Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hiya Nest. I'm snotting and sneezing and coughing all over everything this morning. It feels like a bad cold. My Dr. said I am lucky to be updated on vaccines, and the chances of a major covid event are very unlikely. Still, I've felt yucky for four days, and have a few more, I'm sure. I'd rather be at the lake, or camping or going for morning runs.

Slo, yea that you are enjoying your exercise! It's a fantastic way to transition through anything in life. I hope you enjoyed your bike ride last night. Nice that you could spend time with your family from the past. At least some of them are in their right mind.

Lav, I'll go to Pauly's fund page. I always think about what I would need in instances like that, and feeling the support of a community is tops on my list. I didn't know her well, but feel sad for her.

LC, yes I find birds to be one of the most cheerful things there are. I am particularly fond of robins because they remind me of a safe and happy space growing up. I can't say I know all the names of the species, but I'll look the ones up that you mentioned - I find it fun to see and hear new varieties in other places. We have a lot of smaller birds, blue jays, sparrows, doves - big birds here too - herons, eagles, egrets, pelicans. But it's the little ones with pretty songs that seem to tell me the world is still ok I'm glad they are still pushing writing skills these days in education. I wonder sometimes if being educated and critically thinking are still valued.

I am loving hearing about farm stays in Italy. We cancelled our trip in March 2020, and are still wanting to reschedule. Like you PAV, we found charming little places all over and had a hard time choosing! We watched some neighbors essentially do our entire trip itinerary this last couple weeks on Facebook, and it made me want to change it up when we are able to plan it again. I'm worried about what this virus might do though - it seems sneaky. I am concerned that there will be variants that vaccines don't work for - we'd better plan soon!

I'm going to try to get some work done today - feeling a little less brain fogged, and it might be a nice distraction. Feeling lucky and happy here, and just weathering the snot-storm!

Have a good day everyone!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nest,

I fell off the happily sober group. Since Mother's Day (when my husband severely gaslit me and said he was "done" with me) it has been up and down with the drinking. For the last 3 weekends I have been out of town (myself) and had no desire to drink in those settings. Even though one event was a mini class reunion where we found out that one of our classmates had passed away that morning. I spent time with my nieces in Nantucket 2 weeks ago and loved every sober minute. I spent a weekend at my brother's house (after the class reunion) and had lovely sober time with my baby niece.

Seems that it is home, or my husband or both that trigger me. I know I am the one that chooses to pick up the bottle. Oh, and the fibromyalgia. I am so sick of the pain. Funny thing is that when I don't drink and sleep better, I feel better. WHY DO I RUIN IT WITH DRINKING???

So sad to hear about Pauly's husband. I went to the gofundme page and he seemed like a real gem of a man.

Today is my son's birthday and it is time to recommit to a sober life. I have read back and see that LC and Hypernova have been struggling to get back in the game also. Count me in on that.

It's housecleaning day and I know I'll be busy with grocery shopping and dinner to celebrate my son's birthday. He's 22. How fast it has all gone!!

I need to muster everything in my power to not drink tonight, and tomorrow, and ................... on forward.

I must come here to gain strength from all of you. I feel like crying...for many reasons. But I know this is a safe place to be honest.

I haven't failed until I stop trying.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters!

nice to see you back in the nest, Belle! i'm sorry you're still having problems with your husband.. gaslighting is the worst. you said it exactly, when we don't drink we sleep better and feel better.. not to mention the mental and emotional stress we can alleviate just by not pouring alcohol down our throats! there are of course always other causes of stress, but that's one we can control, right? Pav told me again the other day not to worry about tomorrow or the day after and so on.. just deal with today. you definitely have it in your power not to drink this one day.. tomorrow can be dealt with tomorrow. for me it's so helpful to make the comittment to sign in here every day, at the moment it's twice a day, even if it's just to read and say a quick hello. i'm hoping that by making it a habit, when the day comes (which i know it will) when i have crazy craving or urges, or feel down or what ever, i'll sign in here and get it off my chest. i'm comitting to keep out of situations i know are stress producing for these first 3 months. i've been on a binge cycle for ages and i'm so sick of it. it's time for me to give everything i have to making this work.. and it sounds like you are, too.. i'd love to see you here more.:hug:

it sounds like you're on the up and up, Kensho.. if you're feeling like doing a bit of work, you must be slowly getting better. at least the brain fog is dissipating! hopefully the snotty, sneezing, coughing symptoms will follow suit soon!

my eldest and i had a nice time shopping for summer dresses and eating out this evening.. she has a feeling of freedom after finishing her test..she still had an enormous decision to make regarding her personal life.. which i'll probably need to discuss more here once she makes a decision. i'm trying to support her the best i can by being here for her to talk to.. i'm very grateful that i have hold of all my senses right now.. it would be catastrophic for her if i was drinking.. and for myself as i'd have such guilt to deal with.

i'm in a good state right now.. my body and mind are healing and i love having this place to come to each day.. this is definitely my safe spot. the first place i come each morning and the last at the end of the day. i really look forward to it. even if i sometimes feel too tired to write or have nothing to say, i force myself to write at least a few words. typically turns into more.. :happy2:

hope everyone has a nice evening..xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

We’re having another sunny & hot day here. Tomorrow morning will bring thunderstorms, hope they don’t last too long. I am meeting an old friend at Longwood Gardens & don’t care to get soaked, Lol

LC, glad to hear life is shaping up since you started this quit. Things are always better & much more manageable when we have a clear head. I hope your time with your daughter is helpful to both of you.

Belle, sorry to hear you are dealing with troubles at home. Drinking is a reflex, we’ve all done it when angry, mad or hurt. I really had to mentally separate myself from all that grief to keep my head & heart clear. When your spouse doesn’t have your back, life gets real tough. I hope you can find a reasonable way to handle things & get back to your AF life.

Kensho, glad to hear you’re starting to feel a bit better. Keep improving

Pav, you must be getting very excited for your trip. I hope it’s wonderful. I do follow Pauly on FB & enjoy seeing her with her young grandsons.

Wags, hello to you & hope your easier work schedule is starting soon.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the kind words, LC. I am happy to see that you are doing well, and I hope to be there with you soon. I am waiting for daughter to get ready so we can pick up groceries for tonight's dinner. What is taking that girl so long to get ready to go to the grocery store???

I was sort of doing the same thing you were. going multiple days AF, and then binging for a couple. Terrible cycle.

Wise words from Pav. If I can deal with today well, I don't need to think about tomorrow. I WILL NOT DRINK TONIGHT.

I read back and saw a post from Lav where she said practicing "no thank you" (even to myself) and distract, distract, distract. I'm working on those two right now.

oops...gotta go. she's ready.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle, sorry to hear you are dealing with troubles at home. Drinking is a reflex, we’ve all done it when angry, mad or hurt. I really had to mentally separate myself from all that grief to keep my head & heart clear. When your spouse doesn’t have your back, life gets real tough. I hope you can find a reasonable way to handle things & get back to your AF life.

Well said, Lav. Sorry your mean husband got to you again, Belle. Interesting how you don’t feel the need to drink on the getaways when you’re out socializing! You know what (who) your triggers are. Well, you & LC can be quit buddies now. Try to stick close!

So very sad about Paula’s husband. That’s the last thing she needed. I appreciated that the GoFundMe link was shared here so we have the opportunity to do something tangible.

LC, didn’t your eldest daughter get married? Hmmm…it is enormous for her that you are there to support her through whatever she’s going through. Now there’s some motivation to stay sober!
Yes, I am excited about my condo! I felt homesick the first day I spent a long time there, last Friday; but my friend who has moved a lot told me that that’s how it is at first in a new place, but you warm up quickly. I met a couple more super nice neighbors! Tomorrow I am excited about going shopping with my “Kensho” to look at furnishings for my condo.

I’m not actually getting much exercise because of needing to rest my bum knee. I took a walk last night for about 20 minutes, but that just resulted in pain and needing to ice afterwards. I took a bike ride this morning, and that was great! It’s much easier on my knee, especially if I avoid going the hilly way. Exercise like that, and out in nature, really is a balm! I love our biking season, short though it may be.

I spent time with my ex-husband’s sister. No, she is not in her right mind -she has dementia, and it ain’t mild anymore. She needs companion caregivers nearly around the clock including overnight now. Luckily she thinks they’re her co-workers, and that they’re all working together managing the houses (she perceives that she’s being moved around to different houses), so she accepts the situation well.

It’s pouring rain here, before it heads over Lav’s way.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters..
i'm running late again for work.. no idea why lately i need a whole hour to get myself out of bed and get ready? maybe cause i'm taking the time to have a coffee and check in here.. :happy2: i feel today that i need to be extra careful.. when i got out of bed i felt agitated, heat in my belly, and then i stepped into cat puke in the hallway and one of my getting to be senile cats peed on the bathroom floor.. not the nicest of good mornings.. i feel a bit off, in a bad mood.. so i'm taking my gym bag to work and will go directly after! haven't done that the past days as planned cause i was too tired.. but at some point it's necessary, no matter how exhausted i feel. afterwards, i'll head back here and check in with you again..that's my plan and i'm sticking to it!!:love:

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

so i'm back from work and feeling much better! had to change my plan and will go to the gym on the way to my guys place this evening.. won't have a chance to post there cause i still can't from my phone.. but i can read. will check back tomorrow morning.. big hugs!xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Belle, you are right - you are on your path, and as long as you keep coming back and dusting yourself off, you're making progress. My son is struggling right now (depression, weed, etc) and I am so so so so grateful to be sober and fully present through all of it. Struggle is definitely a part of life. Somehow we've been conditioned to believe we "need" booze (or weed, or Candy Crush, or whatever) to get through it. We don't. Humans are creative, resilient, and intelligent. We can do this without all that - it just takes practice. I remember when we were getting our babies to sleep through the night. The analogy the book gave us was if we tried to sleep through the night without our pillows. It would be very uncomfortable at first but eventually we'd get used to a new way of sleeping and we'd be fine. We are just getting used to a new way of dealing with our feelings - and we'll be fine. It DEFINITELY gets easier the further you get from it. I can't believe I haven't had alcohol for 8.5 years. What?? All one day at a time. And steer clear of that husband for your own sanity!

Kensho, I still feel the effects of covid that I had a month ago - but better every day. Mostly a cough and it took a long time for me not to feel tired. Now I am out of shape as I haven't really exercised for a month, so I'm working my way back up. Enjoy the robins and springtime in Colorado, and I hope you feel better soon.

Slo, I can imagine getting used to the condo will be a challenge. Does the husband get to keep the house? It also sounds exciting to get to decorate and plan on your own. Have fun settling in.

LC, thanks for posting here. Those off mornings are terrible - thankfully they won't last. I hope you made it to the gym - even a little bit of exercise is helpful.

Happy SOBER Thursday,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest Nice to see so many checking in.

PAV, I agree with you. We have been conditioned to believe that anything uncomfortable should be "fixed". But now I realize that a healthy, balanced life has all the things, and our job is just to ride the ride. Meditation has helped me connect with the fact that it's all going to be ok in the end. We get the lucky experience of an entire spectrum of emotions - and trying to only feel the good ones is imbalance. The biggest thing that helped my sobriety was taking the crap and saying, "well S&!t... that sucks. I feel really sad/mad/bad"... and actually examine those feelings. And then finding the silver lining. There's always a silver lining somewhere. It's good to hear there's are better post-covid days ahead.

Belle, good to see you. Your husband seems like a piece of work, if I might say so. Not that I haven't dealt with my share of male ignorance. Find your boundaries and throw that energy back at him (in your head). Don't take it in.

LC, glad to see you checking in consistently. It's a lifesaver! Darn cat puke. Never a fun way to wake up. My dog has thrown up three of the last 5 days (and guess who the lucky person was to clean it up?). We think she either has covid or tick fever - I pulled on off her earlier this week. Hang in there! The only way out is through, not around - as some wise person put it (G?).

Speaking of G - are you out catching waves? Chasing senoritas? I hope you are well my friend. Miss hearing from you more often!

I'm off to walk the dog. The days are hot here, but the mornings are lovely. I find myself really treasuring the air and landscaping now, while it's not smoky or parched. And those birds.... singing to me this morning.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Speaking of birds singing Kensho a couple of birds parked themselves on the chimney this morning & have been singing their hearts out all day. I hope they don’t lose their balance & fall in, Lol

Pav, I think we have to drop the generational habits we formed watching our elders handle ‘life’, be it booze, food, weed, etc. none of my family ever heard of meditation, re-directing our thoughts & the healthier things we have to do these days

LC, having that plan is so vital. Glad to see you working it well!

Slo, I have realized for quite a while that we women need more women in our lives as we age. The men all seem to get so grumpy & depressing, it’s hard to be around them. I spent a few hours today with my old friend who is going thru a horrible family crisis right now. Her son was the one who was ambushed at his job. &shot 3X. He’s survived & is rehabbing now but due to the massive head trauma he will never be the same. His father has grown so angry & grumpy over this that my friend needed some time away to relax a little. I listened & offered advice only when asked. She seemed much happier after our afternoon together. I think your new friends will be good for you as well

Hello to anyone I missed & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I think my new neighbors will be good for me as well, Lav. Fingers crossed! Some of them are guys, and they’re real nice too.
How good that your friend had you for support and a breather. That is just devastating what happened to their son! No wonder her husband is so upset. They have the burden of helping to care for him for the rest of their lives too.
My young aunt & uncle (meaning about my age; not a generation above) recently lost their son on the job when he died as a firefighter. My uncle-in-law is having the harder time coping; but that is because he was a firefighter too, and his son followed him into the same profession, and into the same department. There were problems in that department even when he was there, and now the problematic department caused their son’s death; so he has a whole ‘nother layer of inside knowledge, professional knowledge, anger, & grief to deal with. Luckily my aunt has found a summer camp out west to send her husband to for a long weekend, for bereaved family members of deceased firefighters. Hopefully that will be helpful to him.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had a great day out furniture shopping for my condo! With the help of my decorator, we cleaned up in the clearance department! We quickly & easily found a headboard & bed frame, nightstand, dresser, & queen mattress for young daughter’s room; 3 barstools, a table, and 4 kitchen chairs for the kitchen; a couch, swivel chair, and area rug for the living room; and a headboard, dresser, & two nightstands for my bedroom! All at 50% off! It was fun & easy. Everything perfect just kept appearing!! So I will rather quickly have a fully furnished condo!

Yes, my husband is keeping the house for now.

I was relieved to hear that you were feeling better later in the day after work, Lifechange.

I’m leaving bright & early tomorrow morning to drive my mother to another state for her friend’s 80th birthday party. Well, that will give me a chance to visit my friend over that way!

TTYL!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Slo, wowza!!! sounds like you had a great day finding the perfect furnishings for your new place! how fun.. i'm really happy you're meeting some nice people in the new hood.. how far away are you from your other place? you're in Florida, right? i think as the others have said, that once you spend some time setting up your new place, get settled in and cozy, you'll begin to feel really good there. it really takes time to get used to a new place, to get used to being on your own.. you're handling everything so well.:love: how far away are your kids and mom from you? have a great road trip and fun with your friend..

[MENTION=3200]Belle[/MENTION], how are you doing today?:hug:

i'm getting ready to leave for my BFF's place out in the country.. haven't been there (or seen her!) since February so i'm really excited.. it's a 1.5 hour train ride then 1 hour on the bike.. she sent me a message yesterday, letting me know about all the rhubarb and strawberries that need to be harvested (i'm feeling pie vibes!) as well as a huge field full of milk thistle that needs to be uprooted.. i actually love doing that.. great upper body workout!:happy2: i'm hoping for some nice bird action and swimming in the lakes..
i won't be able to post till Sunday (unless i figure out how to make posts on my phone stick) but i will be reading here at least twice a day! so post away!!!

love to you all and have a great weekend..xx

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nest,

Checking in before heading out to my friend's funeral. It will be a 1.5 hour drive to get there (if I'm lucky, in this road construction, heavy traffic). idk if there will be any kind of get together afterwards, but I plan on spending the night with my sweet baby Amelia at my brother's place. Then back home tomorrow to celebrate son's birthday again/Father's Day (son has to work on Sunday and this is his idea).

There will be no drinking because I say "no thank you" to every bottle/glass of poison I see.

LC, seems like you are doing great. Let's virtually hold each other's hands through this as it seems we have similar tendencies.

and Slo, it sound like you have a great place to start fresh and clear your head. Congratulations.

Better get going...funerals are not fun, but I have baby Amelia to look forward to.

I won't have computer with me, and MWO doesn't go well on my phone, so hope to be checking back in late Sat. or Sunday.