Newbies Nest

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Hiya all

Yep I'm still on the same horse.. no buckin' as yet.

Yes Lolab - I am on day 3, feeling pleased.. the healthy eating is working a treat.
I'm trying to eat Papaya (pawpaw in US?), passionfruit and yoghurt with sunflower seeds for brekky.
Salad with all kinds of raw stuff + goats fetta and a can of tuna for lunch
And tonight I had fresh tuna tomyam thai soup with Paratha.
Drinking lots of coconut water and detox tea

I can honestly say that the helthier food I eat the less alcohol I want and I have had NO sugar cravings as yet ( is that the 6g of L-glut I am taking??). As we speak there are 2 fresh chocolate croissants lying around and quite frankly I am not remotely tempted..

Thats today though (haha) who knows tomorrow..
Keep up the good fight guys

Take Care
Patrice

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi LolaB, still here....takes me a while to get back to the usual posting. Think part of it is the disappointment in myself and feeling a bit silly after being so upbeat and strong and then flushing it all down the toilet!
So I took a bit of time to think about things. When I start over I feel so strong and especially this last time after reading Jason Vales book. I have just read a couple of posts from DG and Molly on another thread; about how much harder it is to get back after a series of relapses and even DG has doubts whether she would be strong enough to start over. This really made me think and actually I feel very strongly that this is what has happened to me over the last few months - also that 'well, I've already messed up, so I'll delay when I get back on the wagon...'; so pointless, the only thing I am delaying is everything that is good about being AF.
I still stand by everything Jason Vale writes about that helped me so much over this past month. I take full responsibility for choosing to drink. The unfortunate thing is once the first drink is taken, a weakness in oneself comes with that and hence the continuation to drink and loss of resolve and wiser thinking that really only exists when AF.
I have changed my signature again and as far as I am concerned this one is here to stay. 1.11.11.
Abouttimeto posted a great progress report yesterday - well worth a read for anyone who hasn't done so....
Anyways, before I go any further down 'waffle alley', I am going forward and determined. Thank you and everyone else here for being so kind....that really helps, along with some 'kick in the ass' posts that bring us back to reality.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

I'm baaaack...(again)

Hi Nesters,

I haven't been on in a few months, but here I am, with a third attempt this year to go AF. I have lots of catching up to do and already feel better as I type this post that I am in the right place. Why oh why do I stray? For those who don't remember me, I gave up drinking last January and succeeded for 70 days, and it felt great. I want that feeling back. I don't want to be controlled by AL (my choice of poison, red wine). I made a second attempt early in summer and made it about 2 weeks but caved in. I think I was making too many changes at once in my day to day life and have learned to take one thing at a time.

I noticed that I was last on here on Aug. 17th, the day after my birthday, but didn't post. Now here we are at Nov. 2nd and I need to get on board with my new sober life. Coincidentally, as I was waking up this morning and making the decision that today is the day to give up AL, it is also the anniversary of the death of 3 people in my family (not AL related deaths...one to cancer (my father), one to old age (my dear old grandmother) and one to a lung disease (my great uncle). It has always puzzled my mother and I that they all died on the same day, but different years. So, to further add to the strength of my decision, I am giving up AL in honor of them too.

I have tried to mod but I end up drinking over a bottle of wine a night now. I can't even get home and take my coat off without reaching for a glass of wine and finishing it before I do anything else at home. I hate it and it is going to stop TODAY. This morning I am nursing a mild hangover, complete with a pretty nasty headache, but it serves me right. All the more reason to quit. And it makes me look forward to tomorrow morning, as I'll be waking up feeling much better and sober.

As I have learned from the senior members, I need to have a PLAN. So my plan for today is to check out the toolbox link after posting this. Then I'm going to have a good breakfast and take a walk (I have today and tomorrow off from work...my mid-week "weekend" so to speak as I work in retail and need to work on the weekends). I have lots of house chores to do and some yard. I am going to plant some narcissus bulbs in an indoor pot as a symbol of my start of sobriety so I can watch them grow as I do. I love those little white flowers. By Christmas, they will be in full bloom. I will make sure that I don't let myself get too hungry today as that is a trigger to drink for me. I have some craft projects going for the holidays which will keep me busy, and my art. I have lots of seltzer water stocked up for my new "drink" and I have a good book and tea waiting for me this evening when hubby is teaching a night course. So, that's my plan for today. Getting through day one is the toughest so wish me luck. I know I am in good company. I will also plan to post later today to check in.

Thanks for reading and I wish all of you a happy, healthy sober day!:h

I look forward to meeting up with all of you, those familiar and those new to me. The vibe on here is positive and I am happy to be back.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Patrice, that food sounds so good! I bet it IS helping loads...getting all that healhy stuff in your body...I'm a firm believer in good clean eating.

Also Lindt dark chocolate bars with a hint of sea salt...:H

Daisy, I've been struggling so much trying to figure out how our feelings can change so fast regarding alcohol...and I'm not being critical to those who have gone back to it - I did it myself. It just makes me so sad and downright scared of the future when I see people who are so determined to stay AF (like I feel right now) - come back saying that they are moderating - or they fell hard - or they just disappear altogether....

which brings me to blondeafambition - your post is a sign! You came here for help, but you have provided me with HOPE! You are one I remember and for some reason I identify with you - maybe b/c that could be me in your avatar. Weren't you looking at new homes earlier in the year? I'm glad you're back and committed....

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

oh hey Daisy where is that progress report you were speaking about?

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lolab! Thanks for remembering me . Yes, hubs and I were looking at houses earlier this year. We ended up doing some renovations at our current place (we own a nice condo) and decided to stay in place for now and put the house hunt on hold. We redid our bathroom and I love it. You have a great memory! Great to see you on here and doing well!

Yes, it is scary that some members stay so strong for a long time, then decide to mod and disappear...I feel I have been in this pattern. It just makes me stronger to not let my guard down.
I am thinking about the upcoming holidays...drinking is always present in my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am hosting Christmas this year and Thanksgiving will be at my husband's brother's house. I will plan to bring my trusty seltzer water. It will be interesting this year to watch everyone else get buzzed while I sip on sparkling water. What are everyone's plans to not give in to AL over the holidays?

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

LolaB, the thread is 'Something about indignation....' by Abouttimetooo. I don't know how to do links but it is still on Quick Links at the top of the page.
As far as changing my mind about how I feel about drinking....I don't think I do. I can't really explain it...even when drinking I spend most of the time berating myself. Self- loathing comes hand in hand with alcohol for me - but I suppose that is what drives me to keep trying. This has been my stupidest relapse yet because I had felt so strong. I personally take that as another stark warning and will learn from it.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dang it....I had a note almost ready to go and lost it when I looked back for reference!
How can a nester be so stupid???
Daisy, just climb back up on the horse, once you get a couple solid days under your belt, you will be right back in the state of mind you need to be. Someone famous said that the only thing worse than learning thru experience is NOT learning from it. Knowledge is power, IF you use it. Now you know, so buck on up!! You can do it! You have DONE it!
I'd wager that there isn't one of us here that didn't suffer from anxiety/depression with this disease. I can say without hesitation, that being AF goes a LONG way to fixing that too. My outlook is the best it's been in decades...all because I'm not hanging under a cloud of mind altering AL. Being sober helps you make better decisions...like staying sober.
Lola, I'm with you 100%....looking back and seeing folks who went with me thru the days of getting sober now falling off or not even checking in...scares me straight. People with months and years of sobriety....it just takes one time to cause the spiril...then you can justify anything...I know I could.
Belle...when you hear me refering to going down the rabbit hole...I am talking about the thoughts that make you want to drink. One thought leads to another, until finally, thoughts are actions and you are sucked in. I noticed it when you mentioned that your 30 days would be up the day before Thanksgiving...and that a glass of wine with the meal would be grand. This will get you in the hole in a hurry....Take the wine off the table (figuratively and literally) and you will be glad you did. It puts you in a state of turmoil. You want Peace, right? Let us go down the rabbit hole together...shall we? There's the family....all gathered, giving thanks. That one glass of wine in front of you. What are you thankful for? blah, blah, blah.....and it goes around. Before you know it the solitary glass of life is gone. Someone pours you another....(oh you shouldn't, but it IS Thanksgiving, after all). If you are able to stop at 2 you are a better person than I am. I would dare to say that even if you didn't have any more....the next day you'd feel the GSR brothers...(Guilt/Shame/Remorse). And alas...this is FRIDAY....the best drinking day of the week! And a day off from work...I bet you go to the store and get some of your old favorites...Then it's the weekend...and then you've blown it totally and why not drink... everyone else is??? The whole holiday thing sucks...all this wine around, why shouldn't I be able to drink like everyone else? The next thing you know, the holidays have come and gone...and you don't even know where they went. You find yourself feeling anxious, alone and depressed....because here you are right back where you started....Day Freakin 1. If you are me, it's was this point I didn't care if I lived or died...everything I had worked for had gone to hell in a basket. BUT, let us back up for a second, and relive this whole thing of my rabbit hole theory. Your 30 day anniversary is celebrated by your friends in the nest! And day 31 is Thanksgiving. You wake up with a clear head and are able to enjoy your food and the people. You are sober now, you don't drink. You don't so much RESIST the drink as you do REFUSE IT...you actually remember the day (what people said) and you are FREE of the demon that wants so badly to live in you. The next day you feel like you've won a victory!! YOU HAVE DONE IT! You've gotten thru your first Turkey Day without AL! On to day 32, and girl I'll tell you, no drink tastes better than being sober feels. By Christmas, instead of being a blurry mess, you will be in control!! No guilt! No Shame! No Remorse! You will never regret being sober. You know how the story ends...make it happen!!! When you feel your thoughts going there....tell yourself NO! HELL NO! And recite the Pledge of Allegience, or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves....google whether it's Dwarfs or Dwarves.....do anything you have to do to get that thought out of your head. Don't go down the rabbit hole. I've been there and trust me, there's no good to be had down there. Keep your quit no matter what or no matter who!!! I'll be perched up on your shoulder and I will knock you up side the head if you think of having a glass of wine!!! Deal??? Love you all!! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

PF, get yourself to Day 13....and you'll be most of the way home. Something clicks around this time, and instead of the Impossible Dream it becomes My Way!!! I'll do it....MYYYYY WAYYY. Just hang in, and you will see...from then on out, it is easier and easier to do.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, thank you!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Byrd, that was awesome...the rabbit hole post. Thank you for your time and great writing about the whole Thanksgiving scenario. It is just want I needed to hear right now as I know how much booze will be around my family at TG. I will come back to this post I'm sure. It is very well stated and so true. Thank you for sharing. Also, I will use the rabbit hole tool when I am faced with cravings. Very useful and powerful!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Well, gotta stick to my plan and get off my butt to do some stuff around the house. Otherwise, I can be on here all day (which wouldn't be such a bad thing, but laundry calls). I'll see y'all later when I check in. We can share our day's successes. So far so good for me today. I am so glad I came on here to post and get on my way to a sober day!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

How do I plan to stay sober through the holidays?
Same way I did last year & the year before - JUST DON'T DRINK!!!!
It's a simple plan but it works

Blondie, good to see you back!
I had all of my moderating attempts (failures) before I found MWO. Once I got here & the elders pushed me to be honest with myself I just gave up the option of ever drinking again. It was absolutely the best decision I have ever made
You can do it too - just get started & don't look back!

Same goes for you Daisy! How many times do we have to keep repeating the same mistake until we learn? As many as it takes I guess! Once you accept that you cannot drink safely everything becomes much easier, trust me

Lola, since the Cap'n has been so busy lately, I hereby elect you assistant nest mum :H
I don't want you worrying about the newbies......just help keep an eye on them

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady thanks for the awesome post. I have already read it 3 times, but will be back to read again later I am sure. I will have to keep the rabbit hole in the forefront of my mind when doubts come creaping in.

Funny you mention the G/S/R brothers. I always felt like I woke up in the morning (or middle of the night) with my worst enemies Mr Regret and Mr Remorse. It is so nice not to have them in bed with me now.

Last night I had a nightmare...I dreamed I drank a shot of vodka and threw myself back to day 1. That dream was so real and AWFUL. I hope it means that I am internalizing some of what I am learning here.

Shoutout to Lolab and Lavande...thanks for your posts. This all means so much to me and gives me strength. And yesssss...it is day 10. Not feeling great today, probably the zoloft and anxiety. Feel lousy in the morning, but like a million bux in the evening. Not lousy enough to drink, especially after that nightmare!!!

:thanks:

[noal]

Newbies Nest

Very well put Byrdlady...thank you!

I'm felt the need to just check in.

Day 16 and doing well.