Newbies Nest

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nest!

Happy AF Friday evening. Hippy, it was me who suggested the idea of being a "non drinker" where you go. I completely agree with you it's so hard when you have friends (and in my case even family members) who raise an eyebrow if you don't drink because they know you have had drinks with them in the past.

I was never an obnoxious in your face drunk, so people didn't associate me with a "problem". I'm the one who knew it was a problem and I now wish I had just had the chance to say "I don't drink" without the questioning glances. It would be great! Anyway, I have thought of similar things such as NA beer and just pouring it in a glass or something and NA wine as well. So I can definitely sympathize!

I agree with Lav it's no one's business, but I also understand it can be hard sometimes.

Anyway, the benefits of an AF life are definitely worth the issues we have to deal with in the beginning!

Hope you all have a wonderful AF evening! I'm settling down for a movie.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

PS - that's my favorite quote - opiniions are like assholes.....:H
I used to have a copy of that hanging inmy kitchen (believe it or not) whewn my kids were teenagers ~ just so they knew my rules

Barbara, great on 48 days! The CDs must be doing their magic on you

Hypernova, drop in the Nest anytime - lots of room in here!
My husband was a teeth grinder & a snorer & always complained of headaches but wouldn't listen to my or anyone's advice.

mylife, I've been quietly noticing that people seem to just be drinking less these days. At least the ones my age. I'm OK with that Enjoy your movie!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the Nest. Just noticed a fog rolling in here after some heavy showers. I guess that means the humidity hasn't dropped any

Lav

[Barbara1234]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lav,

Yes, I feel like a new person, and I really mean that. I owe you so much for helping me. Still using them every day. Not ready to let go of them for a while.

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Been madly playing master chef all morning and needed a sit down, so I thought I would say hello.
Thanks for your comments on my dilemma about the grape juice. I know you are all right in saying that my friend should respect my decision. I am just going to see what happens and deal with it as it comes along.
Barbara I loved your come back to people who ask why arnt you drinking. "Why are you drinking" is fantastic and I am going to use that.
I think it is all just a matter of leaning how to deal with life with courage and integrity - something I needed a bottle of wine in me before I could it. Small steps....

Hyper - I have a mouth guard (splint) for grinding my teeth in my sleep - well it's actually for clenching my teeth. I find I actually clench my teeth more when I am using it and wake up with a sore jaw, so I have stopped using it. The more I deal with the stresses in my life and sort out my anxiety the less I clench my teeth.

Anyway had my rest and cuppa so back to the kitchen.

Have a great Saturday and I will let you know how it goes.

hippy

[PlaceSeeker]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning All,

Hyper, so glad you came over here. I'm enjoying getting to know everyone! That's awful about the teeth grinding. I had a friend who had the problem, and I know it's something you really do need to get under control because it can cause other problems. Let us know how it goes.

Hippy, I think you're right about how things will kind of just naturally have to play out -- hard to predict what the conversation will be and how the drinking issue will/will not arise. For me personally, I've started telling people the absolute truth. I say that I drank for decades and alcohol never bothered me but that now it does -- I tell them how it impacts my sleep mostly and that I feel like I've developed almost an allergy to it -- that my body just doesn't process it like it used to. And, you know, I think people are interested in hearing that because I think many of them are starting to have the same issues. We never know when we'll influence someone. Almost everyone I tell opens up and says that they've noticed they don't feel so great now after drinking. Still, it's really hard for people to be in social settings without it. I guess we all have to do things in our own time and can't force a big change like this until we're truly ready. I actually think it might be harder for people (like me) who never had a bad bottom - no big ill effects or life problems from alcohol - just a slow, progressive deterioration. I think that's why I kept trying to moderate. Anyway, will be interested to hear how your party/friend interaction goes.

Barbara, so wonderful about how you're progressing. And, Lav, I know I sound like a broken record, but thanks for being here.........it just really helps to have your encouragement because you've made it such a long time sober!

My Life - sounds like you're doing really well on this journey. I take it that you've tried to moderate a few times (like me)? Are you now thinking you'll stop that and just be AF?

Guess I'll sign off for now - I hope you all have a super day. I'm feeling fabulous every morning - waking up rested, content. The quality of sleep is remarkable.

Best to you all,
PS

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Good morning. You all sound like you are doing well this morning. Just a quick post to say that while I'm not where I want to be yet, I'm sure heading on the right path. Waking up this morning for the second Saturday in a row after not drinking the night before is something that has not happened for 20 years.

I'm trying not to set huge goal right now because my son is getting married next weekend (such a happy time). Anyway, my problem with drinking is not in social situations, where I seem to know to follow acceptable social norms. My problem is more the toll the daily drinking in the privacy of my home is taking. That's a long way of saying I'm not going to beat myself up if I have some wine this next week as my family gathers for the big day.

Anyway, I've probably posted this on the wrong thread. Just wanted to say good morning, and acknowledge how important this board (and the Topamax I had the courage to talk to my Dr. about after reading My Way Out) are. You all all helping me change my life with your unending support and compassion. This place feels like a big, healthy family.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Just a quick hello, I have to take one of the dogs to the vet for her checkup.
Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Saturday

Lav

[PlaceSeeker]

Newbies Nest

Irie, nice to meet you. Sounds like you're making progress. Welcome! I agree that there is something really safe and secure feeling about this site. People are so nice and understanding - hoping it makes the difference for me to have support. And, congrats on the happy event of your son's wedding!

[RemorseBeGone]

Newbies Nest

Day 6 AF

I've visited every day since my decision.

Just reading the various posts and getting tips from the toolbox has helped my journey.

My wife is great and supportive at home but the extra insight and support from this site is a fantastic.

Keep in touch folks! :goodjob:

[autumn]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon Nesters,

Hope you are all having a great sober Saturday I used to suffer from teethgrinding too, and clenching. I had a bite plate made, but it made me dribble in my sleep, that was years ago. Now I just dribble because I'm old!

I had the not drinking thing too, my dearest freinds all know and respect my AL battle, but the others were quite curious, and once they saw me for the first few times, they stopped noticing and were too busy with their own drinks. Although I do bail out quite early now, as drunken people repeating theirselves are so boring! And I used to be one!

My exscuses,

I have given up for my 40th birthday (true)
I liked AL, but it didn't like me,
No thanks, but I will be the smug one when I wake tomorrow AF, I'll think of you tho :H
Just can't do it like I used to,

I mostly drink appletize in a wine glass when I'm out and every asumes it wine! I have to be careful not to guzzle it in a restaurant as I look like a lush :H

[PlaceSeeker]

Newbies Nest

RBG - my husband is supportive too, but can't replace this site where people really understand the struggle.

Autumn, great tips - thanks I will be using some of these!

Have a good AF day everyone - keep your eye on the prize - feeling good, thinking straight, energy, not struggling...........

PS

[life...take2]

Newbies Nest

HippieChick,

Good luck with your dinner party.
I think you are right - just go with your instincts and don't overthink it all.
just an fyi: once I wanted to get clean and sober, I had to make some hard choices with several of my heavy drinker friends who were visibly upset when I stopped because I was "ruining" all the fun.

if it helps, here is what I did:
1. when asked, say "no thanks, I'm going to have some X instead."
2. when pressed, How come you're not going to drink." I would respond, "Because I'm trying to live better - healthier." or, "Because I'm trying to regain control over my life through a good diet (and excercise). And I feel so good without booze and all those empty calories."
3. if you're pressed more [but 1 drink won't kill you], repeat the above and add, "I don't understand, don't you want me to live better, healthier?" Or say something like, "I don't understand, are you NOT OK with my wanting to do something positive for myself?"

in all honesty, alcoholics seek out each other's company. Once I gained clarity, I couldn't believe how many "friends" I had who drank like fishes. No mystery: we sought each other out because the company was safe. All drug addicts do this and all drug addicts lash out when 1 from the group decides to seek help.
Your friend knows the REAL reason why you're no longer drinking. And the anger she projects at you is due to the fact that your decision is making her take a good look at her own life and drinking patterns.

Stay strong and tell the truth. Smile about it your decision and be confident in it much in the same way that dieters are happy when they start losing weight that has brought them sickness and distress: "No thanks, for the first time in a while, I'm taking control of my diet, my life, and I love it. I can do so many things I couldn't do before." It works as a good excuse for booze too!

And it puts you on OFFENSIVE because the person hearing your response has to ask him/her self at some point: How come I can't be happy for her?

Good luck!

[PlaceSeeker]

Newbies Nest

LT2 - excellent post. Thanks.

[mario]

Newbies Nest

Hi people just like to share this
The process you are now going through is one where you take back control of your life. The things you do and achieve are now within your choice. You need to seek and find the power within you and realise that you are no longer a like a leaf blown by the wind.


"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."
George Bernard Shaw

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good to hear from you Mario the wise one