Newbies Nest

[Mazzie]

Newbies Nest

Hey Scottish - how did you get on today? Did you make it through af? I have to cut off those thoughts or I am a goner with the wine. Always choices to make and sometimes pretty hard to make good ones.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

good morning....just doing what I call my accountability check in...

Today is FINALLY going to be nice here....I hope for you as well, Lav! So I am anticipating - although a little nervously? a completely AF Saturday outside, grilling and planting and whatnot....all activities that normally call for AF, but like I've said before - ALL activities normally callED for AL....

I butted heads with my "teen" yesterday and it made me want to drink....but I reasoned for a sec - that that wouild REALLY make matters worse....a drunk and a hormonal adolescent? YIKES!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Yes, I will be dusting off my sunglasses today. The rain has finally stopped

scottish lass, I hope you were able to move past the drinking thinking! Nothing will change for you until you change your thinking!

JimG, I advise the same change of thinking for you as well. I am very sorry for the loss of your relationship & believe me - I completely understand. My husband of 37 years walked out (ran out actually) 13 months ago! He'd been having severe emotional problems for quite a few years & refused to get the appropriate help. Yes, I feel abandoned, unloved, unwanted & all that BUT I didn't let it & won't let it push me back into drinking thinking. Drinking will not help this situation & it won't help yours. Think about what is best for yourself & your son. I am focusing on what is best for me, my grown kids & my grandkids - I am loved.

Mazzie - hope you are well! lolab - sunshine finally, Yay!!

I have a baby shower to attend then plan to spend the rest of the day outside

Wishing everyone strength & a happy AF Saturday!
Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

SL, one glass of wine ain't gonna do you no good, so move on. (How's that? To be said like a true Southern gurlfriend) I hope you stayed strong.
JimG, your story has weighed heavily on my (and I'm sure, the whole nest). Are there any words that we could offer that'd help? Perhaps these....you have been really hard on yourself...but in my humble opinion, you are a winner....you are here trying to make a better life for yourself. You want to know my opinion of a F'g loser???? Tiger Woods, Arnold Swartenegger, Hugh Grant, that French president guy.....These people HAVE IT ALL, yet they want more!!! All the money they could ask for, beautiful families, yet they don't have to play by the rules...they have a sense of entitlement. They are the losers. You, my dear, are the backbone of society. Everyone has low points in his life, and it's your turn, but this isn't the end...it's the beginning....I respect you 1000 times more than those overpaid movie stars, politicians, and CEO's !!! You stick with us...we'll get there together! Hope you have a peaceful day. Byrdie

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

LoLab - doing my accountability check in too.
Byrd, Lav and Mazzie - I DID IT!!!! another green dot on my calendar for an AF day - day 6 of this round starts - it was a funny feeling to get up this morning and see the pile of chocolate wrappers (after posting i found Godiva chocs from Christmas as I was doing the pantry search) - diffenrent level of guilt form looking to see how many empties or wine left in the bottle!!
Feeling good - going to get plants for my back yard - have to be in pots as I am in a rental now - supposed to be more sun today.

JimG - we all have stories - I have two fabulous young girls - and what i thought of a fair marriage of 22 years - I am now facing foreclosure, HUGE tax demand ($24,000) and living in a rental having to share my girls with him. He has a girlfriend, no money and a business that is a mess - and he had not been taking care of his side of the finances - mine were totlally up to date, which has made trying to get out of the mess an impossibility - so I left him, hardest thing to do - due to money and the girls, I tried to live in the same house, but way too painful. This isn't fun either - but it is helping me to take care of myself.
Have a safe and AF Saturday if you possibly can all - off to run errands.
Thank you everyone for all the support - I look forward to the day my posts are not about me, but helping others - as others have said this first period does feel a bit selfish...
DAY 6 - I am ready for you!!!

[dancingon]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in. I'm feeling a bit out of the loop at the moment. Maybe I'll catch up with everything later in the week. I'm having a couple of days off at the end of the week. My daughter has High School Open days that she wants me to attend, and I thought that instead of taking a couple of half days, why not take two full days off and catch up with some jobs and appointments.

I'm not so sure about the kindle, Lav. I spend much of my day staring at a computer screen and love to hold a book, but eventually I guess books will go out of fashion altogether. I have to admit I rarely buy books anymore as I had to get rid of so many when I moved. I review books for the local paper so I get them for free and sometimes pass them on. Anything else I borrow from the library unless it's one i want to keep as a reference.

A sunny Sunday here in NZ, but not too warm yet. When it warms up I'm giving my car a much needed bath. In the meantime I might take the dog for a walk. Both of us need the exercise.

[leaveinsilence]

Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Ahhh it feels so good to be back in the nest:l

Back form hols today, usually by the Thursday I'm ready to come home but this time no, none of the excitement of getting back to my home just the longing to stay another week or so which I can only presume was because of it being my first AF holiday in over 20 years!!

Yes it was hard at times, seeing people enjoying a drink at the bar, over dinner, sitting reading with a glass in their hand and boy did I miss not being able to log into the nest, but I made it to the end and can honestly say it was the best holiday we had for a long time. No worries about where to hide my spare bottles and how to get to drink them whilst surrounded by the kids and hubs along with trying blag my way out of how much I drank from the wine and vodka in the cupboards, not having to pretend I didn't have a hangover and think of other excuses as to why I wasn't feeling well, why I kept being ill etc etc, plus I even got dragged up on stage during a science show in the entertainment bar, something I never would have allowed to happen if I'd had a drink, but I had the confidence to do it sober, lovely to have the energy and WANT to join in with things the kids were doing rather than sit on the sidelines, stilt walking anyone?

Only had time for a quick look through the thread but I hope everyone is overcoming their struggles whatever they may be and working their way through them:l

Much love to you all

Lee xxx

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

JimG;1117702 wrote: Hi guys

Bad day.

Background is that I have separated from my partner of 3 years. Problem was that she hooked up straight away with a guy she's been seeing prior to breakup. Was looking for some papers today and got them from her bedroom (we're still in the same house). Lovely picture of her and him on the wall. I feel so abandoned, discarded, unwanted, unloved etc. She never wanted a picture of me and her together.

Sorry, guys, went and bought and drank beer. I am ashamed but also lost. I know we were not suited to each other but the same thing happened tome with my marriage 3 years back. I'm striving to be better but I keep getting broken. If not for my beautiful son from first marriage, I'd be in a worse place.

Sorry guys, my pledge only lasted 5 days. I feel so unwanted although my psych tells me all the support from my my friends says otherwise. But can I be loved? So sad today.

Hi Jim, and all Nester's.

Sorry to hear of your relationship break up Jim, and your response is normal and understandable. But it sounds like you need to shake it up a bit there, and get out of that house, or change your living arrangement's, because this will kill you. Alcohol will go hand in hand with the misery far too easily as it is doing. Can you move? Can you get out of there, away from her and her new relationship and photo's? You need to take control of your situation now, and maybe your living arrangement could be your first step? Then get yourself a plan to get sober, and start healing. It will be a long road for you friend, i have been down a similar one, and i'm here to tell you, it can be done, you can get sober, and you will heal. But if you don't grab the bull by the horn's right now, and take control of your life, nothing will change, and you will spiral further down, very quickly.

Just remember, Every day is a brand new opportunity, and anything is possible.

You can do it, so get cracking!

Best wishes, G-bloke.

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back LIS - and well done on a huge success.:goodjob:
witching hour here again, so checking in for support and friendship - the nest is so helpful...

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Long day here but it was a sunny one

scottish lass, I'm very happy for you! Congrats for sticking to your guns - 6 AF days - woo hoo!

lis , welcome back! Glad your vacation was good & successfully AF too

dancingon, I find the Kindle reading easier on my eyes than a computer screen or even a print book. You can enlarge the print so you can read comfortably without your reading glasses - yay!!

Mr G!!!
Nice to see you here too!

Time to put my tired feet up for a while.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfortable night in the Nest!

Lav

[JimG]

Newbies Nest

Hey guys

Thank you so much for your support andkind words. I've had similar from friends on Facebook. The most telling one was from a friend who moved to the New South Wales north coast and just said 'load up your Triumph (motorbike)and come up. We have dogs, goats, cattle, lizards and snakes who will lick you into happiness.I can also drop by and see friends in Albury, Canberra and Sydney. I will do that soon.

I had a tearful discussion with my ex last night. According to her the relationship ended months ago for herwhich is why she was able to latch onto this guy.

Well our house is sold, settlement is in a month and I have a place to go until I can find a rental. I'm still really upset but according to my counsellor, I have the strength of character to recognise my weaknesses and do something about them - ie drinking, depression, anxiety etc. I am looking forward tomoving on. More importantly I can see how al has distorted my views. Made me an emotional wreck and although I'm back to day 1,I'm not a failure bec I did 5days and Ihave the strength and conviction to start again.

Boy I'm looking foorward to this road trip. 3500km on a big bike seeing my best friends. Money can't buy that I wonder how I could get my bike to the US.....I have friends in Denver and Nashville. US roadtrip would be sooooo cool

Thanks again everyone.The wisdom on these pages alsocouldn't be bought.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the 'kindle' link Lav. I am sooo behind the times - thought it was another type of bookcase! [which, now that I know, it is!!!! Duh!!]
Well done InChains! Scottish Lass, you too! I,m playing Follow the leader with you - 1 day behind you. It helps to have someone 'do it with you'....:goodjob:
Went to the races last night. Normally a drinking occasion - did I get my eyes opened!!! I know some of you don't like to go out when you are Al-free. I find it easier to go out when I'm 'not' drinking. I know I'm not going to make an 'arse' of myself! I hardly ever went out because I didn't trust myself - drank in house becoming more isolated and dependent on IT!!!!!!!
But anyway, the behaviour of quite a few people last night who were 'under the influence' was wild. When I watch that I find rather than feel I want to join in, it reconfirms for me that I am doing the right thing. I came home with a greater resolve to 'stick at it'.
When in company I find the time when you most want a drink is at the start, but if you hang in there it is only a short space of time before the drinkers speech and behaviour changes and you start to think 'that was me' and 'for what reason?' I don't want that back. So good to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Yeeha!:yay:

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Glad to hear you're feeling more positive JimG! Day 1 is what it is - a great place to start!!!:goodjob:

[sunshinetoday]

Newbies Nest

Hiya Nest,
YAy love the action in here.
So many response I want to give.
Leave, first I will say I missed you, glad you are back. Also glad that you had a wonderful holiday AF. I can really relate to what you're saying about how much easier it was not worrying about getting your next drink etc etc. WTG!!!!

SL, sounds like you are doing well. I can tell from what you shared that you are an incredibly strong person, so I know you can hick ALs butt to the curb too.

Daisy, WTG! I find that you are right, the temptation is stronger earlier on in the evening when people are just starting to drink. After that period it seems easier to stay AF.

Jim, I think you have had a lot of good advice. My personal opinion is that if someone did not want to be with me then it was their loss. So consider it her loss. You are a good person, with a lot to offer, so her loss. I used AL to deal with a relationship situation years ago where he ended up being gay. When I say relationship I mean a quick marriage. I wasted to much time and to much of myself in AL. I deserved more than that. Dealing with issues without AL allows you to have a better perspective. So figure out what you need and take care of yourself. I live on the border of NSW/QLD, if you get this far come visit. Good luck friend.

As far as the kindle, I had all the same reservations. I love my books, love the smell, carry one with me everywhere in case I get a spare 5 minutes. However, after reading just one book on my kindle I was hooked and could not put it down. No more trying to hold the pages open, it is so light, and you can adjust the word size for your eyes. It is very useful. I am a book lover, but one use and I am converted, and I was VERY against this new age book reading thing. I now have over 100 books on it, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Hi Byrd, You giving heaps of good advice. I love the strength in your words.
Hiya Dancin on.
Where are you VG?
Hi Lolab, how is your weekend? Thanks for checking in.
Mr G. If you don't come back see you in the roo section.
To IC and everyone else, HELLO!!!!!!

Lav, hope you enjoyed you shower. Enjoy your evening. You no doubt deserve it.

I am just lounging around for a few days off. Reading a lot I suppose, and might hit the gym. 50 days today and counting. Have a good one everyone. I think of you often.:h:h:h

[Mazzie]

Newbies Nest

Hello Fellow Nesters

Looks like I'll definintely have to have a look at the kindle. Thanks Lav for giving us that link. I used to wonder what it was but thought I should know so didn't ask!!!

Suns - love your posts. Good job on the 50 days. You live in a lovely part of our Country.
Only visited that area a few times but loved it. Would love to drift around the whole of our coastline some day.

Jim G - you go for it. You have more friends than I've got that's for sure and Northern NSW - so pretty. This could be the beginning of the rest of your life.

Daisy the first time I went out not drinking and watched the others drink themselves stupid it defo reinforced that i didn't want to do that ever again or be like that ever again. It really is not nice to turn into a lush.

Welcome back LIS. Its good to have you back.

Scottish, Lav Dancing, Guitar - have to go right now. Keep up the good work. See yas all tomorrow.