Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wicked, so glad you came out of the shadows to tell us of your success! 47 days is HUGE on your own! You must be very proud (chuffed, as some of our UK friends say!). Gosh, you are well underway with your bad self! Well done, my new friend!
PF, look at you! Now all you need to tell yourself is to get to 7 days. That's a big one...you'll have gone every day of the week AF so there's nothing that can be thrown at you that you can't handle. I am pulling for you, and I know you can do it. So glad you have a distraction today, that's important....keep your mind busy and off of the things that get it in trouble.
Lav, glad you didn't get the coating of snow I saw on tv this morning....the good news is it's supposed to move out quickly....I was imagining you going out to tell your chickens good night and to bundle up. I'm sure you are as good a Hen Mother as you are a Nest Mother! Give those chickens a little peck from me!!! ehehe...
Keep out of the rabbit hole nesters!!! Love to all, Byrdie

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters; sad to have to yet again admit that I have succumbed to the poison! I was 1 day away from my 3 week mark. I don't want to go into it but that particular night nothing could have turned me. The next day, felt as strong as I had been over the 3 previous weeks and started to think that maybe I had licked it - it was only one night after all! What a load of bull!!! Come 3 or 4 o'clock I was contemplating what to drink that evening. And I did, and the next and the next and........
When I hear of others who slip, they might say they only had 2 glasses of wine or a couple of beers, but when I slip, I go right to the 2 bottles of wine again! Because I have been drinking less on the whole, I find my body is then shocked by the sudden intake of poison. Last night I came out in bright red blotches which disappeared by the morning. I almost fell into my open fire the previous night. All the usual crap right back in my face again!!!
This is the longest AF stint I have had since June. I don't want a stint again, I want AF for good! I know where I went wrong and will now continue as I was before I just got stupid again!!! I feel most of today and even while I was drinking I continuously berate myself 'Why, why, why?'
But as usual the one thing I do know after my time on here is that I have to come back - good news or bad......
So that was the bad news, and the good news is I haven't lost my resolve. Just done day 1 and looking forward to moving on.......thanks for 'listening'...............

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Darn darn
I'm getting scared- must be something in the air! And wheres windy? And haven't heard from msuri either
Gotta drift off everyone
I hope all will keep on trying!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

It's late, haven't had a chance to check in!

Lolab, hope you are OK & getting some rest

Wicked, hello & welcome! You've done a great job all on your own, good for you! Please stick around & share your enthusiasm

Daisy, sorry to hear you fell out of the Nest
Glad you came right back. Don't go away again, we need you.

I had a great day, totally unplanned but great nonetheless.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the Nest & please use the Nest belts

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

BRRRRRR!!!!

It's a frosty 27 degrees this morning!!!! A bit too chilly for Halloween!

I have a seriously busy day ahead but will check back in tonight. Wishing everyone a great AF Monday in the Nest

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hello...yes, Lav...I'm still ok! I've just had to go look at the calendar and count and today will be 36 for me. By tomorrow, I will have made the entire month of October AF.

What has it done for me? I've been able to stay awake to watch the end of "our shows" with my teenager. I've been able to run him out for last minute outings at night, without panicking when he asks...I've been able to tackle oh so many little chores around this house that have been put off for so long...I've been able to think about Christmas and do a little ordering online already...I've been able to drive to school in the morning without thinking in the back of my mind that it's probably very dangerous...I've lost about 6 pounds...I've been able to get up close to people and not worry about the alcohol smell...I no longer get up on a weekend and think that I'd like to start drinking as soon as possible...Only recently do I walk in the door after work and realize that the first thought I have is NOT "I need a drink"....things are shifting....from it being really hard - to feeling quite natural to not drink...from thinking that it's just for today to realizing that I actually could and do want to keep this up. This is HUGE for me. For me to think realistically that I could just be a non-drinker - and not be panicked about that is HUUUUUGE.....And then to feel that if I do that, then I really honestly don't feel like I'm giving something up....just look at all I and all those I love are gaining. We're all gaining ME and without alcohol, I'm actually pretty cool...not that dullish foggy person I had become.

It's funny, with each day, I'm gaining a clearer perspective of what I was like and it's oh so sad. I thought I was fun but in reality, when we had get togethers here? half the time I disappeared from an outdoor crowd and went to bed, after looking for numerous opportunities to retreat and down my drinks in private. fun, huh? Each time I think through an event where I would have been drinking - which turns out to be EVERY event....right down to making dinner, or watching a movie...I think how much better it is without alcohol.

It didn't happen overnight....these feelings have been slowly evolving over the past month. And I know I have far to go. At this point, I wonder what an extremely stressful or painfu event would do to me....and I don't have confidence that I wouldn't be tempted to dull the feelings. So for now, I'm accepting that and hoping that catastrophes stay far away until I'm stronger (or forever would be nice...) But considering a couple weeks ago, I felt that if I came face to face with a bottle of vodka - in a normal situation, that the vodka or wine would win...and somehow....over time and from visiting here and reading and living - it slowly just happened - now it wouldn't have a chance.

So, I'm slowly marching forward. For everyone starting over or in the early days - just keep going...each and every day, little tiny things happen that make you see things more clearly.

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I am up, I am sooooo fatigued today - have to think my body after all these years is purging because I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I slept like the dead once I went to sleep. And my supplements are totally on track.

So I am hoping this to shall pass. Wondering if anyone has a guess who long I might be in feel like caca-ville?

Regardless - my 1 st day 6 in over 18 years has begun.

Onward.

[mightymite]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Prairie, way to go on day 6!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

yea for you prairie!!!!!! well, not that you feel like crap, but you know - congratulations!

days....a couple of days....tough it out...it won't last that long! The great thing is that you ARE sleeping. And taking your supplements. (are you taking magnesium? another thing most alcohol abusers are deficient in... - check that out - I think it's crucial)

Hey mightymite - nice to see you!

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
Daisy I am glad you are still with us and have dusted yourself down and jumped back up again...well done
lolab I love your post
Lav....I hate the cold weather and cant stand the snow.....give me sun any day....lol
Well I am glad trick & treating is now out the way...my feet are killing me....but at least the boys enjoy it, they will now be hiper for a week with all the sweets that they got!!!!!!
Well my first day at work went really well, they seem like a good bunch of people.
I am now sooo tired (think I have been using my brain a bit too much today....lol) so I am going to get my PJ's on and slop infront of the TV
Nite nite all
Take care
Ronnie
xxx

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Lolab we x posted, well done on day 6...you rock xxxx

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Hiya Girls

Great post lolab - reading all the things you now are feeling/doing is motivational for me
Prarie = excellent. I remember we started at the same time , I slipped but I'm back

Mighty, Lav, Ronnie, great to see you (in cyber space!)

I went back to work today - was fine, came home had healthy food and the first time in ages I really didn't think about drinking.. actually didn't even have any cravings... Whoa, whats going on?

Still haven't started my exercise plan, I don't need to lose weight but want to be fit... mmm and still havent stopped nicotine but slowed right down.

I'm quietly confident

Take Care
Patrice

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hello all; Lav, glad to be back. Sounds like you need to get the thermals out. Have you an open fire in your house? So cosy in the Winter. (Just remembered nearly falling into mine the other night - ooooooh, another reason to be AF!)
LolaB, you are doing grrrreat! So pleased for you. And Prairie; getting through those first few days after so many years is huge - well done!
Ronnie, you sound good. Trick or treating doesn't even start here for another 6 hours...
Hi to Mightymite and all Nesters. I am starting over and have decided not to dwell on last week, just get right back in. I find dwelling on a slip or a negative sometimes brings about more of the same....so only picking what positives I can and moving right on. Isn't it funny how we can genuinely care about one another in this online situation. It makes me think of a child when they fall and cut themselves and they cry; then mum comes along with a few words, and a kiss on the scratch and all feels so much better.
That's kind of how I feel when I come back here..........thanks to all of you. Hope you all feel that too!

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Wicked...47 Days on your own. That is remarkable, and I hope you will come here more often and share with us your story and strength. I am somewhere around 35 days and I feel like each day presents its self with more clarity and energy to become my true self. I also don't know if I could do it without the help of other people here. What you have done shows great determination and where with all.

Lolab -- Great post. I feel like I am waking up and it really took a good 30 day AFness to get there. The world is my oyster again and yours too. There are so many things I find I am looking forward to doing AF. It will be more fun, clearer and I am there: body and soul. It was nice you were looking for me yesterday. Weekends are hard for me to get my computer time, as the kids are computer hogs.

Lav -- and fellow bread makers -- I made my first master batch from the Artisan book yesterday and it was amazing and I can't wait to try more recipes.

For those of you struggling and starting over...If I say it a thousand times it would not be enough. "I truly believe it takes a lot of false starts to get it right". Just stay at it and be honest with yourself. It always helped me to reevaluate at the time I had a hangover, when I felt the worst. How long was the actual "good buzz"? Do I remember everything? And to focus on how bad it truly made me feel (physically) all of the time. I am constantly having to remind myself that IT WAS NOT FUN AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT each and every time, pretty much without exception at any level or amount I had. There is nothing romantic or endearing about it EVER. And as far as being relaxed...well at this stage of the game we know it only made me seriously more anxious and, quite frankly, bitchy.

Byrdie -- I am so glad you and your husband are done with your ordeal. It must have been harder like you say before the surgery with all the unknown. Onward and Upward. Thank you for your kind words or encouragement.

We had company last night and there was beer available. It was hard for about 1/2 hour. The part that was hard (for me) was that I felt some guilt for not being apart of it. I know that doesn't make sense, but it was a revelation to me. Maybe I felt I wasn't contributing to the good-time atmosphere. After looking back though, it really didn't change any thing except I managed to keep to my cooking schedule and we actually ate at the planned time.

Ta ta for now.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

LOLAB!! What a moving post! I am so happy for you I could cry. It truly IS amazing the people we really are without AL....with so much life in us and so much to give. I was becoming more and more worthless to myself and others...a shut in, really...a slave to my stash, and people who got in the way of it were nothing but annoying. Isn't it amazing the feeling of freedom? It is something that really is hard to describe. I think it is important to remember our own words for when we get down in the dumps...I hope you'll make a note somewhere that your post #14464 on your Day 36 was very important. Maybe on those days when life hands you a plate full of crap, you can go back and look at just how important keeping your quit is. It is everything. Well done, Lola...
Daisy, I'm glad you are back and out of the fire. It won't take but a couple of AF days til you have your groove back on. I had a buddy that was exactly 2 weeks ahead of me so I kind of knew what to expect by what she was posting...and it was almost all good...so get back on up in this nest and set out to kick AL out of your way...
Today is my birthday! I'm 52. This is the first sober birthday I've had since I was 18. Thank you all for helping me achieve what I thought was impossible last year at this time. This place rocks!! Happy Halloween to the rest of the nest!!! XXXOOO, Byrdie