Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Lolab...your post is one that I will keep going back to. As a newbie on day 9, I am not sure what I will do when I reach the magical 30. Reading what you wrote will help me immensely as I go forward. I am actually a bit afraid of the big 30 because I think I will have to decide then whether to mod or abstain...I know that is not true, but just my usual anxiety coming through.

What did others do when they hit #30? What do others plan to do when they get there? Why am I worried about this now when I have a long way to go? I should just try to enjoy the ride of not a) giving in to cravings b) in a fog or c) hungover and feeling like crap.

...trying to learn from those who came to this place before me. Hope someday I can help as much as you all have.

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Belle Girl -- You asked what did others do after 30 days AF? The first time I did 30 days AF (1-1/2 years ago), I couldn't imagine never drinking again and the day after 30 days was up, I started a moderation plan. I did okay for awhile, but there were many times I would overdo it. I had to admit to myself that I was different in that those cravings NEVER went away for me. I must add I never drank in the morning and never drank hard liquor, but never-the-less, I drank because I craved it. Apparently normal drinkers do no crave alcohol. So that was my wake-up moment when I realized that. I will alway crave to have more and reach a higher buzz. Also, I should have given it more time than just 30 days. I was just beginning to feel the benefits and did a one-eighty to reverse it.

This time it is different for me because I know I am not a "normal" drinker and I am not even going to contemplate that possibility for some time now. I decided to wait 100 days and then see, knowing that 30 days was just not enough (for me). I feel so good now, after 36 days, that I believe I have found my answer already. I do not want to be that person who has to measure each and every moment that alcohol is involved in. I now know that 2 drinks will not be enough because I CRAVE more. Quite honestly, I find that now it much easier to just not have anything to begin with, than to fight the battle that cravings present. The craving are the key. If you are craving alcohol and need more, that should be the answer as to where you want to go.

I hope this helps...I tend to go on some.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon greetings ronnie, Patrice, windy, lolab & Belle

Belle, I started this program hoping to be able to drink moderately after 30 days. But as I approached that 30 day mark I honestly knew I couldn't & didn't want to give up my quit. So here I am 2 1/2 years later still AF & loving it

Hello wpgwonder, welcome to the nest!
If I understand correctly you are now 6 days AF?
If so that's terrific so staying away from AL at all costs should be your #1 priority!!!!
Have you ever read the MWO book? It's a good place to start - you can download it from the Health store right here on the site.
You need to write a plan for yourself. If you are going to rehab you will be doing the same sort of thing there. In the meantime take a look in our https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for lots of great ways & ideas on staying away from alcohol.
Non-alcoholic beer is probably not a good idea right now. You need to learn to drink soft drinks, tea, etc & be happy with that choice just like we all do. The MWO Hypnotherapy CDs were very helpful in changing my thinking about drinking - take a look at them as well.

OK, have to get back to work

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Belle Girl, I am somewhere in the middle of the 'what to do after 30 days?' talking point. Lav abstained completely after that. I, however, thought I had a handle on this thing..I tried and fail many times over the course of a year to quit/moderate....I simply could NOT do it. I white knuckled it every single hour until I could drink. It's all I thought about....WHEN was my next drink coming? So I'll throw this question out...what brought you here? Were you at the end of your drinking rope? Was AL taking over your life? Were you making rules for yourself and then breaking them? I finally had to face the fact that I couldn't control it any better than anyone else here. The best option was to take my 30 days and RUN with them. Now at over 10 months, there is NOTHING that would make me take that first drink...because I know how I am. And if that's not good enough, I've seen it over and over and OVER on this very board...people with months and years under their belts dipping their toes in the water yet again only to get sucked back in....and like me, each time it gets worse! But no amount of my words is going to be the answer for everyone. I finally had to hit bottom before I knew I had to live my life without AL. And here is the biggest secret of all....it is now NO BIG DEAL! I just don't drink. Period. To think how I fretted and wrung my hands at the thought....it is no big deal now, but I must never let this make me less vigilent. It is no big deal because it is not an option. And it's the most liberating feeling I've ever had. I don't have to decide or think about it. NO. Hell NO! AL did nothing for me but take away....I've had it. It's time I take back, and that does not include AL. I hope your resolve stays firm after 30 days. You will never regret being alcohol free....BUT MANY TIMES I've regretting having it. Just my 2 cents. Byrdie

[mightymite]

Newbies Nest

Belle Girl, I am only 10 days in but I know that I will not drink at 30. But I am not even counting up to 30. I just know that I am done. I have not set 30 as a goal. The rest of my life is my goal. Until I breathe my last breath is my goal. Like Byrdie, it is not an option. I know I cannot and can't ever have another drink and I am so ok with that. I am so relieved.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Windy, Lav, Bird and Mighty, thanks for sharing. I truly do not know what I will do after 30 days is up. Un(fortunately?) it will be the day before Thanksgiving. Yes, red wine with the Turkey dinner will look awful appealing. One of the things husband and I shared early on was an interest in wine tasting. Tasting, not gorging!

Husband is a whole 'nother post that I will do someday. He knows I can't handle drinking like I used to, but has no idea what I have been really doing. He has a lot of baggage from growing up in his family that make things like this put him over the edge. He knows I am not drinking lately for reasons below.

You all have given me a lot of food for thought. Of course, at this point my inner self is saying "yes, you will be able to moderate after you come off of this 30 day thing"...but my gut (and many of you) are telling me that it is very possible that I will end up where I was. And where was I??? I could look like I was having a glass or two of wine, but I would "supplement" with some vodka or gin privately to raise the buzz. That would lead to out-of-control behavior and misery. Boredom and anxiety would also send me to a drink (or 2 or...) alone. I can identify with a lot of things I have read here...not remembering saying goodbye to guests, wondering what I said on the phone to who, removing facebook posts...yes I did all those things also.

Anxiety has always been an issue for me. AL was a great self-medicating agent. My toughest hours are from 4pm to dinner time. If I can make it to the dinner table without drinking, I am good for the night. Just didn't make it most days. Snapping at the kids...not checking their homework...not giving a darn if they get showered... Husband works long late hours and is almost never home by kids' (or my) bedtime. These are just some of the reasons I can think of at the moment why I came here. Also had some abdominal pains...worried that my liver was gone. Got things checked out and everything is OK (except a teeny tiny gallstone), but that kicked off a round of major health anxiety that I just can't shake. Doc put me on zoloft which is also a good reason not to drink as it works with the seratonin receptors, and alcohol can interefere with it. I will be meeting with a psychologist on Thursday. So much revolves around the anxiety, especially the AL.

Wow...that was a brain dump. Hope some of it made sense so we can get to know each other better. I see Mighty is in maryland, byrd is in NC, Lav is in PA...I'm in Virginia (grew up in maryland). I guess we are the east coast girls...

All for now. Kids think one of the goldfish is dying. Gotta deal with it...and I can today! Hope everyone has a great AF evening, morning or whatever time it is in their time zone.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon everyone!

Hope everyone made it through Halloween?s activities and is now a little bit stronger for it. I don?t celebrate Holidays so I?m happy not to have to deal with that added pressure. I?m sitting here at work listening to the people around me talking about how they need a ?stiff drink??hmm, wonder why? Whatever they?re feeling right now will still be there when the buzz fades. I really do have a different attitude towards alcohol since reading the Vale book. I don?t see the glitz and glamour or even the fun in it anymore. Last night we went out to the local pizza place with about 20 friends from church so that we could avoid the trick or treaters and also so the kids could hang out, and we had a blast! But when we got home it was obvious our neighbors were having quite the party?wonder how many had to call in ?sick? today? I hope I don?t sound ?holier-than-thou??just happy to not be a slave to alcohol or it?s after effects anymore!

Patrice ? Congrats on day 2?I?m glad your mood is improving. It just keeps getting better and better so hang in there!

WPG ? I wanted to welcome you to MWO, you?ve found a great place. Sorry to hear of your troubles. I think you said it?s been 6 days since you?ve had a drink, how are you feeling physically and emotionally? It can be quite difficult at first. The body gets over alcohol pretty quickly, but the mind takes much longer. Have you made a resolve that you can?t or don?t want to drink anymore? Once you have firmly made up your mind, it will get easier, I promise. Hang in there, and stick close to us. You?ll always find support and suggestions here.

Belle ? Day 30 for me (the first time) was kind of shaky?I felt I?d hit a ?milestone? and that maybe I?d proven I didn?t have a problem after all. Not so at all. My suggestion would be to just keep racking up the days, and don?t test yourself. I ended up starting over after 30, 45, even 70+ days. I think I?ve finally learned that drinking will NEVER change for me. I guess I?m thick headed and that?s the reason it took so long, but I think I?ve got it now!

Hi Windy, Byrd, Lav, Mightymite and anyone else I may have missed! I hope you?re all having a great day. Let?s be strong and stick together, we CAN do this!!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi! Another Phone post so sorry in advance for typos!
Belle I'm glad my post struck a chord with you-I'll say that your last one also did with me. Much of what you said could be me-the hours of temptation-late afternoon was the worst time. By 6 I was pretty much home free if I hadn't started yet...hubby gone lots...secret drinks of vodka. But over time that worked up to more and more hours of the day spent in a fog.

I did figure out that if I took homeopathic calming supps it helped me because I would drink sometimes at least-due to anxiety. (calms forte and nerve tonic)

Last winter I made it 30days and I never consciously made the decision to moderate
I just let my guard down. An illness in my family , some birthday get togethers, no time to get on mwo, and I was drinking a little wine thinking it wasn't that bad. By September I was hiding wine and vodka in my laundry room and under my bed. So now? I have no desire to try to moderate
I get scared reading around here about the many many people at oh so many stages of this journey who try again and come back knowing it was a mistake. It bothers me even more -the people who have posted here -some for long periods if time -who you just don't hear from anymore. I so hope that they've had success but i know for the most part they've been sucked back into the fog they tried to escape from. I know I have to keep all of this in my head daily for quite some time. I can't let my guard down again.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Oh and I'm another east coast girl-ny!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

:cheering: East coast girls rock :cheering:
And so does everyone else in the Nest

Hello to everyone & I just wanted to mention something to Belle. If you haven't already check in on the moderators threads, see how they're doing. Maybe that will help you with your eventual decision. There are a few people who seem to be doing OK with moderating for now, some not. Roberta Jewel eventually gave up her attempts at moderating & decided to go AF.......just so you know

Where the heck is the Cap'n this week????

Wishing everyone a safe AF night in the Nest!
Tomorrow is hump day already :yay:

Lav

[nollie]

Newbies Nest

windy;1201607 wrote:
Nollie -- It sounds like you know exactly what I am talking about. I was wondering about your visits to the bars and restaurants -- what were some of the clear-headed observations you made? Did people seem like they were drinking a lot or just a little?

You know, I thought they would be drinking a lot, but actually the vast majority drank far less than I would normally have done during an evening out. Some of my friends didn't drink at all and I had never noticed before. The trickiest part for me was explaining why I wasn't drinking, I think because everyone is so used to seeing me knock them back. I just said that I had read a lot of research recently linking even moderate amounts of alcohol with breast cancer and I didn't want to take the slightest risk of contributing to getting cancer again so I had stopped drinking. Everyone 'got it' straight away, it was such a no-brainer that people accepted it without question and no-one encouraged me to drink.

[gregorino]

Newbies Nest

Checking In

Great Day in the Nest!

Hokey Smokey, do I have a lot of catching up to do.

I feel badly that I have not been contributing much lately as The Nest has been so instrumental as part of my recovery process. I'll see if I can get caught up a bit with all the happenings here over the next few days.

Took several days off last week to first plunk Chapter Two back into the St Johns River, and then motor her downstream to Jacksonville and start the trek around Florida towards home. Sailboats, even with the engine, are a very slow way to go anywhere. So, it will be a process of a few days here and there over several weeks/months to get her home.

It felt a bit weird to be aboard for a few days without the presence of AL. AL is usually a very big part of boating, at least in my circle of friends. My best sailing buddies do know that I have chosen the abstinence path and seem to be fairly supportive. The real test will come when we are all aboard together and the AL starts to flow as the day winds down. Despite the 100+ days of continuous sobriety, I still feel there will be some situations to be wary of and that I must be very vigilant about maintaining my quit.

I only have about 300 things to work on (boats are like that), and having AL aboard would greatly impair my ability to get much accomplished because once I have one then you can be sure I'm going to have many more and I'll be a drunken scallywag who is bleeding from the eyes with a pounding headache and bumps and bruises of unknown origin. Then, of course, that condition (AL would reason) is best dealt with by doing it all again!

I've often wondered how ANYTHING ever got done when AL was a constant companion in my life. In retrospect, I can honestly say that practically nothing WAS getting done! I know there's certainly no way on God's Blue Earth that I would be doing what I am now.

Anyhow, I need to go hit the gym and then get to work. I promise to try and get somewhat caught up here shortly!

I hope all Nesters everywhere are staying on their quits and enjoying the many benefits of life without AL aboard.

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody in the nest!

Was out taking a dance class last night - never would have done that before. Am going to kick boxing tonight...trying to stay busy after work so I don't slip...I am starting Day 7 - I will have done the whole week as of tomorrow. Haven't done that since High School.

Interesting - last night the cravings were horrible - late at night - not because I wanted to drink - but I think the booze brain, the AL seeking alien (from the tool box thread) was determined to get me up out of bed and take a drink. And I rode it out. Told the Alien to get stuffed.

Did I read that right? Roberta Jewell eventually stopped modding? Really? is there a thread or story:article about her choice?

Anyway - first Day 7 in 24 years. Onward.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & happy hump day

Cap'n, glad you checked in. I knew you said you would be busy for a few days with your boat but you know how I worry

nollie, as a breast cancer survivor you certainly do have every reason to remain AF. Your decision & strength could help many others make the same wise choice!

PF, here is the post I read written by RJ
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...tml#post794383

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Wednesday! Keep up the great work!

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

good morning. Glad to see greg checking in. I was sure hopeful that you were just busy. I'm going thru a phase where I'm freaking out a bit - checking to see how many of us "stay the course"...there are so many that I don't see posts from anymore...and I've only been here less than a year with a few months off....hippychick, leaveinsilence, and more recent friendswho have only been absent a few days! I don't know how you do it Lav...worry worry worry! ;-)

Prairie, I've looked back - your posts sound more and more positive every day! You've come a long way girl!!! And I've said it before but you are doing your homework and doing things right....CD's, toolbox, dance classes, KICK BOXING??? awesome! and a new look too!

Nollie, I'm glad you found an easy and extremley valid explanation for not drinking. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the less important aspects of sobriety (You know - (hey, I lost 5 pounds - my jeans fit me again!) - but something KEY for me is to keep remembering the very very real health dangers. Thanks for reminding me.:l

Daisy, are you there? How are you doing?

Hi Ronnie, I remember once having this random thought of drinking - a really strong urge to have a drink - while I was cleaning the bathroom!!! Now, I may have in the past - cleaned the bathroom while drunk - but I can quite honestly say that I've never actually cleaned the bathroom with a drink in my hand! Where the heck do these thoughts COME from?!?!?!

Hi Windy dear friend...I hope you're having a good week.

Hey Patrice - Day 3 today right? I love talking about food...what kind of good food are you eating? I always love ideas about eating good food...

wpgwonder, how are you today?

Hi Belle, I replied last night....you're doing great on day 10 now??? yea!!!

Hi Byrdie - I love your strength. It inspires me....:h and for mightymite - you seem so strong and certain - that is how we need to be - super!

Hi K9 - I know what you mean about just keep raacking up the days....sometimes it feel odd to not have a "goal" per se but when you just don't plan on drinking again, I guess that is a goal right? Lav has said it again and again - once she hit 30 she just kept going - seems to be what's happening to me...I just don't see myself going back.

Mimi, how are you doing? Listen to the wise ones - and tackle the most important things first....Trying to get sober and worry about your weight and a bunch of other things can seem so overwhelming that you just say "the hell with it" and give it all up...keep it going....

Hi Wicked! ...that's interesting that the EFT did helpwith your craving....I read about it a few years back and occasionally will half heartedly try it, maybe I should give it another look.

Hey Boozer, how are you doing with the social events and the diet coke? I don't drink diet soda or regular soda for that matter - occasionally will have one without HFCS but it's pretty much selzer water for me - good thing I never get asked to go out much anymore - :H

So nesters, nestlings, newbies, I have to get off my butt and get some things done! Thanks for being here and being so open and supportive and honest - :h
~lola