Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle - I can relate to so many parts of your story, including the car accident, brain injury, pain killers, and succeeding academically in spite of drinking. I understand what you're describing, and I'm here to say even with all of that it's totally possible to do this! As Lav suggested, find effective alternatives to turn to when those feelings you'd rather avoid pop up. Of course eventually you'll want to learn skills for being in those feelings and working through them, but as an initial strategy healthy distractions can be very effective. It sounds like you're coming to terms with what challenges you, and that's a huge step.

Mulburry - oh yes, I had very similar reactions to even a slight decrease in drinking. It was so scary - it's actually what scared me sober. How are you doing now?

Lav - we must be just ahead of you on the weather, as we're near the end of several days & nights way below freezing, but I think this weekend might be in the 50s F here too.


Hellos to TJAF, Ava, NS, and everyone else in the nest. Happy Fridays!!!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle, Will power can work for awhile but not in the long term vs addictive substances or behaviors. More tools are needed. Have you perused the Tool Box thread here?

Our thinking has to change from 'I can't drink' to 'I won't drink' to 'I don't drink' until at some point we realize we 'never HAVE to drink again'. When you get there, you're free.

You clearly are a smart guy who can stick with a goal, having made it to where you are now. Those abilities can really help you now but at the same time, you've got to be able to put your ego aside. I tried for years to intellectualize my way out of this problem and just got deeper and deeper into it. As they say in AA and elsewhere, you can't use the same thinking that got you into the situation to get out. I finally admitted I was lost and decided to do what the people here who were having success said to do. And they were right.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all

Day 3, nice start to the day, visit to a local farm to pet some of the animals, always at my happiest surrounded by creatures, people I'll pass on but give me a nice pig to sit with and I'll be happy for hours haha. Having a rough time with cravings still, definitely glad I took advice this time and have no alcohol in the house, makes it a lot easier not to give in. I keep reminding myself how bad I felt after the slip and that I don't want to go there again. I genuinely do keep asking how anyone does this though, I keep telling myself it should be easier, I can do better than this, but it still feels like such a struggle.

Lav - I am honestly trying to think of alternatives but its something I'm struggling with, I guess a lot of folks do because we spend so long avoiding healthy coping mechanisms we don't find healthy ones. I have to be really conscious not to replace one bad habit with another, my OCD and ED have both been more challenging since I started trying to quit because that's the other soothing behaviour my brain's been wired with. I don't even know what normal people -do- to deal with emotions haha.

Mulburry - I don't know if yesterday was withdrawal, I've always had issues with insomnia with even the slightest change in my drinking habits though, but then I've always chalked that up to the decreased sedation, but given my history of short bursts or repeated quit attempts maybe not.

Wags - honestly I probably need a therapist to deal with actually living with feelings of just about any kind haha, I have PTSD, anxiety, OCD and autism, its a challenging combination (not making excuses, incidentally, just laying out my thoughts) - unfortunately mental health services in the UK are basically useless, I've been turned away before because I'm too complicated for the NHS to pay to deal with unless its a crisis situation.

NS - perused it, internalised it, I'm trying I really am, its maddening, the fact I'm having such a hard time is honestly humiliating to me, I don't get why it's this hard, I really don't. I've no idea how anyone makes it through this early part. My thinking is very much I can't drink, I don't want to drink, but also i would kill for a drink. I didn't even enjoy it the last time I had one, I felt awful, I know that and yet still if someone put a drink in front of me I'd have a hard time saying no, knowing full well where it leads.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

oh i can feel a waffle ha ha.

Busy week with sick dogs and 3 vet visits and will throw in some work and i am screwed. there is no way in this world i could have kept up with this if i had been drinking, my anxiety would have been out of control just for starters not to mention driving hung over driving to vets then hitting the repeat button at the end of the day. Bindi's glucose is back to 25 for some reason and she was pretty unwell but now the rescue are going to buy a device that will sit on her back and monitor her glucose, its hard as she was only diagnosed when she came into my care 5 months ago but we will get there, Gucci still doesnt want to eat but i am managing to get one meal a day into her and my CARL went to surgeons and got such a good report from his surgery that we are going for the other leg on the 10th March and then we can get back out to walking the pavements. he is such a good patient and as long as he can see me he is fine, he can now walk outside on a lead for 5 mins.

Battle, i could never wrap my head around never drinking so i planned to drink on my 80th which when i gave up drinking was 30 years away. Now the thought of it wants to make me puke but i could not think of never. As TJ said we have all been in the same boat and thats what i love about MWO is that everyone on here understands where you are at as we have been there ourselves. i think i was sick of letting myself down constantly, i was only hurting myself and i also felt i was letting down the help i was receiving on here but never once was i judged, i just had to rearrange my thinking, leave my ego at the door when i came on here and not get pissed off when the advice i received was right and my way of thinking was completely wrong. Lav wisely told me to be grateful (what for i thought) and to find one thing every day. Every morning after 9 years sober i still wake up grateful to be sober and know that accountability still is a must in my sobriety. Being lifey 24/7 is a pretty stressful job in itself so i do love coming on here and reading and posting. I never understood how normal people went through life but it is a learned behaviour over time. now i can consider myself one of those normal people, who would have thought.

I have my son is who is not drinking atm and i think to myself each day he doesnt drink is a good day. of course he doesnt listen to me, what child does, but i know he can see the life i have now, but when he does drink he has his blinders on and gives me any excuse as to why he needs to drink. i also have a family friend that was into xanax and every other pill he could take and heroin, he OD'd last year, went to rehab and still went back to it. after two stints in jail, he is now over 100 days sober and i am so very proud of him. he kind of listens to me and has realised that this is his journey and that one day at a time is all he can do. He has a lot of mental health issues bought on by his drug use but is putting in the hard work now to stay sober.

My excitement for the week was that i had some 8mm video tapes put on to a USB and OMG, i just cant believe my children were that small and i could watch people that have now died talk and be present in my life. it was a pretty emotional watch (only 15 mins) at this stage, i was sad, happy, amazed and overhwelmed. very emotional going back to that time, i was a binge drinker and that makes me sad but we have all lived to lead good lives so that makes me happy. Next weekend all of the children and mum are coming to have a family night and watch them. normally i cant get the tribe together until xmas so i am pretty excited about that.

We have finally had some good rain but its turned cold so jumpers on which is weird in summer but not really living in Victoria. 7 degrees overnight and next week we will have 30 degrees. i am hoping the ground is going to be wet enough to get some of these damn bindi's out of the ground.

Oh my daughter is moving back, now i am unsure if there is any excitement in those few words, ha ha. I have had 4 months of ME time and have loved it, after 35 years of children, 4 MONTHS but i appreciate that time and will embrace my daughter returning. i dont think i have much more to say about that. Oh lets not forget Bob the dog will be back also, not her cat as i didnt seem to get her to take her cat.

I best stop waffling, so glad everyone is well and lifing along. Time for my 1st morning coffee, oh i bought a multi cooker which is a pressure cooker and slow cooker. bit excited to be trying this baby out.

take care xxxxx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends!

Ava, that's so great re your old vids conversion to digital. They're sure to last a lot longer now.

Short drive by. All's well over here. The journey of firming up my mindset continues with interest. I've taken on a years course training in the way of the Shaolin monks. Includes Qigong, a little Kung fu, meditation, philosophy - buddist, Tao, confuscious, or as the monk pronounces it...'confusionist philosophy' lol. An all round human upgrade which i imagine will firm up my attitude and skill set in dealing with the inside......i.e..........me!

Big waves to all. Off to practice flying across some rooftops.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Friday evening greetings Nesters,

The polar vortex has arrived & boy is it cold & windy!! Tomorrow will be the same then conditions will begin to ease Sunday.
I have plenty of inside projects to keep me out of trouble

Hey G! Happy flying tis weekend, haha! Good luck with your course, sounds very interesting.

Ava, wow you have a lot going on right now. I know you are grateful for the clear head to handle it all.
Hopefully you can work out a peaceful existence with your daughter when she returns. I had one kind leave home, never to return & another who was back & forth a few times. They’re all different & it’s good we can give them a hand when needed.

Battle, spending time out in nature & with animals is perfect. Do as much of that as you can to ease your stress. MWO sold hypnotherapy CDs when I first started here & they helped me immensely. See if you can find something online to listen to when you’re falling asleep. There was one I especially liked on ‘clearing your mind’. Another way to deal with emotions is by journaling, give that a try.
In other words, try everything until you find what works for you. Good work on your 3 days!!!! Keep going!

Wags, I’ll definitely be happy to take your weather - please pass it here

NS, there’s quite a few of us here now with substantial AF time. And to think it all started with a Google search on how to stop drinking. Just goes to show what determination, a good helping of stubbornness & an understanding group of people can do.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle, spending time out in nature & with animals is perfect. Do as much of that as you can to ease your stress. MWO sold hypnotherapy CDs when I first started here & they helped me immensely. See if you can find something online to listen to when you’re falling asleep. There was one I especially liked on ‘clearing your mind’. Another way to deal with emotions is by journaling, give that a try.
In other words, try everything until you find what works for you. Good work on your 3 days!!!! Keep going!

Thanks Lav. Keep warm over there. It sure is an inside job. Know thyself. Any sort of simple breathing meditation, following the breath and leaving thoughts alone can really open a space for non judgemental contemplation and mind observation. 'Oh, i'm thinking that now? That's interesting' and practicing observing thoughts, and leaving them alone. Life saving/changing daily practice. Free, and road tested by millions over thousands of years to be of big value.
Great work Battle star galactica! Keep it rolling.

L8tr g8trs.

[Mulburry]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mulburry - oh yes, I had very similar reactions to even a slight decrease in drinking. It was so scary - it's actually what scared me sober. How are you doing now?

Still dealing with some health issues and whatnot, but otherwise ok, and still on the wagon (I think that's right always get those mixed up, "sober" in any case).
And yes, very scary and seemingly impossible to find a way out; but it is possible, I did it, so there's the proof right there, haha!

Mulburry - I don't know if yesterday was withdrawal, I've always had issues with insomnia with even the slightest change in my drinking habits though, but then I've always chalked that up to the decreased sedation, but given my history of short bursts or repeated quit attempts maybe not.

Ya for me (mild) insomnia was one of the first signs, of course back then I was deluded enough to just blow it off as not a big deal. I believe "decreased sedation" is basically withdrawal, as your body gets used to that sedation and then rebounds. I also found that things like OCD and anxiety can get greatly heightened, even in a very mild withdrawal state, and that's what can make the cycle so extra viscous for people with those issues, as the relief of alcohol becomes so much more tempting.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest.

I made it through 3 days in Las Vegas with nothing more than some shock and awe, sore feet and a longing for quiet. We got offered drinks galore, which sounded positively terrible. I was able to fully enjoy myself without alcohol, and was a disgusted by the dirty, smelly bars and the party-all-the-time haze that so many tired faces wore. We did go to a nice restaurant, and experienced some of the over-the-top glam that is the better side of that town. Happy to be home.

Wags, enjoy your 50 degrees! That sounds lovely!

Battle, your statement "My thinking is very much I can't drink, I don't want to drink, but also i would kill for a drink" is so familiar. For me, it wasn't the actual drink I craved, but the distraction from what I was feeling. I know it can be hard to find the alternatives, that is why we must take alcohol and substances off the table completely - non option. Then, the coping mechanisms start to sound much better. A gratitude practice was very helpful for me, and gave me a real warm feely boost every time. I still do it. Real coping doesn't usually provide the neurotransmitter rush that substances do, but once the substances are gone for long enough, the walks, baths, petting animals (riding a pig!) start to feel pretty darn good. Just gotta get through the brain re-wiring part. You'll get there - keep going!

G - so awesome that you can commit to a year of spiritual, eastern training! Not a thing that is easy for someone addicted to alcohol. You a badass.

LAV, that's exactly what I googled too: How to quit drinking. And look.... we did!

Ava, your pups are sure keeping you busy. Maybe your daughter can help out with them when she arrives?

Since this is a website where we are all honest, I would like to say that I have had another addiction of sorts. Not a substance I consume, and not affecting my physical health, but it has been expensive and I've had it since before I quit drinking. I hesitate to share about it because I am embarrassed about it. But I want you all to know that I have applied the same tools to it as I did with alcohol, and it's working. I am building that muscle, finding other healthy things to take its place, playing it forward, distracting myself, and now I'm coming here and admitting it. Makes it real. Addiction is a thing that can make a person feel better in the short term, but that has negative consequences and really doesn't solve the issues that feel bad. I'm feeling glad that I have made progress with it because I would really like to spend my discretionary income on other things or save it for retirement. We will call it a shopping addiction of sorts (but not that). SO, I'm here saying that I have this addiction, and that I want to stop. And when I save enough, I'm going to take myself to the spa. I stopped myself a couple weeks ago and said, "wait a minute, you know how to do this", and it's happening.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - thank you for your honesty and courage to share another thing you're struggling with. I can see how the same tools would be extremely useful and I'm glad to hear "it's happening" as you say. I think it's probably pretty common for people with one addiction to also have one or more others, or to at least struggle with one or more similar things. I know I have had challenges that had many similar characteristics or behaviors as my drinking problem. Hugs to you and kudos for a successful sober trip to Las Vegas.

Ava - sounds like a crazy busy week for you. I agree - I'd never be able to deal with all that's on my plate now if I were still drinking. I'm not sure how any of us did it before! I hope things ease up for your puppers and that they all regain healthy high quality of life.

G - your course sounds amazing!!! How did you find out about that? I hope you love it.

Lav - bundle up and hopefully your temps will turn milder for you this weekend. We went from sunny and bitter cold to mild and rainy. I wish we could get mild and sunny!


Hellos and waves everyone. Happy weekends to you all!

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

A much more upbeat day for me today, so far this quit is running along similar tracks to the last one, but this is definitely the most positive I've felt in a while, been engaging with some good media around recovery and working hard on my project, first time I've actually almost enjoyed being sober.

A massive thanks to everybody in this thread for sharing your advice and insights, the nice thing about a more positive mindset is I'm in a better place to be receptive to what you're all saying and its such a help to feel less alone, and to start identifying things which I maybe was in denial about or which I can work on. I want to get more active in my recovery rather than just cutting the drinking/drugs and replacing it with nothing, your ideas and thoughts have been so helpful. I just hope this is the first of many days where I start to feel more like myself, whoever that is

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to report this cold spell is almost over. Woke up to a chilly 9 F this morning, crazy! Looking forward to some milder temps starting tomorrow

Battle, glad to hear you’re report. Just think, you have a whole lifetime of upbeat days ahead. Just keep your thoughts positive & do something that makes you happy each day. Remembering to be grateful is a huge help. No need for alcohol & drugs, create your own bliss

Kensho, thanks for sharing & yes we humans tend to have more than one monkey on our backs making life more difficult than necessary. Awesome that your tools are working on the issue. Hang in there & enjoy the freedom of life without addiction :hug:

Wags, I realized today that I’m tired of all the ‘brown-ness’ outside. Trees, grass, everything, all brown, haha! I’m ready for some color to come back in my world, makes me happy!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters
Lots happening in the Nest, I see.
To those in early days, keep holding on.
Am staying with a friend down the coast this week. Internet on my phone only, which is tricky due to my deteriorating eyesight!
Will check in again next weekend, when back in civilisation..
Peace & strength to all,
Steady x

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Mixed kind of a day, riding the positivity and then like a switch got flipped and the depression hit hard, not the 'flat' kind, the overwhelmingly sad kind, triggered some dysphoria stuff (trans thing, look it up if you're interested, it sucks) and some fun PTSD memories. Glad I don't keep anything in the house because this is not a state in which I trust myself at all - not that drinking would help but don't feel at my most rational right now. I have a three year wait to see a doctor for the dysphoria stuff, didn't really hit me until now how long that is, of course I'm looking at the same three years feeling now like its not enough to complete my project. I know its just the delights of early sobriety, least I sure hope it is. Just want to sleep it off but I've not been sleeping right for days so that's off the table. Sorry for downbeat post, really low and lost right now.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Battle and y'all,

Great work so far. You're a total BADASS! Think about it - High level Uni studies, losing the substances coping mechanism/dependancy, having the courage to take back your precious life. For me, and most humans rebuilding their lives, it is a case of taking control of what i allow myself to focus on at any given time. If i'm focusing on the past or self doubt, then i practice stopping those thoughts immediately, ruthlessly, then transfer my focus to something that makes me feel good. Can be helpful to write a list of what you can to think about that makes you feel good. Takes practice. And for me that practice always starts now. Keep it rolling friend.

Wags, you can look up the main man Shi heng Yi. He has a lot of free you tube content. The Shaolin temple Europe.

Big waves to evabody. Surf's up.