Newbies Nest

[gardengal]

Newbies Nest

Happy to be here

Thanks for the welcome. I've been reading tons this morning. Today is literally the first day in over 6 months that I haven't drank since mid-morning. It has gotten so far out of control. It's is 1:09 here and I just made a VERY weak drink of 1/3 vodka, 1/3 gatorade and 1/3 pedialite (part of being a nurse, and professional veteran of the booze-wars I know enough to make me dangerous) I had planned for this week to taper off, over 3-4 days, with starting progressively later each day, 1 weak drink every 2 hours today, then over the next few days, a beer evey 1-2 hours based on how I feel, then by day 4, maybe just 1-2 beers, then stop, and use the 5 xanax that I have left as needed. I have been drinking close to 1/2 a 1.75 bottle of vodka, plus a few beers daily. Based on how I feel today, I am just done with this and ready to move forward, so my new plan is just to have 2 or 3 of these drinks over the next 8 hours, and MAYBE 1-2 beers tomorrow, then go for it. With the xanax I have, I would be able to weather 2 bad days...if I see it progressing, I can call the Dr, but I'd really rather not. I don't like my old Dr and I am looking for a new one. I'd love to be able to show up at the new Dr 30 days clean, honest and accountable. I have spent most of the morning in the Tool Box, taking what I can use towards my new plan. My poor kids don't deserve this, and neither do I. My DH is also a drinker too...he is at work today, miserably hungover, but he has committed to quitting with me. So, that is a positive! Problem is, we are very much enablers and in the past, day 5 has been our downfall, if we get that far. Although, now that I recognize it, it will be part of my action plan.

Sorry to ramble....just so much going through my head.

[matchee]

Newbies Nest

good luck Garden gal sounds like you are on the right track- getting through the detox period is the worst. I just got finished. I'm on day 5 feeling like a million bux- my wife just got back from a week long business trip and we've been kissing like teenagers! We went to the waterpark yesterday and have been getting along great reinforcing my behavior.

But today I saw a charge for a rental car in Dallas where her connecting flight was. This should've only been a 2 hour layover. I ask her about it and she says she took an earlier flight (the night before) and visited one of her old college girlfriends. She insists she did nothing wrong but she purposely deceived me. We will see when i get home tonight if she will show me her phone to prove that she was indeed talking to her girlfriend.

I asked for her cellphone password to check online and she won't reply.

I'm now seriously in the mood to drink- I know it won't help but my happiness was the one thing keeping me straight and now i want to numb out.

I know its the bad thing to do but its so familiar.

[Barbara1234]

Newbies Nest

Uh Oh matchee,

All I can say is don't do it, don't drink until you have the whole story. I've been in your shoes before and spun myself into a frenzie only to find out it wasn't what I thought.
Don't numb out, can you work out instead? Go for a run, or pump some iron?
Try to sit down and have a rational conversation when your wife gets home. Write down your questions...all of them and ask her to answer them. Write them down because if you don't, your thoughts will be lost if you start arguing. Try to stick to the point and ask her to answer your questions.
I doubt she would have wanted to carry on with kissing if she had just been with someone else.
That's all I've got........be strong and try to breathe.

[matchee]

Newbies Nest

Barbara1234;1123601 wrote: Uh Oh matchee,

All I can say is don't do it, don't drink until you have the whole story. I've been in your shoes before and spun myself into a frenzie only to find out it wasn't what I thought.
Don't numb out, can you work out instead? Go for a run, or pump some iron?
Try to sit down and have a rational conversation when your wife gets home. Write down your questions...all of them and ask her to answer them. Write them down because if you don't, your thoughts will be lost if you start arguing. Try to stick to the point and ask her to answer your questions.
I doubt she would have wanted to carry on with kissing if she had just been with someone else.
That's all I've got........be strong and try to breathe.

Thanks Barbara- I may try running as i have to take my son to baseball practice before she gets home. Thanks for your thoughts. I will write things down.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon Nesters!

HC ~ keeping searching for a guided mediation that won't make you giggle, you'll find one:H

Barbara, don't let work stress you out, it's just work & that BS is always going to be there.

gardengal, welcome to the Nest, glad you took the step to join the MWO community. What is it about nursing that makes us drink? Stress most likely. I'm an RN too, retired now, had enough of that world after 27 years. Wean yourself carefully as planned. This is a hard thing to do but you can do it You deserve better, your kids deserve a healthy & happy Mom. Having your husband quit at the same time is great!

matchee, congrats on your 5 AF days!
Don't mess up your progress looking for an excuse to drink. Really, that's what I did for years. Use the Tool box, find some better ways to handle moods, stress, etc. Commit yourself to your sobriety, that's the only way. I've had some huge disappointments thrown at me over the past year (including my husband of 37 years having a mental meltdown and running off 13 months ago) but drinking is no longer an option in my life - you have to make that decision for your own good!

Stay close to MWO in the beginning & during these rough times ~ it really helps

[Barbara1234]

Newbies Nest

matchee,

:goodjob:


Welcome gardengal! You're lucky to have the support of your husband. I never had that.

Hi Lav! thanks

[dancingon]

Newbies Nest

Hi all
Just dropped in to catch up. Hello and welcome to all the newbies. Pull up a twig and make yourselves at home in the nest.
It's the first day of winter here today and apparently it's unseasonably mild so far, but the mornings can be pretty fresh. Looking forward to a completely AF June. I have told my kids I am not drinking at all in June, which will help me to keep to it when I feel tempted.
A strange thing I've noticed is that when I don't drink I also crave healthy food. When I drink I don't feel like eating fruit at all, and only drink water when I get dehydrated from the alcohol.
I'm reading another interesting book by Alan Berger. I almost put it down when I realised that the author assumed the reader must have a knowledge of AA, so made no explanation of various expressions and the steps etc when mentioned. However, I picked it up again and I've had a few epiphanies - not so much about drinking, but more about relationships and emotional dependence. I've learned a lot. It's basically about keeping yourself whole and steady after giving up alcohol or drugs, and the things that can sabotage your efforts. He calls it being emotionally sober. The book is called 12 smart things to do when the booze and drugs are gone. There's another one which I probably should've read first - 12 stupid things that mess up recovery.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hi dancingon,
Good to see you! hard to believe you are entering your winter season as we are in the midst of our first heatwave Glad you've found some interesting reading!

Wishing everyone a good night.
Lav

[4MyHealth]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

The Easy Way to Quit Drinking arrived today. Wanted to read it but busy bustling the kids around. Hubby wanted to play cards tonight, so now I'm off to read. So hopeful, as always. Also, sooo tired. Will read in bed. Good night. See you tomorrow.

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

Hi nesters - day 3 almost done, lots of cravings - silly wishes and feeling down in the dumps. I know it will get better, I hate the day three blues and wish that this is last time i have to deal with them.
Noodle - there are a few June AF posts starting in General discussion, come and join us there!
i need to order more supplements - I have almost finished my first order - L-glut, Omega 3, Milk Thistle and Kudzu - any recommendations as to how to continue? what would be wise ideas?
I think I will get the social drinking CD too - I am an RN as well and have two conferences to attend in June where I know the AL will be flowing freely..

In California and the weather stinks - i took this week off work as it is the first week of summer break with girls and thought we would get a start on tans, but it is mid 60's, hail, rain and snow a short drive away - totally nuts - it is supposed to be in the 80's
have safe night in the nest all

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

scottish lass - we're having a heatwave on the east coast!!!
Just wanted to mention the L-glut really helps with cravings. I'm taking it now to help keep me away from sweets Hang in there - you're doing great!!

[Clockwatcher]

Newbies Nest

Thanks to all for your posts....very helpful for me who is again not going to drink for the first day.....I have been on a very thirsty stage of my life which has got to change.....day one is today...

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Hi Clockwatcher and welcome. Congratulations on taking a big step towards sobriety. It's not easy but so worth it.

Hi Matchee. I hope by now things have sorted themselves out with your wife and it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding. It is a horrible feeling when you think your partner is up to no good.

Hi DancingOn. Nice to see you. We have finally had a nice wet start to winter today. Us lot over here in the west have had a very dry summer and autumn, unlike the east coast so it has been nice over the last few days to get a bit of rain.

Gardengal - welcome to you too. Its a good idea for both you and your husband to stop drinking together. It certainly makes it easier but if he is not as committed as you, dont let him stop you reaching your goals. My husband told me he was going to stop drinking when I did, but it only lasted about a week before he was on his way back to coming home pissed. It did bother me at first but now i have told him that I am going to ignore him when he is drunk so I dont get upset and if he doesnt like me ignoring him, tough! My sobriety and sanity are very important to me and no-one is going to jeopardise that.

Hi ScottishLass - well done on three days. Keep stringing the AF days together and they will eventually start to increase.

Hi Lav, Barbara and 4MH and everyone else lurking or popping in later.

I have had a good although wet day with the horses and kids today. Our first client is about seven years old, not sure what disability she has, but she cant talk or walk or control her body but she just loves getting on the horses. As soon as she is up there she just relaxes and has a great time. We have to have two people on the side of her so she doesnt fall off as well as the leader. Today we were singing songs to her. (talk about anxiety....... but stepped out of my comfort zone and actually sang aloud to her with two others listening - bit different to just me singing my head off in the car with no other witnesses!!). But I was rewarded with a lovely big smile so it was well worth it. She even managed to sort of clap her hands when we sang a song she knew. Now if I had been drinking there would be no way I would be able to do that sort of thing as I would have been tired from no sleep and hungover. Plus I wouldnt have had the courage to get out of the house.

I am going to have to be careful what I say to my daughter as she hasnt learnt the art of diplomacy as yet. She wanted go to a birthday party and her friends mum was going to be driving them both there. From what my daughter tells me, the mum likes a drink or three which is fine and up to her. But I said to Georgia that I dont want her in the car if this woman has been drinking. So what did my daughter do? Say exactly that to this girl. And what did the girl do? Say exactly that to her mum! Then the mum came back with " does your mum think I am an alcoholic?" OMG, I am going to have to dig my way out of this one.ops:

Anyway gotta go and pick my son up from the movies. So I will see you all tomorrow.

Hippy Chick

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

:no:Good morning Nesters & Happy Hump day

Hello & welcome to Clockwatcher! Glad you found us 7 dropped into the Nest.
Have you read the MWO book yet? You can download it right from the Health store here on the site.
Making the decision to take back control of your life isn't easy but it's the best thing to do, you won't be sorry! Make yourself comfortable, we're here to help

Hippy, that's amazing work you do with the horses & kids. It must provide you with some amazing moments & memories! About your own kids ~ don't ever apologize for looking after their safety! I never would have allowed my kids into someone's car if I knew the parent had been drinking - no way

Wishing everyone a good AF Wednesday! I have lots to do so I'll get started

Lav

[gardengal]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for the kind welcome and advice!

HG, that is exactly what has happened in the past, so I am armed. As far as your daughter, my 13 year old has the same problem with 'lack of filter' I call it.

Both my kids go to school today, so I am (as soon as I stop feeling disgusting) headed to the grocery store for some healthy food and snacks and beverage options, then if I am up to it, would like to head to the book store for some books that I've seen on this site. If all else fails, I can download to my Nook, but for certain books, I like the real thing.

Well yesterday/last night was interesting. I limited my drinking to 3 1/2 weak drinks mixed with pedialite and gatorade (hydrate while dehydrating...isn't it great how I think? ugh) and 1 1/2 beers. I stopped drinking and ate some scrambled eggs and toast (as much as I could) at 6:00. That essentially is 1/8 of my norm. I went to bed early, 8:00, took a benadryl, but woke up by 1130 with sweats/chills/muscle spasms. So, I took 1/2 xanax at 1:30. Slept fitfully and woke up feeling horrible, but I knew this would happen. Todays plan is to keep super busy, which is NOT a problem since I have let sooooo much slide while being drunk all the time. I would love to find the time to take pen to paper and write out my thoughts and plan. I'm doing everything different this time, because obviously what I've done in the past has not worked. Tonights plan is to have my sleepytime tea, get to bed before 9 and take a full xanax. Tomorrow, if all is well, will repeat with 1/2 xanax, then hopefully by Friday, not need anymore. (fingers crossed)

I know I'm most likely in the 'honeymoon' period, full of piss, vinegar and determination, but I WILL do this....if not, I will most likely die if I continue at my current pace, and as many problems as I have, I do like living and would not want to leave my daughters or husband here without me to tell them what to do

Again, thank you all for listening and supporting. I will try as best I can to do so as well once I get my selfish head out of my arse.

Collin