Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Afternoon nesters

Well i took off on my travels, picked up mum and off we went. Got 6 hours from mums to Cooma in New South Wales and my SIL tells me that we are banned from the hospital and visiting Jasper as Victoria is a hotspot. No problems i thought, we will just go and stay with my SIL and support her and spend some time there until there is a funeral. SIL looks on website which is as messy as dog poo and thinks that if we go and stay then we have to quarantine and so do they and then they wont be able to see the baby. SOOOOOOOO we turned around and came home. I had a lovely 12-14 hour drive, my windscreen wiper fell off, sigh but a lovely man fixed it. Apparently the hotline that was called gave us the wrong information and obviously has no idea what is happening either.

The positive is mum behaved, the drive was nice and i got out of the state after two years. Not overly good emotionally or physically on me but i have a psychologist apt on tuesday so will get back into the right headspace. Adulting is just crap sometimes but thankfully i am sober. My sons friend relapsed, not back on heroin but was on cocaine. have been trying to help him get back into detox and rehab, he wasnt very keen but after listening to me babble on constantly (ha ha) has been to the drs for referral and had an assessment. I am hopeful but as we know relapse happens way before we ingest our drug of choice.

Wags, i know that thought on occasion but i know that that one drink will never ever be enough and every day waking up sober is the best feeling in the world.

Slo, i just dont put up with her negativity now. if she says something negative i just give a positive. i must drive her nuts too!

Anyways, wanted to let you all know i am safe and sound and tired and stressed. i get to repeat this trip next weekend when all borders are open to double vaxed people and no quarantine. i am worried the hospital wont let us in as hospitals have their own rules which is understandable but will cross that bridge when we get to it.

take care xxx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

That train whistle is getting fainter and fainter, and doesn’t call to us too often the further away we get - but still sometimes when we’re tired & stressed -eh, Wags and Kensho?

Lav & Ava, I admire how you just rolled with your situations that didn’t turn out instead of getting upset by them.

G, thank you for recommending Chinese medicine as another idea for daughter to enhance her fertility. Yes, she’s very stressed. She took a class to get certified in Dry Needling a few weeks ago (she’s an Occupational Therapist), and volunteered herself as a test subject -and her body went into uncontrollable spasms from it, traveling to different areas. So she was put on Valium for like a week to get it under control, and now is getting weekly massages to try to get her body to relax.

Kensho, I figured you were playing catch up after having been on vacation, and glad you’re back now! Hope it was a nice time, and that you’re feeling caught up.

I’m finding divorce to be super stressful, and full of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and volatile emotions. I see the benefit of this painful stomach and indigestion; since I can’t eat a lot, my weight has dropped below 130 pounds for the first time in a couple decades. Why, I’m almost acceptable to HB! But not quite -he told me between our wedding and the reception that I’d better never weigh more than 110-115 pounds. Then he conceded that I could weigh 120 pounds tops. I haven’t been able to meet his standards over the course of my life.

Mulburry, you’re doing great as you build your early sober time. You are committed!

Happy Sunday to all, unless it’s your Monday!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,
I guess I chose the right time to log back into MWO. It is especially helpful to see Lav and G-Man address this 'ability' to go to a very dark place. I'm really grieving not having the kids around. And it is starting to take me to a dark place where I just want to spend as much time in bed as possible. I had a therapist appointment this past Thursday and she said it is not unusual at all to feel grief when the nest goes empty. I just fear that if I don't put a halt to these dark feelings I will go back to my old friend (not) AL. That could, I mean WOULD only make things worse. I'm not a big fan of this time of year when all the plants and trees are dying off...and I especially hate winter.

Daughter texted me last night that her friends went out without her. She said it was "complicated" and wondered if I and her dad could come out and have dinner with her (it is only less than an hour away). But it was way late notice and I was distracting myself with a sewing project. I swear my dog has about 30 bandannas, though I have been "commissioned" to make one for a dog down the street. Hubs thought it is better to let her be a grown up and deal with this situation without us running out to rescue her. I think he was right. I do have a planned trip out to see her on Tuesday for lunch, to take some things, especially a prescription, out to her. You cannot trust the university's mail system with timely delivery of anything much less a prescription.

So I am (extra) worried about her and hope there is not something too awfully broken with her friendships. However, she really needs to broaden her circle, but it is hard when 5 out of 6 classes are online.

Ava, good to "see" you here. I'm so sorry about the baby...I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that is, and dealing with your mom, your jobs, your son's friend and all else in your life. Great job on all fronts.

Slo, i hope your daughter's IVF cycle is a success. I am an old had at infertility issues, but back in my day it was just way too expensive, and the doctors could not give me a reason why I could not get pregnant, so I did not do IVF and ended up adopting my two kids: my heart and my soul. But I know the heartbreak of failed cycle after failed cycle. Hope rises and then is dashed. And as a parent we feel our kids' pain.

So I really need to pull myself out of this funk, before it leads me down the wrong path. This empty nester life is supposed to be 'living my best life', but it just feels horrible. I think I might go into the office today to clean up some end of month stuff while hubs drives 3+ hours each way to get a haircut with our old hairdresser...don't ask...it makes no sense to me either. I've been spending too much time at home with my dark thoughts.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Yo Belle. Can i add more to my previous post....An old saying comes to mind - 'What we resist persists'. One strategy i use, along with many other folk through the centuries, is to sit with my feelings and let them wash through me and let them be. I don't attach to them for long, but i do look into them and spend a little time acknowledging the uncomfortable/distressing thoughts and hence feelings. It's easy to say i know, but for me the only way out is through. Sometimes we might need professional support to do this, sometimes not. The theory is each time we do this, the power of the thought/feeling/issue becomes weaker and eventually dissolves itself. Especially when i'm going for what i love each day and not focusing on what brings me down, or on what i don't have. It takes daily practice for me. I have found purpose, a goal and plan for the years ahead, months ahead, weeks ahead, and for today. A plan moving towards what i want in my mind. It's easy for me to say as i'm a free agent with minimal responsibilities at present. Anyway, that's the concept and theory. Maybe there's something helpful in that for you. Take it easy over there.

Yo Slo. Keep it rolling mi amiga. You're doing an incredible job dealing with probably one of the biggest changes a human can face.

Ava....i don't know how you do it! You're badass. And a big shining beacon of light and hope for those around you, including us.

Take it easy out there. Surf's up!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Quick check in, trying to get that headspace of loving life and getting there slowly.

Belle, i dont understand that empty nest feeling, though i would like to! i am sure i have a rotating door and if one of my children doesnt enter it then a friend of theirs does. My life has always been like that though thinking back. But what i wanted to say was look for the positives, autumn is a beautiful time of year for me, i just love walking through crushed leaves and hearing that noise they make, the colour of the leaves as they turn and fall. The rest is crap lol. Summer for me is difficult, i cant really go out in the heat of the day so i do most of what i have to do from 4pm to dark. Its like being a vampire, dont go out in the daylight! I get the funk though, i am so looking forward to my download tomorrow with my psych who will tell me to step back and give me some advice that i probably already know but will be reinforced and remembered.

Slo, divorce is difficult and i am sorry you have to go through this but i am living my best life now being single. well nearly single, well i see him when i want single!. i tell friends i will never get married again and they feel sorry for me. Not sure why, im independent, i have my children and if i need support i get that off my children. the guy i see is pretty good though but god forbid living with him and he is an hour away which is just far enough that he wont knock on my door anytime he wants. It takes time though but be positive.

I am supposed to be working but just cant concentrate so thought i would call in, best get back to it.

Hopefully when things settle G, we can have a lunch date with Steady.

take care xxx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see so may checking in today
I had plenty of free time today so I made a vegan lasagne, lots of veggies & made the cashew ‘ricotta’ in my blender - yum!
Somewhere along the line in my life I decided to not get overly excited about the small sh*t & save my attention/reaction for the big sh*t, haha!!! I know it probably had a lot to do with my nursing career where you just couldn’t get upset about every little thing. BUT I think maybe I was unintentionally letting certain family members dump way too much on me & suffered as a result. Hindsight is always 20/20, right? We need to learn to stand up for ourselves & take care of ourselves because others may not be interested in doing that for us.

Ava, glad your mum behaved herself on that long trip. I hope you can connect with your family at the right time :hug:

Slo, my blood runs cold when i hear of someone dictating a weight range to another person - WTF? That’s not exactly showing loving concern about your health! I was under 120 lbs when I got married just out of college. I was stressed out over final exams, taking state boards for my license & pulling off a wedding. I also looked like a walking skeleton, LOL. I am a long way from that now, thank goodness. Just focus on being healthy & you will be happy!

Belle, it’s so hard letting the kids go but that’s what we have to do. Have faith that you’ve taught her all you could & she will figure out the rest. My daughter went 4 1/2 hours across the state so there was no running over for dinners or visits, haha! She will find her tribe there & be OK, just takes a bit of time I think. Take care of you!!!

G, you’re keeping your eye on the prize & taking steps each day to help you get to where you want to be

Hello to Wags, hope your weekend was good!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Adulting is just crap sometimes but thankfully i am sober.

Ava - I feel like this summarizes much of my life these days, so I can relate. It sounds like you're finding the silver linings in a difficult trip. Good job with that!

Slo, Belle - sending you both hugs as you deal with upsetting or at least challenging new chapters in life.

Lav, G, Kensho, and everyone stopping by the nest - hope you all had good weekends. Here we go with a new week!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,
Just checking in on a beautiful Monday morning. It was a lovely day yesterday and I took my pup out for a long long walk. I think I might have out-walked her. I slept until almost 9am this morning. Not sure if I have work to do today, but need to do some shopping and prescription pick up for my daughter who I will see tomorrow. And I guess things are ok with her friends, as she went to a mall with them and called me asking if she could have money to buy something.

G - I have begun cutting and pasting your wisdom into my notes app, to re-read when I need some uplift. You are a real example to us all, of building a life you want, yet always striving to something more, while seeing the day to day beauty in life. You are truly a gem.

Ava - funny, the 'revolving door' of kids and friends is something I really miss. Though when it is going on it does get annoying at times! But I would chose that over the silence any day..

And...surprise, my son is going to take the train home from college this Friday. He did not want to ask either me or hubs to come pick him up as it is only for a short halloween weekend. This will be a first for him and a good adulting test. Let's see if he makes his connection in Philadelphia. 🤔. If he doesn't, there are plenty of trains running on the Northeast corridor (between Boston and DC and points south) that he could switch to. He'll end up in DC and have to navigate the subway and let me know which station to pick him up at. He claims he's got this. I just gotta have faith and let it go.

Have a lovely day/evening/night wherever you are!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends near and not so far,

Belle, thanks for your kind words. Someone said wisdom comes from making mistakes and stuff ups in life. That sure has been me! lol. Experience is a teacher. One real bit of gold i see on this path we're all on is the necessity to look within and examine what the hell is going on, who we are and what we want in life. We are often forced to undertake some kind of self enquiry/reflection or analysis. 'Know thyself' is where the magic begins i reckon. So much treasure out there all ours and for the taking.

Take care Ava. Yep, can't wait for a coffee catch up with you and Steady.

Lav, you're right. I do have my eye on the prize and going for it. have a nice week.

Big waves and hello to evabody. Surf's up!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Awaiting a nor’easter to hit the east coast tonight & all day tomorrow. I guess it will be an indoor kind of day tomorrow.
Got some good news from the Cardiologist today ~ apparently I will continue to live for a while, Lol. The Echocardiogram I had a few weeks ago was basically good so I’ll keep chugging along & continue trying to lower my B/P (which has improved).

Wags, I definitely did not want to be the adult today, but I made it thru. Hope your week is a good one. Are you getting the rain that’s drowning CA right now? I’ll have to get in touch with my brother who lives outside Sacramento & see how much rain they have gotten.

Belle, you have the right idea. Trust that you’ve taught your kids how to survive & they will make the right decisions

G, I’ve been open to all the positive advice I can get too & it has been helpful

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - I didn't realize that your brother lived near Sacramento. I lived there for about 3 years! From what I've heard, they've just been drenched, blowing away any previous records. I think I read that they've gotten something like 80% of their annual rainfall in the past few days. Great news from your cardiologist!

Pav - if you're on here at all these days, how are you doing? And how is the rain/flooding in your area?

Belle - hope your son has a smooth train trip home. What a great opportunity for him to do for the first time. Being confident with travel like that can open up a whole world (or at least show that there's a door). Sorry your daughter is struggling with friend stuff. That must be very difficult, navigating anything college-related without getting to meet in person very much.


Hellos and waves to everyone, and happy new AF weeks to you all!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everybody,
Checking in and dealing with the after effects of that Nor'Easter Lav was talking about. I think (hope) the rain is done, but it is supposed to be a windy day. I had to go out to pickup groceries in the drenching rain last night. Not fun.

Lav - I too have recently had my yearly echocardiogram. An Aortic aneurysm was discovered years ago during an MRI to clear me of a possible breast issue. Boobs were fine, but they found that. I guess that bad mammogram was a blessing in disguise. I will meet with my cardiologist in a couple of weeks, but I have read the report and basically should get another year out of this bod.

Where is LC? I hope she is doing ok.

Dishwasher repair today! Yayyyy! I really don't like washing dishes by hand but at least without the kids around there aren't as many dirty dishes to deal with.

Later I'll be heading out to have lunch or early dinner with daughter. Have to pick up her prescription first as I could only handle one stop in that rain storm last night. Took the day off of work. They can stuff it if they need me!

See y'all later!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, I'm sorry you're down in the dumps. What goes down only has up to go, I say. Hang in there. I also find it really hard to let my kids find their own way - yet I did it. I have to remind myself that I figured the hard things out - and they can too (and NEED to).

G, so true. This very morning I am a bit down, and was reminded of how these feelings used to derail me into thinking a "big depressive" episode was coming... when in reality, it is often a passing feeling. Somehow, when I stopped thinking that "feeling bad" was "bad", I stopped spiraling. Feeling bad is as normal as feeling joyful. It all just comes and goes and we get to ride it. So I tolerate the bad and chairish the good!

LAV, good news about your ticker...

Belle, yea for your dishwasher.

My 5 year old car decided to have a major problem yesterday, and I am driving one of my parent's cars for the week, so the dealership can "try" to fit me into their schedule. Next actual appointment for a diagnostic is end of November. Labor shortages and Covid have rocked the auto industry. Feeling bummed and pessimistic. But I get to remember how to drive a standard transmission again.... I remember when I had to trade my old car in for an automatic I was so sad. Now I am remembering how much work it is to shift constantly! I miss my car and am worried. Worried for all cars actually, with what the dealership told me about parts and labor - we may be having auto issues in huge proportions upcoming. Maybe it's nature's way of saying we all need to drive less.

Hi Wags, Ava, Slo and everyone else

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

We ended up with 3.5” of rain last night, more on the way tonight too, geez. I think our total is 65” for the year so far, that’s enough!

Wags, I never did get ahold of my brother but I have been checking in on the weather channel. Mudslides in some areas in CA, awful.
Yep I’m happy with the Cardiologist report, now I need to nurse my aching feet from all the walking he wants me to do Lol

Belle, WOW, you are lucky that the aneurysm was found! Any talk of the need for surgical repair or are they just keeping an eye on the size?
I do like using my dishwasher when the family is over but don’t usually bother with it when it’s just us. I like having it ready to go if I feel like it though haha! Hope your lunch/dinner with your daughter was good.

Kensho, I am totally lost without my car here. The closest grocery store is a 15 mile round trip & I am not walking, haha!!!
I hope your car is OK soon.

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, Nesters.
We got a terrible storm, too yesterday morning. It’s like Mother Nature is just p*sped off at us!
i called the eye doc last week and he referred me to another eye doc. I called them on Friday and they said it could take up to 2 weeks to get a call back, so slow going on that.
I think everybody is having some depression, I think we are all exhausted from everything that’s happening around us. I hope that we can start healing soon, and put this pandemic behind us. Covid effects everything.
I kept busy today with a chocolate project. I also rearranged my pantry so that I can’t find anything. I think I need some plastic containers for organization. I secretly love plastic containers for some reason, it’s crazy. It’ll be fun to look at them at the dollar store.
Not much going on here, you haven’t missed a thing!
05E4E9A3-14B8-4429-88F3-C716FF60A768.jpg
Hugs to all, Byrdie