binges if you happen to slip. Focus on today, and then the next today, and then the one after that. They will add up quickly as you know!

Pav and Kensho - sounds like you both had wonderful times on the coast. Such a beautiful part of the country.


I had 5 hours of intense tutoring today and my brain is fried. Over and out, catch you all tomorrow!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Early here, running off to work again. Happy to have stuck to my plan.. same today. Work, then check in here! Gym, healthy dinner and no need to go to the shops.
At home this afternoon/evening so if need be, I'll lock myself in and hang out in the Nest. Looking forward to reading back.
Wishing everyone a lovely day..
xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gr8 work LC. keep it rolling.

Kensho and Pav,

Did you bump into each other in CA?

Pav - hair frizzy woman.jpg


Kensho - hair business woman.jpg

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest!

Great plan LC! Stick to it no matter what. There's good reading here.

No G, we didn't get to meet - maybe next time. Incredible that in this very big world, I've been so close to two Nesters.

Slo, I had a controlling husband as well, though not in quite the same way as yours. The longer I'm drink-free, the more power I take for myself. It's not about controlling him, but knowing my power. I find that certain types of people control if they can - and my addiction kept me in a place that I allowed it. Now, it's natural to me to have boundaries and I am very rarely taken advantage of, but it has taken practice. Keep up the great work - even if it feels bad. Good is on the other side of "through"!

My first day back was a bit of this and that, and no real dent in my list. I am conflicted between wanting less work/more balance, and just busting butt to get stuff off my plate. I guess the answer is to monitor the work I take better and try not to commit to more than balance allows - though it's very hard to gauge as projects morph and delays cause workflow to get all jumbled up. I just don't want to work my life away! This is something I've learned in the past 3 years.

BTW, who was it who recommended the book Breath by James Nestor? I just bought it - arrives today.

Hope everyone has a day filled with gratitude.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Yes, Slo. You're worth more than that for sure! It doesn't have to be humiliating if you spin it right - you get to come home early for some alone time... It sounds like he is manipulative and controlling, so it might be good for you to get away from that. That doesn't mean the ending won't be sad. Whatever the ending is, I hope you find happiness and strength. We're here for you. I have to go get something to wear for a wedding I'm going to in a week, and I will say that it will have to have an elastic waist band, or no waist band at all. I'm impressed by anyone who lost weight during this pandemic!

Kensho and I probably drove past each other on Highway 1! Big waves to you! The CA coast is often foggy and cold up here - one reason why it is so beautiful and under developed compared to the south. But getting in that water takes a special kind of bravery... I'm up for it sometimes, and not others. Even the difference between 51 and 57 can be enough.

Way to stick to your plan, LC. Congrats on a new relationship, and how great that he doesn't drink...

Not much to report. Another social even last night. Tonight is nothing - blissful nothingness.

x
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi again, Nesters!

Good day today.. stuck to my plan. Did go shopping as I needed cat litter desperately! But stuck to my list.
I was very happy to have a clear mind at work today as my coworker had to leave 4 hours early due to a migraine.. would've been nearly impossible to do on my own if I'd been hungover! Already positive things happening.

I'm very happy to be back in this cozy Nest.. it's so helpful to be able to write down my plan for the day.. keeps me focussed on what I want for myself.
I hope everyone is doing well and is having/has had a nice day..
see you tomorrow!

G-Man, Belated Congrats on 1000 days! :thumbsup:

xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Nice day here in these parts, sunny but not hot & no rain, yay!

LC, we are glad you’re back & already reaping the benefits of AF life. Good for you!!

Pav, who wants to be social every day? Haha! Once in a while is nice but not every single day

Kensho, G, Wags & everyone, hello!

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - great job sticking with your plan! I'm so glad you're back here with us :heartbeat:

Pav - your social events of this past week or so would have worn me out. Glad you get a day of nothingness.

Kensho - first days back can be tough, can't they? I'm sure you'll hit your stride very soon.


My wife and I gifted ourselves massages today. First ones since pre-covid. Woohoo!!! My wife continues to heal well from her hip replacement, and we're hoping to do a short easy bike ride tomorrow. Then a major heatwave will hit Sunday and we'll be hiding in the shade most likely.

Hellos and wave to G, Lav, Slo and everyone else stopping by the nest. Good days and eves to all!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good for you, LC, for focusing on one day at a time and getting through these initial days! I’m in your boat with the cat litter, so must get to a store today.

My head would just hurt after 5 hours of that intense of studying/working, Wags! Thrilled for you & wife that you can get out for a gentle bike ride together. That’s what I’m going to do next!

Lav, I bet you are enjoying your fresh, homegrown strawberries. I hope to get some at the farmers market tomorrow.

That’s so cool that Pav and Kensho most likely “crossed paths”!
I hear you on the work/life balance, Kensho; and how it’s impossible in your field to totally control how much work you have on your plate at one time.

I got up to see that new baby granddaughter (1 month old) and her jealous big brother (17 months old) yesterday!! My heart is full. Was so happy to be able to help daughter out too, and let her get a nap in.

I lost another 3 lbs. now, but I think that was just the weight of the copious amounts of tears I’ve been shedding.

I do hope Ava is healing well, assuming the dental surgery went ahead as scheduled. Wishing a good AF day to all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags - I want a massage - what a great idea. I'm booking one today!

Looking forward to the weekend. Father's Day here on Sunday, so we'll do something and my son will have to attend!

Happy SOBER Friday,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

WAGS - YEA for massages! How amazing that your wife is biking already - how wonderful!

G, you’re remarkably accurate on my avatar - during work at least! Add a little hippie/sporty and pajamas for other times! Glad to hear from you.

SLO, love that you get filled up with your grandies! Sending you some virtual Kleenex for those tears. May they cleanse and heal you. Hugs.

Just spent 30 minutes trying to read two posts while the kiddos peppered me with questions and things to show me. Not great for productivity, but fabulous for connection. I love when they want to share with me.

They were asking about this site and alcohol. Ben said he wasn’t going to drink ever. I told them that the bad thing is that it’s addictive (and poisonous). So the reason for drinking matters, and the quantity. It is clear to me that my actions have impacted them forever, and I am so happy for that. They wanted to know who else was on the site - so I listed locations: North Carolina, California, Pennsylvania, Australia, Germany…. They were flored. My daughter said, “sounds like a really great site mom. You’re so much happier not drinking.” SO, there you have it.