Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - That must be so hard. You deserve the feelings of peace -- focus on those.

Lav - hope your embroidery job is fun and goes well this weekend.


Hellos and waves everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

getting ready to read back over the last couple of days..
But wanted to make sure I had time to write and say that I'm back in 100%! I don't want the life I have when I drink! The insecurities, the shame, the headaches and broken promises, the fear and loss of hope.. I have felt so sad and have once again questioned what the point of it all is.
I want what a life without AL gives me.. that's the only thing I have to do, stay away from alcohol, and I have everything else. When I drink I have such a deep desire to try and control everything else in my life.. which we know isn't possible. I can only control the not drinking part.. and that I can do. And when I do that, the other things tend to fall into place or at least make it easier for me to handle the things that don't.
I've broken down what I've got to do into bite sized chunks and am striking them from my list as I accomplish them, trying to go easy on myself and, once again, not beat myself up for the mistakes I've made. Lav, I loved what you said about the day you decided to stop the madness being the best day of your life.. I hold dearly to all the words written here in the Nest.. and thank you so much everyone for continuing to be here and to accept those of us who seem to have the most difficult of times staying true to ourselves.. :love:
Today is moving day for my eldest.. I've been really sad this past week, thinking back on the 19 years we've lived together. I was so happy for her (and still am!) that I hadn't realised how her younger sister and I would feel being left behind.. I know that isn't really what's happening, but it felt like it a bit. She'll be here all the time to visit (her school is just down the street from my place) and we will be at her place a lot, too.. And I'll have my own bedroom for the first time in about 12 years!!:congratulatory: I'm actually quite excited about fixing it up for myself!

So off to read back and see how you are all doing.. wishing everyone a nice, AF! weekend!
xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I have 2 hummingbird feeders hanging on my deck & I noticed today the bees are swarming them. I haven’t seen a hummingbird all day so I guess they decided it was time to move on. It’s still warm enough here for them but I guess they’re programmed to take off by a certain date. This gives. You an idea about the things that interest me these days, haha!
Everything else is fine & I am grateful for that.

Wags, thanks, the embroidery job is on progress. I hope your weekend is good for you!

LC, I’m so glad to hear you are back on board with your plan. You will never regret giving up drinking. AL holds us back & basically just tortures us.
I had such a hard time when my daughter decided to go to college clear across the state but I did. Tell her it was her choice. Before the first semester was over she said she wanted to transfer closer to home. I told her to wait until she finished her freshman year so she wouldn’t lose time & credits. She ended up living at home & commuting to a local college. It all worked out. Your younger daughter now has a chance to be the only child in the house & she just may enjoy that. I know my son was happy for the relief, haha.
Stick with us & you’ll do just fine, OK? :hug:

Hello to the rest of the gang & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - hummingbirds are amazing and bees are pretty special too! Sounds like a good direction to send you attention in either regard.

LC - you sound good and I'm really glad you're back in the nest. I'm sure it's a big change for you and both of your daughters to have the older one moving out. What a wonderful time to turn the page and begin a new chapter with a renewed dedication to your quit. You know, many or most of us here have had similar starts and stops with quitting drinking -- we just might not have done all of them here in MWO. In other words, I think we have all, at some times or others, had difficulty staying true to ourselves (to use your words). Your journey is your journey and we are here to cheer you on, support you, and help you pick up pieces if needed.

For anyone else who is reading, lurking, struggling, or otherwise not very "vocal" here -- we're here for you too, even if you'd rather that support be silent.


Rainy weekend here, which is really good considering the severity of drought conditions we're generally in. Hoping to sneak in a bike ride tomorrow even if it means dodging between raindrops.

Take care everyone!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

GMAN, thank you for your smart take on handling overwhelm. Something I needed to hear. You are so wise!

Wags, so glad you are taking time for you! What kind of bike rides do you do? Biking is my body's first choice for exercise - I'm built for it more than running - but I'm terrified of distracted drivers!

Slo you're right, you deserve good, joyful things - and people who build you up, not cut you down.

LC, we are here with you. All I can tell you is once I quit for good, and had faith that a better life was ahead, things changed SO much for the better. It wasn't all easy and comfortable or predictable, but I powered through the parts I didnt understand and just focused on NOT DRINKING - and eventually the hard things in my life worked themselves out and now I feel like a healthy, whole, positive, happy person. Like you, I knew alcohol was not letting me have my best life. Committing to not drinking no matter what, gave me what I knew I could have. I also posted here like crazy. Stick with us!

My husband's brother has been visiting since Thursday. Everything was fun and energetic at first, but they are now both quiet and very tired. They give each other a green light to get drunk - and so they have gone all out. I love when they say, "how do you have the energy for that?" Um, because I am not poisoning my body daily. A sad thing... last night at dinner, my daughter privately recalled my past drinking. She said, "I remember when you had that bottle in your office closet. You would get mad easily. I made you a heart once and you did not like it." And they the tears came. I don't remember EVER saying that I didn't like a homemade thing by one of my kids, and she may have taken it out of context - but the message was clear - I could be mean and hurtful when I drank, and she thinks I am very different now - calmer and kinder. Whew - that was hard to hear, and also validating.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters!!

Quick night time check in before I head off to bed.. it's already 10pm!!:happy2:
It was a successful move but still a lot to do.. as always. Girls are both here this evening so we had a nice time baking cookies and talking. I'm so glad I could be fully present for them.. we had some quite important discussions. I miss out on so much when I drink.
Thank you for all of the great posts.. it means the world to be able to connect here.
Ok I'm about to fall asleep sitting up.. but it is my plan to write here every day no matter what.
love all around..xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Happy to say the humidity has finally left the building, haha!! I am so sick of this summer so damp & humid. Everything is still lush & green where usually things like lawns stop growing so fast. I’m not the grass cutter here, grateful for that
I came to MWO so thoroughly disgusted with myself, it was my final chance to get things right - quit & stay quit & I did. That’s why I am eternally grateful to everyone who helped me & hope to helps others along as well. You may never be able to get rid of me, haha!

Wags, the hummingbirds have vanished, the feeders are stored away. The bees still have plenty of other food sources here so I’m not being a total scrooge, haha! Glad to hear you got some much needed rain. Enjoy that bike ride

Kensho, taking that leap of faith was a hard thing to do but I’m so happy we did. Not looking back, only forward is what we do now, right?
I can almost guarantee you that none of us were very nice when we were actively drinking. So happy we don’t have to worry about that anymore.

LC, Mulburry - hope you are both doing well & staying on plan. Let us know how we can help!

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone.

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening,

LC, I love the insight you’re having; that your daughter time today was possible and so much improved by staying sober.

Kensho, luckily BIL is staying around long enough so, instead of just seeing the upside of drinking, you get to see the downside too.

Have a safe night snuggled into the Nest!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Another day in the books..
Busy, busy.. not difficult with regards to al.. I did remind myself on my way home that I don't drink. I ate way too much and had a 4! hour nap in the afternoon.
I have you all in my thoughts and would love to be able to reply to some of your posts.. but I'm a bit brain dead at the moment.
So just the basics.. signing in and writing each day is my goal.
Tomorrow is another day and I'm happy that I'll be waking up with a clear head in the morning!
Hugs all around!!xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

LC, the basics are where we start. And for me where i focus much of the time. as in i know how such basics as checking in with myself everyday helps and has a compounding effect. The foundations, the structure of the building that is the G force. Gotta watch out for them termites.

Surf's up 'round these here parts. Big waves to all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

I just the the cooler & drier air of Fall
I just came back from a walk down the road with my dog, she was breathless but I wasn’t haha. I promised the Cardiologist last week that I would up my daily walk from 30 to 60 minutes - so far today I have 59, guess I’ll make it at some point. Much easier to walk when the air is comfortable like this.

Hello to Slo, LC, G & everyone. We are all moving in the right direction together, I like that

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - glad to see you checking in. I would say that if you were able to take a 4-hour nap you probably needed it!

Lav - you'll probably find it much easier to walk those longer minutes as the fall weather moves in. Until the winter weather follows it maybe!

G - yes, those foundation pieces are what helps build healthy habits and routines, making protecting a quit somewhat easier.


I had a very full day of teaching and my brain is pretty exhausted so I'll just wave from my little corner of the nest and call it a night. Take care everyone and have great starts to your weeks!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, you are teaching your kids so much by letting them observe the changes in your life and providing an environment where they feel free to speak up, even when what they say hurts. But it sure is a good reminder of why you don't drink!

LC, so glad to hear about your daily commitment to checking in here. I really do think it makes a difference. It helped me to think about how I REALLY did not want to be posting that I drank but I was determined to not lie here so... easier to just not drink!

Slo, I think of you often and hope that as your divorce proceeds you're doing ok. Please ask for help if you need it!

Fall weather is heading your way, Lav! I can't remember the last time it was as cool as it is right now. Feels good but I really am not a fan of winter, making me kind of ambivalent about fall.

As we've come to expect, you're sounding good, Wags and Mr G. But I guess none of us should take anything for granted -- I still try to remember several times each day how much better my life is now.

xx, NS

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
I realized a lot has been going on since my last post on 8/23. Congratulations to Mr G on 3 years. That is HUUUUUGE!!

I basically lost my shit and started drinking again to numb myself before hubby comes home in the evening. It's not an everyday thing, but 3-4 times a week. It's gotta stop. Yesterday I almost got hit by a car in the parking lot at work. The driver was wiping something on her forehead and nearly ran me over. And I actually thought about it afterwards that this could have been my "out" if I had let myself get hit by the car. Perhaps that is the wake up call I need that I could actually think like that. Life is short enough. Even though I am depressed about the kids being away (and daughter dealing with a huge amount of issues on her campus including on-line classes with no wifi, college had a cyberattack which took everything down for over a week, poor security, shootings, assaults, bomb threat today, among other things) I know I have to stay around for them.

Hubs seems to feel he has a license to blame me for everything now that the kids are gone. The dog pees in his room...it's my fault. Dishwasher wasn't run...it's my fault....and on and on and on. And he can yell at me more now that the kids are not around.

Right now, after reading back I feel like both LC and Slo. I need to get my shit together and just think about making it through today.

I went away 2 weekends ago to a memorial service for my sister-in-law's father who passed away in April of 2020. Dam there was a lot of alcohol there, but I was just happy to be with my nieces and did not feel the slightest pull to drink anything. Then later on brother and sister-in-law took me back to hotel but we first had a light dinner and they drank some more! I did not feel pulled to have a drop all weekend. I am really finding out I drink at home because of hubs. HOW DO I GET THAT TO STOP IF I HAVE TO LIVE HERE WITH HIM??? Sorry for yelling, but that is my desperation talking.

I have to run and get my glasses repaired. Contacts alone don't work well for using the computer.

Back to checking in and reading daily. Even if I have to schedule it in.

Thanks to all for the wisdom I have read back on during the weeks I've been away. And thanks for people calling me out. When you feel like nobody else wants you around, that really helps.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, so good to see you. I’m so sorry you are in deep water. As Mr. G says, when you are going through hell, just keep walking. Sometimes, just showing up is a win. Thank you for sharing your situation with us. We all deserve to find happiness. I hope you can steer towards yours.
Slo, yours seems like an awful situation, I don’t know how your stomach isn’t a knotted mess. Wishing you strength.
LC, I’ve been sprucing up some things around the house and enjoying it, I hope that helps you heel, too.
It has rained hard all day, almost 4” since midnight. Gusts of wind up to 39 mph. Wasn’t expecting this today, a dreary day for sure.
Isn’t today the first day of fall? Wow. Hard to believe we are heading into a second year of this pandemic. I would have never imagined we’d still be in it at this point. As usual, we are our own worst enemy.
I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Stay strong, no matter what and no matter who. Hugs to all, Byrdie