Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters..
it was great to spend a lot of time reading here yesterday.. finally got mwo easily accessible on my phone, though i seem to be doing something wrong when i try to post.. will figure that out today.
thank you for your responses, Ava and Lav.. i know what you're telling me is the truth. i'm actually just on day 2 today.. my pattern has been getting to day 10 and then letting it go. i'll take day 2! i know i've talked the last couple of times i've "been back" about putting myself back into the newbie newbie space, beginning again from step one.. i haven't succeeded with doing that, but i still think it's what i need to do.. to go back to protecting each day, to making sure i'm taking care of myself lovingly and not putting myself in the line of danger.. i remember during the first weeks/months of my successful quits, doing as Ava mentioned and coming home, putting on my jammies and locking myself in if i felt any hint of a threat. having a plan, setting up my tool box and keeping it easily accessible. putting my sobriety as my number one priority.. i haven't done that for a long time. i feel like a part of me really gave up for awhile.. i've thought the last months about just giving in and being a drinker, that it would be easier to accept that's who i am, keep it as under control as possible, live with the consequences.. but i can't do that.. i see how much further down i can go, what a sad, empty shell of a human i become under the influence, the shame i feel leaving my kids, parents, friends on a limb, not being able to trust when the real lauren will be there and when not.. i definitely don't want that. definitely not.
so my plan today is an outing with my boyfriend to play boule, then i'll come home to the girls. it will be a relaxing day and i will choose LIFE over drinking.

Ava, i love that you're becoming a rescue/foster mama.. i have a friend who's doing that here.. she loves it..:love:
Lav, hope you're not too hot.. i feel here like you've described.. hot and humid.. def. not my favorite..
hugs.xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest

I'm on vacation and never know what day it is. I almost started a big meal in the crockpot yesterday, thinking more family was arriving last evening. Turns out it is today!! If I were still drinking, a mistake like that would torment me because I would assume that it happened because I was drunk. And stupid and weak and not good enough and a disappointment etc etc etc. I remember feeling like that, LC, and my greatest hope for you is that you can make the choice to quit and do whatever is necessary to make it happen. There is such freedom on the other side - the freedom to be a perfectly imperfect human who can make all kinds of mistakes and forgive herself, not beat herself up. I dropped almost all other life goals and activities when I quit. Other than doing my paid job, my only other responsibility was not to drink. Sometimes that meant reading voraciously here and other addiction resources. Sometimes I sat mindlessly before the TV. Sometimes I took a hot bath or long walk. I used to drink while making dinner so I didn't do much cooking for a long time (and still don't like it much. I thought I liked to cook but it turns out, I liked to drink). Make a vow to come here and read and post before you take that drink. And don't think that because you 'always' drink after 10 days or so AF it has to be like that now. You made up that story! This time you can tell a different one. xx, NS

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC! You are a good person and not a lost cause! As you know, I logged on here all the time and read and posted and read and posted. I also saw an in-person therapist and in a moment of brutal honesty told her everything about my drinking. She said "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." Up until that point I was able to say "I don't have an off switch," "I'm a drinker's drinker," or whatever it took to convince myself that THIS time I'd be able to control myself. I remember when I was younger (far away from even thinking of quitting) I was headed to a cocktail party with a friend and I said, "I hope I don't drink too much." She said "just don't." That could have been a clue to me that I wasn't meant to be a drinker even though I loved it so (or thought I did). I'm with Lav and NS, I did whatever it took. The first was acceptance - I had to accept the fact that I wouldn't drink again, and then organize myself from there. I continued to see the therapist for about a year (as a matter of fact, she just reached out to me because she is seeing another client like me who is drinking), and I put on my Bubble Hour podcast and just hiked and walked around my town. I did whatever Lav, Byrdie and NoSugar told me to do, even if I thought it was BS. Make a gratitude? F it, I didn't feel grateful, but I dug deep. Set aside my ego. And worked. I know it is in you, LC. Please no matter what keep coming back. It will click one of these times.

Kensho, that sounds like me - the closer the deadline the more organized and efficient I become. You got this!

Ava, smile! That's great that you got all you needed. I used to love the dentist but as I've gotten older and needed more work, I have come to hate going. Hope you can tame the new PA soon!

My husband and I are going to Europe in a few weeks, and I've been thinking about how to say "no, thank you" to the wine I know will be offered to us all the time. I am not at all interested, but I do hate having to say no over and over again. I'm hoping it won't be the wine culture I am expecting, but even if it is, I'll have sparkling water with my pasta please!

Happy SOBER weeks. Let's all put energy toward LC today - we know she can do it!

xo
Pav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC! I’ve been waiting for you to come back! Thankfully you’re back now. How did your trip to the states with your boyfriend go?

Daughter D2’s friends, and her sisters, put on a lovely baby shower for her! Her one friend who did most of it is so creative. I just get nervous about social events and sort of shut down, and it shuts down creativity too. Wish I could get over that. Well, no more drinking my way through them, anyways! But the original social anxiety that caused me to drink so much is still there.
Daughter is handling the pregnancy really well, and has a cute bump at 34 weeks.

I was so tired and spent that I really couldn’t do anything on Sunday. But I seem to get that way every Sunday. I just hit a big trough in energy level then. Frustrating, but oh well.

Thinking of Pav and Wags as they hit it up hard for a final push-through at work. And Ava as she faces work with the PA present. Yes, you get enough of people at work, so fostering dogs instead of working in the op shop might be a good balance.

NS, at least you didn’t actually make the big crockpot meal a day ahead! You’re right on schedule.

Today is the day: the final walkthrough of my condo is scheduled today! After this weekend, I am happy to go and have my own small place. I don’t love the dynamics here when all the daughters and their dogs and kids descend. It reminds me of too many years of feeling marginalized and diminished and overworked, and not cooperated with.

[MENTION=11645]Hypernova[/MENTION], congratulations to you also for getting a week in on your quit! Come on over and be a quit buddy to LC!

[Peanut]

Re: Newbies Nest

A very big hello to you all!! a great, if sleepy, Monday morning here!

I have been AWOL for a while - just so freaking busy and tired all the time!! But I have just passed day 30 wine free - on day 31 today. YAY!!!!!!!!

May was hard, as I had so much to do at work and in my messy house, but simply no energy to do any of it - I cannot believe how damn tired I have been!!!! But this past weekend I seem to have bounced back and worked non-stop and actually finally got my vegetable garden in too, only 2 weeks late, but whatever. It is finally staying away from 'chance of frost' at night, so all is good!!

LC - I know exactly how you feel, but you can do this. You are here, and that is what counts. I felt like such a lost cause for so long, and completely gave up on myself, like there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I finally made my choice, as I felt it was now life or death And I did it!! With meds of course - I couldn't do it on my own. And, it is like a miracle!!!! Hey - I am far from out of the woods yet, but wow do I feel great when my kids are moaning and groaning about with hangovers and I am singing my heart out in my backyard in the morning!!!! I get some sort of malicious pleasure out of it I think about drinking, thoughts only, but I will only disappoint myself - oh yes, others too, but really, it is myself I will hurt the most.

I have a week holiday planned in July, travelling back to my home city and beach, and I actually have siblings and a couple of close friends who have quit drinking, so this is just great!!!!! I shall avoid the booze-hound crowd, except for day visits.

Love to you all! I shall take some time after work when I get a chance to sit down, and read back and catch up on all the goings-on.
xoxo Peanut

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, have you asked yourself what about this pattern keeps you wanting to repeat it? There are reasons that you keep choosing this path, and we all had them. For me, I didn't want to do the work that came next. I was tired and afraid of what I would have to endure. But once I committed, it really was just a few months of examining, feeling and problem-solving new ways to handle it all, and it has not stayed that much work. What is keeping you choosing to drink every 10 days? Maybe you can dig in there? Maybe some counseling can help you like it helped others here? I hope I'm not overstepping We are here for you, whenever you need us!

Slo, congrats on the final walkthrough! Let this new space build you up and nurture you! Make it YOUR space with your own boundaries

I know what you mean about Europe PAV... I have been thinking the same thing. We plan to go next year (but I fear it should have been this year due to covid phases). Focusing on the food is my plan! I hear Americans with food sensitivities (particularly gluten) are not so sensitive in Europe due to the fact that they outlawed chemical treatments on their wheat - so I'm going to eat it all up!

NS, I love your statement about being perfectly imperfect. Yes, it all comes into perspective when we see our truth, right? I find that many slow-cooker recipes are better the next day!

Ava, when do your pups arrive?

I am still procrastinating with my design work... having a monster time focusing. Back to it now. Nice to hear from you all!!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Grateful the nice weather is still here, for now. I know our east coast summers & they are always HOT & HUMID. Went & had my hair cut proactively today to beat the impending frizz, Lol

LC, this can be your final quit, you make the choice. We often hear people mention they don’t know if they have another quit in them. I for one know, for a fact that I do not so I am maintaining this one. Keep telling yourself what you really want & you will make it happen . Good on your 2 AF days!!

Peanut, Congrats on your 31 AF days, very nice!

Slo, I wish we could help you settle in your new place. Enjoy the peace. &freedom!

Pav, enjoy your European adventure! Don’t worry about being pressured to drink. I’ve been there on several trips & never experienced any pressure. Smile, say No Thank You & that’s enough.

NS, you ‘re not the only one who doesn’t know what day it is? Haha, that happens to me all the time. I hope you’re having a good time!!

Kensho, it’s hard to focus on work when the weather is so nice. I either work ahead or wait until the last possible minute.it all works out in the end.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

just quickly checking in early before i head into work.. i'll be able to sit down and post properly afterwards.. was in bed last night at 8:30, sooo tired.
Congratulations on 31 days, Peanut!!!:applouse: you're sounding great!
xx see you all in a few hours..

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check-in again -- almost to the finish line with this busy work period!

LC -- good to see you! Please stick around and find the way to "choose yourself" and your well-being every day. We will help however we can.

Ava - that's so great about your teeth and the past year of dental work. Can't wait to see pics of your foster pups.

Pav -- where are you going in Europe?


Hellos and waves to Lav, NS, Slo, Peanut, Kensho and everyone else stopping by. We've got this!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Peanut, huge congrats on 30 plus days. Keep up the great work. Yes early days but each day gets you stronger to deal with life sober. I remember i hated the birds that used to wake me up with a hangover, wanted to shoot them but now it is lovely to hear the birds in the morning. Its amazing how our thinking changes.

Slo, i will be there in thought helping you move on the weekend. A new chapter in your life and there will be ups and downs but thats life really. glad you had a nice time at your daughters baby shower. not long until you are a granny again.

Kensho/Wags, i have one more side fence to get installed and then they will do a house inspection and hopefully set to go. Cant wait.

LC good to see you checking in. i cant work out how to write on here on my phone but its good to have a read on. just look after you and have no expectations each day except not to drink. the mind games are so draining but it doesnt mean you have to give in to them.

Lav, it is so cold for early winter here, it became sunny at about 11ish today so i thought i would have a break from work and take the boys for a walk, well by the time i got my shoes on it was overcast again but Carl was so keen to go, i just had to. it was freezing and it rained and was windy and my ears ached but i was so grateful to get some fresh air. we have 4 seasons in one day here and its been like that for a few days now.

Well today i got my first tattoo with my daughter. We both had Jasper done. Thank god for numbing cream! He was so special and so made a permanent mark on his family. Going into work tomorrow, prefer to stay home but have to make a bit of an effort lol. PA off so nice and quiet and dont have to avoid her too much.

take care xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Peanut, you sound great. I feel sort of smug when folks around me are hungover, too. Grateful would be the word, right, Lav!

LC - I don't know why I said "Europe." I'm going only to Italy. I know you went right as you quit - I'd take any tips. We're staying up in the north part, no further south than Florence. I would take any and all recommendations.

Quick fly by on my way to work.

Happy SOBER Tuesday,
Pav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning!

Peanut, so happy for you that you dug in and got over the 30-day hump! It sounds like you are doing this for yourself, because this is your choice; and that is a key ingredient for success.

I am so, so tired so often too. I guess it’s mostly because I am detoxing too: I follow a diet and take mineral supplements to help me detox from excess vitamin A, excess copper, other heavy metals, etc. (Nutrition Restored/Love Your Liver). My detox is through the same pathways that alcohol detoxes from the body through, so I get the same crushing fatigue. I added thiamine to my supplements this week, so hopefully that will help; and I think I need to up my potassium gluconate as well.

My final walk-through my condo yesterday went well! I brought a couple extra pairs of trained eyes with me (my real estate agent & her husband), so we could find all aberrations that needed to be dealt with. I brought my decorator’s trained eyes with me last week as well; and when I brought my aunt out over the weekend, she found two screens with holes in them! Those are being repaired now.

Peanut, thrilled that you have other AF friends & family on your upcoming vacation to hang with! It will be a big help in early sobriety to not be the only one not drinking.

Where is [MENTION=7261]Guitarista[/MENTION]? Best wishes to all for a great AF day!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters!

it's been a long and somewhat stressful day.. but i've looked forward to signing on here and checking with you all.
after work i came home and was in quite a foul mood when i realised i wasn't going to have time on my own.. my eldest daughter is staying with me at the moment and going through a VERY difficult time.. one that i need to be at her side for to listen and help her deal. it's been going on for awhile and it takes a lot of energy and strong nerves and patience on my part, which is my job.. but i told her that i was stressed, needed a nap and some time alone so that i could have a nap and bring myself to a peaceful state of mind. she understood and i was able to do it. i realise now that the girls are older that don't need to be an "über mom"..
i'm going to take the advice that you've all given me and really listen to what i need for the next while (3 months has often been mentioned) and to not take on more than i can handle.. it's difficult sometimes for me to know how much that is. but definitely less than i tend to. i think i have some manic depressive tendencies and often after i stop drinking for a few days i try to do/make up for the things i've left undone, or in the case of the girls, to "make up" for not being the parent i want to be or feel i should be.. i overwhelm myself, take on way too much and either have a huge fall in energy and become depressed or drink to escape and to try and keep up the level of energy. of course it never works and i end up in a downward spiral, cancelling on people i love, not being able to be there for myself or anyone, feeling worse and more behind than ever.. i think a first step is to try and realise realistic boundaries, to limit plans i make with people, to go easy on myself if i have to say no to others expectations. i did a baby step today, saying no when my boyfriend asked if he could come to my place Thursday evening to spend the night. i love having him here, but when i'm stressed with the girls (my youngest has a friend turned boyfriend who is always here, which i don't mind, but i've had trouble setting boundaries with them and feel like i've become a sort of maid/cook..am working on that) his presence during the week, when we've both had hard work days, stresses me more.. he sort of understood.. it's hard for him to get it cause he has tons of time to himself, while i'm fighting for it. anyway, i don't have to cancel or need to escape if i say no in the first place, right? i also just ordered food in instead of cooking and sent my daughter out to shop. i've never been good about asking for help and i need to do that more.. i'm always ready to help others so i should let others help me.. i guess that also takes getting used to. i'm super tired and will go early to bed again tonight.. i'm just trying to listen and to do whatever i need to do to take care of myself.. i'm also not putting myself down when i look in the mirror.. instead of saying, "what a loser, god you look like shit", i'm saying, "you look like someone who is healing.. give it some time..". i'm trying to have more compassion for myself.
thank you all so much for being here..xx:love:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Sitting outside & noticing the clouds moving in & the wind picking up. Most likely a hot spell coming for the next few days.

LC, self compassion is SO important yet we (women) always end up neglecting ourselves. I completely understand always being the helper & not knowing how to ask for or accept help ourselves. Basically we just need to be self focused & even a bit selfish while we are getting ur quits underway. We deserve the time & space to learn & heal. Do what you have to do for now & forget the worries :hug:

Slo, do you take a B12 supplement? I take a 5000 iu lozenge SL daily & it really helps with the fatigue. I don’t eat eat meat & know that makes a difference. Glad your place is coming together so nicely.

Pav, I was in that northern part of Italy for a day or two on the way to Switzerland. Great area, the foothills of the Alps so to speak. Lots of beautiful lakes & wooded areas. Have fun

Ava, I really don’t mind the cold so much but I don’t like it blowing in my fave either, haha. Hope your day at work was OK.

Wags, you’re on the countdown now, yay!!

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!
flying by this early morning on my way to work. tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays are my heavy work days and i don't have a lot of time in the morning..
so just a quick hello.
will be back later..xx