Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I didn't know that online service was available but I can see how a person could get sucked into it. We like encouragement and reassurance and feeling better!! But like you said, there are other better (and cheaper!) ways to get that. And a friend that you call would care about YOU, not your money.

When I went to a counselor last fall I really enjoyed it and was kind of bummed when she said she thought we were done. But it also occurred to me that I hadn't said anything to her that I couldn't say to a friend. And she didn't offer solutions - just listened and affirmed my feelings. Friends can do that for each other when problems aren't so complicated that professional help is necessary. But I could see that if she were a different more money-focused person, she likely could have convinced me that I needed to meet with her indefinitely which would have been at substantial cost to me once the insurance ran out. I can imagine that under certain conditions therapy could become an addiction, too.

Good point about donating, Lav. I did that with some scarves and cowls that I found I wasn't wearing but it was kind of hard to let go of cashmere, merino, and alpaca pieces!! I had to detach from the money I had tied up it them and realize that the process, and the pleasure of working with those fibers, was enough.

I'm still hanging on to my 50% caffeine coffee addiction. If my 2 week period of abstinence had improved my sleep or negatively affected my heart rate, I would have stayed off it but neither happened and I missed it!

We're heading off to visit family for a few days. They don't drink at all. I'm so grateful not to be figuring out how to get my fix everyday without anyone knowing. What an exhausting and soul-crushing way to live that was.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Quick one from me I'll catch up more tomorrow hopefully. I passed a week sober without even realising the date. Been busy studying, picked up a second job, just a small role on an as-and-when basis advising my uni on some inclusivity issues, some extra cash and I get to make a difference for other students from disadvantaged/underrepresented backgrounds. Expecting some news tomorrow, but lecturers are on strike which makes it uncertain, a lot of stress, but nothing to be done about it.

Waves to all.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations, Battle! That's a huge accomplishment. Very happy for you.

Oh you peeps. You make my heart smile. I couldn't believe I posted that about my online poker addiction. I waste HOURS. And yes, NS, you're so right. It's exactly because they're designed to do exactly what they do... suck you into the vortex, and then make you feel like you need to spend money just to get "good". (A lot like I imagine the psychics work, honestly. Not that I know, and I also believe some people have connections we don't understand. But the systems in which they work are set up to suck people in. It's awesome, K, that you haven't used it this year. Hope you're giving yourself huge kudos for that.)

Not only am I lousy at online poker, I'm VERY clear that I would suck at actual poker. I'm not even interested in it. I tried to watch a tournament and it was almost as bad as watching golf. lol
The online game is just helpful to stay numb, which is really why it's an addiction. It's not the money or the time, necessarily, though those play a part of course. It's the fact that I use it to avoid life.

Lav, I swore I wouldn't go back to it, and would certainly never spend another dime buying in, after I got out of rehab. The opposite happened. I spent money we didn't have (hello, cost of rehab in the US!) and way more than before. I haven't bought anything since... I dunno, and I don't want to lie, even to myself. But it's been a while. It goes to a credit card we don't use, and my husband doesn't see... talk about addictive behavior!

I saw a funny joke on FB, which I haven't been on in close to a decade, probably, but now insomnia... and I don't want to just continue to gush all over MWO. So I lurked on there for hours for the last two nights. Anyway, the joke. A picture of beautiful multicolored eggs, with the caption, "I'll sell my eggs for a 2015 or newer Jeep. Don't low-ball me, I know what these eggs are worth." Made me think of you. And the prices make me want to get chickens.

I'm so grateful not to be figuring out how to get my fix everyday without anyone knowing. What an exhausting and soul-crushing way to live that was.

Amen. Dealing with the disease and/or recovery is exhausting enough. Being in hiding, again, is absolutely soul crushing. Thank you all for being here so I'm not alone.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

We had a really nice sunny day, not too cold either. Now I’m dreaming of Spring flowers

Ne, we are extremely grateful for our chickens right now! Of course the cost of their feed has gone up like everything else but it’s still so nice having plenty of fresh eggs. An Amish family near us lost their entire flock a few weeks ago due to some predator so they’ve been buying eggs from us. What a twist, haha!! By the way, I am too cheap to do any gambling at all. We’re not all that far from some casinos in neighboring states but I’ve just never been interested. Can you do any gardening or get a few chickens to keep you occupied?

Battle, Congrats on your 1+ AF week, well done. Having a little extra cash is a good thing, maybe save for something nice for yourself.

NS, enjoy your trip! I gave up most caffeine years ago to help with sleep & BP issues & don’t think it helped me much Either.

Kensho, I know a lot of people who go to psychics, never understood why but it makes them happy. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that everything’s going to be OK & having someone tell you that helps. We all need positive people in our lives. Have you ever looked into Japanese psychology? I ran across it while I was looking for some help for my great nephew years ago. It’s worth taking a look & may help you rethink your addictions: The Four Skills of Japanese Psychology - Thirty Thousand Days

TJ, since I quit drinking I’ve noticed my family is drinking a whole lot less & I’m OK with that for their health & welfare. I don’t get the feeling that they worry about me but who knows?

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

As always, there’s too much to respond to, in my small world. But sending support and love to all.

Lav, we have the perfect suburban yard for chickens! And bees! But my husband is allergic to bees. And my dog would enjoy chicken nuggets. (Actually, she wouldn’t eat them, unlike prior dogs. But she would harass them to death.) More importantly, I’ve got to be able to keep my houseplants, gardens, dog, husband and myself alive for a year before I take on any new living things. We learned that from Sandra bullock in 28 Days. Haha

I don’t gamble. I would LOVE to gamble, I think. So I’ve never done it. The site I play poker on is more of a game than actually gambling. There is literally nothing to win, except fake money in the form of chips, and status or rank. I’m ashamed of how much time I spend on there, so I change my username and avatar frequently. Those of us who “know” each other do it all the time. But there is literally nothing to be gained from playing on this app. I’d never play for real money. I just buy more chips when I want to level up.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - hope you have a wonderful trip to visit family.

Neva - I'm so glad you shared your online poker addiction with us. That took courage, and it has opened the door for others to share more as well. This is a safe place for sure and we've all got each other's backs.

Kensho - grateful for your sharing as well. Congrats on not logging in so far in 2023. I would say most things *do* work out ok, but definitely some do not. Or at least they don't work out in a way we would choose or that we can see in a positive light. Back to a convo thread here in the nest a couple of months ago -- you get more of what you look for, which means even when things DON'T turn out well at all, there is still good in there, and we see/benefit from that much more if we actively seek to find it. I think.

Lav - I'm curious about the Japanese Psychology/Thirty Thousand Days. Thanks for sharing the link!

Hellos and waves everyone!

[Mulburry]

Re: Newbies Nest

Its hard sometimes because I have zero issue being around alcohol but my loved one think Ill relapse. It was all drama when once at a restaurant I ordered a fake beer ( I need a change up from soda water or soft drinks) and the waiter brought a real one. One sip and I quickly caught on but my poor wife thought I'd be guzzling a fifth by the end of the night.

It's such a ridiculous stereotype isn't it? Now I'm not saying it may not apply to some people, but the idea that a mere sip, or even the sight of Al, will set anyone that's had a problem with Al onto a week long binge is a bit ludicrous; I feel like it's something that's probably perpetuated in media and maybe by the recovery industry as well. I've intentionally abstained but I'm pretty close to 100% sure I could have a few sips of (or even a whole) beer and be fine. I do appreciate people not pressuring me or shoving it in my face (like ScotStev's buddies) but I find the "OMG alcholic coming, hide your drinks" mentality irritating and a bit disrespectful to be honest. I suppose in the end communication is the most important, if you don't want people drinking around you let them know, if you don't mind also let them know.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey I got some no good very bad news about PhD funding today so I'm going to be taking a couple days to feel sorry for myself, I already reacted in typically heroic fashion by getting high. I'll be back next week when I'm ready to give it another go - was always a risk with this news coming up.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sorry Battle for your bad news. There's no reason you can't try again today or tomorrow. What other options do you have to deal with bad news? I know I had to have a list of other ways to deal with triggers, because they were all around me. Jump back in and again, I'm sorry to hear you lost your funding. Sometimes a no in one place opens a different door that leads to amazing things.

Well, I got a haircut. From a lady who has done amazing work three times. This one is horrendous. I can't get it to look anything other than shaggy and shapeless! I get a cut every 6 months or so, so I look forward to it. UG! I am not going to complain too much, as it is small beans compared to what some people are going through in this world, but I am going to call today to see if they can help me style it or give me some $$ back. My image is part of my business - as I essentially am selling "me" - so it does suck when I feel like a 9 year old who cut her own hair! UG! A sense of humor is helping.

I'm feeling pretty unmotivated with work as well. Strange, uncomfortable energy at the moment. But it will pass and shift.

Mulberry, I don't think I would go on a big bender if I accidentally got one sip of booze, but if I knowingly drank an entire glass, I might consider going further. The thought makes my stomach turn. Yuck! Never want to go back to that place.

Wags, you're a rock star supporter. Thanks for not judging.

LAV, thanks for sharing the Japanese Psychology link. Very good for processing bad feelings. Humans are so interested in pushing uncomfortable things away, and feeling them is the easiest way to get them to shift.

Neva - I don't imagine your online cards is much different than Tik Tok. It's a way to check out and be mindless and entertained. You're not alone, for sure!

I'm off to walk the dog. Sure would like some sunshine here.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

It's such a ridiculous stereotype isn't it? Now I'm not saying it may not apply to some people, but the idea that a mere sip, or even the sight of Al, will set anyone that's had a problem with Al onto a week long binge is a bit ludicrous; I feel like it's something that's probably perpetuated in media and maybe by the recovery industry as well. I've intentionally abstained but I'm pretty close to 100% sure I could have a few sips of (or even a whole) beer and be fine. I do appreciate people not pressuring me or shoving it in my face (like ScotStev's buddies) but I find the "OMG alcholic coming, hide your drinks" mentality irritating and a bit disrespectful to be honest

I agree! What they don’t know, Mulberry, is that to have successfully quit (i.e. not a dry drunk), by definition our thinking about drinking had to have changed. I inadvertently consumed red wine one time and initially felt worried about whether I’d be plagued with cravings the next day but of course I wasn’t. I didn’t want to drink and mostly I was annoyed that I hadn’t been more vigilant. There was nothing to “crave”. Once we make it through the period of physical dependency, this is a head game. Hanging out here can help us keep our heads in the right place.

Please don’t drift away, Battle. I think that crisis points are when we most need support :hug:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I just read your post, Kensho. The “knowingly” part is key. If we knowingly drink, we clearly have changed how we think about alcohol. Once that happens, things could go either way, depending on whether we get ourselves back on the path we want. That is why I said I hoped Battle didn’t take a break. Now is the best time to get their head back to where it was last week.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feeling a bit low. Not wanting to drink (though it crossed my mind), but wanting anything to make me feel better. I usually login to my psychics to "get a fix". What they would say: "It will pass". "You will get a handle on it all in a week or so". "It's just a phase, you always get your stuff done". UG. Feeling behind, defeated, unkept, inept, overwhelmed and generally just down. SO I'm going to keep checking things off the list, even though it may not be as much as desired. And it WILL get done. The worst that can happen is that I get fired, and look silly for a couple months. SO, it's not that bad. Trying to keep perspective.

I know I don't make a habit of logging in to vent, but not having my "other" coping mechanism is feeling hard right now. So I'm going to be real. And it's amazing how similar these addictions feel. Thanks for listening.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

I agree! What they don’t know, Mulberry, is that to have successfully quit (i.e. not a dry drunk), by definition our thinking about drinking had to have changed. I inadvertently consumed red wine one time and initially felt worried about whether I’d be plagued with cravings the next day but of course I wasn’t. I didn’t want to drink and mostly I was annoyed that I hadn’t been more vigilant. There was nothing to “crave”. Once we make it through the period of physical dependency, this is a head game. Hanging out here can help us keep our heads in the right place.

Please don’t drift away, Battle. I think that crisis points are when we most need support :hug:

Typical me - be interested to see if the media I'm looking at for my project on representation of addiction in media perpetuates the idea you and Mulburry are talking about, I'd be willing to bet it would, would be interesting for me to see if any journals have actually had this discussion as well. Yeah I'm depressed (in case anyone's wondering the funding I didn't get was worth three years on living wage plus my tuition fees. I blew a chance at over £70,000 - the only source of funding available to me outside student loans which barely cover tuition and a couple months expenses a year, if I'm lucky) but I'm still a student.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Not feeling 100% today but keeping my fingers crossed it’s not Covid. Husband tested + on Monday but he’s starting to feel better. Hopefully that last booster I got back in September does it’s work.

Battle, sorry about your funding, that’s harsh news. Hang in there & I hope something else opens up for you. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

Kensho, these low moments happen to all of us because we are human. You have lots of tools that have helped you before & more in the tool box. I realized a long time ago that falling into the feeling sorry for myself mode was very dangerous. Keep your thoughts present, stop the worries & what if’s from ruining your mood. You have been very successful & yo will be again :hug:

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, Venting here is much better than drinking or drugging or any other addictive activity! Plus, hopefully you feel like you’re talking to friends, even if not in real time. The good thing is, things will look different sooner than you expect. Hopefully tomorrow you’ll look back at today and wonder why on earth you were being so hard on yourself :hug:

I sure hope you manage to escape Covid, Lav, and if it does catch you, you recover quickly and completely. It’s good news that your husband is doing so well!

That is really disappointing about the grant, Battle. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Maybe another funding source will become available - and you’ll be ready to go for it!