Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Slo, i kind of wish we were still in lockdown so i didnt feel obligated to visit mum. i just get her over draining me with her negativity but at least i can come home so that is a bonus and it is lovely where she lives and she is getting older, 85 in december. i wish she could be happy, though i wished that for myself when i was drinking.

finally getting through that wall i hit when i got home and feel a lot more human. i have been taking Carl for a walk and i had a few people yesterday tell me how happy he looked to be out walking. we both need to up our fitness levels and it is great for my mindset.

well just a quick hello. back to work. such a lovely day here but supposed to get a lot of rain so doing the washing in the hope it gets dry.

take care xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Granddaughter Mabel turns 6 months old today! She is such a sweetheart, and snuggling her is my solace.

I often avoid visiting my mother too, Ava. It’s draining. Although she’s being understanding about and very accepting of my divorce, which is nice. Turns out she saw more than I thought she saw over the years.

Isn’t that the truth, Wags! You never would have had the energy and mental fortitude to build your business if you were still drinking! It’s gratifying to see the rewards of an AF life.

Lav, you were wise to be accepting of your husband. Now you still have him. I wish I would’ve been more accepting of mine lately. I just…lost the plot when my brother jumped to his death last year. You start to question your whole life when something like that happens.
But then again, I haven’t felt accepted by HB for a long time either. He didn’t much like it when I turned the tables on him, and ended up treating him the way he treats me. Ah well.

I hope you enjoyed your 70F day, Lav, because that’s over now! Proper November weather is here.

Over the hump you go, Wags!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still have the nice weather here today but i know it’s coming to an end, oh well! I really don’t mind winter, it’s just the long months with no color out in the yard that makes me sad.

Wags, you’re almost thru the week, yay!!!
Any special plans this weekend?

Ava, it’s really hard being around chronically depressed people. That’s why I never ventured into psych nursing, it would have broken me I’m sure.
Enjoy your walks with Carl the happy guy I’ve had to back off my walking because I aggravated some arthritis I think. I’m spending time on a stationary bike, going no where but getting some good cardio.

Slo, it was only 63 today but still pretty nice haha!! I’m ready for the real winter stuff, I’m a December kid!!
I pushed my husband into the psychiatrist office nearly 20 years ago . He had gotten so bizarre & his behavior was out of line I told him to get treatment or get out. He enjoyed his talks & took the prescribed Zoloft for a about a year after being diagnosed with severe chronic depression. Then he suddenly stopped everything & got weird again. This nonsense started soon after he turned 40. I noticed the change in him but was kind of busy holding myself together at that time. I think when you have two depressed people in one house things will fall apart. He turned 69 last month & I know he’s done with the weirdness, he doesn’t want to be homeless at this point. I don’t ask for a lot, just to be treated decently, right?

Well on that note I’ll wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters.

Slo, I don't think you lost the plot - I think you finally read the writing on the wall!

It seems like most of us are living lives that would have been inconceivable if we were still drinking addictively. I would have missed out on good relationships with my grown kids and being a big part of their kids' lives. I just know I would have resented them for interrupting my daily drinking - such a horrible thought. I'm so grateful to have become sober before they were born.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning!

I can see where walking an hour a day got to be too much on that foot that you had the previous fracture or injury to, Lav. Yes, I find biking to be way better for a cardio workout than walking. Good for you! That said, I can’t get motivated to ride my stationary bike very “far”. It’s just not the same as biking outdoors.

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], please keep us posted on your sister. It must be hard to be in Germany when she went missing in the states, I presume. Please look after yourself too though.

I am deeply relieved that I finally, after six years of trying, got alcohol-free, and also through the first year sober, before the grandchildren came too. How humiliating that would be to not be able to be trusted to look after your own grandchildren! Like Wag’s business that she built, it’s enough motivation to stop drinking thoughts dead in their tracks for me!

You know, No Sugar; that I finally read the writing on the wall is actually as true or even more true than that I lost the plot! Only more empowering. Thank you for that.

Two depressed people in one house is a bad combo, Lav. And we ended up like that. Both of us were each going through a couple of major things that were causing us situational depressions, on top of my existing depression.
I guess a lot of couples didn’t make it through the Covid year together.

Mabel’s awake! Bye for now.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi dear Nesters,

i'm soooo happy and relieved to be at the end of day 2! Yesterday SUCKED.. as my mind was at a war with itself. i was exhausted but finally made it to the gym in the late afternoon and then felt better.. also getting my monkey mind to shut the F*** up.
it's been a terrible 2.5 weeks.. i've felt like there's a hole in my soul and i've been trying to stuff it with alcohol and junk food and netflix and anything to keep me away from dealing with the problem. there were a few days there when i wasn't sure i could/wanted to stop. But i hate myself like that and i have so many people/things i love in my life.
The hardest part about having my sister gone is the dread my mom is feeling.. my sister has been dealing with mental illness for years but was able to keep it "under control" with medication and keeping herself somewhat isolated as not to have people really see her/notice.. she also has an auto-imune disease which was diagnosed about 6 years ago.. it's unusual one that caused her an incredible amount of pain but that was brushed off as hypochondria before she found a neurologist who had seen it before.. so she's been on unable to work and on disability since then. She began smoking weed to deal with the pain and after some time it became a daily, all day habit.. drinking also came into play the past year or so..plus she stopped with her meds a long time ago and denied she had mental health issues. the past 6 months she's deteriorated into extreme paranoia/episodes of extreme physical and mental pain (disrupting the peace/police, etc.) and delusion.. she stayed with my mom and her partner for 3 months at the beginning of the year and that ended terribly, though my mom was still in touch with her. She moved out of town a couple months ago, smashed her cell phone, turned off her electricity, caused so much stress with the neighbors that they were often in touch with my family.. then she disappeared. My mom hired a PI to see of she's still alive and it seems she is.. has even been within a mile or so of my mom but hasn't been in touch with anyone including her sons (in their early 20's).. my mom told me that the last time she saw my sister, she had a feeling she'd never see her again.. which breaks my heart. Also coming to terms that that might really be so.. that we very likely might not see her again.
I know, as you've said here, that i'm not any good to anyone if i'm drowning in alcohol.. i am going to phx on the 18th of december for a couple of weeks and want to be strong and level headed, able to deal with the sadness and stress i'll be faced with. i know i have to have a healthy body and mind to carry on myself. And to continue to care for my girls who still need me.. My mom has told me that she doesn't know if she can make it through the pain.. she has soooo much guilt for leaving Megan as a young child to alcohol. I can understand her pain completely.. but i also told her that she can't blame herself for the mental illness part of it. i also told her how much i still need her, how much her grandkids need her.. i've worriied a lot about her starting to drink again and she did attend a couple of aa meetings which seemed to help.
Anyway, i feel more hopeful today and am about to head out to a yoga class my friend teaches.. i need to do some sort of exercise each and every day to keep my mind in the right place.. i'm also trying to eat healthy and nutritious food and drink lots of water.
Thank you all so much for being here.. and for your concern and kind thoughts.

Will check in again later..xxx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

That is such a sad situation, LC. It hurts everyone who loves her and of course, Megan most of all. Your main reason not to drink is for you but right now, a lot of people need you to be strong for them, too. Sometimes pressure like that isn't helpful but you can use it to strengthen your resolve. Please stay connected. xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

LC, I’m so very sorry about your family’s situation, it’s rough to say the least. Only people we love can cause us so much pain. You are doing the right thing, taking care of yourself now so you can help your Mom later. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to motivate us to move in the right direction. Be sure to stay connected with us & know we all care very much :hug:

Slo, I seem to have more aches & pains right now than I’ve ever had but i don’t want to completely stop moving. I would much prefer being outside too but with the colder & damper weather moving in I’m going to have to learn to love the stationary bike, Lol
I was thinking, until we are really ready to accept the reality of what’s going on we generally keep plodding away & hoping for some magical improvement. I know I did that for way too long & that doesn’t do much for your mental/emotional wellbeing. The best thing i did was learn the art of detachment & letting go of the the unrealistic ‘hope’. Just keep telling yourself everything is going to be OK because it is

NS, having full access to the grandkids has been such a blessing for me as well. Keeps me on my toes & I love every minute I have with them. I couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if I had continued on the path that had me so depressed & drinking. We are lucky, for sure

Hello to the rets of the group & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - I'm so sorry to hear about all of the difficulties your family is facing right now. It must be heartbreaking for each and every one of you, even if in different ways. As much as numbing yourself out or hiding under an al rock might sound tempting, you know that's an illusion -- a lie really. Keep a mental or physical list handy of all the reasons you DON'T DRINK and pull it out as often as you need to.

Lav - I've noticed more aches and pains lately too. I hope you're finding the bike to be an acceptable alternative, even though it's obviously quite different to ride to nowhere indoors.


Hello Slo, NS, and everyone else stopping by the nest.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi friends,

Oh LC. Sorry to hear that. You are doing an incredible job never giving up on yourself and taking back your life. Sending all of my bestest vibes of love, health, strength to you and your beautiful family. Please keep us posted.

Take care out there evabody.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a heavy rain overnight but the skies cleared this afternoon, nice.
I’m stuck indoors anyway stitching up Christmas stuff for a Dec 4 craft fair. This one is indoors so at least it will be warm & dry, haha!

Wags, the bike is definitely easier on my feet but now my knees are doing a little complaining. This seems to be the rut I’m in at this point, something always hurts . I have to keep moving , sitting in a rocking chair is not my cup of tea. I hope you have a good weekend.

G, hello to you & hope your weekend is great as well.

LC, thinking of you & I know you will pull yourself out of this low spot & thrive. Life is just plain hard at times but together we can lift each other up :hug:

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - if your knees are hurting while you are riding or later in the day, it might be that your seat is too low or that it needs to be slightly farther forward/back. Is it an upright bike or a recumbent? If recumbent, then instead of too low it'd be too close to the pedals. It could also be that the resistance is a bit too much for your current quad strength (which of course will increase with more riding). Play around with slight seat adjustments and resistance adjustments and see if you get some relief.


It's Friday nesters! No trains going anywhere remotely close to Boozeville. Stay tucked in here with your favorite twig and see you this weekend.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good advice for the bike, Wags! Lav, your knee should have only the slightest teeny tiny bend in it when the pedal is in its lowest position.

LC, such good news that your sister is alive and likely safe. Day three is a hard one, and I hope you made it through. Break the family curse! Stay focused on your trip to Arizona in December, and your need to be AF for that.

[MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION], I agree that it sounds like inflammation of the cornea, but frustrating that the anti inflammatory drops that you have already tried didn’t solve the problem.

[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], did your husband get over the grumpies?

Soon-to-be-ex HB has been making it clear that we are just reluctant roommates, and he doesn’t want to engage with me unless it’s necessary communication about the pets etc. So confusing when he just invited me out to dinner a week ago.
So yes, Lav, it is time to face reality. I have been making my way through the stages of grief over the loss of my marriage, such that it is, and the loss of my home of 28 years. But it’s messy, and I can get stuck in denial. And without sugar or alcohol to blunt anything, I’m just dealing with raw, intense feelings. So sometimes denial helps. But, time to face the reality of the situation. And get to the point of embracing it even.

I get to see young daughter today after not seeing her for two months! Her college swim team is swimming in a meet somewhat near here! Off I go!

Happy weekend to all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening nesters,

Winter-like weather arrived this afternoon just as predicted. I knew it had to get here sooner or later!
Working on embroidery projects for the next craft show so I’m inside anyway.

Wags, the bike is an upright & I moved the seat low to to make getting on the thing a little easier. Even with my long legs I am just able to reach the pedals, weird. I probably do have the tension set too high & will back it down a bit. Can’t fix everything in a few days, can we? Haha. I hope your weeknd is going well.

Slo, I hope you enjoy your visit with your daughter, that sounds nice.
I’m sorry your husband is making things so difficult. I wonder if he thinks he will suddenly be a happier person after all is said & done. It’s not likely.
I know you are working hard to accept the reality of the situation, it’s not easy. Continue to look out for you !! :hug:

LC, thinking of you!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - sorry to have just jumped in with the bike advice. I hope you're able to get some relief for your knees so that you can continue to ride.

LC - how are you doing? Exercise and a healthy diet are both excellent parts of a successful quit (or just general well-being).

Slo - glad you were able to see your daughter's swim meet. How did the team do? And how is she feeling? It totally makes sense that you're grieving the loss of your marriage and your home. And living in the same space must be terribly difficult.


Pretty good weekend here so far. Hope the same is true for all of you!