Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Running a bit late myself but that's OK!

DSLR, you just reminded me......when I was 29 years old & a super busy working mom of two kids I 'lost' a can of coffee! I mean to tell you I looked everywhere for that can of coffee & never found it so I bought another. Then one day I needed to use the oven for something........guess where I found that can of coffee? :H
I think we all misplace things & it's due to distraction & not senility. Hope you find your bank card very soon

mylife, I am happy too that that 'dark cloud' isn't hanging over me anymore - life is good!

Jolie, looks like it may rain on our Easter bonnets this year - oh well

sunshine, we really do expect our lives to become 'perfect' when we quit drinking, unfortunately that's not the case. Without going into great detail here I'll tell you this. My husband entered into a prolonged period of depression (and was diagnosed) but refused to stick with treatment. Eventually I fell into depression as well & that's when I began medicating myself with lots & lots of wine. I had no luck with prescribed meds, gave them up & found relief with herbal products. Got the depression under control then set myself on course to quit drinking & smoking two years ago & did! Meanwhile my husband became more & more depressed to the point of walking out on our 37 year marriage last year - devastating! My point is - he was depressed before I drank, depressed when I drank & still depressed when I quit. Some people are just going to be depressed, angry, unhappy, whatever regardless of what we do & don't do! I was sure that things would get better for us but they didn't. I will tell you though that I am so damn proud of myself for sticking to my plan & I've realized that I don't need his approval for anything. Learning to live alone has been a bit of a strain after all the years together but I'm getting there

VG, enjoy your lovely weather, hope it lasts for you!

OK, time to get some work done!
Have a great AF Thursday everyone!
Lav

[DSLR]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone and thanks Lav and Jolie for your kindness re my silly card episode!

Bank card not at the store, so when I got home called the bank and explained and they were great about it and are issuing another one, which I will take a bit more care of this time!

Fortunately in France people still mainly use cheques and due to going overdrawn being a criminal offence here:eeks: you don't need a cheque card when you use one. So actually it isn't even that inconvenient, just a tad annoyed at myself for being so absent minded. But as you quite rightly say Lav everyone does it from time to time (I found the butter in a cold oven once, there must be some thing about ovens) I suppose I am just being over sensitive to everything, actually more like actually being AWARE!!

So another lesson learnt for me from reading the posts and the things I am experiencing and doing. It does take time to adjust to a life without AL and as it took quite a while to get myself into the drinking hell-hole, I have to remind myself it will take time to get out of it, but already on-route and it feels great, thanks again everyone for your support :thanks:.

Take care everyone, have a lovely AF afternoon/evening.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

My weekend actually starts on Thursday - only work MTW - maybe that's my problem!:H And we'll all have a 3 day "weekend" at my house - with Good Friday tomorrow - so I'm saying Happy Weekend to all the other nesters....

Still waiting on nice weather here...:-( Snow in the air today. ugh.

Sunshine from what I have learned from here with the help of people like Lav who share their personal stories so kindly and willingly, the dynamics of a relationship may change when one quits drinking....maybe your husband feels a little threatened and/or scared by this newfound confidence that you have. He's used to you being too "foggy" to put up a good fight or to reason with him logically....I know that has been my case. I've had to be very careful to not be too critical with this new sobriety. I now "know" what I "know" and there's no questioning whether something really happened or not, so I am confident when I talk about something, where before, I was always "testing the waters" with my comments - to see if I had maybe already told the story last night and didn't remember?

Significant others might also wonder "why" you felt the need to change....if they're insecure at all, it might feed their insecurities and make them wonder if you're changing because of someone else, or if you do succeed in being AF, what else will change. Change is difficult. For all involved, usually. Even though you see it as a huge positive, he might see it as a "it wasn't broken, why did you fix it?" type of situation. I hope I'm making sense as I'm trying to work through some of this for myself as well. I know I have had to bite my tongue from being too critical of my DH's drinking.

I felt obligated to say something at first and repeated it a couple nights later - thinking that if he had said something to me sometime in the past - oh - TWENTY YEARS - I would maybe have done something sooner....but he doesn't seem to want to hear it, so I have to accept that he isn't ready to change and may never be. I'm just super sensitive to it now - sober.

ok, I'll stop now!

have a great weekend everyone.

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nest!

Lav and DSLR, I haven't found anything in the oven, but I found a carton of milk in the pantry one time...!! So I guess we've all been there!

Sunshine -- I too have been having ups and downs with my Hubby. But as Lav said, I've just decided that things are going to happen regardless of what I do and I need to focus on making ME better. I can't fix other people! Also, it's a learning curve dealing with things rather than just medicating myself. I think that it will take time to adjust to breaking the bad habit of reaching for a bottle whenever there is a problem!

Have a great night ALL!

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lolab, X Post!

[4MyHealth]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon Nesters,

Volunteered again this morning at school. Those little people are so cute! (1st grade)

DSLR - glad that the bank card didn't become a big issue for you. Good reminder too that it took time to get into the drinking hell-hole and it will take time to get out of it. I'm feeling that dark cloud today and wish it would go away. I'll trudge through it, I guess, and hope tomorrow (or later today) is better!

Mylife - glad your dark cloud has disappeared!
Jolie - the old you sounds like me...waiting until 5:00 for that first glass...trying to replace it with hot tea.
Sunshine - sorry to hear that your husband is being difficult. Good for you, going for a walk rather than giving into temptation!
VG - hope you had a great day at work...and that you're having lovely weather. We had rain, now sunshine - both are needed here.
Lav - I'm sorry about your husband, but glad that you are doing so well despite. You have a great point about life not being "perfect" when we quit drinking. I expect(ed) that too.
Have a great AF day everyone.

[4MyHealth]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lolab - I had a x post with you too!
Off to the dog park for some sunshine and exercise for both of us!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

well, sheesh, maybe we all should've been on chat! LOL.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hi mylife! I used to volunteer tons, 4myhealth - now I have a TEENAGER.....he still loves me but not quite so open about it...:-) enjoy it while you can.

[InChains]

Newbies Nest

4myhealth - sorry you've got yourself a cloud following you around, hope you feel better soon
Sunshine - Just wanted to say congratulations for not giving into AL even after an argument, I know from experience how hard it can be. Personally I used to go and have a drink to spite whoever I argued with - even though it was hardly ever to do with drinking! xD
Hello to everybody else! Nice to see easter planning is in full swing in the nest

So a mixed bag for me this week, my first AF day followed by a mammoth binge with my fiancee last night - though i was glad to find that wakign up at 20 to 7 in the morning with the delightful taste of stale booze and fags in my mouth and a delightful hangover reminded me just why I want to get out of the cycle. Had a bit of bad news lately too: My fiancee has been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety problem. I know i should be happy for him as he is now able to receive help but in all honesty after my experiences with mental illness in the family havign a name to put to whats been troubling him hurt me alot more than I thought it would - not only is mental illness now invading the life I have planned with him, but I am faced with the fact that there is very little I can do to help somebody i care about.

xIC

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Had a long, busy but good day myself. Got a week's worth of exercise running around outside with my 2 1/2 year old grandson = phew!!

IC, I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your fiancee. If he's drinking because he's depressed (like I did), it's only going to make his depression worse. You may want to keep that in mind while looking after yourself! If you quit now he just may decide to follow suit & it would be the best thing for him. Something to think about.

Sounds like everyone had a good day - so nice to hear about all the positive changes happening
Wishing everyone a good night!
Lav

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone.

Have had such a busy week havent had any time to come for a visit. And with having a few drinking thoughts today, thought I had better log on before it got out of hand.
Amazing how doing everyday things make me think of having a drink - mowing the lawn, cleaning the garage out, watching a movie. But I knew where to come to get the help and support I need....

Had to put up with a drunken husband during the week. Am slowly learning how to ignore it. He gets very obnoxious and argumentative when he has been drinking. So I just get on with things and pretend he is not there. My daughter did give me an incentive to not relapse as she said that is how i got when I get drunk for the last time! I didnt know that...

Inchains - it can be quite scary when you realise that there is nothing that you can do to help others with mental illness. I found once my husband had been diagnosed with depression it made things easier to some degree because we had a name for it and it wasnt just him not coping. There is so much help available now for people suffering as well as people with someone in their lives that suffers.

Hope everyone has a great Easter - I am looking forward to the time off to spend in my garden.

hip

[sunshinetoday]

Newbies Nest

:bananacomputer:Hello Nest,

Thank you for all the great feedback/advice. I had a very long sleep last night, then woke up and had a long chat with my husband. I also had another long walk tonight. Which on long weekends like this when I would opt for a drink, my well thought out plans for exercise wold fall by the way side.I am meeting my trainer in the morning as well just to keep up the positive motivation. My husband and I are back to getting along. I think he to has depression issues stemming from his accident and his permanent pain, but it will have to be him that seeks help if and when he is ready.

So in regards to AL this weekend. We are off to a BBQ tomorrow, where AL will be the drink of choice for all, except my hubbie and me. I won't be temped because I am proud of how far I've gotten and I want to go farther! I am 20 AF days today. Keep on Keeping on!
Have a wonderful day/night everyone!inkele::gramps: (he's rooting for us.)

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all Nesters!

I made it through some cravings last night as well and it always helps to come here and post. Hippie, I have to say good job to you on hanging in there when your husband is drinking like that! I suppose in one way it strengthens your resolve to see how awful it looks when you're sober!

Sunshine, that's great you were able to talk with your husband. I really say give it time.
InChains, you can do this! It's a great time to stop. I agree with Lav, drinking for depression only leads to more depression.

I had a challenge yesterday. As a "gift" a supplier brought bottles of white wine and cognac to our office for the staff. It would have been awkward to say "no thanks" to mine, so I took them, put them in my trunk and dropped them at my sisters on the way home. I have to admit, I could taste the wine! I thought about it all night as I drank my sparkling water. My husband, not knowing any of this innocently said "You've been doing so great, do you think I could keep wine in the house again?" And I snapped "NO!" :H

I guess it made me realize I'm still only on Day 22 and although that's great, I have a ways to go with this!

Have a wonderful AF day everyone!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Hippy, good choice to check in with us before going off your plan!!
Checking in here was always (and still is) a big help for me. Seeing someone else drunk is tough & can easily make me feel like an ass all over again but mostly it makes me feel sorry for that person

sunshine, good job on your 20 AF days - sure does make you want to keep going I hope the lines of communication stay open in your house! That's so important, prevents much of the misunderstanding that causes problems!

mylife, congrats to you on your 22 AF days! Good job on the regifting I don't blame you for wanting to keep wine out of the house - who needs the reminders & temptation, right? I think your husband will survive leaving things as they are for now

I hope everyone has a great AF Good Friday!
Lav