Newbies Nest

[Leanwolf]

Re: Newbies Nest

You know, a couple of months ago, I could have gone a couple of days without the A, but now that I really want to, it seems harder to do. Just one day.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Leanwolf, you are right about one day. Focus on your witching hour and distract yourself any way you can! It will usually pass and you will be so proud of yourself (not to mention feel great tomorrow morning!). Eat if you have to - get ice cream, drink sparkling soda, watch movies, say the alphabet backwards, anything but drink. You can do it!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - I hope you have a wonderful weekend at the cabin in spite of the drinkers and the rain. You're solid in your quit.

Leanwolf - welcome to the nest! Day One can be especially hard (or the first few days). As Kensho suggested, distracting yourself during whatever time(s) you're most tempted can usually help the urges or desires to drink pass without caving to them. Another interesting thing I've been studying recently is about how our human brains struggle with meeting objectives that are phrased in a negative way (like, "Don't Drink"). The negative makes it much harder for our brains to focus on the desired outcome, and ultimately we can end up doing the very thing we're trying to avoid. These studies suggest phrasing your objectives in a positive way instead.

That might be a good conversation starter for everyone here: What would you like to do, choose, be, achieve, etc instead of drinking and how would you express it in positive language? Or, if you're already succeeding with your quit, What *are you doing/choosing/being* etc instead of drinking?


Hellos and waves everyone. It's almost Friday!!!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags... that is awesome! A positive statement is actually what got me to quit. I said to myself, "I want a better life than alcohol is letting me have. I want to feel good in the mornings, and feel proud of myself and have integrity and contribute to my health." I LOVE this perspective!

Another long day running errands here. I may bring my daughter with me. Nothing new otherwise - just searching for life/work balance.

Enjoy a sober day everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Sorry I've been MIA - vacation without a computer and then jumping right back into intense work while trying to fit in exercise, yoga and self care. It all changed my morning routine, part of which was logging on here. I'll have to figure it out. I read back a bit...

Leanwolf, welcome. I said to myself that if I wanted the life I wanted - my job, husband, relationships with my kids - I would have to have it without alcohol. One of the most surprising things is how much more I like activities I thought would be impossible without booze. Hope you can make it a day. Log on here and read through the old posts - there is a lot of collective wisdom here.

Wags, sorry about your dad. My mom lives with us and she is SO stubborn about accepting help. It is very frustrating. She wants us to do it all, but we all work a lot and it is hard for us to get away. I even suggested that she have her housecleaner come every week instead of every other week (she has a small place), and she said it was "too many people" around. Ugh... I hope you find the help you need with your dad, and glad your wife is recovering. That's actually remarkable that she's on a bike already.

Kensho, you're doing GREAT. Your daughter DOES need to learn to entertain herself and is old enough to understand work. She's probably scared, bored, depressed, anxious, and hormonal like all the other teens are. Good luck with hockey camp. I have the same fear you do about the cess pools of schools. Thankfully I live in a county that supports masks in schools mostly, so we don't have to fight that fight. I am SO disappointed that we aren't further along in quelling this virus and that school in person as usual is even questioned.

Re: small things you can do for climate change. Have you all seen Free Solo? If not, I HIGHLY recommend it. Such an amazing feat. Anyway, the featured climber, Alex Honnold, started a foundation. He has his Alex's Sustainability Tick List that I think is a good place to start. The first thing is to take your money out of big banks that invest in fossil fuels. Where we were on vacation and entire river was bone dry. It was one that we usually swim in and was VERY shocking to see. I have been taking small, individual action, but we really need bigger action - Ezra Klein even pondered a "climate revolution" to shake loose our traditions of ignoring the reality.

Hi to everyone else. Sorry I am not replying to you all. Good to "see" you all again.

x
Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

The hot weather has returned, just as I expected. Keeping myself & my chickens cool requires some planning &extra work, haha!!

Leanwolf, to get my first alcohol free day in I had to prepare by getting rid of the alcohol in the house, vowing to not buy any more & basically overcoming the ‘fear’ of the unknown. I didn’t know how I was going to cope without my crutch but I did. Getting those first 3 days under your belt gives your brain time to clear out & begin normal thinking again. Everything looks very different with a clear head, I promise you. Turned out I had absolutely nothing to fear, life has been so much better without Al. Give yourself a chance to try it out!

Kensho, I agree, distraction was the best tool in the tool box for me in the early days. It takes a month to form a new habit, distraction keeps you safe in the meantime

Wags, I chose being a good, involved grandmother when I kicked Al out of my life. It was the best decision ever!! I never had a second of regret & I am proud of that. Being proud of our accomplishments is a big thing. Hope yuo are doing well.

Pav, welcome back, we missed you! Seeing a dried up river must have been shocking. Every little thing we can do to change the direction of this global mess is vital. It’s incredible how bad things have gotten
Our PA governor just announced he will not mandate masks for the kid’s return to school yet yesterday NJ’s governor did issue the mandate. Things will be changing over the next few weeks I’m sure. I’m sure this is a nightmare for educators, sorry.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Love all the positive thoughts, goals, choices. This is how we do it!

Pav - welcome back and sorry things have been such a crunch. I have seen Free Solo and know a lot about the climbing community in general but I hadn't heard of Alex's foundation. I'll have to go check that out! Sadly, based on the politicization of covid, masks, vaccines, etc I don't see a large portion of the U.S. *ever* agreeing to do anything remotely supportive of climate change initiatives.

Hellos and waves to everyone. Hope you all have wonderful AF weekends!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola evabody,

Welcome back Leanwolf. Congratulations for tackling the booze issue. Something that kept my dreams on hold as i drifted sideways, existing not really living to my potential. Keep it rolling friend and back yourself. Self care can take awhile to return but it's something essential to aim for. Why? Because i need me on the G team. It's an inside job. Our toolbox thread is very helpful reading. https://www.mywayout.org/community/j...hlight=toolbox

x post. Hiya Wags. Right on with the science that's saying focus on what we DO want, not on what we DON'T want. I reckon there's some truth in that. Either way, i like this perspective, do it, and it makes sense to me.

Good to see ya Pav!

Take it easy out there and big waves to all. Surf's up!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

i always seem to be MIA atm, doing two jobs takes it out of you and the two surgeries. i finally was able to eat a bread roll today and i was happy i could chew. supposed to go back to dentist on Friday but we are in lockdown again. i didnt think this surgery would take so much out of me. i still have the stitches flapping around but hoping the dissolve soon.

Slo, i had a chuckle about you sleeping through tornado alerts, i would give anything to sleep that heavy. I call my mother "satans sister". i told her she drinks too much and she responded with when she is not as stressed she will go back to her two glasses. boy have i heard that story before. she then told me she went to the drs as she has difficulty finding words, i told her to get to those two glasses a day and she will probably find those words. No response to that one. As we all say, no one, but the person, can make the choice to stop drinking and enjoy life. Its very sad that your HB offered to catch up with his friend for a beer, not overly supportive, i dont think!

Wags, hope your fan gave you some relief. i have my fan on in winter and the kids turned the central heating fan off as they really would turn the heater on and 5 minutes later i would be asking them to turn it off. i feel for them but feel for me more. I hope your dad is on the mend with his hip. I think for me, i wanted to live when i decided to give up al, not just exist and i didnt want to die like my brother from al. He was 46 when he died and i was 50 when i stopped. I know if i ever have that one drink, i am back in the hell i have been out of for nearly 8 years and thats not going to happen.

Kensho, my kids are in their 20's and still dont understand i am home working and they think as i am home that i dont do much. mmmm i think 10-12 hours days are called working atm.

Leanwolf, welcome to the nest. i just google mywayout and log in and then type in Newbies nest, brings it up but i dont like using my phone to type.

lav/kensho, i would like to do something for the environment but no idea what. i did go for a walk today and thought i could just pick up rubbish, there is enough of that around and no bins. might need one of those handle doobies so i dont have to bend down. every little bit counts i think.

Looking for a place to take the 4 kids/partners and fur babies in October. its so hard as we are going in and out of lock down on a regular basis. I would really like a farm house in the middle of nowhere and there are a few around. i keep telling the kids that if they get pissed and just want to stay in bed i will be so pissed off. i dont mind if they drink but i dont want a house party happening. i will just play some loud music and listen to them complain the next day or just enjoy the peace and serenity with the fur babies.

I hope it starts to cool down for you all soon. we are having an "Adam's Family" winter as i call them. just like a big grey cloud over us. the sun does come out but not often. today i finished mowing the lawn and whipper snipping, then did some gardening as it was a bit sunny. thought i would take carl for a walk and got rained on.

Glad everyone is well, take care xxx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Cloudy here & warm, not too bad. It’s supposed to rain all night.
I have my two grandsons here this afternoon. Seems like I never see them anymore & they only live 7 miles down the road, haha!

Ava, working 2 jobs is rough, sorry. I just noticed you said you mowed your grass - in winter?? Our lawn mowers & tractors get put away in the fall, no mowing until spring around here.
I hope your healing continues, it’s hard when you can’t eat, I get that!

G, hope your weekend is fabulous

Wags, I can’t see any cooperation on cleaning up our environment right now either. Things are such a pitiful mess right now & people are just awful to one another. We can’t give up hope though.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings once again nesters,

Just me here?? I hope everyone is having a fabulous AF day & living life as we should.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Afternoon nesters

Is it because i posted Lav and everyone is in shock maybe! ha ha

happily sober and just finished work. feel the need to get out of the house and the only place to go is Aldi. i dont need anymore food but oh i love the middle aisle. i could meander at our chemist but thats it for shopping ideas in lockdown.

we have decided on a place to go away to and are all very excited so i will finalise that this afternoon and book. hopefully it is still available.

Bit of a cold day here but working from home definitely has its advantages. they are interviewing for the new job so i am hoping in 3-4 weeks i wont be doing 2 jobs and can relax a bit.

take care xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - great to see you and glad you're back to at least some chewing. Working two jobs is exhausting and stressful. I'm sure you'll be super happy when they fill that other position, and hopefully you'll get a fantastic new colleague! So where did you all decide to escape to in Oct? Is is a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere?

Lav - I think you are the most consistent poster in the nest! I'm not sure I've ever seen you miss a day.


Things are challenging here. I thought 2020 was rough but 2021 might just be harder, even if only because we've already been coping with stuff for so long at this point, whereas last year the covid part was new for awhile. My dad's hip is just barely starting to feel a bit better. He has been reluctant to take *any* pain meds for his hip (tylenol or ibuprofen) -- I've only gotten 2 or 3 doses in him over the past week. This morning I think he finally got tired of it hurting and he agreed to take something, and then he got some relief. He's on board now at least for the next few days. I'm hopeful that getting on top of the pain rather than chasing it after it ramps up will finally give his body a chance to heal.

I'm worn out so am off to bed soon. Take care everyone and focus on what you want, not what you don't want.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, I was home alone last night, sitting outside, enjoying the bug noises and wind when having "a" glass of wine crossed my mind. My next thought was... but I want to feel good tomorrow.

Leanwolf, at some point the thought "I can't drink" will evolve to "I don't have to drink" and finally to "I don't drink". But while you wait for that evolution, it can be very frustrating to feel like you're thinking about drinking all of the time. I remember that so clearly. I started deliberately also thinking about what was better because I wasn't drinking and was actively grateful for those things. I still have a back-of-my-mind running gratitude commentary going. It is a helpful tool right now as we struggle with the virus, climate emergencies, and personal stresses.

I was at the beck and call of small boys last week and will be again next week. So, I'm catching my breath this week. I'm so grateful to be happy to spend this time with them instead of resenting them for interrupting nightly drinking or worse yet, not being trusted to care for them!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Waiting for some rain to get here but it may be a no show. The excessive heat & humidity turns on tomorrow for our 5th heatwave this summer. I think I’ve had enough summer, honestly.
Had the wits scared out of me this afternoon while collecting eggs. I opened the lid on the nest boxes & found an enormous black snake curled up with three eggs, yikes. When I checked back later the snake & two of the eggs were gone. They’re not dangerous snakes, just extremely creepy.

Ava, I hope your trip to Aldi was everything you needed it to be haha! Glad your vacation plan is sorted out. Sounds like a fun time with family

Wags, my checking in here is habitual. I replaced one bad habit with one good one a long time ago.
Getting people to take pain meds is not always easy but if you can get them to understand the meds will allow better mobility if they have less pain. He needs to exercise not only his hip but his heart & lungs as well

NS, I was on kid duty this weekend as well. I am grateful for the opportunity to have the time with them, my prize for kicking AL to the curb! It’s probably the best choice we’ve made in our lives!

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone.

Lav