Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We’re back into more normal winter temps once again, yay!! Makes a huge difference for me & especially for my crazy chickens. They were happy to be out in the sun today

Steady, good to see you! I can’t do much on my phone either, you’re not the only one. I hope your week is nice seeing your friend.
I just noticed you have a 10th AF anniversary coming up, awesome

Battle, don’t let a mood swing interfere with your progress plan. Just focus on today & doing the best you can do sans AL.
None of us really know what the future will bring but we can prepare ourselves by getting healthy, mind & body. I’m sorry it takes so long to see a professional to discuss things. Does the university offer any student services, maybe you can look there. Hang on & center yourself with some mindful breathing.

G, always good to see you

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle - sorry you're struggling with so much. Dysphoria isn't easy to feel/experience and a 3-year wait to see a Dr sounds terrible. Thanks for sharing here and know that you're in a place of support. :heartbeat:

Lav - one thing about winters here is that we always have at least some green, and spring blooms start in late Jan or early Feb. When I lived in Michigan the gray/brown months and months were very difficult to endure visually, almost more than the cold. Hope you get some signs of spring soon!

Steady - good to see you!

G - thanks G-dude, I'll check Shi heng Yi out. Youtube rocks!


Hellos and waves to Kensho, Ava, NS, and everybody else stopping by the nest this weekend. Hope your weeks start off well!

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Knocked something over this afternoon and broke it, couldn't find the pieces, got very annoyed (I hate dropping/losing things), very strong trigger for me, again thank God nothing in the house but I'm finding it frustrating that my go to in almost every situation is to drink.

Lav - the wait is for a gender specialist, there's hardly any in the country so average wait is 2-3 years unless you're rich enough to go private. Ironically I'd be even more screwed if I wanted someone to talk to - I am 'too complicated' for the NHS to deal with unless I'm in a crisis situation haha. Free healthcare has its upsides, like not dying of asthma, but mental health and gender affirming care is pretty poor.

[Mulburry]

Re: Newbies Nest

Knocked something over this afternoon and broke it, couldn't find the pieces, got very annoyed (I hate dropping/losing things), very strong trigger for me, again thank God nothing in the house but I'm finding it frustrating that my go to in almost every situation is to drink.

I'm kind of the same way. During my detox, the closest I came to drinking was, while already feellng very irritable/agitated, I dropped a half a valium and for the life of me couldn't find it. The fact that valium was my lifeline at that time, only compounded the anger and turned into a furious rage. But luckily I managed to walk it off and like most strong emotions they subside after a time (at least for me). That being said, even well over a year sober, spilling or dropping/losing things (especially when they can't be found) still irritates me, but the key is that these feelings are short lived and temporary, and at this point they are no longer things that would drive me to want to drink.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We’ve managed to avoid Covid in this house until now. My husband tested positive today so I guess I’ll be getting it too
He drives for the local Amish community & they have had quite a bit of Covid & refuse vaccinations. This was bound to happen I guess.

Wags, it’s the lack of light & outside color that really gets to me. Other than that i don’t really mind winter so much haha!!

Battle, I’m sorry there’s no resources available for you. Waiting for someone to be in crisis really goes against the whole preventative care model we should all have. Is there a trusted friend nearby you can call? Turning to alcohol when we’re triggered is purely habit. Obviously we have to find a replacement, something that works for each one of us. Hang in there!

Mulburry, nice seeing you

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle, you're on track, detox sucks, period. Try and slow things down. Your brain will try and convince you you can't do this. All this is normal. You just have to get past that moment. Pamper yourself, eat healthy and smart. Most importantly, drink a ton of water. Lean on whatever support network you have. I found writing here helped me, but I was detoxing in secret. I was better than a fifth a night of vodka ( likely more) when I finally quit. I remember the struggle well, I remember thinking I'd drink mouth wash at one low moment but that moment passed quickly. You can do this.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

1819738[/URL]


Since this is a website where we are all honest, I would like to say that I have had another addiction of sorts. Not a substance I consume, and not affecting my physical health, but it has been expensive and I've had it since before I quit drinking. I hesitate to share about it because I am embarrassed about it.

Mine is online poker. Totally ridiculous. Extremely embarrassing. I can’t even believe I’m admitting it here. One, because it’s worthless. Two because it’s obsessive. Three because I actually spend money on it. And finally, the worst is that I suck at poker. lol

you might think it’s funny but it’s not and that’s a full confession no one else knows about. It’s a vacuum.

I’ll probably regret posting this. I know I will. But whatever. Maybe it’s the right thing to do. I found MWO googling about Dr. Ameisen and his book The End of My Addiction. But I got free by being honest and posting regularly.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check-in for me tonight. Doing well and feeling grateful.

I should be able to do a longer post tomorrow, but for now I'm thinking about you all and hoping weeks are off to great starts all the way around.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest

Frankly, I think most people carry addictions, including to their own thinking! I'm not sure I'll ever make it all the way past that one since we obviously can't fully refrain from thinking like we can from alcohol, but I've gotten much better as I've come to realize like you described, Mulberry, that our thoughts and the feelings they cause always subside, especially if we don't focus on them or add fuel to the fire. I used to make up huge stories about what other people were thinking (usually starring me as the victim) and it really didn't occur to me that nothing I was thinking was necessarily true. So often I found out later what was really going on with the person and it rarely had anything to do with me. All that angst and worry for nothing. It still happens but I'm usually able to step back and see what is happening before it gets out of control

Ne, those online games are designed to be addictive. The developers are experts in human psychology and use their skills to ensnare people. Actually, the whole online experience is addictive! I see it in myself when I mindlessly scroll through social media and don't stop even when I tell myself I should. I started knitting in 2016 (in response to being so agitated by the US political situation that I was addicted to news TV). Now I'm addicted to doing that. I appreciate that there is no harsh judgement on knitting but it can become very expensive and I have to stop myself (sometimes unsuccessfully) from buying yarn I don't need. But that more, more, more urge always is there. Anyway, I hope you can get past online gaming since doing it is causing you pain but I hope you can let go of feeling bad about yourself :hug:

NS

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Made some changes to my work routine that are thus far paying off massively in terms of work/life balance and general quality of life, its only been a week but I'm finding myself way less triggered to use at work, I do shorter days on campus and then a long day working from home, I don't get bored, don't get overwhelmed, and I can keep a stable sleep pattern. Fingers crossed it continues as it's a huge positive change for me.

Mulburry - I'm glad it's not just me, I'm dyspraxic and got bullied a lot, mostly by my family, for being clumsy and dropping/breaking things, it's definitely made my reaction to that kind of thing more intense than it probably should be, something for me to work on but figure I should probably finish dealing with the whole drugs and alcohol situation first haha.

TJ - I'm detoxing in secret as well, save this forum, thanks for sharing your take on things, it helps to have other people's experiences as I mentioned to somebody else on the forum I am forever convincing myself I am doing sobriety 'wrong', its always a relief to find others who have similar experiences (I did at one stage find myself side-eyeing the mouthwash for the alcohol content - turned out its alcohol free so the fleeting temptation was thankfully a moot point haha). Water is something I need to work on, right now if it doesn't contain caffeine I struggle to be interested - think that's the one addiction I'll keep though, everybody has a vice right?

Ne - NS is 100% right (as is so often the case)

NS - I can relate to the idea of thoughts being addictive, I know I get caught in those patterns sometimes. I think my 'new' addiction, or really more of a recurring one is my studies, I actually read an interesting article on the concept of study addiction as part of my project and ticked all of the boxes - but its by far the least harmful of my bad habits so I figure, like caffeine, I'll let it slide - least until the PhD is done.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

In my view, harmless addictions are just that, harmless. I don’t think we need to beat ourselves up. Anything that harms us or another is a different story. If we focus on getting rid of those addictions I kind of think everything else will fall into place.

NS, you love to knit & you can always donate your items. I sew dog beds & donate them to rescues. No harm done

Battle, I’m glad to hear things are settling for you. It’s so nice when WE are actually in charge of our lives, not some substance. Keep up the good work.

Wags, sounds like you are busy, nothing wrong with that

Ne, have you tried setting a limit on the amount you can gamble? That would be like trying to moderate your drinking & I think the majority of us have proven that’s just too hard to do. Time to find a completely new hobby. It’s never too late to try something new!

TJ, the memories we have of the old quitting days are enough to keep me AF, probably the same for you

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Evabody. Thanks for your supportive words with other addictions.
[MENTION=12976]Ne/Neva Eva[/MENTION] ! Thank you for sharing - and for cracking me up about not even being good at poker

My other addiction is online psychics (hard to say it out loud). I do believe in psychic abilities, and they have actually provided some really impressive and highly accurate information to me. The trouble is that I go online when I feel really terrible so they can calm me down - because they rarely tell me anything other than "it's all going to work out". This struck me as 1. impossible (that everything works out perfectly) and 2. addictive because I use it to feel better. SO instead, I tell myself what I think they'd tell me, remember all the times they were wrong, think of all the money I'm saving, and try to appreciate living life without knowing the outcome first. I am using other coping methods - like meditation, and calling a friend (novel concept). I have gone months without logging on with a psychic - but have also connected several times a month, which has added up to thousands a year before. What a waste! It struck me that it felt like I was really losing a comfort when I decided to stop - JUST LIKE I FELT WITH QUITTING ALCOHOL. Feels like a hole, until it is filled with better coping strategies. No logins so far in 2023. I guess I've bared my soul now Thanks for giving me the courage NEVA EVA! And thanks Wags and NS for being supportive.

Caffeine on the other hand... that is an addiction I may keep

Hi TJAF!

Battle... sorry you're feeling the ups and downs. I've been having a similar mood experience this week - not sure why. It's common to feel a bit raw and uneven when you quit substances - and maybe it has something to do with a never ending winter - but moods really do even out more with sober time. I'm also sorry you're struggling with dysphoria. I wish I could give you a big hug! Let us know how we can support you :heartbeat:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you all. I love the support and the wisdom here. :hug:

While I'd love to write a novel, I'm gonna lurk for a bit again.

Kensho, good on you. And for goodness sakes, if I believed for half a minute that someone could tell me it would be okay, I'd pay for it.

Oh. Wait. That's what my therapist does. lololol

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle, while I detoxed in secret, when I wanted to cement the deal I opened up to my loved ones. Once I took that step there wss no turning back. Do I regret that, not in the least. I had to get past the betrayal (my wife was hurt that I drank in secret, her dad was an alcoholic so it cut deep). Its hard sometimes because I have zero issue being around alcohol but my loved one think Ill relapse. It was all drama when once at a restaurant I ordered a fake beer ( I need a change up from soda water or soft drinks) and the waiter brought a real one. One sip and I quickly caught on but my poor wife thought I'd be guzzling a fifth by the end of the night. Its that trust thing I suppose. As for me, I really have no interest in drinking.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NE/Neva Eva - thank you so much for being open and honest, for trusting us enough and valuing yourself enough to be so open. As NS so wisely said, online poker, like so many other things, IS intentionally designed to lure people in and keep them coming back. Hopefully you can use some of the same tools that helped you stop drinking if you want to go sober on poker as well :hug:

Battle - sounds like a fantastic positive adjustment in your schedule. Anything that improves work-life balance is a win I would say.

Hellos and waves to Lav, NS, Kensho and everyone else in the nest. Here we are at hump day again!