Newbies Nest

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

So sad, Steadfast. I’m so sorry you lost your second mum now. Was it sudden? I know you were close to your parents, and their deaths were hard on you. And now this too. Wishing you strength as you navigate through the post-death activities and the grief.

Sobriety IS our superpower! Can you imagine what a disadvantage I would be at if I were the alcoholic spouse in a divorce case??
I escalated badly between my first and last quits: can you imagine how it would go for me if I was being divorced after a bad DUI or something like that??

We’re having a nice family time babysitting the grandchildren today; me, HB, & young daughter. It feels so sad to me now that we won’t be winding down in life together while we enjoy our children & grandchildren & home together.
My brother died two years ago today, by suicide. It was the last straw for me when HB wouldn’t invite my brother to a football game when I asked him to because I said I think my brother is lonely. “K doesn’t do it for me”, he said. And yet I’d been helping take care of his mother with dementia and then his sister dementia for years. Do they really do it for me?? My earlier efforts to get a ticket for him to another game was a “no” too.
And he said it was my brother’s fault that daughter’s dog who bites people, bit my brother! They put dogs before people in that family, endlessly. A dog who is a known biter should be locked up when people are over for a gathering! And there went my chance to draw brother closer to daughter & son-in-law, since they were near neighbors.
At that same time a little more than two years ago, I wasn’t allowed to visit my nephews at college and have them show young daughter around, as we planned a college tour for her. I & daughter were told that my nephews -her cousins -are “too quiet”. There is nothing wrong with my nephews! They are three very fine young men.
And there went my marriage, as I became very sad & angry, especially after brother jumped. I wanted to go back to my own family. I didn’t want them dissed by him anymore. I didn’t want no control over my own life anymore.
But by now I could let bygones be bygones -but it’s too late now. I will be divorced before the month is out.

Hope your baby chicks are staying warm out there, Lav! They can snuggle together under the heat lamp and stay warm that way.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Steady,

So sorry to hear of your MIL's passing. My condolences to you and family. Yes, feeling sad, grief is natural and i've learned to at least aim to sit with them and be present, allowing feelings to do their work. I try to find comfort in all of the great memories, as difficult as that is at these times. I know with me that any boozing during emotionally charged times will no doubt end in chaos, internal and external. Take care of yourself.

Hola to evabody. Ava, hope things settle down at work and your health is ok.

Slo, hope things go smoothly over there.

Big waves. Surf's up!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Steady, i am sorry to hear about your MIL, sending you hugs. i think we need to catch up for a coffee and lunch with G. You need some sunshine in your life and that is us of course! ha ha.

You have a lot swirling around in your brain Slo, you have so much to be angry about with the soon to be ex but dont let the anger and grief hold you back. you are a beautiful, strong person inside and out who has change their life for the better. There are not many people who can achieve sobriety, keep it and grow to be better people than we are. I think sobriety has taught me to let go of the past, the past didnt do me any favours but the future is always good as we get to mould it to how we want. I try and not dwell on the past too much anymore, i drank to exist back then and now i live life to the fullest each and every day (if i can be bothered that is!). You will be more than fine, you will grow and make your own happy life with your gorgeous family and the arsehole wont be in it. It is his loss and your gain, remember that. I enjoy my single life, i dont have to look after anyone, i focus on what i want to and i am happy. Lonely on occasion but thats ok, i am sure there are lonelier people in the world than i am and i have MWO with all of the people that know me, warts and all. What more can i ask for!

Wags, great to see you back and hope you had/have an easy weekend.

Pav/Lav, i think i am feeling motivated to do this pottery course, so i will email and put my name down and find out the cost.

Lav, glad you have the chicks out of the laundry now. i would love some baby chicks but we can only have two chooks in suburbia. two is fine though. going to plants some peas that have come up today. im in the process of putting my worm farm into the garden as i have too many worms, so will keep a few and let the others roam free in the garden and start again.

I spoke to my boss today about my co-worker, the 5 minute conversation lasted an hour but thats fine. i have worked with her for 8-9 years and she is just lovely, i can say what i feel and no she will listen. I am also getting a desk finally after 2 years of home life though i did say i wanted to still work at home 3 days a week but i will be with my registrars/residents and get to mother them again. I did say i would end up on not good terms with the PA if i had to share an office with her and my boss did apologise for not realising the situation and now she can deal with it. I love my job, stress and all, i have a great team i work with and they know i do my job exceptionally well and i have a boss who eventually listens so fingers crossed this will be sorted.

An easy day today, still trying to clean my wardrobe and get ready for winter, its hard when its been 30 degrees though to think it will get cold. dogs enjoying their evening walks and i have been strapping my ankle. my boss told me to get supportive boots so i did that yesterday, may look a bit strange with a dress but it is what it is.

hope you are having a good holiday LC and Kensho hope you are finding a good life balance.

take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We had a nice day but with a thunder storm that rolled in about an hour ago. Thunder & lightning in March just seems so weird.
My younger grandson spent most of the day with us, both parents were called into work. He’s much easier to deal with these days, the little terror has grown up, he’ll be turning 11 in April.

Steady, I am sorry for your loss. It must be difficult for you & we’re here to lend an ear. Take care of yourself, stay on your path :hug:

Slo, I think we are all on the same page in knowing your future is going to be bright & happy. Living with a chronically negative person hurts your soul. I am aware of that from my own experience. Letting go of what your future ‘may have been’ is so healing. It’s a hard thing to do but it’s the best thing for yo in the long run. Your daughters & grandchildren will be your company & loving family.
It’s still warm out so the chicks are comfy under their heat lamp.

G, good to see yo & I hope your weekend is going well.

Ava, glad to hear yo had that talk with your boss. Hopefully things will work out & everyone is happy at work. Work stress is something I definitely do not miss!!!
It’s probably a good thing you are limited on the number of hens you can have. The more you get the more mess you end up having to manage haha!
Your worm farm sounds interesting, I’ve never tried that. We seem to have plenty of worms here, along with snakes & all those creepy creatures. Have fun with the pottery class, sounds like a good winter activity.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy first day of Spring to all!

Hope everyone is OK & has a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Steady, so sorry about your MiL. I know you're not drinking because you don't drink, but I understand the pull to escape the feelings. My MiL was my second mother and one of my best friends honestly. She was a great listener and talker, and she was such a wonderful person. She died way too young after I had only known her for 12 years. It was a terrible loss for the whole family. I'm so sorry.

Slo, you are going to be amazing. I am sure you're mourning the loss, and I can see how a scene like that would be attractive, but I think you'll be better off without him. A few times you tell a story about your husband and then say you could get over it now but it is too late. I think if you collected them all in one place you might see how much you'd actually have to "get over" to make it work. I truly believe you'll be wonderful - better than you can imagine.

Ava, those long honest conversations with bosses really help, don't they! Of course they love you. Glad you got all you wanted from the conversation (except retirement!)

We had a nice, relaxing weekend. Lot's of hiking, a great visit with my older cousin, pottery time, and even cleaned the house some. Thank goodness I don't drink!

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh Steady, I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL's passing. Grief is extraordinarily hard, and coming so soon after your mom passed must make this an even harder time for you. Sending you loads of empathy and sympathy :heartbeat:

Slo - it sounds like you're still struggling, completely understandably, to feel like things will actually be better for you moving forward. I agree with Pav on the "lots of things to get over" angle. It's still hard for you to picture what wonderful paths you'll follow because you haven't seen them yet, so your brain is comparing what you *can* picture with the unknown. None of us knows for sure of course, but I imagine you will find (and build) a happy healthy future around the corner.

Ava - glad your talk with your boss went so well, and I hope everything gets resolved quickly and smoothly for you. Enjoy those warm temps while you've got 'em!

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

i'm humbled by the support from you lovely people. And when you all have so much going on yourselves! Please know i truly appreciate your kind words.

Steady
xo

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I forgot it was already the first day of Spring! Thanks for the reminder, Lav!

Grief IS hard work, I have found. Guitarista is right; that we have to sit with the grief feelings and allow them to do their work. No more stuffing them by drinking bottle(s).

It’s good to hear that your little terror of a grandson has outgrown a lot of it and is pretty pleasant now, Lav. Hopefully my little terror of a grandson will do the same.

At least you won’t have to share an office with that P.A., Ava -so that much has been sorted already.

I used to work at our neighbor’s worm farm when I was a kid! We got a penny per worm for each fat worm we dug out of the manure and collected for bait!

Thanks for taking the time once again to help me get through this. I appreciate all your wise perspectives.
I mean that I did manage already to get through most of my anger that surfaced, and I could move on now and stay, now that I have my head together again….but the anger brought down the marriage. But it has been a difficult & frustrating marriage all along, so maybe just as well, for both of us.

Think Spring!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Monday evening greetings Nesters,

It was a nice day, on the coolish side but still nice
Just doing average things, nothing exciting to report & that’s fine with me.

Pav, hope you week is as good as your weekend was.

Wags, I hope you are feeling better these days. I know it’s hard to move on after a loved one passes but that’s what we have to do. Personally I have found the grief mellows out a bit then good memories takes grief’;s place. It just takes time :hug:

Steady, of course we are all behind you & support you. Let us know how we can help anytime.

Slo, I’m not letting go of Spring now that’s it’s here, Lol
My ADHD grandson was extremely difficult. Ritalin wasn’t enough to help his mis-wired brain, he’s also on antipsychotics now, believe it or not. The meds plus therapy have helped so much. Every kid is different, we have to give them what they individually need.
I firmly believe your future will be as bright as you want it to be. All that energy you used to deal with the frustration & anger can now be used in a more positive way. Stay open to new ideas, anything is possible.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

.
Personally I have found the grief mellows out a bit then good memories takes grief’;s place. It just takes time :hug:

Hola evabody.

I agree Lav. At least this has been my experience. And in the early days of grief while things are still raw and tough going, i think we need to consciously treat ourselves gently, with love and a lot of kindness.

Thinking of you Wags and Steady.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a wonderful group this is. So much love and support from around the world. I'm so sorry about your MIL, Steady. How wonderful that what can be a fraught relationship was a good one for you and her. SLO, I hope you can let go of the sit-com family dream that you seem to feel like you are losing. Few if any of us have that and I don't think you and your husband would ultimately have settled into elderly Mr and Mrs Cleaver. Relationships take work and from what you've told us, it sounds like your husband isn't willing to do his part. It probably is going to be unsettling for awhile but I know the sober, healthy you can build a life in which you are treated as you deserve. xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

We have enjoyed some nice weather & now it’s our turn for a few days of spring rain. Guess I’ll have more time to work on projects.

G, I believe we all have the ability to find the good in any situation, even when we lose our loved ones. It definitely takes time but if you allow the good memories to replace the sadness, you’re halfway there.

NS, good to see you! What projects do you have in the works? Besides work of course
I am signed up for two craft events, one in April & the other is a Christmas in July event so I have lots of stitching to do
I am also in the process of doing T shirts & tote bags with designs from a Ukrainian digitizer. I will donate 100% of the proceeds to humanitarian relief. My heart is heavy for all of those poor people over there.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest. It's been way too crazy with my job and driving the kids around. We are on a short getaway to New Mexico for spring break, and the extra sleep and not thinking about work has been just what the Dr. ordered. I was not handling it all very well. I have too much due all at once and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I need help I guess. BUT I'm not drinking, though the margaritas down here have had me actually saying... what if I could just drink sometimes again? Of course, I stop that thought in its tracks because we all know that's not how I drank and not how it would roll out. I'm doing just fine without booze, as long as I remember the self care piece. The art is amazing down here, and we hiked to some hot springs this am (though the pot-smoking and naked people were an added adventure to navigate with the kids).

Byrdie, sorry to hear about your continued eye problems! The fish thing is an issue in my house too… I have tried so many recipes to get the kids to like it! Good to see you in the nest!

Slo, sorry you had the stomach bug… the absolute worst!! I’m so glad the legal stuff is working out in your favor. Won’t it be great when this is all over? You will make your own choices and priorities and can follow your heart. Won’t that be wonderful?

Belle, nice to hear from you. What is your new knitting project? I’ve been having the bug lately, but no time. Maybe need to make some

Ceramics sounds great PAV! I have always loved the earthen arts. Would love to see what you create! The Talovera and gallery pottery are amazing down here.

I’m sorry for your loss Steady. Sending you a big hug and strength. Alcohol never really helped with dealing - just delays it, so glad you are staying away, and you will heal sooner.

Ava, yea for getting a desk! And yea for being heard about your PITA coworker. It’s so frustrating working with people who can’t/won’t do their jobs. I bet if you stick to your guns you’ll get results, since you are exceptional at your job. Also, comfortable shoes beats fashion every time

I am so full of New Mexican cuisine and gluten free brownies... I have to go sit down. Glad to see everyone here.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everyone - quick sober check-in tonight. Grateful to be here.