Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho, Finches nest in the eaves outside my window at work - they are loud and busy all spring and summer. And we have wild turkeys who waddle around and gobble. I actually miss the sounds if they aren't around in the morning, and when that male gets all puffed up it is so beautiful - he looks like a pinata! We also have a few types of hawks that circle, crows that bug them, blue jays, and many LBBs (little brown birds) that I can't identify. We've all become bird nerds a work...

The best thing I've gotten from quitting drinking is better confidence. I feel more secure about who I am and therefore can project that in all aspects of my life. It helps me set healthier boundaries, and get what I need, while also being more flexible and less boo hoo. There are so many others, though.

Mr. G, those plunges sound wonderful. We have a hot tub and I have taken to cold plunges after the hot tub, but straight in would still be hard for me. I love the feeling when I can get myself to do it.

Hi to everyone else. Have wonderful SOBER Wednesdays.

Pav

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Does anyone have a family of wood peckers who stupidly like to drill on aluminum gutters & downspouts on your house? They drive me crazy!!
When the weather finally gets warm we will have plenty of hummingbirds too.
Today’s sunny & chilly weather is to be replaced by tomorrow’s warmer air & gusty storms so no bird watching I guess.

G, keep that swimming & diving up, it’s good for you!

Slo, hope your day was good!
Glad to hear you are seeing health improvements, you are taking charge of your life

Pav, I agree about the confidence improvement, I have noticed the same. I had no idea I had given away so much of my power while hugging the wine bottle.
Good thing is I’ve learned my lesson & will never repeat that behavior.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

You know, NS, you’re right: we might think we’re weak because we fell into addiction, but if we fought against our biology, chemistry, & psychology and broke free from it -it means we’re strong!

The world here has transformed into a completely white winter landscape! Everything is coated, and the snow continues to fall! March is going out like a lion.

We have woodpeckers here who drill holes into our siding. Actually, now it’s just his siding.

Lav, I think you’re right in that we have to look out for our own self-care. Like, yesterday I tried to keep going on my bum knee and let daughter bathe Mabel and son-IL play with Beckett while I cleaned the whole kitchen after dinner. I wanted daughter to have time with her daughter is why, but it was too much time standing on this bum knee after making the dinner, and I should have taken the sit-down job. Then I couldn’t get rid of the pain & swelling. I will be more careful to live within my limitations in the future instead of being self-sacrificing.

Best wishes to all for a good AF day!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We’re under severe weather alerts for severe storms, wind, possible tornadoes, ugh. Wanted to be sure to jump on & say Hi before anything hits.
I really can’t turn on my machines in this sort of weather because everything is computerized & suffers during power surges. So, hopefully tomorrow I can get back to business.

Slo, I know you have a heart like mine & will do just about anything for the loved ones. But, we do need to pay attention to our own limitations, like it or not. Learning to pace ourselves is key
I hope your knee settles down soon, yuo know what to do.

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Lav... we had noisy woodpeckers growing up, but not so much now. I mostly marvel at their beauty when they come around. Maybe the Colorado ones evolved to realize that metal was not a superior choice Hope you weathered the storms ok.

G, I've started turning the shower cold when I'm done, especially after I sauna. It is a refresh like no other! Maybe I'll graduate to your style some day

Slo, nice work on the bloodwork! Amazing things happen when we take care of ourselves!

I chuckled at your LBB's PAV. We have them too - they seem to be everywhere. My favorite birds are what I think are mocking birds... the ones that make continuous different sounds repeated in twos. I have a great video of one when I visited CA - I'll see it if will upload. They are amazing.

Anyway, hello to everyone. Life is a whole new, amazing, endless possibility without alcohol. I was so limited and stuck and hyper focused on a stupid substance. I feel free now.

Hugs to all birds here and there...

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo, the word last Sunday was: NYMPH
All I knew was that it had no vowels and 1 y!!
That reminds me that I need to go do today's word. I really enjoy Wordle and the mine-Crossword puzzle.

I did the cold showers for awhile but drifted from the habit and find it really difficult to start again. I feel GREAT afterwards but am so miserable doing it.

I'm looking forward to receiving the totes, Lav. It's great that you are raising money so quickly.

Re-gaining self-confidence really is one of the greatest gifts. I had slipped into just doing what others wanted -- I guess I didn't think I deserved for things to be my way. Now I still have to remember to set boundries and not harm myself meeting needs of others but it no longer feels like I HAVE to sacrifice my well-being and happiness.

Have a good weekend, Nesters.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Friday Nesters,

We lucked out last night & just had heavy showers, tiny bit of lightning & no tornado! The worst part of the system moved north of us & there was a tornado a few counties northeast from here.
So today has been wall to wall sunshine & very windy.had the pleasure of seeing the dentist today for a broken tooth, second one in about 6 weeks time. I’m beginning to think my warranty has expired, Lol

Kensho, yes to the freedom of an AF life! It’s just a shame that it takes us so long to work up the nerve to take the final leap into freedom

NS, your totes are on the way, hopefully USPS doesn’t take too long delivering. Thank you for helping :hug:
We definitely deserve respect & to be treated fairly in this world. Remaining AF will ensure we get our fair share

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening,

Lav, are your teeth cracking around previous fillings?

I went to the funeral of a 90-year-old yesterday evening. My sister has been working for this man for 15 years, helping manage his businesses in the capacity of bookkeeper, administrative assistant etc. They became good friends and, as he aged, she took on more caregiving and companion care roles for him as well. She thought she would be ok when he died, but, as they were so close, she actually fell into grieving pretty hard. So there went her efforts to quit AL, and she hit the vodka bottle up pretty hard. She was a shaking, sweating mess when I picked her up for the funeral, and we had to stop at a gas station to get her some liquor so she could stop shaking, and to prevent a possible seizure.
We might think we want a drink to relax -but this is where this ends up: absolute dependency on a substance, and a substance that is destroying us!!

So, as we head into the weekend, let’s keep our quits!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm so sorry about your sister, Slo. Her story and so many others makes me grateful but frankly, amazed, that we made it out. Addiction is SO powerful. xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

It has been snowing all day! So beautiful! Especially in the morning when all the trees were coated.

I had to have my filling replaced & repaired in my tooth because the tooth was starting to crack around it.

My ex didn’t tell me about our daughter’s college swim banquet today that he had found out about, and has left go to attend it. He only asked if I would be around to watch the dog because he was going out of town. Welcome to divorce.

I mention my sister to highlight how valuable our long term quits are in weathering the tsunamis of life. She is doing so very well in remaining AF most of the time, and only relapses into drinking about once a month. It has been a valiant effort. But it usually takes a long period of continued sobriety to be able to get through the really upending, tough tragedies in life. So what we have is very valuable, and worth keeping!
And also to highlight how freeing it is not to be chained to the bottle!

Happy Sattiday, as Byrdie would say!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Daylight savings ended today, shame the dogs didnt realise this.

Lav, glad to hear the storms were not too severe, not sure i would like to be in a tornado. luckily we dont get the sort of storms that America does, lots of fires and floods here. Have had some awful devastation with floods in the past month. so very sad when people lose everything. No woodpeckers here either, that would be so annoying listening to that pecking constantly. I hope your tooth wasnt too painful to get fixed, i go back on 19th April for another tooth to be fitted and moulds for one to be done. Not looking forward to it but hopefully will be all done soon. its so nice being able to chew all over my mouth ha ha.

Slo, i hope you are doing ok. when do you move into your condo? My knee has been iffy this week, i am trying to do more walking (30 minutes each day) as i just need to clear my head, still trying to get to 40 minutes but i need to learn patience. I hope it feels better soon, rest and rest a bit more. I have a necklace that i constantly wear that is a symbol of my sobriety and people ask me all the time where the other pieces are and what it means. I tell them with pride that it is a symbol of my sobriety and the help i received on the way. Every person i have told has told me how wonderful that is to hear. That is sad about your sister, i just wish they could see that getting sober long term is hard but worth it, its no life for her or the people who love her to watch her. i always used to wonder how people who didnt drink got through life, i always thought they were different to me but we are all the same really, we just cope in different ways. Make sure your daughters tell you about the swim meets, never rely on a man!

Kensho, i think for me, i learnt to love myself when i gave up drinking and found that i am good enough just as i am. How are the teenagers going? still cant believe they arent 7 anymore lol.

NS, i understand the looking after yourself part. my daughter wanted me to drive her to a friend of hers as it was her birthday. it was friday afternoon, 4pm (peak hour), up at 5 daily, drove to work twice this week and i said NO. I was just so tired. then her friend messaged me and i said the same thing. the old me would have done it, the new one knows my limitations.

The friend of the family i was trying to help ended up in jail. he got out after 43 days and i met him and his mum for coffee, his mum is just a lovely person and has had to move to her daughters so she doesnt take him back in. we had a great chat about addiction and her son was telling me how he was going to stay sober this time he had learnt his lesson. i told him the importance of being accountable and finding a good support network like NA. he said yes, of course. then i get a phone call a few days later asking if he can stay with me for a few days. i said no, he said he was homeless, i asked if he had been going to NA, he said he was homeless, i said he was an addict and i could not take the chance of him relapsing (which i think he already has) and when he did finally go to an NA meeting i would go with him for support. then he called and asked me to ask my son (few days later) if he could stay there and i asked the same question about NA and he gave me the same answer. i said no. Breaks my heart and the help is pretty much non existent for addicts as places are full but i cant live with someone who isnt prepared to put in the hard yards. he is on xanax and valium and a myriad of other drugs that he gets off the dark web. Sadly he has burnt his bridges with everyone and i really hope he gets help.

Finally had some rain last night so may be able to get out to the garden today. AND 3 years smoke free a couple of days ago, who would have thought!

take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Sunny today but still too chilly to do much outside. So I spent a little time house cleaning then moved on to my sewing & embroidery projects. Life is too short to spend all day cleaning haha!

]slo, this tooth did have a previous filling. The dentist said it was a small tooth with a large filling so it just cracked in half. Not much you can do to prevent these things i guess.
I am sorry to hear about your sister’s relapse. I’m so grateful for our excellent Tool box, we can pick & choose coping methods as needed & stay away from AL. Quitting drinking is the first step, then you have to choose how you’re going to handle the rest of your life. There is always going to be something stressing us out unfortunately. Sorry to hear your ex chose to be ignorant & not inform you of heh swim meet. Tell your daughters to contact you directly from now on with things they want you to know. I’d probably throw a load of wet laundry on his bed & let him deal with it when he got back, Lol

NS, hope you are well!

Ava, I’m at the point where I don’t mind having all these crowns put on my teeth. If they break or come out they just get glued back in, no sweat, haha! I guess it’s an aging thing, I’ve always taken care of my teeth but now I’m having difficulties.
I think you did the right thing by not taking that young man in. He does need to step up & address his issues. His choice, now & always.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all, just popping in with a quick sober hello this weekend. I've been working a ton and finally had some time off yesterday and today.

I love the question Kensho posed -- I am thinking about it and will answer in my next post.

Slo, Ava and Lav - sounds like lots of tooth work going on, and hopefully all getting resolved smoothly and soon.


Happy sober starts to April everyone!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
It has been a while since I wrote, but have been popping in to read daily. Biggest news is Lav's 13th (not a teenager) birthday! Congrats to you, Lav. and we are all so thankful that you hang around with us and keep us going, with your down to earth wisdom. All Hail Queen Lav!

Having trouble with hb lately. It seems as I am growing in AF confidence, he finds more ways to gaslight me and speaks as if I have been drunk for the last 12 years. I guess he does not remember the 5 AF years I had in there. I have had Fibromyalgia for the past 12 years and if he is talking about that, that is just plain stupid.

And speaking of stupid...a guy was going door to door selling driveway repair and replacement. I was driving daughter back to campus at the time so he called me and asked what to do. I told him to say no thank you, and send him on his way with a reminder to learn to read "NO SOLICITING" on doors. I told him DO NOT sign anything. So what do I find when I got home...a signed contract to do driveway work. I was livid. And then found out this guy is not accredited by the better business bureau and googling his business there is nothing but complaints. I asked hb to break the contract but he refused even though a) he knew he made a mistake and b) we were in the timeframe of legally breaking a contract. But he still would not because "his signature is is word". Lawd. So when guy came to do the work, mind you it was barely 30 degrees and it should be at least 55 degrees to pour asphalt, the guy went across the street to try to sell to our neighbors. Hb went over to tell them not to do it because guy was not licensed, bonded or insured. Driveway guy became angry and told hb to stay out of his business. Finally he packed up his stuff, drove away saying "I'M NOT DOING YOUR DRIVEWAY". So I guess he broke the contract, which is a relief. Neighbors heard that, so we have witnesses.

Lav, I know you have/had hb issues in the past. I don't know how long I can live with this, but I would wait a few years till the kids are out of college before divorcing. How do you manage living in the same house? Also, even though I haven't had a "real" full time job in years, I have a lot more in my IRA and would have to give him some in the divorce. Because I was saving money when I was young while he was out spending and having a good time. That would really piss me off but could be worth it.

Ugh and the boss thing...I've been avoiding him but need to talk to him to see if he would hire my daughter as a summer temp to file and do menial tasks. And if he gives me any crap I will hand him the list of tasks that I perform.

Slo, congrats on getting through the divorce. Right now, I am actually envious of you with a condo to move into and getting away from a hb that is abusive.

Didn't mean to ramble on...Happy Sober Sunday to all!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening,

I’m sitting by the fire and watching ‘60 Minutes’ on TV. It is nice, but lonely as the ex won’t even watch TV with me -goes to his sister’s house a lot, and when he gets home, runs up to his room right away. I was home alone yesterday too, as he found out about our daughter’s end-of-season swim banquet at college -which parents attend to celebrate the swimmers’ achievements -but purposely didn’t tell me about it and just said that he was going “out of town”. I’m the other parent; I think he could have had the courtesy to let me know if he knew. But I guess that’s not how divorce works.
Still can’t help but wish that we had had a loving relationship, and could grow old sitting by the fire together in the evenings. Ah well.

I have some regrets about this divorce, but I need to look at it the way you do, Belle: that I’m lucky that I got to get out of a difficult relationship that has been draining. A friend of mine said the exact same thing; that she’s jealous that I get to break free and start over in my own condo. My condo should be ready sometime in May.

Thanks for sharing your stories, Ava, of knowing your limitations and not self-sacrificing beyond them, and not being a pushover to the young addict who is trying to use you. You are still offering the support of attending a support group meeting with him. You already tried the letting him live with you route -don’t have to keep doing that over & over.

My tooth repair was a couple years ago. They don’t tell us when we’re getting these fillings that later on the tooth is going to crack around it! Thankfully I only have the one filling.

Three years smoke-free, Ava!! -what a hurdle to get over! Go you! I hope you are finding it much easier three years in?

Belle, what a story, and at least your husband ended up getting the contract broken after all!

Glad you got a little reprieve over the weekend, Wags.

Have a safe night in the Nest, everyone!