Newbies Nest

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations on so many successful sales at the craft fair, Lav! It must feel good to see so many people loving the items that you create. Christmas craft fairs are fun, as it’s festive, there’s lots of eager buyers, and they’re indoors so you can set up ahead of time -and not have to worry about wind & rain.

Sorry about the knee diagnosis, Ava. And sorry that you’re hobbled for awhile now. I wore those clunky 4-Velcro-bit knee braces for years before I qualified for surgery -nice that you found a simpler one. Yeah, I would end up with the baker’s cyst too. Thank you for sharing a photo of little Jasper snuggling his mama. He sure is being loved. And your nurses are right there with you!

Wags, it sounds like you have a full day of work today on Sunday. Short weekend for sure.

I did overreact to the Christmas tree incident with HB -just by virtue of reacting at all. We don’t have a long history of picking out a tree together; only for about the last five years. Before he used to get the tree with his dad and brother. He was trying to be nice to daughter before she went back to college. It just hit me wrong. So many losses with this divorce, and so much emotional turmoil. I failed to keep detachment at that point. I did apologize, and explained where I was coming from.

Wags, young daughter is completely nonplussed about our divorce. She just said she thought we would divorce when she was in 7th grade, and was glad we waited so she didn’t have to live between two houses.

I had a lot to try to explain last post while sorting through a rough day, so will try to be more brief this time and cut this off now. Happy Sunday to you all!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, at least you have a diagnosis. It must be such a bother, but you have a really positive attitude about it. You are a role model for how to deal with difficult family members. It takes a lot of strength to put up with bad behavior and just show love. Your pups and little Jasper must be such bright spots in your days!

Slo, I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. What a shock and he was too young. I am excited to hear about your new adventures without a man who seems to put you down and make you feel badly often. You deserve positive, inclusive attention, and to feel valued! It might actually take some getting used to, but I hope you are imagining a life surrounded by people who build you up instead of tear you down!

Wags, it's so awesome to see your business success.

I had an awful head cold last week and moved very slowly. Its mostly gone, and I have mountains of work to attend to. I'm feeling unfocused and unmotivated. My kids are struggling to do their school work and don't seem to value grades. I am at a loss as how to parent this, as I was a go-getter and can't refer to my parents' behavior. I've tried taking away tv and technology, and it sort of works... but I'm really wanting them to understand how important it is to learn responsibility and to work before play. Covid and the new curriculums have changed a lot and I'm just feeling a little stuck. I need to be more encouraging - but I just don't understand the mentality to not try or half-ass stuff, as that's just not my type-a personality. We have never told them we expect straight-A students, but they can both do better than D's and F's. Have we spoiled them? I just don't know what to do. Anyway, that's what's on my mind.

Nice to see you stop in NS.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wags, hope your day wasn’t too busy. You need a little down time on the weekends too like everyone else
Solstice count is 16 days - we’re getting there.

Slo, thanks, yes people were definitely gift shopping yesterday. It does feel nice to make people happy.
You really don’t need to apologize or explain your feelings. Your feelings are real & should be acknowledged by everyone including your husband. Sorry he doesn’t seem to get that message.
I agree with Kensho, keep your focus forward - the direction you are headed.

Kensho, sorry about the bad cold, they can leave you feeling rather lifeless.
I know one thing for sure about kids, when you give them an inch they take a mile!! I always remember my Mom saying the same thing when we were growing up. My kids got plenty of lectures from us about responsibilities & expectations. We never focused on them being A students but we did expect them to do their best & try!! Maybe offering an incentive of some sort when they improve their grades will work better - you never know

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Lav, what do you sell? Different things every year, or are you a known person that does X? All my joint hurt at different times! Moving certainly helps.

Slo, that is so so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you got to connect with those ostracized people in your family, and glad you will be there for them through this horrible time. Being sober is such a gift in times like that - you can keep your head on and really be present for them and yourself.

Ava, with those nurses you should be healed soon! Such a bummer.

Good luck with your new clients, Wags. Sounds like you'll have a busy December. I have always worked in schools since I was 23 so I am attuned to the school-year calendar. I take my vacations and holidays when students and their families do. I look forward to when I can take a vacation in March, or October, and work all December!

Happy SOBER Week.
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick fly-by to say hello after a busy day. I've got a super busy day tomorrow too, then Tuesday off. We're going to do a caravan drive through the Columbia River Gorge with our new neighbors who just moved here from the east coast of the U.S. It is simply spectacular and it's literally minutes from our part of the city.

Hope you all have good starts to your weeks!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evenin nesters

Slo, i love your posts, keep talking and it lets things out so they dont fester inside our head. god i was reknown for my long winded posts and many of them. lunatic linda i was but it got me to this happy place. You are a lovely, decent human being and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

Kensho, good luck with the kids, i would try the bribing with something they really want. teenagers are a breed of their own but we all survived as you will. Glad you feel better after your cold. god i havent had a cold in years, too busy being masked up to get a cold.

Wags, dont work too hard but nice to know you are so popular and wanted. cudo's to you. how is your fur baby going?

How hard is it to buy a car these days. dealership said today no new cars till next year. they did have a 2020/21 car (hyundai i30) that had 9000 kilometres on it if i wanted. i thought, mmm thats about new to me so i have put in the paperwork. i dont have the luxury of waiting for a car next year. i am over being restricted and not being able to do much. today i went to the bakery down the road that has my chemist. went to chemist, got a coffee, told myself before i went i needed bread, got home and forgot bread. no way was i going out again. its so frustrating.

I have an apt at my work to see an orthopaedic surgeon this friday which is quick and i am happy about that. getting there is the issue, i cant drive in the traffic without doing major damage, kids all working so fingers crossed i will get this car by Friday. If not i will go to plan B of which i dont have.

See Slo, i just keep waffling on and on lol.

Glad you all liked my pics, you have all been through Jasper with me so glad i could share his pic and how totally gorgeous he is. I want to sack my nurses, especially bob, he is now into humping anything in site, the joy of a 5 month old puppy.

take care xxxx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nester's,

Happy soberversary to you Ava and Pav! 2 absolute legends on this planet.

Slo, sorry to hear of your loss.

Wag's, so cool! Safe travels.

Big waves to evabody. Surf's up diggity's.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

We signed up for a meal-delivery service. Though I don't like the amount of packaging waste they send, I have turned over the entire dinner prep to the kids two nights a week, while I am their "assistant" and cleaner. My goal is that they know how to read a recipe and feel confident cooking full meals (that are not boxed macaroni) before they leave my house. So far, they have done one meal each, and they turned out great!! The bonus is that I'm not burned out doing all the cooking and planning, and that we are getting some much-needed variety in our menus, and quality time together in the kitchen. It empowers them, keeps them off their devices, and they feel great about themselves!

I think this is an ingenious idea! It’s an excellent way to involve them, and teach them about cooking and meal prep!
As for their schoolwork, not sure what to say. I’m a similar MBTI personality type to you, and our type is academically inclined; so learning, studying, and then getting good grades is its own reward for us. They’re not that way apparently; but, still should be able to do better than Ds & Fs.

My cousin’s visitation & funeral is on Wednesday & Thursday. It will be a huge civic deal, as he’s the first fallen fireman in the history of their city’s fire department. Flags are at half-mast there, and porch lights are being changed to red bulbs. He was put in a flagged-draped coffin, and a procession was held through the city to take his body from the hospital to the funeral home. His fire coat & helmet are on display, and people put bouquets of flowers by them. I’m still so sick to my stomach about this. And I’m still sick in my stomach about our divorce. And don’t want to leave my home.

I went to my 9-year-old niece’s dance performance of the Nutcracker ballet yesterday. She was a mouse. It was very cute, and very well-done!

Windy and cold! Short little days! Winter is here in this hemisphere.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had some time today to meet up with a few of my old nursing friends & it was great. We worked together for a very long time, watched each other’s kids grow up & share many memories. I consider them my local tribe & all of you my word wide tribe.

Slo, it’s very understandable feeling sick about your cousin’s sudden death. His young family must be devastated. Firefighting is such a hazardous job but they seem to love their jobs, I know my son does. Prayers for all of you :hug:

Hey G, hope you are well!

Ava, can you possibly get a taxi or ride share to your appointment? You should not be driving I imagine. I hope you can get the car that’s available, new cars are definitely hard to come by at this poingt.
Tell Bob to knock if off, haha!!! That’s one reason why I’ve had mostly female dogs.

Wags, glad you’re getting through your busy days OK. The trip through the river gorge sounds very cool, enjoy

Pav, several years ago I ran across a Facebook page dedicated to making Reading Pillows for kids. I made a few for my grandkids & they loved them so I figured I’d see if I could sell a few. I’ve sold so many, i haven’t kept count. I know I have ordered many cases of pillow inserts several times, haha! The pillows have an embroidered pocket on the front where you can keep your book handy. I started doing them for kids to help get them interested in reading then I started on adult themes like coffee, tea, fishing, hunting, etc. I’m also selling a lot of embroidered lace ornaments for Christmas & other holidays. Someone ordered 5 more pillows today so I stay busy, Lol

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - sounds like a good decision about the car. 9000 km isn't too much use actually so "new to you" seems pretty darn good!

G - good to see you!


I'm exhausted. Like my brain is running on fumes. Today and yesterday were very full with fun but very challenging tutoring sessions. I'm grateful to have tomorrow off and that we're going someplace beautiful, even though I'm not super psyched to drive. Our new neighbors have never seen the Gorge though and it's really a world-class destination. They hold international wind surfing and kite boarding championships in one place, and there are several other famous sites. It'll be fun once we get on the road I'm sure.

Catch you all tomorrow or Wednesday. Don't drink!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, Nest

Reading the recent posts makes me think about how the process of recovering from addiction might be one of the greatest gifts. To recover we had to look inward and figure out what matters and what the point of our lives are. Who we really are. We seem to have a stability or peace, even when life is tough. Most people I know (and certainly this is the case for me before I became addicted) march through life pretty much mindlessly, just doing the next thing that they think needs to be done, often with no consideration of other people's needs and perspectives (or even of their own).

The way you can clearly view your families, Ava and Slo, recognizing what's going on, accepting it, and still responding with love is beautiful. If I were you, pre-addiction I would have had no sympathy for those who seemed to be acting like jerks. While addicted, I would have ignored everything and tried to drink away my feelings. I hope that post-addiction I would have done what you are doing: seeing, understanding, forgiving, and loving.

Your ability to see and accept your kids just as they are and love them just as they are while still trying to help them grow to be contented adults is great, Kensho. Your frustration is understandable but you don't seem to be blaming them or expecting them to be just like you. It is challenging to figure out how to motivate and encourage people who think differently to you but you're really trying. Again, pre-addiction, the over-achiever me would have been exasperated, judgmental, and too harsh. Drinking me would have pretended nothing was wrong most of the time but occasionally lashed out. Now, I hope that I would be like you. I'm trying to do just that with my grandsons.

I like the me who came out of the darkness much better than the one who fell into it. And I am really glad to know all of you here -- I didn't know you before but I sure appreciate the people you have come to be. Like Lav said, it is good to have a worldwide tribe. xx

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings, Nesters,

Doing a check-in as I've been thinking of and meaning to do for ages now. I get overwhelmed when I read back and see all I've missed!

Congratulations on your sober anniversary, Ava! Sorry to hear about your knee, what a pain, literally. Would love to catch up with you and Mr G when we can.

I like your post, NoSugar. The clarity of vision and stability we attain post-addiction are indeed a gift.

Though I've by no means got everything figured out, I can approach each day with a level-headedness I never would have dreamed possible. What with the pandemic and all I'm not clear on my direction, but I know where I *won't* be going (no ticket to Boozeville), and have short term goals around my fitness and volunteer work that make me feel happy.

We're entering Silly Season now, take care everyone,
Steady x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Steady, great to hear from you
I also like my level-headed self these days & will protect her forever! Glad you seem well & wish you a happy holiday season.

NS, we really rock, right? Haha!!!
We didn’t know anyone here before but now it just feels like a happy, functioning family! The best family ever

Wags, you have been working hard so I really hope you enjoy your trip to the gorge. Take pics, have a great time.

I have so much new work piling up on me it’s crazy. I ran out to purchase some new fabrics today so I can get started filling these orders in time for Christmas. Meanwhile I still haven’t started decorating my house or anything LOL
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Slo, I'm so sorry you're feeling like that - sad and frustrated (and maybe angry?) I did a lot of "why me" in my first year sober. It was intense to feel all the feelings I had been hiding with alcohol. I'm so sorry you're going through all of that - the loss, the divorce, the loss of your home. Doing it sober is going to help you keep your head on straight and get what you need from terrible situations. Keep posting and venting here all you want. You got this!

Lav, now I remember you talking about those pillows before. What a great thing. Good to be busy AND creative.

Kensho, that is a good idea about the cooking. My kid didn't like what I made for dinner all of the time but he wanted hot and delicious food, so he taught himself to cook what he likes. He's cooked us dinner many times - turkey pot pie, buffalo wings (with his own recipe hot sauce), homemade pasta. It is all comfort food, but he is getting very good at it. Definitely a perk.

Ava - what a pain. Is there any public transportation? I remember you have a long commute, so I bet public transportation would make it even longer!

Wags, that sounds like a lovely day. Can your wife drive while you relax and take in the scenery? That's nice of you to take your new neighbors! BTW, how is your wife's hip??

Hi, Mr. G. How's it going, LC? Hi to everyone else!

Happy SOBER Wednesday,

Pav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Well i am the happy owner, in debt owner of a hyundai i30, dont even know what they look like really except in pictures but i am sure i will be happy with it. i was hoping to get it this week but the car yard tell me its not in their yard so next week. what can you do but wait and be grateful that i will be at least getting out of my suburb in the next week or so.

NS you nailed it on the head, drunk me would have been resentful and angry, sober me is not resentful but i still get angry, i just dont keep it within me anymore. My mother is back to her normal self, kicked my son out again, told me she wasnt coming for xmas and told me in a text message goodbye as my son told her that none of us like her. very true but i love her she is my mother. I am done with her, she messaged me an apologised for hurting me and i told her i was done, i think all of my hurt has come up and i cant do it anymore. i am a good person and as i said to her why my father and her didnt think my brother and i were ever good enough is beyond me but i have my life, i have to concentrate on me and my health ,my children and thats how its going to be. she did receive a few home truths that i had not expressed before but the guilt was coming back and i have worked too hard to be drawn into her bullshit. so she has disowned my son and has sent me another message of which i will look at at some stage. I feel like a weight has been lifted and if she is going to change her behaviour that is great, if not then that is ok too. i have had 8 years of working on myself and noone is going to bring me down and yet again she has ruined xmas.

i had physio yesterday and he told me i did have a lot going on in my knee but as i am a walker my muscles are strong so i need to keep them that way. he did not advise surgery for at least 4 months if i need it and to reassess. the fracture may need a cast but ortho will advise on this tomorrow. Fingers crossed i will end up with a dicky knee but still be able to get around. my elite athlete days are over ha ha. i did go with my daughter up to the end of the street with Carl yesterday and then walked him home. i am trying to get him not to pull and he did pretty well considering he normally goes off on his own tangent.

back to work i go, take care xx