Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Day, fellow Nesters,

I have to lodge a complaint today...not against any of you but here it is and I would appreciate any advice:

Since my quit, it seems like I have to walk on eggshells around my husband. Almost every conversation turns into a confrontation. Perhaps because I am more confident. Or perhaps he cannot complain about my drinking and needs to find something else to pick on me about. I was coming in from the garage the other day and I stopped to answer a quick text. He came in and demanded to know why I was there (actually I was on the stairs going into the house). Yes he keeps his booze in the garage. I was no where near it and had no intentions of going for it. This morning a chat about starting our daughter in a "behind the wheel" class turned into an argument that apparently I do not want anyone else driving my car. What??? There was more but I don't even want to bother with it.

He knew I was going to have a difficult day with my boss yesterday, and it was worse than I imagined. Does he care to ask? No.

But this feeling that now that I am not drinking...he has to find something else to pick on me about...IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME DRINK.

So there...

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, are you sure this behavior is just since your quit, or is he always like this towards you? Maybe you don’t notice it as much when you’re drinking? He does seem to like to put you down and keep you thrown off center. It’s mean and manipulative. And feels rather familiar to me.

Hump day, Wags!

Lav, I admire that you have the leadership skills, plus the creativity and communication skills to be a Girl Scout leader! No -me up north with four young ladies is a far cry from 17 young Girl Scouts on a camp out. I have been in those situations a number of times with Girl Scouts, and it’s chaos! It is fun though too.

Pav, yes, hormones and monthly cycling would definitely cause anxiety for me. Escalating anxiety though out the final two weeks.

I hope No Sugar is on the mend. And all the rest of you too! (Byrdie, Ava...)

I lost my last 5 pounds, and then quickly gained them right back again with overeating sweets and stuff while on vacation, like at that family reunion in June. Just trading addictions to manage anxiety. Oh well -at least I’m still off the booze!

24 more AF hours please.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Surgery went very well. I didn’t realize how much vision I had lost. Colors are brighter and the cloudiness is gone. Just amazing. Almost looking forward to the other eye in 2 weeks! Who knew all I was missing?
Belle, you know the story of my hubs and his ultimatum. As I was getting sober, it seemed like he was picking fights with me. At the time, I thought, I’m quitting FOR YOU, why are are still not happy? I don’t know what the answer for you is, but change is hard, even when it’s for the better. I was changing and I think it intimidated him. The good news is that with time, it will work out. I was growing and maybe he felt threatened by it? I don’t know, but we worked through it. My nerves were pretty edgy at that time, too, we had to re-earn each other’s trust. Wishing you patience and strength.
Hugs to all and thank you for your good wishes! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, lots of great posts to read, awesome!

Byrdie, congrats on your cataract extraction. The process is so simplified now, I’ve never heard anyone complain. Back in ‘73 when the dinosaurs still roamed the earth we had to keep patients flat on their backs with their heads sandbagged so they couldn’t move post op, it was ridiculous. Glad you’re done & set for the second, yay.

Belle, your story rang some bells for me as well, sounds very familiar. Of course they’re intimidated by our strength & determination. Mostly because they have never had to prove themselves to that extent. Remember my husband decided to run a full year after my quit & was not able to give any explanation. I knew he needed to do some serious soul searching & that’s what he did. Yuo just keep your focus on yourself, you’re doing great!

Slo, my time as a girl scout leader was busy & fun but it’s definitely a job for the young, haha.
So glad to hear you are enjoying some grandbaby time - it’s the best!

Pav, you doing OK? Hang in there friend!

Hi there TJ, Wags & everyone.

Stay cool kids, the heatwave is stuck over my house, ugh!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - hooray that surgery went well! It sounds like you've got very real and immediate improvement. That's so awesome :yay:

Belle - I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is acting that way. It sounds very difficult, and I wish I had some sort of magic suggestion. Byrdie, Slo and Lav have made excellent points and offered some hope that things will resolve once he realizes that you're changing for the better. Do you two have good communication and conflict resolution skills in general, or not so much? If not, that might be a good thing to look into. Regardless, I'm sending you sympathy and support, along with applause for doubling down to protect your quit in spite of these yucky interactions :welldone:

Slo - sometimes replacing one addiction with another, on a temporary basis, is what gets us through a particular experience or period of time. It sounds like you're well aware of your behaviors and you know that the number one best choice is to not drink. In my opinion, everything else can be sorted out down the line. Kudos on the 24 additional hours!


Another 24 hours sober here as well. Counting down to my 5-year soberversary (July 24). Almost to single digits of days remaining. Time has flown and it also feels like forever, but because I've chosen to NOT drink I can remember every freaking day!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest

Thanks, SLO, I am feeling much better. All that's left is seasonal allergies which in comparison to the last couple weeks, barely seems worth mentioning.

Steady, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. We are still saying the long good-bye to my mom as her memory problems and physical abilities worsen. I think some of the grieving is already happening but I imagine it still hurts when the end comes. Take care of yourself. xx

Byrdie and Ava, so great to hear that you're getting some of your head holes fixed :haha:! Glad your procedures were successful.

5-years is a big cut-off in sober-world, Wags. The odds of relapse are dramatically lower after 5 years AF. We aren't statistics so we can't get complacent but we also don't need to think that at earlier stages, we're likely to relapse. We don't drink!

Glad you aren't drinking AT your husband, Belle. Did he pull this sh*t during your 5 year quit? No one should be treated disrespectfully and unkindly but especially not when you are doing something hard - and he knows it!

Sorry it's blazing where you are, Lav. This has been a weird summer weather-wise, at least in the midwest.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yep NS, it’s still weirdly hot &humid, yuck! Grateful for my super short hair cut, Lol
Allergies are never ending anymore. They used to come & go with the weather changes but not these days. How’s the pup doing?

Wags, looking forward to your 5 year anniversary. I remember feeling proud & strong at that point & I imagine you do as well. It’s wonderful knowing that you don’t have to drink for any reason & never have to deal with another day one
And
I’m currently dealing with a goofy BP situation. I have been on meds for 17 years &suddenly after my 2nd dose of Moderna vaccine my once stable BP is bouncing all over the place. I am in the process of trying out different meds, trying to find one or two that actually work for me. Frustrating as this is I need to be patient & do the wait & see thing. I’m not well known for extended patience haha!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - glad you're feeling so much better! Yes, 5 years seems like a significant milestone both symbolically and concretely. I will never get complacent though - remember I'm the one who drank after a 10+ year quit. Never again.

Lav - sorry to hear of your BP woes, and I hope that all gets sorted out soon. Good job being a patient patient!


For anyone who worries when they hear me say I drank after a 10+ year quit, it doesn't have to happen to you or me again or anyone. There were several unusually challenging circumstances that all came together in the perfect storm in my case, not the least of which was I lost my entire support system except one person who was also struggling with drinking. Stick close in the nest and you'll never have that issue. I also didn't have the tools or the conscious focus to protect my quit.

Keep your tools sharp nesters. Protect your quits with all you've got - they are precious and so are you!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

just a quick fly by.. i've had a friend visiting from Atlanta since last Friday, as well as a full house of teenagers and work!! Exhausting and not a minute to spare so i haven't yet read back.. but all is well in the AF front!! 31 days today, i think!:happy2:
Heading out to the country for the weekend and then back to normal life and an empty house on Wednesday so i will check in then again at the latest!

hope everyone is well and happy. big hugs all around!!!xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Seeing (er, pardon the pun) we're talking about body repairs, Does anyone have any experience or ideas to tackle gradual hearing loss? I might just need a clean out, but i think there's more going on. Not keen for hearing aid at this stage.

Hi Belle. I hope things improve there. One thing we CAN do is we can control how we respond to such situations. Take care of yourself. Remove yourself from the situation if need be.

Glad you're feeling a bit better SB.

Great news Byrdie!

Lav, hope the BP settles down.

Great post Wags and good advice. Looking forward to your 5 year party. End of July sometime?

Big waves to all.

Yo LC! x post. 31 days booze free? Holy Flabbergasted Friars on facebook! Congratulations!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

So much activity! Great to see you all.

Wags, I forgot it was 10+ years. I am very excited to celebrate your 5th anniversary. Thanks for sticking around with us!

Belle, was your husband your drinking buddy? Maybe he feels threatened by your sobriety? I found that my reactions were much more measured once I quit, so I didn't provide the fuel for any big fights any more. I hope he can find a way to support you. Have you asked him to??

Lav, sorry about your BP. Mine is all over the place, too. I think it is anxiety and my doc doesn't want to medicate because the lows would be too low. I need a more consistent exercise/meditation program, so I'm going to try that for now. I hope you get it figured out. Are you getting those side effect texts to report this one? I wonder if it is common?

Byrdie - Hooray! So glad you got that done.

NS, glad you're feeling better.

LC, stay close! It is easy to wander away when things are going well. In my experience, a sober life takes a sober practice. Take care of yourself!

Mr. G, my husband started going to loud punk rock shows when he was 14, and has been a LOUD live music junkie ever since. About three years ago he bit the bullet and got hearing aids - it was a game changer. Previously he felt isolated in conversations with greater than 4 people because he couldn't follow. He still has to have the subtitles on the TV or movie. Hearing loss can be connected with dementia, so I recommend at least talking to an audiologist. His hearing aids are very discreet and there's a bonus family mute setting! Hearing loss is very very hard, especially for a musician. Good luck.

I'm off for the weekend without my computer. Happy SOBER weekend, and I'll catch up when I get back.

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest! I'm back from 10 days in the woods. Unpacking, and catching up with emails is pressing. Just wanted to check in. So glad I'm not a drinker. We drove through some lovely country, some of it wine and cider country, and I know my husband would like a drinking buddy on these vacations. He even said a bit longingly, "This cider is gluten free!", as if it might tempt me. He didn't pressure me at all, I just know he wishes I would partake sometimes. But I don't, and we keep focusing on the fun we have other ways.

I look forward to reading back when I have a bit more quiet time.

PAV, I began reading "Breath" by James Nestor to my family at night, and they are hooked. I am very interested in what he is saying. I think you recommended that book awhile back? Did you practice any of the techniques he recommends, and have you found them helpful?

Good to be back.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Still awfully hot & humid. Hopefully tomorrow at this time we’ll be having some storms to break up this heatwave. Such a hot summer!

Wags, I’m pushing 12 1/2 years & thinking nothing could ever make me drink again but do I really know that for sure? Who knows what the future holds & keeping our tools sharp is all we can do. Hope your weekend is going well. I am already seeing some improvement in my BP/HR readings - hope it holds.

LC, awesome on your 31 AF days, yay!!
I’ve seen the news about the flooding in Germany & surrounding areas, glad you are OK.

G, you may know my husband was a police officer. He had to go to the pistol range yearly to renew his license to carry. One year when he was only 30 something he came home saying he ‘forgot’ to wear the protective ear gear. He’s been dealing with tinnitus ever since & no ear doc has been able to help him. Being exposed to loud noise or music even causes damage. Like Pav said, go have your hearing tested & see if they can recommend something to prevent even more hearing loss. Sorry Buddy.

Pav, I had normal BP, cholesterol & all that until I turned 50. My warranty apparently expired at that time, haha. Women go thru so many changes at that age something is bound to get messed up. Managing stress is a big help. I can’t blame my current issues on stress but I am blaming the 2nd vaccine. I have reported it repeatedly & the text messages are now monthly since that vaccine in April. I can’t be the only one with this issue. Watch your salt intake too, makes a big difference

Kensho, welcome back & glad you had a good trip!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick sober check-in on a Friday night. This used to be a big drinking night (we survived the work-week after all!) but I'm so so so glad it no longer is. Now I can plan to be up early for a bike ride tomorrow morning, and I don't have to worry that I might be hungover.

Hope you all have fantastic AF weekends!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in finally on a Friday night. We’re babysitting Beckett tonight (18 month old grandson), so I’m a bit frazzled, and hope he goes to sleep now.

Thanks for squeezing in a quick check-in, LC. Congrats on 31 days, that’s awesome!!

Welcome home, Kensho! I think my husband would prefer that I could drink some with him too. We had some awkward vacations when I was first getting sober. He’s not a huge drinker, but he loves drinking culture. And vacations definitely mean drinking to him.

I still have no idea if we’re getting divorced or not. I feel like we’re getting along well, but yet he maintains his own separate bedroom. I vacuumed & dusted upstairs today, since daughter is staying over with the kids -but I’m no longer going to dust & vacuum “his” room. You want your own room, Buddy, then take care of it. Or don’t -I really don’t care. He said he could set up Beckett’s crib in my room. I told him to put it in HIS room.

Appreciated all of your wise commentary, Pavati.

Sorry about your hearing, G-man. My mother blew her ears out in front row seats at loud rock concerts in her 40s, and lost a significant amount of her hearing. I was at one of those with her, and immediately moved myself to a back row. She wouldn’t move. Besides not liking loud noise, I had been educated in nursing school about the danger of high decibels, and how it could cause permanent hearing loss. I think the general public has been left woefully uninformed about the dangers of loud music and loud noise.

Speaking of head holes, do you need to get your other eye done, Byrdie?

A morning bike ride sounds much better than nursing a hangover, Wags! Happy AF weekend to all.