Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Things are heating up around here too but we do have the AC on. It’s been on for quite a while due to my excessive allergies. Sorry you don’t have any way to cool down Wags, be careful & stay well hydrated.
The craft show was OK but not very well attended. I think there was a lack of advertising by the person in charge actually. Still I made 4 good sales & am grateful for that. Next one will be the last Friday in August. That may end up be a hot & sweaty event, haha!

Slo, I’m just now thinking any occasion where there was a free open bar was enough to induce some crazy drinking for me. I figured I did nothing but work & work & we never went out for just an evening out so I tool full advantage of those opportunities. Glad that’s long over!

Belle, welcome back! The nest is the place to be, you already know that. I would highly advise writing yourself a new plan & be sure to address all of your triggers HALT. I did that & made a solemn vow to myself to never ever buy any more. Your husbands booze can be hidden or it can be thrown out if he’s not accommodating to your needs. Listen, you can make it easier on yourself by planning ahead & not leaving anything to chance. Keep your focus on what you need these next few weeks until you feel stronger. We’ll be here so stay close to the nest, you can do this

G, you sound like me & found success when you realized what you truly needed. Turns out what I truly needed was PEACE.

LC, so glad you are feeling human again. Worth the trouble don’t you think? Keep up the great work!!

Ava, sounds like you’re all set. I hope things go as smooth as possible for you. Your kids do owe you some TLC, for sure!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, just checking in sober after a brutally hot day. Love the polar bear G! Our neighbor friend is an ER nurse and she was telling us how heat like this always results in a spike of heat stroke cases they see in the ER (understandably) and that a disproportionately high % of them involve people who have been drinking even moderate amounts. She's already seen some really sad cases in just the past 24 hours. If any of y'all needed one more reason to not drink, there you go!

LC and Belle - sending you both some extra butt velcro and a few comfy twigs. Glad you're both back!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Just checking in before my daughter's graduation party. I don't anticipate any booze there, but since i am only a closet drinker it wouldn't bother me. Then we have a dinner at a restaurant, there again i will order my fave: Gin and tonic with a twist of lime...minus the Gin. Sometimes that is how i have to spell it out to waiters, lol, as if you just say 'tonic with a twist of lime' they don't get it.

I have a little notebook that i am going to start writing in: My triggers and how to get around each and every one of them. As my husband is leaving tonight to go to a funeral in Buffalo, and then he is going to visit my brother in MA next weekend. The kids and i have commitments so we have to stay put. Fine with me. I honestly think my stress level goes down when hubs is away because i always feel like i am walking on eggshells around him. But that is an issue to deal with for another day/year. Right now i have to focus on myself.

Thanks for the but velcro and twigs, Wags. I just cannot find my old piece of velcro. i think it was worn out anyway.

"Just gotta get through this day" as Byrdie says.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Hot & humid & pretty much gross outside, yuck. I’ve been out to water my plants & take care of my chickens & that’s enough for me!

Wags, hope you’re doing OK in this heatwave. Summer in the ER is always a trip, glad to not be anywhere near there.

Belle, use the time on your own to strengthen your mindset! Your attention needs to be on you right now. Covering those triggers is a big deal, be honest with yourself & you’ll find success.

Hello to the rest of the crowd & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. Butt velcro is free

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening,

I am back from my weekend travels now, and Pavati was right! Weddings can be just fine and still fun without drinking booze! I am getting much better at this with practice! I used some caffeine instead of alcohol for a little extra oomph. I was able to go around visiting, instead of worrying about drinking and getting my next fix. I asked the groom’s mother ahead of time if there would be AF beer available, and she got it stocked for me! Now if only I knew how to dance, then weddings would be really fun! But the two daughters we were with and a son-in-law enjoyed being out on the dance floor with the young people.

Welcome back, Belle! One of the key ways I handle trigger prevention is to always have food and water with me. At the very least I have my roasted pumpkin seeds and some ginger candies in my purse. When traveling, I always bring food & snacks with me. Partly because of my somewhat special dietary needs, and partly because HB can go hours & hours without eating, whereas I cannot and still stay on an even keel; so I travel with food so that I am not completely at his mercy.
I just think that the HALT acronym is very important in maintaining sobriety, so I do not let myself get too hungry or thirsty.

Good luck with the graduation party and celebration! I also agree that my stress level is often better when my HB is gone, because no walking on eggshells then.
We got our young daughter home in time to attend a couple of graduation parties today.

Wags, excellent point on another major benefit to staying AF: you can better weather hot, humid weather! Otherwise you can cause yourself severe problems.

Happy day of rest to all!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

One more day sober. Too effing hot. It's 90 degrees F inside our house and that is 22 degrees F cooler than outside. It's taking every ounce of energy to just get through this, one hour at a time.

Funny, that sounds a lot like getting through the hardest days of a new quit. Sometimes even one minute at a time.

Take care everyone.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Keep cool friends.

Polar bear 2.jpg

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hang in there Wags! Whew... sounds rough! I'm sorry you're experiencing that now! Do you have any spray bottles that you spray water on yourself with? We had to do that in Boston one summer when it was very hot at night - and that was only about 80 degrees. Looks like it should cool down tomorrow a bit for you?

Belle, I used to do that "without thinking" drinking. It stopped when I became 100% committed. Glad to see you back here - life is SO much better without alcohol! I didn't feel that way at first, but if you can have faith that it is better, and get through the first few months, you can make it long term! Keep up the good work!

LAV, I used to get so excited about an open bar! Now it just makes me apprehensive of lots of drunk people.

I find it interesting that a lot of us drinkers have had challenging spouses that we feel/felt we had to walk on eggshells with. I learned such great coping skills when I quit drinking that I set new boundaries and no longer feel that way (most of the time). It's constant stress that is not ok. I was SO afraid of losing my marriage that I kept drinking to cope. Now, I am healthy, and he knows that in order for me to stay, he will have to behave and be a grownup. Now I realize that it would be better to be without him than drink or be mistreated. That is what sobriety provided for me... acceptance, perspective and a reach for happiness.

Slo - way to go!!! Your sober muscles just got stronger!! You are a shining example of what to do in that situation - you had your plan and coping skills sharp and ready for use! Awesome job!

It's going to be a crazy week here. I have work deadlines - and need to prep/pack for our 10 day camping road trip. My son has a lot of shifts lifeguarding that I need to drive him to, and I want to find some focused time for the kids. UG! My main goal is to keep it real, and not try to be superwoman.

Happy Monday to everyone.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I cannot imagine being INSIDE a house that is 90 degrees F, Wags! How awful! I wonder if people will start installing air conditioning out there in response to this heat wave?

Thank you for your post, Kensho. You express it all so well! I feel the same way; that I drank to cope, but now that I’m sober I would rather just lose the marriage rather than keep on being disrespected. I mean, I would rather stay married for a variety of reasons, but I am no longer willing to drink nor willing to be mistreated in order to preserve the marriage.

Wags, you brought up another way that weddings can be hard for people. I’m so glad that things are changing now, so that people can marry who they want and nominate their own chosen legal significant other.

G-man, it should be obvious that chronically drinking a toxin can bring on adverse health consequences later in life. However, that reality gets lost for me in the constant barrage of media and cultural messages about how great drinking is.
HB has a friend who was just diagnosed with a pancreatic tumor and spots on his liver. HB feels that his friend’s heavy binge-drinking lifestyle may have contributed. Like HB was up at the cabin with some friends last Summer, and he went home to the cabin after probably 8 or so beers; but this guy and another stayed out to binge-drink pitchers in order to win a T-shirt at the bar. It is possible that heavy-drinking lifestyles over the course of decades contributes to these cancers, but who knows for sure. Anyhow, I’m glad I stopped!

I’m leaving soon to take daughter overnight to her college town to register for classes etc.

Keep cool!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Monday evening greetings Nesters,

HOT is the word, ugh
I have a much better tolerance for cold even frosty weather, guess it’s in my DNA. Grateful for the AC, couldn’t do without.

Wags, so sorry it’s so hot in your house, geez. I’d be heading to the nearest hotel, I’m such a weenie. Do whatever you can do to cool down & stay hydrated. Great time to be completely AF!!!

Kensho, I think these challenging spouses are our best teachers in the long run. I often wondered how much BS I was willing to put up with over the years. I finally hit the wall with mine & told him he needed to change his behavior so he packed up & moved out for 4` years. That was at the very beginning of my quit & it turned out to be a big blessing. I was able to do what i needed to do to heal myself without interference. Then he decided he wanted the life I had carved out for myself & returned. It’s been peaceful but very different & I’m OK with that. When you can’t teach someone about boundaries sometimes they just need to go so you can find your peace. Good luck with all the work & upcoming trip.

Slo, glad you enjoyed the wedding sober. You are getting stronger every single day & that’s great!
You are preserving your peace & if the marriage survives that’s great. If it doesn’t you will have the skills & strength to live life on your terms :hug:
Normal/moderate drinking per day is 1 for females & 2 for males. Sounds like your husband’s friend drank himself into an unhealthy & short future. Grateful none of us will be doing that!!!

Hello G from the land of hot females in the US hahha!!!!! :hahaha:

Hello to all & wishing everyone a cool & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Back from vacation so now I can relax :haha:

What a great bunch of posts I just read. I'm so glad we're all doing ok (other than too much heat), contentedly/happily not drinking, and having the chance to offer support. It is great to have you back, LC and Belle. You strengthen our quits when you give us the space to share what works for us. Thank you and I hope we can help you.

Belle, when I was trying to quit on my own and failing, I realized my promises to myself meant nothing. I had no self-respect and was beyond caring whether I failed myself. I had to make a promise to other people (who I admired) and decide that I had to do everything in my power to keep that promise. I honestly felt like this was a last chance. I publicly (as much as MWO avatars are public) stated that I promised to post and wait for a reply before I drank (just that pause can break the knee-jerk reaction) and I had contact information for a few people who I could reach by phone or text in an extreme situation. I ended up using both until I started liking myself enough again to not want to let me down.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gosh, Monday is almost over and i am happy to be sober! I agree with NS about the great bunch of posts out there. I feel like i have so much more in common than i do with people in my 'zoom' sobriety group. Most of them are there by court order for DUI offenses. Some may or may not be alcoholics, but screwed up, drank, drive and got caught. They do their time and go. Some of us (like myself) are there to give and get support and have no 'end date' as such. But as i said i just don't feel like i 'click' with that group like i do here.

Grad party was wonderful. There was no AL at the open house, and nobody (of course most of them were under the drinking age) drank AL at the restaurant. It was a hibachi style restaurant and there was so much food on my plate. In fact my son ate my leftovers for dinner tonight. I was so full i felt like i could barely move last night and went to bed early. I guess i am not used to the social scene anymore because i am exhausted today.

It is interesting that there are several of us that feel like we are or were walking on eggshells. But i need to get my own house in order first, and for a good while, before i can take a good look at my marriage.

Thanks for all of the good reminders from y'all in the recent posts about how to get past those triggers. I need to remember HALT at all times. And perhaps like NS did, post and wait for a reply before taking that drink.

It's still humid and 'soupy' outside even though it is dark. I may go for a walk anyway, as i just love walking in the dark and having the ability to think my own thoughts. And talk to myself if i want to. Hubs will be home from the funeral in an hour or so. At least I'm glad he is coming home to a sober me.

I think i found a very comfy twig this time, and the new velcro is awesome. Thank you all for the support!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

We made it! Well, through the most brutal days of heat anyway. They said something on the news tonight that our city (Portland, Oregon, USA) was the hottest place on the entire planet the past few days except for the Sahara desert, the Mojave desert, and the Persian Gulf. Sheesh, not what you want your city to be known for! Tomorrow is supposed to be "cooler" at only 97 degrees haha. More importantly, it should get cool enough overnight to allow for a decent night's sleep once we get the house cooled down quite a bit.

Sorry to see that others are also struggling with heat and/or humidity. The northern hemisphere of the planet is hot right now, that's for sure. How about you all in the southern hemi? Is your weather particularly warm or cold compared to most years in June?


Belle - glad the grad party went so well and that you're settling in with your new twig etc. We're glad you're back.


Ok, I'm gonna sign off for now and try to get a few things done that I've neglected due to the heat. I'll catch up with you all again tomorrow. Have good days and eves!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Hot un hung Tuesday everyone.

Yes, a great bunch of posts I agree. It is 37C (98.6F). HOLY CRAP! We are not used to having this hot weather, it is unbelievable. I think it is much easier to deal with -30C. Actually they both suck, lol

Nice to see you Belle.
Ya, it's funny NS that you can relax now that vacation is over. Isn't that the way?

I bought a new summer dress today which was nice. My shopping days are few and far between these days. Our cases are way down right now but we will see what happens over the next month.

Wags, all I ask for is a cool night so I can sleep. Once the house heats up it is hard to cool it down that is for sure.

Talk later,
and don't drink today!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

My husband has a greenhouse & there’s a digital temp device that sits on my kitchen windowsill. Today I noticed it was 101 F in there despite the open windows, door & fan running - way too hot for those poor plants. One more day of this extreme heat & humidity supposedly, ugh.

NS, I really believe you will need a vacation to rest up from this vacation, haha! I hope it was enjoyable as possible with a crowd in attendance.

Belle, glad things are starting off well for you

Wags, this heat is tiresome, for sure. Will you be getting a big storm to break up the heatwave like we get? I can’t wait, LOL

Narilly, it is hot everywhere it seems. Glad to hear cases are down, hope it stays that way!!!!

Hello to all & wishing a safe & cool night in the nest for everyone!

Lav