Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

G, can we expect to see you surfing in the Olympics at some point? Haha, that would be cool!

Lav

I'm up for it Lav. Let's face it, stranger things have happened.

Ava, get well soon. I hope all goes well for your neices son.

Wags, it's so cool skateboarding is an Olympic sport. That sport will explode even more now. I tip hoverboarding in mid air is next as a competitive sport. That will take off too. Take off, get it?

Big waves to all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Monday evening Nesters,

We ended up having 2” of rain yesterday. Much more than we needed while the west remains so dry. Wish we cold do something to fix that. Still hot & humid here, same old story.
We have lots of raspberries ready to pick so I baked up a raspberry cobbler for dessert, yum. More sugar than I’m using to having but it was a real treat

Wags, it’s awesome when we find we are able to maneuver through rough times without inviting AL back into our lives. We grow stronger than we ever could have imagined.

Kensho, everything here IS pretty lush due to all this rain & hot weather, haha!! The chickens are fine, i’m keeping them cool with a few fans in their coop & lots of watermelon slices in the afternoon.
Don’t let the paint colors drive you crazy, pick what you like & forget it, Lol. I hope you get your new computer squared away. That’s something I have zero knowledge of myself.

Ava, I like the sound of your getaway plan. Leaving your mom home is probably for the best, all things considered
Hope your GP approved more time off for you, you need that!

G, I no longer sit & watch the Olympics that way I used to but it’s good to read about them. Let us all know when you make your debut!!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

G - I think skateboarding will jump in participation from the olympics as well, although it has been extremely popular all up and down the west coast of the U.S. for several decades. I got my first board when I was 10 and sometimes I wonder if I could still skate (never anything fancy for me - just a fun way to get around and maybe a few tricks). I will buy stock in hoverboards now based on your prediction and pun

Kensho - isn't the 13 y.o. skater amazing??? I love several of the classic crowd favorites like gymnastics, diving, some of the track and field coverage. Some of the cycling, MTBing and paddling. Also soccer and softball (glad it's back!). I'm excited to see the sport climbing this year. I was a climber for many many years so anything about climbing (or mountaineering for that matter) interests me. I guess I like a LOT of the olympics, although I generally don't watch a ton other than the highlights. How about you? What besides skateboarding might be on in the Kensho home?

Ava - sounds like a great family getaway together. Good decision on your mom, even though it was probably difficult to decide in some ways.

Lav - glad you and your chickens are hanging in there through the heat and humidity. We're gonna get hit with another heat dome later this week, although only about 100 degrees F this time (still WAY too hot for homes without AC). We actually bought a swamp cooler since the last heat wave. It won't cool down the house or anything, but it takes the edge off one room and sitting right in front of it brings decent short-term relief. I've already started making extra blocks of ice for the hottest upcoming days.


Hello to Pav, Belle, and everyone else stopping by the nest.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

You know, one thing I hear consistently from sober people is "I gotta look after me". Or "I'm going to ask for this because I need it". There's a level of self-appreciation and self-respect that I know I didn't have while drinking. That alone is worth quitting. Good for you AVA for asking for what you need. Glad you're getting some sleep. You talk about your kids with affection now, so I assume you made it through the eye-rolling stage.

So G, when you say "big waves" to us all, are you talking about a salute or the ocean? I would take both Buddy. Glad you seem so good.

LAV, one of my favorite things is berry picking!! I'm envious that you have raspberries ready.

Wags, you have a lot of favorites!! I don't generally enjoy watching sports, but I do like the diving, gymnastics, and I'll full out yell at the tv when women's volleyball is on, as that was my sport. It helps to have played it, because I'm so amazed at their talent and understand the rules!

Where's Lifechange? Check in Missy.

Home working today. I picked the main paint color, just ironing out the trim. I was too fast the last time we picked, and have disliked the color for 7 years. I want to get it right! But I'm close. Anyway, the birds are chirping and singing, so I suppose there are positive vibes in the air. Have a good one everyone!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m with you on picking out house paint, Kensho: find other finished houses who have a good color and who got the mix of house color, trim color, roof color, and stone or brick color just right and tap them! It’s too hard to tell off of a paint chip.

Belle, glad you took a weekend away back to your old stomping grounds to rejuvenate. That’s one reason why you kept the house, after all; and now that your brother moved out is the perfect time for you to use it. And your husband already had his time to travel solo for a getaway, so now it’s your turn!

Good that you have installed a way to help beat the heat, Wags. I am so glad to have A/C! We’re hot & dry here too.
Sad that July is waning, as I have loved being able to get out biking frequently in the warm air and with the long days! Winter is long here, so it has been a real treat.

Yes, Ava, enjoy a getaway with your kids, and don’t complicate it and ruin it by adding in your difficult mother! As you know, I have a very difficult mother too, so I understand. Then you can take that separate trip with her later to see the baby. Good boundaries!

Thank you for explaining the pun, G, as I missed it! Young daughter can dance on a hoverboard. I can’t even mount one!

Still don’t know what’s happening in my life, or even for sure what I want to have happen. Pushed a conversation with HB, and he mentioned that maybe we could stay together for a couple years and wind this down. So, not much hope that he wants to build a relationship with me, but at least my hand isn’t being forced. I’m trying to focus on just enjoying the Summer and continuing to try to build my own strength.

Sweet corn is ready here now! Time to look for raspberries soon. Wishing all a good day!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still hot & humid, yuck. I went to get my hair cut today so that brightened things up a bit
Listening to the latest news about masking indoors, again even if you are vaccinated. I have plenty of masks on hand, I just wish others had bothered to get the vaccines. Looks like the grandkids will all be back in school in September & wearings masks.

Wags, many years ago my younger brother left the east coast & landed in southern Idaho. He had to explain what a swamp cooler was ~ never heard of it before, haha! Any way you can keep yourselves cool helps! I imagine you folks on the west coast are going to have to consider installing AC at some point to survive. I seriously couldn’t survive without our AC, I am not built for these weather extremes. Take care.

Kensho, I have to walk past the raised bed for the strawberries to get to the chicken house. Something looked different, the strawberries are long gone but also all the tops of the plants disappeared overnight - deer salad I guess, haha!!! I guess the wildlife likes to help out with garden chores! The raspberries are in a different area & they’re safe so far. Glad you’re getting your paint colors together.

Slo, what do you suppose would happen IF you announced that you found a nice condo for yourself, a place just for for you? Do you think he would get angry or defensive? I say this because it’s exactly what I did years ago. I wanted to see his reaction to the possibility that I wasn’t going to sit quietly while he made up his darn mind about what he wanted. He mumbled something about wanting to try to buy out my half of this house, haha!! I told him he can’t have everything he thinks he wants. Nothing ever came of the conversation & he eventually did return. I didn’t like being controlled, not in any way shape or form. I wish you lots of strength, whatever you decide to do :hug:

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well the paint colors are chosen, and I am exhausted. New computer is only half set up, I am behind on most projects, and I yelled at a few inanimate objects today out of frustration. I shouldn't be hormonal, but may very well be. My poor house painter must think I'm crazy! But sheesh, how much does a girl have to take of being locked out of websites for mistyping a password, being hung up on after 15 min. on hold, felt like my whole day - one step forward, two steps back. BUT my sweet daughter is calming me down and made me GF chocolate chip banana bread - feeling better already. Sigh.

SLO, what does he mean by "wind this down"? As in your marriage? Does he want his freedom and your companionship too? I'm with LAV. Sounds like he's calling a lot of the shots. I encourage you to think about what YOU want. With or without him - what you really want. When you think about your relationship, what do you need and want? You don't have to sit back and wait for him to make all of the decisions. You're stronger now and could certainly do fine on your own. That's what it took to get my husband on the right path of togetherness... when I said, "I am not afraid of living without you." And I meant it. He understood that he either had to compromise and treat me well and be supportive, or that I would leave. Life is too short and plenty of people out there want to treat us with the respect we deserve. And you DO deserve respect and happiness!! Put you first. You're not a cog in his wheel - you can drive your own danm car!!

Anyway, off to fold laundry.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - I agree with Lav and Kensho in supporting you to figure out what YOU want. You are worth it.

Kensho - glad to hear you figured the paint colors out. Sounds like a rough day with technology though - I hate when that all seems to go wrong at once.

Nar, LC - are you doing ok? Miss seeing both of you checking in.

Hellos and waves to G, Ava, Steady, and everyone else stopping by the nest. Take care everyone!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I too have noticed Narilly’s absence. And [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] was going to be busy, and didn’t think she’d have time to read or post; but I hope she can give a wave soon.

Kensho, what a frustrating day. I love it that your daughter made you your banana bread. So sweet and caring!

The deer eat everything here too, Lav. I don’t even bother planting flowers anymore.

I guess that’s the problem -I don’t know what I want for sure! I know that in a marriage I want communication, companionship, and cooperation/ collaboration -and I have not had those. But he’s getting much better at cooperating rather than working at cross-purposes with me. I can get a little more communication from him of late. He might be somewhat more companionable with me now that he won’t have the daughters to glom onto, as the last one is moving on. Like Kensho, I want to be respected and to feel somewhat supported if we stay married. Yes, he means to wind down the marriage. I guess we both need to see how it goes with an empty nest, so I will have to live with the uncertainty.
I love your bold move, Lav! I’m so glad that that worked for you! In my situation, I don’t think it would work. He already has papers written up with a lawyer for our divorce, and would just serve them.

I’ll be driving up tonight to be there to babysit the little grandchildren tomorrow. Wishing a good AF day to all!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Slo. It's his phrase "wind down", as though it is inevitable. Why even do that if it's ending? Get up and on with it. Staying a couple years to "see where it goes", or to "work on your relationship" is another thing completely. How long have you been married? I'm sure it feels like a really hard situation and you will be stronger in the end no matter what. It's never too late to decide what you need and go get it!

My daughter has this pattern where every few nights she cries and cries late at night, even if she seems fine during the day. Is 12 too young for hormone drama? She says she feels scared or just very sad. She says she's mostly afraid of losing me and her dad. Sheesh! I notice it's worse when we spend less time together. But she and I have always been opposites - I need independence, I'm frequently in my head, and a very busy and driven mom. We do fun things, but she would prefer if we lounged around all day doing everything together. I'm introverted - she NEEDS people to feel ok. What a strange mother-daughter combination? I went to bed feeling like a failed mother last night. Have any of you experienced anything like this? I feel like I have always taken special time for my family in each day - and I've felt since she was an infant that she would suck me dry if she could. I love her to pieces, but as an independent person, she is very needy. She's lovely, caring, sweet, emotionally intelligent and SO. VERY. SOCIAL. We clash a bit that way, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Anyway, busy day ahead.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

I only had time for a quick fly by, and there is so much to respond to in my head and then I read [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]'s post!

You and your daughter sounds like me and my daughter. Sometimes she cries (she is 18 now, but this has been going on for a few years) and says she doesn't know why she is crying. I like you am very independent and I call myself "my own best friend". But she needs people/friends around her to be happy. She has been in therapy for a few years and is on an antidepressant (which recently changed because she wasn't sleeping well with previous one...she has a lot of drug sensitivities so it always hard to nail something down). She is always asking to "do something" with me, but with work and all the family stuff in front of me, including getting both kids back to campus I barely have time for myself. Which is why I threw in the towel last week and just went to be by myself. So, my daughter also NEEDS people to feel good, as does your daughter, even if it is her old mother. I feel bad too when I cannot do all the things she would like to do with me. I don't know what the answer is but perhaps you might consult with a therapist. Last night my daughter seemed down and I asked her if she was lonely (she spent the previous day out with friends dorm shopping etc. all day) and she started crying. I think she still might be hurting and missing her old boyfriend. He used to come around some but in the past few weeks we have not seen him at all. I suspect he has finally moved on.

That said, she chose a college where she has no friends, over going to a college where most of her friends are going. idk why she did that and I asked her if she could change her mind (which is an option) she started crying...saying it was so hard to make the decision she cannot revisit it.

I guess what I want to say is that I understand what you are going through from my own experience. idk if that helps, but I put it out there.

and I think you asked about my drink order. It seems that many wait-persons and even bar tenders don't know the difference between tonic water and club soda. Many times I have asked for a tonic with lime and I get club soda. Very strange but club soda upsets my stomach. So I have to give them the "gin and tonic' picture so that they get it.

oh boy...better run. have to take daughter to bank to untangle a mess she made with her debit account. Then to the dentist with son, then to a happy hour for a colleague who is leaving. This is one busy week.

Take care all,

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a very pleasant sunny day, met old friends for lunch & had a good time catching up
Now the clouds are rolling in ahead of a stormy day tomorrow, oh well.

Kensho, we have an old saying around here - sometimes you eat the bear & sometimes the bear eats you, haha! Not every day is going to be perfect, that we know for sure! Glad the paint decision is done, now yuo can focus on getting that computer up & running. Do you know anyone who works in IT? They are valuable friends to have, that’s for sure. 12 year old girls are flooded with hormones & they generally don’t know what to do with them. Some kids really are more needy than others, it’s hard. How are her friends? Are they supportive of one another? I remember spending much more time with friends than family at that age.

Hello to Wags!

Slo, if your husband has been a lifelong manipulator like mine then change won’t be easy but it’s still possible. The best thing I did for myself was to make him understand that I will not accept any more manipulation, he’s free to stay or go, his choice. But in choosing to stay he had to be willing to accept my new boundaries because the old ones had been whittled away over the years. No more sneaky moves & no lying are big ones in my book. No wonder I had lost all self respect, I will not let that happen again. Now it’s your turn to decide what you are willing to live with & accept from him. I wish you only the best & hope you enjoyed your grandbaby time today.

Belle, my daughter did the same thing in choosing to go to a college where she didn’t know anyone. Half way thru the year she decided to transfer back to a college close to home. I made her finish out her year there then helped her transfer. She learned a lot on her own but I also think she was a bit scared. They all grow up at their own pace. I hope the rest of your day went well.

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all. I had my second cataract surgery today and my near vision is quite blurry. Hoping for a nice improvement in that eye.
Thishas just been a very challenging year, I can’t blame the teens for having separation anxiety and other big feelings. It’s an uncertain time. All I can say is that we’ll get thru it like we did our sobriety….one day at a time. I heard Michael Phelps say today that it’s ok not to be ok. I agree. This whole thing will take time to resolve, I just hope we can get everyone on the same team.
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - is that saying about the bear somewhat like the song lyrics: "Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug"?

Kensho - 12 y.o. girls can definitely be having hormonal things going on. Is your daughter very self-aware? Like in tune with her thoughts, feelings and body? I ask this because for me at the other end of the "female hormones are changing time", I started feeling sad for no particular reason maybe a year or two ago. The hardest part was not knowing why I felt that way -- nothing specific had happened, I wasn't upset about anything, nobody was upset with me, etc. I finally determined that it was hormones and that made it a bit easier. Now when it happens, I find it less disconcerting because I know it's hormones and it's not that something is necessarily wrong (either with me or in my world). It's still a yucky way to feel, but I also know it's temporary and will pass within a short period of time (faster if I do things to help, like exercise, music, etc).

Belle - I'm sure that was a very hard decision for your daughter to make, and I applaud her choosing the school that she felt was best for whatever reasons. One good thing that might help your daughter is that *every* college and university hosts dozens of events for new students at the start of each school year -- usually a wide array of options to suit a variety of interests. Your daughter will have loads of opportunities to make new friends, and everyone else will be new at the exact same time (even if a few know each other). Did she choose a small college or a large university?


Hellos and waves everyone. Happy Hump Day (how did we get here again so quickly?)!!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, that is my situation too: I’m highly introverted, and 3 of my 4 daughters are quite extroverted. It was hard, and I didn’t do well with it. Thankfully my twin sister was an involved auntie, so they had her too. She moved in and practically raised my youngest, when I was overwhelmed and spread too thin.
Also, “it takes a village” to raise a child, and we don’t have “villages” anymore. Like, it used to be that kids would go outside with all their siblings and meet up with all the many neighborhood kids and play all day. So mothers didn’t usually have to be the entertainment committee! But we don’t have that set-up much societally anymore.
Can anyone else help meet her social needs? Perhaps more sleepovers or meet-ups with friends? Can she spend a week with the grandparents? Is there a camp of some sort that she could go to for a week? Can her dad plan special things with her after work sometimes? -Take her golfing or mini-golfing, teach her tennis or something? Is your son the swimmer rather than your daughter? Otherwise swim team would help keep her busy.
I see my neighbor lady struggling too to balance work with raising her 11-year-old daughter. Of course it’s harder in the summertime (and in COVID times) when the kids are not in school. She’s divorced anyways, so only has her daughter part time.
Most of the women in my family seem to get our first menses at age 12 and a half, so yes, it can be a hormonal age.
You have just a few more hard years to get through, then it should get easier when she’s in high school.

Fingers crossed that that blurry vision goes away, Byrdie. I really hope that it’s temporary.

Daughter didn’t want me coming up tonight because they had a major storm, so now I drive up tomorrow morning to babysit the babies.