Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Welcome back Peanut - settle in. I know it is going to be a rough few days for you. We're here for you (at least Lav and Slo are - hah).

Also, Rednose - are you still around? How are you feeling?

I grew up in the 80s in a very "me" era for the parents. We kids got into ALL sorts of trouble with a lot of alcohol and other things involved. Most of us came out ok, but some didn't. And many of us are now sober. Thank goodness that is over. The very first thing that anyone says to you when you go to their house for dinner is "what can I get you to drink?" Oh well. Here we are.

Happy Mother's Day to all you biological mothers, nest mothers, and anyone who celebrates.

Happy SOBER Sunday!
Pav

[Peanut]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Mama's day! I guess I gotta make a nice meal for those who made me a mother - ha!
I know about growing up in alcohol culture! As a kid from a large family, we had these teeny tiny wine glasses and were all allowed a small glass at special dinners. And even some tiny beer glasses. Between that and begging for sips from my dad's beverages, you could say I have been drinking for well over 50 years !!!!! Not regularly until later teens, but you get the teacher. The alcohol culture is definitly a hard one to break out of.

On to day two but still can't find that drink trakcer. Maybe it has been removed.
Have a wonderful day to you all, and thanks for the wonderful welcome.
xoxo Peanut

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Mother’s Day to all celebrating today

Had a nice day even though it’s still way too cold for the month of May. My son & his family came over bearing lunch & flowers. We had a very nice afternoon. Anyone who sees me on FB will see that my 13 1/2 yr old grandson is way taller than me at this point. He’s going to be a big one haha!

Pav, Happy day to you! I also came from a big family of drinkers, mainly my dad & two older brothers. Trying to keep up with them was a real challenge back in the day. I was even given a full bottle of wine for my 16th birthday which was strange considering the legal drinking age was & still is 21 here. Never did figure that one out but I sure did finish off that bottle over the course of a few days.
Grateful we don’t drink anymore.

Peanut, I do remember the drink tracker, guess it disappeared at some point. I think it was a tool for people who were trying to moderate their drinking while taking the meds that were suggested at the time.
I just found it easier to quit all together & not mess around with trying to moderate. Hope you’re doing OK & remember those first 30 days AF build a solid foundation for you to keep building on. Worked like a charm for me & the many others her.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I made it through the party this weekend alcohol-free, but not sugar-free; had a big piece of the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting! And a lot of NA beer. Well, that’s ok; I can use cake/sugar like French people traditionally do: for celebration rather than daily use. That was my mother’s 80th birthday party on Saturday, and it turned out really nice! I still am not as glib of tongue and comfortable socializing without alcohol, but what can you do?
Then on Sunday my sister & I took my mother & her partner/husband and ourselves out to a restaurant for a fancy steak dinner for Mother’s Day.

In teen years my ex-husband lost all of his boyhood friends in the big suburban neighborhood to drug & party culture, since he didn’t want to be a druggie.
I thought that woman whose story I told was lucky to be a teen in a dry state, and in the mid 1960s rather than the 70s, and get to bypass all of that! Well, until she didn’t; when her family moved to a heavy drinking state.

I am still rather regretting losing my head over some things going on in my life and wanting a divorce at this late stage in our “marriage”, and losing my home. And I regret hurting my husband so much, in my anger & pain. But I need to stop it and discipline myself to move on and look forward to the many positives. Like my young aunt says succinctly to me, “Life’s too short” and “You need to do this for your mental health”. That is the same message that you all and my sister give me over & over again too.

Peanut, you can keep track of your days with us on the Daily Roll Call thread under the Just Starting Out category. Well done on your first day! One day at a time will get you there!

Thinking of you all, and wishing everyone a good week ahead!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest

Slo, you must be getting your condo soon. I hope you are excited. It is normal for a sensitive, empathetic person to feel bad that you've hurt your husband but does he regret how he has treated you for years? It takes both of you to build and nurture a marriage. It can't be a one-way street.

I hope you stick around Peanut and Rednose. I remember both of your screen names from when you were hear before. Please don't give up any more of your precious years to this stuggle! There is so much peace on the other side.

Spring FINALLY has arrived. I'm eager to plant some tomatoes, basil, and my favorite flower - zinnias!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest! What a nice spring day we are having. We spent 5 solid hours on Saturday doing some ditch maintenance for our neighborhood - and I'm so sore today! Yesterday I was so tired that I fully enjoy the day - but this morning I carved out some time to finish planting some plants and flowers on our decks. I love seeing colorful, lively things out my windows. I've largely taken much of today off - which feels good but I may pay for it when tomorrow hits!

Hi Peanut and Rednose! Glad to see you here. This place saved me from wasting any more time trying to make alcohol be something it was not - let us know how we can best support you. We have largely found gobs of mind-peace with our new relationships with alcohol.

Slo, I felt the same way NS did when you mentioned hurting your husband. That may be true, but you don't mention him hurting you. Many of the words you have recalled him saying have seemed really hurtful. Don't take all the credit for your dissolved marriage. You also deserve someone that is kind and functional.

13 yr old. taller than you Lav? It's amazing when they start looking more like men. My 16 year old son has matured so much in a year - if only he could control his stinky attitude. He's pretty good all around, but when on that phone too much, he gets nasty. He did make it to conference finals for swim though, and I am very proud of him. We bought me a new car for when he gets his license, and he'll get my old one. We just have to feel comfortable with him focusing on the road. He thinks he should just get a car and that it will all just happen - we want to be certain he grasps the magnitude of a 2 ton weapon moving at 45mph through town!

PAV - I'm having trouble finding good community service opportunities locally. Do you have any thoughts on how to search for this? It's such a great idea!

Well, I'd better try to do at least some work today...

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yo friends S'up.

All's well here. I was locked out of MWO when i ran into password and log in difficulties. Thanks to Admin, Ava and Slo for helping out and opening the door. Hope all are good. Hi Peanut and Rednose. Welcome back.

Happy Mumma's day!

Take back your precious life amigo's. x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Sunny & nice today, finally

G, glad to see you back & hope all is well with you! Save that password now, Lol

Slo, glad your weekend went well for you. It must be special to be able to spend time with your mom. Mine has been gone a very long time, I miss her & carried her picture around with me all day yesterday.
As the others mentioned, do not take 100% blame for the divorce. It definitely takes two to make things happen, good or bad. All lof us are happy that you will finally be able to live life on your terms & enjoy your growing family.

NS, my zinnia seeds are planted & coming up nicely. We used to grow tomatoes but realized the local farmers do a much better job & sell them cheap around here
Have fun with your garden.

Kensho, it really freaks me out about the 13 yr old being so tall. I’m 5’6” (or used to be) & he’s standing a good head above me, haha! Tall kids can be useful when you need ceiling lights changed, etc.
We held off the car thing with our kids until they really needed one for attending local colleges, etc. I was too afraid of the things you just mentioned. I’d keep a close eye on him & check his mileage so he’s not taking unannounced road trips or anything, haha. Maybe your son is wiser than most

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Peanut - good to see you, and welcome back!

Lav - it'll be interesting to see how tall your grandson gets but it sounds like he's on his way!

G-man - so glad you're able to access the site again.

Pav - I grew up in the 80s too and we had almost no adult supervision. Bad decisions were made for sure. I have no interest in being a teen again but I almost wish I could try it for a week or so going sober just to see what that would have been like.


Whew, we had a really scary situation here a few nights ago. I was up watching Netflix, my wife was already in asleep, when a long sequence of gun shots rang out VERY close. Like very very close. And then another series. Probably 25 shots in total. Sirens almost immediately after, also very close. My phone started to light up with texts from neighbors and the neighborhood online groups were soon flooded with posts. It turned out the police had pulled over a sketchy dude just around the corner from our house (like 1.5 blocks away). That dude decided to shoot at the officer, so the officer and partner fired back. The driver was critically injured and is still in the hospital in bad condition. Our streets were blocked with police tape and tons of investigators.

It was a relief in some ways once we learned that it was such a random incident and the police were on the scene. Unfortunately the police in our town have a terrible reputation for overuse of force and they are not fully trusted to be honest about what happened. So there's that. At the same time, I'm really glad it wasn't just gang members shooting at each other or a drug deal gone bad. We've got plenty of both of those things in our city and I think that would have been *more* frightening and unsettling. SO glad, yet again, that I was sober and could have responded/taken action to stay safe if necessary.

Between this and the propane tank incident I've had just about enough scary events for one year. We can stop with that now. I hope the universe is listening.

Happy new weeks everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags, the first thing I thought (after how scary that was) was - I wonder if the police truly shot second. Is their reputation deserved? How do you experience it? Probably not much interaction at all.

Mr. G, glad you found your way in to continue on your way out. I have so many different passwords that sometimes I forget which is which. I have now written down my MWO password in my phone. Thanks for the prompt.

Lav, so funny to feel so short. My nephew is 13 and is 6'4". It is crazy. We have a cousin who is 6'9" and that is a challenge for him to fit in airplanes, etc. Do you have height in your family? I feel the same way about tomatoes.

Slo, I thought the same thing the others did. It takes two to tango. Obviously there is a lot to a marriage and we don't know it all, but he definitely didn't do the end so kindly.

Peanut and Rednose - I hope you are both still on this road to sobriety. Not to mention LC and JVo. I hope you are finding your ways out.

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[Peanut]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello all,
Happy sober tuesday indeed Pav!
Mr G - I also could not access the site and had to contact admin to get me a new password, so here I am.
Everyone sounds just great and it is so nice to see people from so long ago. This is all so helpful. I must keep reading and catch up on everyone's various activities, and tall nephews (I have a couple of those giants too).

I am on day 4 (say, who's counting???!). Feeling terribly groggy and was in bed for 12 hours last night, so my plan to accomplish a long list of chores today seems to have gone by the wayside. That diazapem just knocks me out, but at least minimal withdrawl symptoms. I was planning on returning to work tomorrow, but if I feel this way tomorrow, I may need one more day. I am not really expected back until Thursday, so I might just stick with that plan.
I must say, my face looks a bit better, not so red and puffy! Yay! And I can't smell wine on my own breath!

OK - off to clean 'a' cupboard and pull 'a' weed

xoxox Peanut

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Went to my daughter’s house today since she had the day off. We went to lunch & did a little shopping too. Ladies of leisure haha!! These are the days that I would have missed if I had continued on my old path. I am forever grateful

Peanut, great job on your 4 days AF! Each day will get better & you will be happier & healthier too. I’m very happy for you!

Wags, so sorry about the neighborhood scare. My husband is a retired officer & detective & I can honestly tell you they definitely do not shoot first - especially in a tight neighborhood where innocent bystanders could be hurt. It’s always possible to have one hyper cop on the scene but most of then are not. Glad everyone is OK. The drug scene is making the whole country unsafe, even out here in cow country.

Pav, my son is tall, so is his wife so I shouldn’t be surprised about the grandson but it just happened SO fast, Lol. I have 2 brothers in the 6’4” range too.

Hello to G, still glad you’re back

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - thanks for the input based on what you know from your husband's work. Although the police in my city do NOT have a great reputation, and they've earned that over decades, I'd be stunned if they shot first in this situation honestly. I'm pretty sure the account they provided is accurate, and it's very likely the guy they pulled over was either on drugs or involved in dealing them.

Pav - my only interactions with police in this city have been: getting pulled over for supposedly being on my cell phone (I wasn't - I NEVER even have my phone out while driving), getting rear-ended by a police car (oops - fortunately no damage or injury but a LOT of paperwork cuz they were worried I might sue or something), and then their response when my car was totaled by a hit-and-run driver about 5 years ago. They were *great* when they responded to the accident. Nowadays things are so bad in this city they don't even show up after such accidents, so I guess I'm "lucky" it happened so long ago.


On a different note, I started a new thing that is helping me out a lot and I wanted to share it in case someone else might find it useful. It's called "10 Things" and I'm using it in two different ways: working out and decluttering/downsizing. I've been wanting to start working out again for months but haven't had the motivation, which is unusual for me. I love being physically active but I think fatigue and menopause and borderline depression have been adding up to keep me stuck. With the decluttering and downsizing, I've been feeling overwhelmed by "stuff" and I desperately want to get rid of about half of what I own -- yard sale, donate, gift in a couple of Buy Nothing groups, recycle, trash, etc.

I came up with this idea to just find 10 Things every day that I am ready/willing to part with (including stuff that should be tossed or recycled). There are no additional rules. I don't have to find all 10 things at once -- they can be spread out throughout the day or done in one fell swoop. I started about a week ago and so far have already dealt with 70+ things. It's kind of fun! After the first few days were so successful and motivating I decided to try the same approach with exercise. I commit to doing a minimum of 10 exercises each day. For me, exercise is a bike ride, chopping wood, 3 sets of 10-15 reps with a weight or kettlebell, a minute of high intensity cardio, etc. Same as with the stuff, it can be all at once or spread out. So far, so good. And I'm getting my motivation back.

So yay for being sober and decluttering and starting to get fit again!

Happy hump days to you all tomorrow.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the welcome back evabody.

As Elvis used to say - 'It's good to be back'.

Wags, great idea. Along similar lines, i've tweaked my morning routine to follow the 'Miracle morning'. A book by Hal Elrod i think his name is, a few years old now. The concept can be customised to a person's liking, but his suggestion is get up an hour earlier each day (or 30 mins earlier, 6 mins earlier even). I've been doing the following for 10 mins each and aspects of it are improving my mornings. 1. Silence. 2. Read 3. Affirmations 4. Visualisation 5. Journal 6. exercise. I set a timer giving each 10 mins. If time poor, the suggestion in do for ONE minute each which = 6 minutes of self care/development. Robin Sharma has a similar deal with his 5 a.m. club, though his suggestion is 20/20/20. 1. Journal/plan the day. 2. Read/educate. 3. Exercise. There's some handy stuff here.

Big waves to y'all. Surf's up!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had the exquisite pleasure of babysitting my one-year-old granddaughter all day yesterday ON her first birthday!! Such a lucky grandma I am. She is so cute now with her little teeth in front and curls around her ears; and busy climbing, and toddling a few steps.

We have warm weather finally, and get to have the windows open with warm, fragrant breezes flowing in! It was a long Winter.

Guitarista, welcome back! So good to have you back in the Nest.

Peanut, yes, you need to prioritize rest a lot in early sobriety. So, a few chores, but not a long list of chores. And take the extra day or two off of work. You are doing well!

Kensho, your son showed dedication making it all the way through the swim season! That takes a lot of effort.
It sounds like you don’t have driver’s education there anymore? I’m surprised that that has fallen by the wayside, thanks in large part to COVID.

Lav, what a great day you had with your daughter yesterday. I am just so sorry that you have had to live so much of your life without your loving mother here with you. My mother wasn’t a particularly loving mother towards me, due to her own brokenness from the way her mother treated her as a child. So, more like your relationship with your father I guess. But still, it is a blessing to have the anchor of my mother in my life for all these years. And she is being really nice to me & my twin sister lately! Well, we ended up being the ones who live the closest to her in her older age, so she includes us more and leans more on us now. Hey, I’ll take it.

Mabel is awake now, but I’ll post more later.